SlipperyP Posted December 30, 2022 Share Posted December 30, 2022 8 hours ago, BFTD said: Anyone else and I'd assume they had some kind of toilet appliance, but would anyone really be surprised if Slippy cleaned his arse by threatening the poo away with a loaded firearm? Thing is Daiv if you skoosh long enough you could be there all day, so the wife says. I'm still shitting in the garden, yes I know the flood water has gone, but you get into a habit. @DA Baracus no, that's unhygienic, dogs are dirty, without splattering them on my arse...ffs 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GordonD Posted December 30, 2022 Share Posted December 30, 2022 10 hours ago, SlipperyP said: It's insane if you think about it. The civilized west USE PAPER TO CLEAN THEIR ARSE. In days of old When knights were bold And paper wasn't invented They wiped their arse Along the grass And went away contented That poem would appear regularly on the bog walls when I was at school. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Empty It Posted December 30, 2022 Share Posted December 30, 2022 P&B servers being down all the time just now, how am I meant to skive work without it? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Newbornbairn Posted December 30, 2022 Share Posted December 30, 2022 I didn't even know St Mirren were playing. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Div Posted December 30, 2022 Share Posted December 30, 2022 22 minutes ago, Empty It said: P&B servers being down all the time just now, how am I meant to skive work without it? We had a 9 minute outage this morning, but I wouldn't really call that "all the time"? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boghead ranter Posted December 30, 2022 Share Posted December 30, 2022 25 minutes ago, Empty It said: P&B servers being down all the time just now, how am I meant to skive work without it? 2 minutes ago, Div said: We had a 9 minute outage this morning, but I wouldn't really call that "all the time"? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miguel Sanchez Posted December 30, 2022 Share Posted December 30, 2022 7 minutes ago, Div said: We had a 9 minute outage this morning, but I wouldn't really call that "all the time"? It was longer than nine minutes for me. The same thing happened yesterday or the day before. 504 error. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Div Posted December 30, 2022 Share Posted December 30, 2022 2 minutes ago, Miguel Sanchez said: It was longer than nine minutes for me. The same thing happened yesterday or the day before. 504 error. Yeah the outage today was 9 minutes. That's still not great but that's what it was. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DA Baracus Posted December 30, 2022 Share Posted December 30, 2022 3 hours ago, SlipperyP said: Thing is Daiv if you skoosh long enough you could be there all day, so the wife says. I'm still shitting in the garden, yes I know the flood water has gone, but you get into a habit. @DA Baracus no, that's unhygienic, dogs are dirty, without splattering them on my arse...ffs Would it not depend on the breed of dog? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Empty It Posted December 30, 2022 Share Posted December 30, 2022 14 minutes ago, Div said: We had a 9 minute outage this morning, but I wouldn't really call that "all the time"? 9 minutes more work than I planned today. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tamthebam Posted December 30, 2022 Share Posted December 30, 2022 1 hour ago, GordonD said: In days of old When knights were bold And paper wasn't invented They wiped their arse Along the grass And went away contented That poem would appear regularly on the bog walls when I was at school. Our version was In days of old When knights were bold And paper wasn't invented They licked their bums, With the end of their tongues And everyone was contented It must have been written by a cat. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scottsdad Posted December 30, 2022 Share Posted December 30, 2022 39 minutes ago, Miguel Sanchez said: It was longer than nine minutes for me. The same thing happened yesterday or the day before. 504 error. Many men have the same time perception issue. What they think is ages and ages is just a few minutes. Then up and over like a pan of milk. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melanius Mullarkey Posted December 30, 2022 Share Posted December 30, 2022 5 hours ago, hk blues said: - every time after taking a dump they take a shower! I once knew a lassie in Dundee like that. A few of us were out for the night (Tally Hos IIRC) and she disappeared to the bog. Came back into the pub about 40 minutes later to which her flat mate nonchalantly stated “she was obviously bursting for a shite and had to go home for the post drop shower as usual”. She was lovely as well and presumably had a spotless sheriffs badge. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Newbornbairn Posted December 30, 2022 Share Posted December 30, 2022 45 minutes ago, tamthebam said: Our version was In days of old When knights were bold And paper wasn't invented They licked their bums, With the end of their tongues And everyone was contented It must have been written by a cat. In days of old when knight were bold, And cared not for such trifles, They nailed their balls upon the walls, and shot at them with rifles. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Div Posted December 30, 2022 Share Posted December 30, 2022 2 hours ago, Empty It said: 9 minutes more work than I planned today. Sorry mate. We can and will do better. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BFTD Posted December 30, 2022 Share Posted December 30, 2022 I'm still unclear as to what one does after hosing down one's starfish with a jet of cold water from the poop pistol - read a magazine until it dries off? If the answer is "pat it down with toilet paper", I'm seeing a flaw in this plan. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tamthebam Posted December 30, 2022 Share Posted December 30, 2022 2 minutes ago, BFTD said: I'm still unclear as to what one does after hosing down one's starfish with a jet of cold water from the poop pistol - read a magazine until it dries off? If the answer is "pat it down with toilet paper", I'm seeing a flaw in this plan. Presumably you call in a professional to dry your pipe 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tamthebam Posted December 30, 2022 Share Posted December 30, 2022 the general public expecting the folk in the office to answer the phone at 3.47 on the Friday before the New Year... draw round this, losers: 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cosmic Joe Posted December 30, 2022 Share Posted December 30, 2022 14 minutes ago, BFTD said: I'm still unclear as to what one does after hosing down one's starfish with a jet of cold water from the poop pistol - read a magazine until it dries off? If the answer is "pat it down with toilet paper", I'm seeing a flaw in this plan. Probably why they are mostly popular in a tropical climate. A quick jog outside = dry erse/ icicles hanging from erse 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Derry Alli Posted December 30, 2022 Share Posted December 30, 2022 (edited) 1 hour ago, tamthebam said: the general public expecting the folk in the office to answer the phone at 3.47 on the Friday before the New Year... draw round this, losers: ^^^ Philpy alias, IMO. My PTTGOYN : I want an Indian but I can't decide where from. I wish I never wrote that post about Indian takeaway earlier today. Edited December 30, 2022 by Mr. Alli 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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