5 True Statements About Yourself...

[Dindeleux]

Making at least one mistake whilst writing three words then failing to notice it at the time is the actions of a moron. Was he smashing the keyboard with his face or something?

Of course, there is a chance he wrote some erudite, lucid contribution then choose to delete it in favour of a childish insult but I doubt it.

You are a prime cunto.

[Dindeleux]

1- I have an embarrassing facial twitch i do at times which my wife says is more prominent when im lying....!!!

Face much twitch quite a lot.

[Supras]

You are a prime cunto.

What a dreadful bump that is.

On the plus side, at least you didn't have to edit it.

[kazallero]

1. I hate the Irish, don't know why just do, northern and southern.

2. I hate butter and milk ( about on a par with how much I hate the Irish)

3. I can speak basic Russian, I'm still learning.

4. I once ran over a dog ( it died I think)

5. I enjoy disasters like tsunami's, 9/11, lady Diana dying etc when I see breaking news interrupting a programme I get excited and hope its something awful. I do feel bad for them but I still enjoy it.

Edited August 6, 2012 by kazallero

[Karpaty]

I really don't like nightclubs - just ain't my scene. I can't dance for shit, ugly as f**k and I can't chat up women. The only way I'd go is if the pubs are shut and I want a drink.

I struggle to thank someone when they do something nice to/for me. It makes me look like an ungrateful b*****d when I really do appreciate it.

I do miss my ex girlfriend but when I look back, I never helped myself. I even barely told her I loved her as I thought saying "I love you" was cringy as f**k, especially doing any public affection.

I really want to be good at acoustic guitar and be able to speak fluent Ukrainian but I've no motivation to study whatsoever. I'm sort of basic in both after about 2 years of starting.

I really like playing poker but my reluctance to learn the whole rule book like "Big Blinds, Small Blinds" etc stops me from going to tournaments, although I'd really like to and I only play online.

[Dee Man]

1. I was thrown out of Australia and banned for 3 years for overstaying my 3 month tourist visa by 2 and a half years.

2. I used to ride a barmaid in Hayes, Middlesex when I stayed there. I probably went back to her place after closing time about ten times but I can't remember any of our lovemaking sessions. Not even vaguely.

3. The police once told me they were considering charging me with attempted murder after I left a guy hospitalised for weeks, despite the fact that he had turned up at my house with an axe and two mates with baseball bats.

4. I am fascinated by serial killers.

5. I have probably watched Eddie Murphy 'Raw' about 30-40 times. Possibly more.

Edited August 6, 2012 by Dee Man

[JamboMikey]

I really don't like nightclubs - just ain't my scene. I can't dance for shit, ugly as f**k and I can't chat up women. The only way I'd go is if the pubs are shut and I want a drink.

Being ugly and going to a nightclub are two mutually beneficial things.

The birds are absolutely fucked off their tits and you probably look like Jude Law to them.

Edited August 10, 2012 by JamboMikey

[tobeylarone]

1 - I was dropped by an SPL team when i was younger for being too short (i am now 6'3) i have hated that team ever since and went on to save 5 penalties against them in a penalty shoot out.

2 - i hate driving, i have my license, driven for 5-6 years and honestly hate other drivers with a passion

3 - i have never taken any form of illegal drug or even smoked.

4 - I am a rangers fan that honestly hates a large majority of our support, sectarianism is ridiculous and belongs in the dark ages.

5 - I am scared of spiders and cannot sleep with any doors open

[smpar]

What a dreadful bump that is.

On the plus side, at least you didn't have to edit it.

It's amazing that that post has hurt you so much.

[Kejan]

1. I can eat almost anything within reason. Reading the 'foods that make you boke' thread and bugger all in there scares me or puts me off. I'd prefer not to eat pish like Apple pie or cauliflower but if it's on my plate and I'm a guest at your house I'll eat it.

2. Crimewatch is probably my favourite program. I love watching the Most Wanted section and guessing the crime e.g guy with gaunt face/specs/eyes facing the other direction = paedo. Guy with specs/gaunt face/eyes that look at the camera and is in his 40s = fraud.

3. I can go weeks without a tug and not miss it or think about it. All the more wet dreams for me.

4. I have fed a beef burger to a swan. Well I chucked half of it in front of the bugger. Nicked from Partridge but yet to try making a pig smoke.

5. I can speak 3.5 languages to a steady pace and hoping to add 4.5 to the CV. the .5 will never be fluent, can't be arsed and it's useless.

[dane-don]

4. I have fed a beef burger to a swan. Well I chucked half of it in front of the bugger. Nicked from Partridge but yet to try making a pig smoke.

YES!

[++Ammo - Airdrie++]

I to, can eat anything within reason, amd with every dinner I ALWAYS have a slice of bread, even with pizza, pasta etc.

In my 26 years I have moved house 8 times into nearly every area in Airdrie.

I took my first ecstasy in the dancing above potters pool bar in the town with 3 guys from college when I was 16 and woke up in Springburn!

I play bowls to a competitive level and have won 3 club competitions and represented the district at junior pairs level (13 years ago).

I haven't spoke to my mum in nearly 9 years after turning up to a family party with a pool cue and trying to drag her boyfriend (now husband) outside.

[Sergeant Wilson]

I haven't spoke to my mum in nearly 9 years after turning up to a family party with a pool cue

Strange choice of partner, but she should accept you for who you are.

[wunfellaff]

Strange choice of partner, but she should accept you for who you are.

I assumed it was a continuation of his first eccy night

[rustyarabnuts]

1. I spent most of my 6 year "career" in the RN pissing it up and severly feckin up my future job opportunities

2.I have no gall bladder

3 Was beaten up in stockport and ended up in hospital in Portsmouth

4.the first time i used a computer was in 1983 and it was a BBC computer

5.I have a fear of heights, but I loved abseiling

[reddev]

1. I once punched a police horse in its face outside Easter Rd and got lifted.

2. I Got jumped by 6 p***ks in Granton one night and was chuffed to take 3 of them out before being kicked a weird shade of blue. Genuinely thought i was chuck norris for a while. Sadly im not.

3. I smoke waaaaay too much weed and I know it.

4. I sometimes feel the need to tell people who have called the wrong number tae "suck my chub".

5. I always make a point of doing something nice for my mum at least once a week. Yes I love my mummy.

[Coooombe]

1. I hate the Irish, Northern and Southern. I think this stems from when I worked at Loudoun Castle and the Irish, to a man, were incredibly rude. Also I have an Irish ex and she is a nutter.

2. My flight to Ayia Napa leaves in 6 and a half hours and I can't sleep.

3. I call things as I see them, much to the annoyance of people close to me.

4. I only pay attention to things that I perceive as of vital importance, and I this often gets me in trouble when I 'forget'' to do things for people.

5. I have a tendency to over-think things a lot of the time and examine every possible conclusion to each action I take. I think this stems from my weed smoking days of a few years ago but it often comes in handy as I am usually prepared for any possible circumstance.

[smpar]

1) I'm only 16 years old and only in 5th year at school, though I've tried to hide it on P&B.

2) I was brought up a vegetarian before I was able to tell the difference and make my own decisions on what to eat. So from about the age of 8 or so I wasn't veggie although I only ate chicken, fish and scotch pies. However I've decided to become vegetarian again and haven't eaten meat since the 28th December when I was in ***KFC and thought "f**k, this is rank."*** I've even managed to avoid meat at school meals and restaurants, which I thought would be a struggle.

3) My mum used to work with a music company which was heavily involved with the setup of T in the Park. She managed to get free tickets in 2004 and in 2006 (aged 9 and 11). Although I was in the wee VIP section, I was only a wee kid and wasn't too interested in music so I didn't appreciate the fortune of getting free tickets for the VIP section of Scotland's biggest music festival as much as I should have.

4) This time last year I would happily have listened to the likes of Lady Gaga and and the Black Eyed Peas etc (pop music). But now I fucking despise chart music and have been listening to a lot of David Bowie and Morrissey lately. This sort of change has come along with my change in fashion sense; I find branded clothing quite pretentious and would much rather wear a pair of skinny jeans and Desert boots from River Island as opposed to chinos and high tops.

5) I love Dunfermline Athletic now more than I ever have in my entire life. Winning the first division basically sums up the beauty of being a diddy team supporter. I frown upon OF fans who are not from Glasgow more than I used to too, and I never want to move too far from Fife as I will always want to be close enough to go to Dunfermline games.

*** I don't mean that in a ''I'm better than you because I didn't slaughter an animal and cook it" way. I've simply decided to be veggie for the sake of being veggie. ***

What an absolute c**t.

[JamboMikey]

I only ate chicken, fish and scotch pies.

[smpar]

True story.