Sweet Pete Posted January 10, 2015 Share Posted January 10, 2015 My bird's just had Mama Mia on the telly. Thankfully I only saw the last few minutes, but f**k me it was like the cinematic equivalent of being water boarded. Oh, and the lass also isn't feeling well, so the sitter's been cancelled and we're no longer going out tonight. I'm away to get pished. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BFTD Posted January 10, 2015 Share Posted January 10, 2015 When visiting Cineworld you now have an allocated seat. Sat down thinking nobody would give a shit about the seat number but c***s really do. It's the fucking cinema not a sold out game at Hampden. Sakes. I was at Cineworld in Falkirk for the first time in ages a few weeks back, and it was a pleasant relief that they still didn't do seat allocation like the bloody Vue. Some things from the past are nice to have back, but this is not fucking one of them. Nothing like turning up to a packed showing only to find that the previous occupant of your allocated seat had evacuated from both ends 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BFTD Posted January 10, 2015 Share Posted January 10, 2015 Went to Carlisle vue recently and for the first time had to book a seat. It was through the week in the afternoon so there was about 7 people in the whole place. I booked my seat in the far corner. Just before the film started, two ladies (one of them was huge) came in looking at their tickets then sat down in the seat right next to me. They had the choice of about 90 fucking seats! Worst thing ever to happen to the cinema. Should've felt flattered, handsome. Lassies of all ages try to put a full row between me and them, allocated seats be damned 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Albino Rover Posted January 10, 2015 Share Posted January 10, 2015 Nothing like turning up to a packed showing only to find that the previous occupant of your allocated seat had evacuated from both ends In some Glasgow cinemas you're lucky if there are only two types of bodily fluid on your seat. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gaz Posted January 10, 2015 Share Posted January 10, 2015 Sakes. I was at Cineworld in Falkirk for the first time in ages a few weeks back, and it was a pleasant relief that they still didn't do seat allocation like the bloody Vue. Some things from the past are nice to have back, but this is not fucking one of them. Nothing like turning up to a packed showing only to find that the previous occupant of your allocated seat had evacuated from both ends The one in Falkirk still does sometimes, for big releases where they expect it to sell out. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BFTD Posted January 10, 2015 Share Posted January 10, 2015 In some Glasgow cinemas you're lucky if there are only two types of bodily fluid on your seat. Unsurprisingly, I was on a trip to Glasgow All the best stories like this come from Glasgow. When I went to see Batman Begins, there was a bloke in the front row having (I presume) a terrible acid trip, and seemed to think he was watching a load of giants through a massive window. When Batman appeared, he started screaming and wouldn't stop, even when the police carried him out. Still, only two-thirds of the film spoiled 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Newbornbairn Posted January 10, 2015 Share Posted January 10, 2015 Seeing these stories reminds me of when my wife used to manage the Cineworld in Falkirk. She had some tales to tell that I posted on another site a few years ago. Including: Cinema staff were confronted by a strange sight in the disabled toilets. Unable to figure it out, they summoned a supervisor, who was equally perplexed. Finally my wife was called and, in finest Poirot style, deduced the following. Some poor cinema-goer had been feeling a trifle unwell and had been copiously sick into, onto and around the bowl. In the process of being sick, ominous pressures had built up in the nether regions. Now, if you feel yourself about to "let go" whilst busily retching, what do you do? This enterprising chap or chapess placed a large coke carton beneath their bum to catch the stream of diarrhoea and had succeeded in catching it tolerably well. Of course, he/she left it for the cinema staff as a memento. There is a rule that only suitably-trained staff can clear up bodily fluids so my wife strapped on the rubber gloves. Gingerly, she picked up the shit-filled carton. Unfortunately, excreta does something to coke cartons. As she turned to drop it into a bag, the carton collapsed between her fingers and the bottom fell out - rather explosively. Mrs NBB was covered from head to toe. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
19QOS19 Posted January 10, 2015 Share Posted January 10, 2015 Unsurprisingly, I was on a trip to Glasgow All the best stories like this come from Glasgow. When I went to see Batman Begins, there was a bloke in the front row having (I presume) a terrible acid trip, and seemed to think he was watching a load of giants through a massive window. When Batman appeared, he started screaming and wouldn't stop, even when the police carried him out. Still, only two-thirds of the film spoiled Are you sure it wasn't a 5D cinema and the poor fucker got sprayed with The Scarecrow's serum?? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BFTD Posted January 11, 2015 Share Posted January 11, 2015 Seeing these stories reminds me of when my wife used to manage the Cineworld in Falkirk. She had some tales to tell that I posted on another site a few years ago. Including: Quote Cinema staff were confronted by a strange sight in the disabled toilets. Unable to figure it out, they summoned a supervisor, who was equally perplexed. Finally my wife was called and, in finest Poirot style, deduced the following. Some poor cinema-goer had been feeling a trifle unwell and had been copiously sick into, onto and around the bowl. In the process of being sick, ominous pressures had built up in the nether regions. Now, if you feel yourself about to "let go" whilst busily retching, what do you do? This enterprising chap or chapess placed a large coke carton beneath their bum to catch the stream of diarrhoea and had succeeded in catching it tolerably well. Of course, he/she left it for the cinema staff as a memento. There is a rule that only suitably-trained staff can clear up bodily fluids so my wife strapped on the rubber gloves. Gingerly, she picked up the shit-filled carton. Unfortunately, excreta does something to coke cartons. As she turned to drop it into a bag, the carton collapsed between her fingers and the bottom fell out - rather explosively. Mrs NBB was covered from head to toe. FFS, I genuinely thought I may have been there, until I saw that it was in the disabled lavvy I went into one of the stalls in the wee front toilets after a film, and there was some serious retching going on in the stall next door; the I-can't-breathe-because-I'm-spewing-so-much kind of thing. Was debating whether or not to have a wee chap on the door as I was finishing up, when suddenly copious amounts of brown water came flooding across the floor, which was all the more bizarre considering that nobody had flushed. It was like a river, and my stall neighbour (who I'm pretty sure was a lassie, judging by the noises) was now eerily quiet, so I was picturing her passed out among all of this mess. Like a true hero, I bolted for the door, giving a "it wisnae me!" to the lads entering past me. In a panic, and trudging shite water all across the nice lobby carpet, I grabbed a couple of staff members and told them that one of their toilets had exploded and someone might be dead. The younger one looked shocked, but the older lassie had a "FFS, not again" air. With that, I grabbed the wife and squelched to the exit before any more questions were asked. Apologies to your wife if she had anything to do with the cleanup - it must've been about ten years ago or more. Kudos that she helped with cleaning up in your story, though - any boss I've had would have been running to find the lowest-paid member of staff to deal with that kind of mess. Yes, that would mean me 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BFTD Posted January 11, 2015 Share Posted January 11, 2015 Are you sure it wasn't a 5D cinema and the poor fucker got sprayed with The Scarecrow's serum?? Am genuinely surprised that hadn't occurred to me before. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BFTD Posted January 11, 2015 Share Posted January 11, 2015 Pea soup for breakfast. Pea Fucking Soup. Wha's in cherge of shopping in this hoose anyways?! Oh, right, me. BRB, Lidl. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Widge Posted January 11, 2015 Share Posted January 11, 2015 I'm currently sitting in a Debenhams in Newcastle with what is possibly the sorest head I've ever had. Who thought triple measures was a good idea? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark Connolly Posted January 11, 2015 Share Posted January 11, 2015 I'm currently sitting in a Debenhams in Newcastle with what is possibly the sorest head I've ever had. Who thought triple measures was a good idea? Could be worse, I once went out in Newcastle and woke up in Gateshead. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
welshbairn Posted January 11, 2015 Share Posted January 11, 2015 I'm currently sitting in a Debenhams in Newcastle with what is possibly the sorest head I've ever had. Who thought triple measures was a good idea? Go to Pub STAT. I'm a doctor. Nothing else will help. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Widge Posted January 11, 2015 Share Posted January 11, 2015 Thanks for the kind words. I'm currently contemplating going to the cinema and sleeping through the film just for the comfy seats. Still could be worse my mates driving us back and we reckon he'll be legal to drive at about 7 tonight. he's got to get back to Aberdeen. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AberdeenBud Posted January 11, 2015 Share Posted January 11, 2015 (edited) There's some c**t wandering about Edinburgh airport brazenly sporting a St Mirren scarf. Shameless Mozza, absolutely Shameless. Hope you got the c**t telt. Eta- In the arrivals? Could well be our new Argentinian overlords. Edited January 11, 2015 by AberdeenBud 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
welshbairn Posted January 11, 2015 Share Posted January 11, 2015 Nah, in the departure Wetherspoons. There's three of them now. What do you call a gathering of St Mirren fans? A m inge. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BFTD Posted January 11, 2015 Share Posted January 11, 2015 I'm currently sitting in a Debenhams in Newcastle with what is possibly the sorest head I've ever had. Who thought triple measures was a good idea? Debenhams has changed since I was a lad. You sure you weren't drinking perfume? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BFTD Posted January 11, 2015 Share Posted January 11, 2015 Thanks for the kind words. I'm currently contemplating going to the cinema and sleeping through the film just for the comfy seats. Still could be worse my mates driving us back and we reckon he'll be legal to drive at about 7 tonight. he's got to get back to Aberdeen. Wee tip: at this time of day, only some of the films are running. Buy a ticket, then nip into one of the empty theatres 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BFTD Posted January 11, 2015 Share Posted January 11, 2015 Nah, in the departure Wetherspoons. There's three of them now. What do you call a gathering of St Mirren fans? A Love-in? An Impotence? A Disgruntlement? Those are all shite; I give up. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.