Petty Things That Get On Your Nerves...

[Jacksgranda]

13 hours ago, Mark Connolly said:

Some of us didn't have 10 pals or a jumper, you p***k.

Could well believe it...

[Bairnardo]

1 hour ago, johnnydun said:

I must have missed the Yewtree post.

I said past m9. 

[Rugster]

1 hour ago, Bairnardo said:

Thats right some folk did call it Wembley with us too.

This thread is like peering into my past. Wonderful.

You should read @deadasdillinger book then. 

[Guest Moomintroll]

You should read [mention=29037]deadasdillinger[/mention] book then. 

It's a good book & gave me plenty of laughs, but the name changes confused the bloody life out of me as I knew the original names of who or what he was talking about as I am from Kilwinning, albeit of an older vintage.

[Tony Ferrino]

2 hours ago, Angusfifer said:

In Fife it was Wembley. 

Irks me to this day that it wasn"t Hampden...

Wembley was for when there was no crossbar.

[GordonD]

2 hours ago, Angusfifer said:

In Fife it was Wembley. 

Irks me to this day that it wasn"t Hampden...

Everybody in Fife would equate Hampden with Queen's Park so it wouldn't be special.

[Cosmic Joe]

6 minutes ago, GordonD said:

Everybody in Fife would equate Hampden with Queen's Park so it wouldn't be special.

Meadowbank Thistle once played a semi-final at Tynecastle type post...

[mathematics]

10 hours ago, pandarilla said:

We sometimes used the term "combys" for headers and volleys. I've no idea where it came from or what the f**k it was but it was basically the same.
 

Aye it was “coomby “ in the scheme.

[DA Baracus]

f**k sake lads.

Knockout/World Cup

Multiple outfield players, one keeper. In the first round you only had to score one goal to progress to the next round. Last player who didn't score is out. Next round it's two goals and so on until the final, where the total number of required goals to win is determined by how many players started (which determines how many rounds there are).

To ensure fairness two rules were in play. Firstly, you had to dribble the ball out of the box (kicked in to the grass or, one a couple of occasions, actually painted when we nicked some paint from our dads) to avoid jammy tap ins. Secondly, the keeper kicked or threw the ball out each time with his back to everyone.

Twosies

Same rules as above but in teams in two. The teams were picked at random, with the keeper turning his back and each person being assigned a number. Often you'd shout the number for someone whilst looking at another person, as your young mind thought this would fool the keeper. The keeper would then pick the teams by saying two numbers at a time.

Here, to avoid jammy tap ins, teams had to first take the ball out of the box and then complete at least one pass.

Passy shooty

One keeper, chosen at random. Someone turned their back and numbers were assigned. A number was chosen and that person was the first keeper. Sometimes you'd assign all the numbers to the person who turned their back for a laugh.

Basic premise was to pass and shoot. Only headers were allowed in the box. At least one pass must be made before shooting. 

If you shoot wide then you replace the keeper and they become an outfield player. If you scored with a shot in the box you'd replace the keeper.

We operated a '3 bar height' rule, meaning that if the ball was hit over 3 times then you'd replace the keeper. There often was no physical bar, with goals being made out of the usual two jumpers or boot bags or, because there was a small woods beside where we played, sticks. What constituted being over the bar was always fiercely contested when close and usually came down to who was in goals and how folk were feeling about them at the time. 3 bar height could be applied per player, per keeper (so it reset when a new keeper went in) or consecutively (most popular).

The 'full catch' rule was also in operation. If the keeper caught the ball without it bouncing then threw it someone who scored with a header (and only a header) then the keeper got to take a penalty against whoever struck the shot. Should the keeper score then the person they scored in to became the keeper. The person who struck the shot was allowed to try and block the header but not using their hands. Any handball, at any time, by anyone other than the keeper, was a penalty to the keeper, with the same as above applying.

Headers and volleys

Same as passy shooty but only headers and volleys were allowed, but with a couple of tweaks to the rules. We sometimes operated a 'one bounce rule' which meant that the ball could bounce once and still be struck as a volley. Should the ball be struck after more than one bounce and is scored then that person replaced the keeper. Often this would see the keeper let the shot in.

The 'keepy uppy' rule applied, which meant you could keep the ball going so long as it didn't touch the ground. This allowed the player to manoeuvre in to a better shooting position or get the ball more under control.

As again only headers are allowed in the box. Wide and in, 'full catch' and '3 bar height' were all in effect too.

5 a kicky

Using either passy shooty or headers and volleys rules, players would try and score 5 goals in to a keeper (selected in the same manner as before). This could be 5 per keeper (so it reset when someone else became keeper) or consecutively. When 5 was scored the keeper had to turn around and get a kick up the arse from each outfield player. Should another 5 be scored then the same would happen but the kicks would be required to be harder, and so on.

Edited October 9, 2019 by DA Baracus

[die hard doonhamer]

10 minutes ago, DA Baracus said:

f**k sake lads.

Knockout/World Cup

Multiple outfield players, one keeper. In the first round you only had to score one goal to progress to the next round. Last player who didn't score is out. Next round it's two goals and so on until the final, where the total number of required goals to win is determined by how many players started (which determines how many rounds there are).

To ensure fairness two rules were in play. Firstly, you had to dribble the ball out of the box (kicked in to the grass or, one a couple of occasions, actually painted when we nicked some paint from our dads) to avoid jammy tap ins. Secondly, the keeper kicked or threw the ball out each time with his back to everyone.

Twosies

Same rules as above but in teams in two. The teams were picked at random, with the keeper turning his back and each person being assigned a number. Often you'd shout the number for someone whilst looking at another person, as your young mind thought this would fool the keeper. The keeper would then pick the teams by saying two numbers at a time.

Here, to avoid jammy tap ins, teams had to first take the ball out of the box and then complete at least one pass.

Passy shooty

One keeper, chosen at random. Someone turned their back and numbers were assigned. A number was chosen. Sometimes you'd assign all the numbers to the person who turned their back for a laugh.

Basic premise was to pass and shoot. Only headers were allowed in the box. At least one pass must be made before shooting. 

If you shoot wide then you replace the keeper and they become an outfield player. If you scored with a shot in the box you'd replace the keeper.

We operated a '3 bar height' rule, meaning that if the ball was hit over 3 times then you'd replace the keeper. There often was no physical bar, with goals being made out of the usual two jumpers or boot bags or, because there was a small woods beside where we played, sticks. What constituted being over the bar was always fiercely contested when close and usually came down to who was in goals and how folk were feeling about them at the time. 3 bar height could be applied per player, per keeper (so it reset when a new keeper went in) or consecutively (most popular).

The 'full catch' rule was also in operation. If the keeper caught the ball without it bouncing then threw it someone who scored with a header (and only a header) then the keeper got to take a penalty against whoever struck the shot. Should the keeper scored then the person they scored in to became the keeper. The person who struck the shot was allowed to try and block the header but not using their hands. Any handball, at any time, by anyone other than the keeper, was a penalty to the keeper, with the same as above applying.

Headers and volleys

Same as passy shooty but only headers and volleys were allowed, but with a couple of tweaks to the rules. We sometimes operated a 'one bounce rule' which meant that the ball could bounce once and still be struck as a volley. Should the ball be struck after more than one bounce and is scored then that person replaced the keeper. Often this would see the keeper let the shot in.

The 'keepy uppy' rule applied, which meant you could keep the ball going so long as it didn't touch the ground. This allowed the player to manoeuvre in to a better shooting position or get the ball more under control.

As again only headers are allowed in the box. Wide and in, 'full catch' and '3 bar height' were all in effect too.

5 a kicky

Using either passy shooty or headers and volleys rules, players would try and score 5 goals in to a keeper (selected in the same manner as before). This could be 5 per keeper (so it reset when someone else became keeper) or consecutively. When 5 was scored the keeper had to turn around and get a kick up the arse from each outfield player. Should another 5 be scored then the same would happen but the kicks would be required to be harder, and so on.

Your 'passy shooty' sounds like Widey to me.

My throwaway comment about cuppy doubles (that's the proper name, singles would just be cuppy) was not expected to lead to such a big discussion. It's taken me right back to my childhood though. Whoever suggested a P&B cuppy doubles tournament needs to make it happen.

[DA Baracus]

1 minute ago, die hard doonhamer said:

Your 'passy shooty' sounds like Widey to me.

My throwaway comment about cuppy doubles (that's the proper name, singles would just be cuppy) was not expected to lead to such a big discussion. It's taken me right back to my childhood though. Whoever suggested a P&B cuppy doubles tournament needs to make it happen.

We need a whole day to have a P&B tournament of them all!

Baggsy not the keeper!

Turn around touch the ground I'm not it!

[DA Baracus]

We'd need another whole day to agree the rules as well!

[Shotgun]

6 minutes ago, DA Baracus said:

We'd need another whole day to agree the rules as well!

Meh. The biggest lad sets the rules. Us wee yins do as we're telt.

[pandarilla]

Meh. The biggest lad sets the rules. Us wee yins do as we're telt.

Ain't this the truth.

The alpha-male sets the rules in any street game.

[ajwffc]

Meh. The biggest lad sets the rules. Us wee yins do as we're telt.

Who ever brings the ball sets the rules(more than one person brings a ball the bigger then sets the rules)

[Shotgun]

1 hour ago, ajwffc said:

4 hours ago, Shotgun said:

Meh. The biggest lad sets the rules. Us wee yins do as we're telt.

Who ever brings the ball sets the rules(more than one person brings a ball the bigger then sets the rules)

I like the theory but where I grew up, Thommo made the rules. Thommo never brought the ball. Nobody argued with Thommo.

[Bairnardo]

Who ever brings the ball sets the rules(more than one person brings a ball the bigger then sets the rules)

"Whose game is it?"

Whoever initiated the game was game proprietor and set the rules, but more importantly approved your participation. You had to find out whose game it was, then ask permission to join.

Alos, crossbar disputes well settled with a kick from the penalty mark.

[Swarley]

Warm summer night, 40 kids running around all tackling each other and trying to score a goal to get through to the next round. Geoff has already left because his mum doesn't like him staying out after 8. Dougie is crying, he was bitten by the mad dog when he had to get the ball back from garden behind the goals. Tom's wearing cycling shorts because they are fashionable. Everyone thinks he looks like a dick. The Mason twins don't seem to understand that its not Doubles. Erica wants to play but she's a girl so she can feck off. This is the Brexit we voted for. Isn't it. Glorious.

[Stellaboz]

I'm the hardest c**t here so my rules.

[Bairnardo]

Warm summer night, 40 kids running around all tackling each other and trying to score a goal to get through to the next round. Geoff has already left because his mum doesn't like him staying out after 8. Dougie is crying, he was bitten by the mad dog when he had to get the ball back from garden behind the goals. Tom's wearing cycling shorts because they are fashionable. Everyone thinks he looks like a dick. The Mason twins don't seem to understand that its not Doubles. Erica wants to play but she's a girl so she can feck off. This is the Brexit we voted for. Isn't it. Glorious.

Is this a parody post or did you actuall know someone callled Geoff?