5 True Statements About Yourself...

[clyde til we die]

You sound a pleasant gentleman...

I am, as many people from here who have met me will tell you.

You sound like an absolute animal, people like you shouldn't be allowed to have children.

[Guest dougalldogg]

1) I hardly ever get offended and im too soft if someone gives me abuse. I can get a load of abuse that most people would be offended by, but it rarely bothers me. My mates can have a field day with this. Once I got punched in the pizza shop, and I still wasnt bothered enough to smack the lad back. I just started shouting a bit and got lifted. Sometimes I even wish I was different to everyone else, like black or something, just so I could get more abuse and be noticed a bit more.

2 ) I once shouted 'GET YA c**t OOT" in the strippers, to the disgust of the stripper and the regulars of the place. I left and went to a brothel where I payed £10 for a walk around it, a sauna, and nothing else.

3) Ive never really wanted a girlfriend. I like doing what I want too much. The only advantage of having one for me would be regular sex.

4) I can seem ignorant to people I don't know, because unless I have a reason to talking to them then Im not really interested. I find it hard to make friends with people just for the sake of it. If they don't share at least some of the same interests as me then I just cant be arsed to make the effort.

5) I get stagefright as well. I wait at the toilet rather than standing at a urinal. Folk think im gay because of this.

That really made me LOL, classic statement just asuming that when being black your guarenteed more abuse haha

[Guest oddjob]

That really made me LOL, classic statement just asuming that when being black your guarenteed more abuse haha

I thought that as well to begin with, then after reading number 5, I just think he wants a bigger tadger. But, the guy in his signature does look gay right enough.

[1320Lichtie]

I thought that as well to begin with, then after reading number 5, I just think he wants a bigger tadger. But, the guy in his signature does look gay right enough.

[1320Lichtie]

1. I am a recreational drug user.

2. I have a criminal record that is the length of your arm that includes firearms and assault.

3. I don't care about racist or sectarian chanting at football games. It doesn't offend me in the slightest and I'm not bothered if it continues.

4. I have done many prison sentence's, the longest being 5 years.

5. I have 3 grandkids.

PS, i C+P the first 3 as i could'nt be arsed typing them out

You sound like a great laugh....

[uberman]

Some more,

1. When buying items for a social gathering in Tesco once it became necessary to put a multipack of Crisps back on the dhelf. From about 15 yards away -whilst moving- I threw them back onto the top shelf perfectly. I was then caught celebrating (mildly) my achievment by 2 members of staff.

1. I am a recreational drug user.

2. I have a criminal record that is the length of your arm that includes firearms and assault.

3. I don't care about racist or sectarian chanting at football games. It doesn't offend me in the slightest and I'm not bothered if it continues.

4. I have done many prison sentence's, the longest being 5 years.

5. I have 3 grandkids.

PS, i C+P the first 3 as i could'nt be arsed typing them out

Bet you've got some good tales for the grandwaens!

[BerwickMad]

That really made me LOL, classic statement just asuming that when being black your guarenteed more abuse haha

Probably would in Berwick mind. I didn't even think that when I was typing it! Different in a way of standing out from the crowd. I don't mean disfigured like the treeman or cocknose, just different in a normal or good way. Like being a fuckin musclebeast, or totally class at something that pissed others off would be good, in my opinion.

I thought that as well to begin with, then after reading number 5, I just think he wants a bigger tadger. But, the guy in his signature does look gay right enough.

Being black would help in that department right enough. I reckon it would guarentee more bull as well because you'd be noticed more.

Cuttin about like this would piss people off, and I would like it:

Edited December 16, 2008 by BerwickMad

[Breaking Decency]

The guy in the middle is wearing quite possibly the most horrible t-shirt known to man.

[Gall09]

I'm dreadful at starting up conversations with girls in the dancing, even if it's blatantly obvious they're into me. They could be dancing with their arse into my crotch for half an hour, and i won't do anything. If they start talking to me, i'm totally fine. It's unbelievably frustrating.

Despite enjoying gangster films, i really didn't like the Godfathers.

I have pretended to be Italian on quite a few drunken occasions.

I would probably list going for sunbeds as a hobby.

My first attempt at losing my virginity ended up with the tip of my knob looking like an air bubble and resulted in a "foreskin loosening" operation almost a year later.

[Centre Stand Hero]

1. My wife who is from Lincoln would like to move there but, i'm resisting it because it's too far away from Berwick thus preventing me watching Berwick Rangers every other week. Although i'm denying that's the reason to my wife (the kids are at a crucial time in their education at the moment ).

2. I have been married 3 times, i love women, especially brunettes.

3. I can't swim and have no intention of ever learning.

4. I have never been to East Anglia and have no intention of ever going there.

5. I have a foot fetish (womens' feet!).

[clyde til we die]

You sound like a great laugh....

I am

Bet you've got some good tales for the grandwaens!

Enough stories to make their hair curl.

[Ric]

You sound a pleasant gentleman...

You sound like an absolute animal, people like you shouldn't be allowed to have children.

You sound like a great laugh....

Everyone is a critic!

[Gogo]

1. i have 7274 un-read emails

2. i once kicked off a car wing-mirror and blamed my mate so he got nicked

3. i stand up to wipe my arse

4. i love the smell of petrol

5. i shave my bollocks

[Silvio]

I'm dreadful at starting up conversations with girls in the dancing, even if it's blatantly obvious they're into me. They could be dancing with their arse into my crotch for half an hour, and i won't do anything. If they start talking to me, i'm totally fine. It's unbelievably frustrating.

Every so often, back in the day, if a girl started talking to me in a pub or a club for some reason I would tell them a fake them. I used to think that for some reason they'd find it funny. They used to find it hillarious as they walked away from me. It was just nerves I suppose.

I still think the only reason i've got my girlfriend is because she worked with me and therefore I couldn't lie about my name.

[Guest RkClyde]

- I have a corn snake (Clyde) & two cats (Harvie & Tara)

- I watch WWE on a regular basis and stay up to the early hours to watch it.

- I support Clyde but I am the only person in my family, except my Dad, who isn't a Celtic fan.

- I always pee on the seat, I think I do it intentionally.

- I laugh at anything, even if I'm myself and I'm usually walking around laughing at something.

[Guest Kenny McKormick]

i have never used a public toilet

when the final harry potter book came out i waited in a queue for three hours to get it. i then read it in 4 hours and posted on the internet everything that happened in it

i broke my laptop by throwing it agianst a wall when it was working slowly

i failed my first driving test for cutting a red light a nearly causing a car crash

when i was drunk was i tried to take a shit in my neighbours wheely bin and got stuck.

[korphaeron]

1. I come across as a lot more confident than I really am.

2. I don't have any proper talents, besides being pretty good at some video games. I consider myself perfectly average.

3. One time me and an ex-girlfriend were going to try anal, so I put it in her arse, and she yelped in pain and begged me to take it out. I found this hilarious and couldn't stop laughing at her.

4. I missed more bands that I wanted to see, than bands I actually seen, at Leeds Festival because I was so wrecked.

5. The only bone I have ever broken is the small toe on my right foot, which I hit off a door frame when running to answer the door when I was younger. My mum sent me to school, but I got sent home when I took my sock off to see my toe was almost black.

[th1stleandr0se]

3. My younger brother is gay and everytime I see him a part of me dies inside.

Don't put it in then.

[th1stleandr0se]

1. I've changed my senior team from Rangers to Falkirk to Partick over the years but never to Hearts or Hibs even though I've stayed in Edinburgh for nearly 30 years.

2. I look younger than I really am, based on other folks' comments, by about 10 - 15 years. Maybe I'm immature.

3. I teach for a living yet can't play guitar on stage due to chronic stagefright.

4. I tow a caravan round Europe on my summer holidays but don't like other caravans on the road.

5. I got every single question right on the first Test The Nation quiz but didn't get the top score because some folk older than me got a higher score for fewer questions right.

[McMuffin]

I hate being single, and I have absolutely no chat with girls unless they instigate it which is a bit of a problem in rectifying point 1.

I once drunkenly broke 2 ribs jumping into bushes with friends and wrapped myself around a ninja tree. Told my mam I was challenging for a header on the football pitch and took a knee in the chest.

The last time I took drugs, years ago, I have a big blank in my memory until the moment I "came round" in the waiting area of Partick Police Station at about 6am. I walked out, and later that day had a flashback where I was going there to report some jaikey for being racist to a shopkeeper. If they'd spoken to me I was sleeping it off in the cells, I could barely form sentences. That fucking changed me, let me tell you.

I came 3rd in the Scottish Schools Athletics championships in Shot Put.

I have never been in a fight, and for such a big guy have a fairly weak punch. The fact I'm 6'2 and well built has probably saved me from a few scrapes, but I'd get battered by a girl.

Edited December 18, 2008 by McMuffin