Gordon EF Posted May 31, 2010 Share Posted May 31, 2010 I was staying at my friend's last week and we were a bit hung-over on the Sunday morning after gong out on the Staurday night so we decided to watch a dvd and get a pizza from domino's. We went for one we'd never had before called 'Meltdown 2: The Revenge'. Seemed innoent enough, some meatballs, a few peppers. What was the worst that could happen? The pizza was pretty good and I headed home and did't think anymore of it until later that night. I went to sleep but woke up quite early in the morning (about 4) with the desperate need to evacuate my bowels. I ran to the toilet and it turned out to be one of thise affairs where it feels like it's going to be, and needs to be,mamssive but it's only a few nasty little b*****ds made it. Each one feeling like a burning razor blade hurtling out my anus. Fair enough I thought, that's what you get for drinking and eating spicy food. The worst bit was when I went back to bed. I had this throbbing, hot pain all the way up my shite chute. I've never experienced that before with any food and the pain was so uncomfortable, I was squirming away for about half an hour. It felt like I'd been arse raped by a jalapeno. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rugster Posted May 31, 2010 Share Posted May 31, 2010 I was staying at my friend's last week and we were a bit hung-over on the Sunday morning after gong out on the Staurday night so we decided to watch a dvd and get a pizza from domino's. We went for one we'd never had before called 'Meltdown 2: The Revenge'. Seemed innoent enough, some meatballs, a few peppers. What was the worst that could happen? The pizza was pretty good and I headed home and did't think anymore of it until later that night. I went to sleep but woke up quite early in the morning (about 4) with the desperate need to evacuate my bowels. I ran to the toilet and it turned out to be one of thise affairs where it feels like it's going to be, and needs to be,mamssive but it's only a few nasty little b*****ds made it. Each one feeling like a burning razor blade hurtling out my anus. Fair enough I thought, that's what you get for drinking and eating spicy food. The worst bit was when I went back to bed. I had this throbbing, hot pain all the way up my shite chute. I've never experienced that before with any food and the pain was so uncomfortable, I was squirming away for about half an hour. It felt like I'd been arse raped by a japapeno. I have suffered this. Hence the name, the "revenge". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pencils Posted May 31, 2010 Share Posted May 31, 2010 I had the pizza on the way up to Peterhead last month. Oya, it was fucking torture. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gall09 Posted June 1, 2010 Share Posted June 1, 2010 One tiny squeeze resulted in another massive fart, quickly silenced by a shite that must have been like 2 inches in diameter. It was like being raped backwards by Kriss Akabusi. What does this mean? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SoapMactavish Posted June 2, 2010 Share Posted June 2, 2010 What does this mean? AWOOGA! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stemjsim Posted June 2, 2010 Share Posted June 2, 2010 AWOOGA! Surely it would be AGOOWA? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SoapMactavish Posted June 3, 2010 Share Posted June 3, 2010 Surely it would be AGOOWA? Well Played. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jacksgranda Posted June 24, 2010 Share Posted June 24, 2010 There has been no movement on this thread for over 3 weeks. Has the World Cup got us so tense with excitement that normal bodily functions have seized up? I fear an explosion of posts after the final has been played, tin hats may be required. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BullyWeeBoy Posted June 29, 2010 Share Posted June 29, 2010 World cup is stopping all the fun here Great thread, my sides are hurting Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GiGi Posted July 2, 2010 Share Posted July 2, 2010 I think I just shat pure Guinness. My bog just about had a head on it and everything. If I'd noticed earlier I'd have tried to draw a shamrock in it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
honeyboy edwards Posted July 2, 2010 Share Posted July 2, 2010 This is the best ever thread:lol: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hank Scorpio Posted July 4, 2010 Share Posted July 4, 2010 I had the ghostie deluxe earlier on today. Breeks down, shite right round the u-bend and a clean hoop. Perfect. I didn't even need to flush. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nick_BCFC Posted July 7, 2010 Share Posted July 7, 2010 Normally when I do a shit it consists of about 3 logs probably varying from about 3-5 inches maybe. I was sat on the pan the other day and just started shitting as normal. Everything seemed to be going as usual until I felt a slight tap on my balls. I stood up and looked down and i'd done the most enourmously long shit that hadn't broken off and it was stuck from the bottom of the toilet and had creeped right up sticking on the front not far from the rim. The shit in its reluctantness to break off must have tapped me on the balls whilst trying to climb out the bog. It were one of them reyt gooey fuckers and I was forced to shower after it. I felt cheap and scruffy when that happened (but still took a picture of it to wow my friends). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HEED Posted July 8, 2010 Share Posted July 8, 2010 This is simply THE best thread on P and B...! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bullywee Posted July 8, 2010 Share Posted July 8, 2010 Normally when I do a shit it consists of about 3 logs probably varying from about 3-5 inches maybe. I was sat on the pan the other day and just started shitting as normal. Everything seemed to be going as usual until I felt a slight tap on my balls. I stood up and looked down and i'd done the most enourmously long shit that hadn't broken off and it was stuck from the bottom of the toilet and had creeped right up sticking on the front not far from the rim. The shit in its reluctantness to break off must have tapped me on the balls whilst trying to climb out the bog. It were one of them reyt gooey fuckers and I was forced to shower after it. I felt cheap and scruffy when that happened (but still took a picture of it to wow my friends). and the p&b masses? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
killiepiemuncher Posted July 13, 2010 Share Posted July 13, 2010 Still no pics, this mega job has to be seen. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheScarf Posted July 15, 2010 Share Posted July 15, 2010 I had the ghostie deluxe earlier on today. Breeks down, shite right round the u-bend and a clean hoop. Perfect. I didn't even need to flush. I've had a few 'phantom shits' in my time. I had one a couple of weeks back. I even told the folks about it when I went round for Sunday dinner. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jamamafegan Posted July 21, 2010 Share Posted July 21, 2010 Still no pics, this mega job has to be seen. It's lies, he won't have a picture. Lets not turn this into another "JohnnyDougDog", or whatever his name is, situation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JohnnyDougDogg Posted July 22, 2010 Share Posted July 22, 2010 It's lies, he won't have a picture. Lets not turn this into another "JohnnyDougDog", or whatever his name is, situation. *WAVES* Hi guys!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gordon EF Posted July 23, 2010 Share Posted July 23, 2010 Last month I did a shit that looked exactly like a cock (or as close as a shit can look). It was the right shape and size, had a kind of thicker bit at the end for the bell end and even had a groove at the end for a wee japs eye. I was absolutely chuffed, I almost didn't want to flush or wipe my arse and hide this work of modern art with toilet paper. If my camera was working I would definitely have taken a picture of it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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