ditots Posted November 28, 2009 Share Posted November 28, 2009 I was in my local Kebab shop last night pished and asked for the hottest curry they had saying that they couldnt make me something that was too hot. this curry i got blew my head off. And this morning my arse was red raw. Definitely as hot on the way out as the way in. Ring sting Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Meatwad Posted November 29, 2009 Share Posted November 29, 2009 When i was 4, my mum was in the next door neighbours. I was in desparate need of a shite, so i went to to toilet done the shite etc. When i looked to my right, no toilet roll. So, i decided to flush the toilet, go out into the garden where there where lots of weans playing with my scants down and started wiping my arse with a leaf. I was grounded for a month. Did you not look to your left Scott? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fuctifano Posted December 4, 2009 Share Posted December 4, 2009 I was out on the sauce last night, drinking real ale which is always guaranteed to lead to some carnage the next day. Didn’t go this morning but had my lunch at 12 and then felt a huge rumbling. I can see the toilet door from my seat and on the other occasions I need to go for a dump I can scope it out for when its likely to be quiet, but this beast was demanding some urgent attention. The layout of the bogs at work is 4 traps with no urinals (something I find a bit strange, but anyway- and yes it was the gents before anyone says), and a guy was coming out of trap 1 so into trap 2 but after that the place was empty. The manky b*****d left without washing his hands, so the whole unit was mine. As I unleashed a battery of hraka I let out a verbal exclamation of “thank f**k… whew…needed that” etc. This was a stench most foul, particularly sulphuric in smell, I was almost gagging. With some relief , once I’d used the horrible shiny toilet paper, I hit the flush button. But to my horror, this was a repeat offender. I’m not the sort to leave my own mess so I had to wait for the cistern to refill. Closed the lid and sat down, only for some rumblings to come from the previously deathly silent trap 4. Whoever was in there had heard my joyous whoop when I emptied myself. The horror, the horror… now we were in a deadly game of cat-and-mouse… there was no way I could leave the cubicle at the same time. Fortunately after a minute or so someone else came to my aid and went for a quick slash in trap 1, as soon as he flushed, so did I and this was my cue to exit so the trap 4 guy wouldn't know who it was. Trap 4 remained resolutely closed as I washed my hands, which took all teh heat out of the situation. My only worry is I think I might be heading back for round 2 shortly… Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jockys_barmy_army Posted December 4, 2009 Share Posted December 4, 2009 The other week my friend shat in the street when he had the runs... It was half nine in the morning and he wiped his arse with some tissues. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yoda Posted December 4, 2009 Share Posted December 4, 2009 The other week my friend shat in the street when he had the runs... It was half nine in the morning and he wiped his arse with some tissues. Typical Dundonian... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChooseLife Posted December 13, 2009 Share Posted December 13, 2009 http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthread.php?t=120921191 FUCKING EPIC Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cynical Saintee Posted December 13, 2009 Share Posted December 13, 2009 Found this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ditots Posted December 13, 2009 Share Posted December 13, 2009 http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthread.php?t=120921191FUCKING EPIC Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CM. Posted December 13, 2009 Share Posted December 13, 2009 :lol: Class. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Engy FSE Posted December 16, 2009 Share Posted December 16, 2009 I have a video on my phone of a guy who fell asleep at the astroturf at braes high school so his mate thought it would be funny if he filmed himself taking a shit on this guy. As it drops it rolls down his face and sits on his chest, as he wakes up and realises his face is priceless! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest dougalldogg Posted December 17, 2009 Share Posted December 17, 2009 http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthread.php?t=120921191FUCKING EPIC The pictures make that what it is....n wot is is is absolutely fucking hilarious!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pencils Posted December 17, 2009 Share Posted December 17, 2009 I have a video on my phone of a guy who fell asleep at the astroturf at braes high school so his mate thought it would be funny if he filmed himself taking a shit on this guy.As it drops it rolls down his face and sits on his chest, as he wakes up and realises his face is priceless! Braes High astro, the coldest place on earth. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Moonster Posted December 19, 2009 Share Posted December 19, 2009 http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthread.php?t=120921191FUCKING EPIC What a fucking retard Had a great image of the p***k standing there when the girl opened the door and asked what he had done "I tried my best" what a fucking stupid thing to say. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
well fan for life Posted December 21, 2009 Share Posted December 21, 2009 :lol: The pictures are the best bit of that story. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lambie's Pigeon Feed Posted December 22, 2009 Share Posted December 22, 2009 Don't you just hate it when you do a nice jobby in the bog at work only to go for the flush and for some reason there is no water in the cistern, the handle just pushes back with no resitance, no water comes down, its knackered? Dont you just hate it when you stand there for a few minutes inhaling your own stench before trying again to use the flush and again nothing happens? Dont you really hate it when seconds later the door gets knocked and its the cleaner saying "anyone in here" and you respond, "yeah I'll be out in a second"? Dont you hate it even more when you walk out the toilet to see her standing there and you make clear eye contact with her? Dont you just want to kill yourself when she empties the wastepaper bin beside you later that day while giving you the biggest growler ever while you pretend she isnt there? If looks could kill she'd watch me die. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
. V . Posted December 25, 2009 Share Posted December 25, 2009 I have a video on my phone of a guy who fell asleep at the astroturf at braes high school so his mate thought it would be funny if he filmed himself taking a shit on this guy.As it drops it rolls down his face and sits on his chest, as he wakes up and realises his face is priceless! video or it didnt happen. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
county-mad Posted December 25, 2009 Share Posted December 25, 2009 video or it didnt happen. Your a creep b*****d wanting to watch that Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stav Posted December 30, 2009 Share Posted December 30, 2009 http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthread.php?t=120921191FUCKING EPIC fake Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
. V . Posted January 6, 2010 Share Posted January 6, 2010 Your a creep b*****d wanting to watch that No i just don't think it happened. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Busta Nut Posted January 8, 2010 Share Posted January 8, 2010 video or it didnt happen. i had this on my phone once Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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