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Petty Things That Get On Your Nerves...


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I am not saying that any baby should go hungry and i am certainly not saying breastfeeding is disgusting in anyway.It really wasn't that discreet and it made me feel uncomfartable.The train had one of those massive toilets with baby changing facilities im pretty sure literally five steps away.I would have been happy if she had asked me to watch her pram or even asked if i minded.that is all but if you must summon up a hate gang then do so.I only expressed an opinion.I may have went a bit far in my language and the way in which i got my point across and for that i'll apologize.

Baby changing facilities are just that. They are for changing dirty nappies. Are you now suggesting that she should have fed her baby in the toilet? Would you eat your dinner in the toilet?

Hardly summoning up the hate gang - just pointing out that there is more than one like minded person on here when it comes to breast-feeding. I'm sure she'll give her own input.

If it offended you that much, why didn't you just move seat? Do you ask someone in the same carriage as you if you can eat or drink anything? Nope, didn't think so. Why the hell should she?

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Do you ask someone in the same carriage as you if you can eat or drink anything? Nope, didn't think so. Why the hell should she?

While I agree with you, this isn't really a fair comparison. Unless he sooks up food throu... OK you get the idea.

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I'll leave Helen to come on and really sort you out though. Now that will be fun ;)
I'm looking forward to it already! :D
if you must summon up a hate gang then do so.
Too late mate, here that noise, it's the ride of the fucking Valkyries...
:lol: Yep i feel a storm may be brewing. :(
just pointing out that there is more than one like minded person on here when it comes to breast-feeding. I'm sure she'll give her own input.

Here I am. :D You called?

I don't know if this is controversial or not but breastfeeding in public f****n berates me. Its just uncalled for.I was quite happily minding my own business on the train even though there was a screaming baby sitting across from me (just fired the tunes up on my iPod...problem solved).

Next minute i look out the window and when i look back the wifey has whapped one of her sweatercows out for the baby to go about its business.Im not generally upset at seein a nice girl flash a nice boob but this was unreal (plus it was a case of if there hadn't been a table the bairn would have been gettin its lunch off the floor). :(

So then i was caught in the horrific position of not knowing where to look, where not to look, should i act upset or jus smile politely.Then after its done the tart gets off at the next stop....f**k it.done now.selfish bint...put the udders away. :angry:

Sorry for any offence caused to public milk factories...In fact i'm not!!!

You already knew when posting that, I think, that it was going to be contraversial. My first thought when I read it was that you're an alias and actually looking for some sort of provoked response from me just here. I think almost everyone who posts on GN will will know fine I'd reply to that kind of attack on someone feeding their baby in public, whatever your personal opinion may be. I will put my thoughts in here. None of it is meant to offend, but there are various things that I think are appropriate to point out.

Can I ask what would have been preferable to you in that situation? You've mentioned that there was a large toilet nearby. As a mother myself there is *no way* I would allow my children to eat *anything at all* in a public toilet. I certainly wouldn't eat in there myself. Would you? That's an issue of very poor hygiene standards. Would you find it acceptable for a bottle feeding mother to sit in the toilet, ostracised from society as though doing something shameful to be hidden? What of the other people on the train who may have needed the toilet? Some babies may only take ten minutes to feed, however others may take 40 minutes to take the same amount. Is another small child needing the toilet, or a pregnant woman, or anyone else simply to pee themselves or end up in pain/discomfort because someone doesn't like the sight of the breast they can't see in the baby's mouth? That would seem a little selfish and isn't the purpose of a "toilet".

You mention that she could have asked you if she minded. What if you had? What would she have told her baby? Would the emotional turmoil for both her and her baby of leaving him screaming and unfed been worth it simply to placate some stranger who could have looked away? Should she also have asked every other person around her and brought it to the attention of the entire carriage? To me, this would feel far less discreet than simply feeding the baby.

What about the baby's right to be fed? A baby has no concept of time. If he's hungry then he's hungry now. Not in an hour's time. He can't speak up and tell anyone that he's starting to get a bit peckish so that they have warning and he can't be made to be hungry when you want him to be. So far as the baby knows, if he isn't fed now then he might never be and the unpleasant feeling he's experiencing won't go away. That sounds pretty distressing to me. You call the mother a "selfish bint". Would she have been less selfish to put a baby through such distress and negative emotions, which there is some good well-researched evidence to show is likely to be to the detriment of the child later in life? Is it selfish of you to expect the baby *and the mother* to go through that simply because, in your own words, you don't know where to look?

The power of other people to undermine a mother's ability to breastfeed her baby is very underestimated. Whilst I gather from your post that you didn't say anything to this mother I do wonder why you feel the need to then come on here and fuel an already raging public fire in a society which finds it hard to see a mother sit and quietly feed her baby. It's a very emotive subject and when I speak to mums antenatally the one thing that comes up so often is feeding in public. "How do I manage to get out of the house?", "Where can I feed my baby?", "Will other people not come over and tell me to stop?" are all questions I get asked. All this *before* a woman has even had her baby? What a sad society we have in our country. :( With this in mind, it's little wonder that our breastfeeding rates are so low compared to many other developed countries as well as third world countries. With that come the poorer health statistics, increased public spending on "convenience" foods, increased obesity and greater demand on our National Health Service.

On the subject of "seeing" anything, there is very little *to* actually see if breastfeeding is done discreetly. Not only do other people not want to see, but the majority of mothers are actually concerned that strangers don't see their breasts either. Whilst the baby is actually feeding the breast is in the baby's mouth. You'd often see more flesh on a woman wearing a low cut tight fitted top than you would a mum feeding her baby.

I'd love to know where the *real* problem in all this is. My own insight, and that of others around me, says that we live in a society which has become reliant upon bottles and sees these as the norm, the accepted way of feeding a baby. Were we to grow up in a culture where breastfeeding was an integral part of life there wouldn't even be any need to mention it when a mum was breastfeeding. It would be a non-event. Simple things come into play here. In soaps, for instance, the regular way we see babies fed is by bottle. If a character *is* shown to breastfeed their baby then a fuss is made or there's at least *some* mention - if it was the norm then why would it need any mention at all? It's even in children's programmes, starting the notion at such a young age that breastfeeding isn't to be shown/seen. There's very little balance. Then there's the formula milk industry and their adverts claiming (borderline illegally and downright untrue really) how close their products are to breastmilk and making us believe that their milks are great. I mean, what point is there left to breastfeeding when we have all this to hand? The pressure put on mothers when it comes to breastfeeding is enormous and despite it being described as "natural" and "instinctive" it can downright hard work for some, particularly at first. It can be an uphill struggle for parents to continue to feed - everyone has an opinion and many people aren't afraid to give it. Other people in the same carriage of the train as you may have been critical too, but wondering why on earth she didn't feed her baby sooner so they didn't have to endure a baby screaming for the length of time they did. Whatever she did would be wrong by someone and it actually isn't really anyone else's business!

Within the bigger picture, is it really worth all the fuss? Or can a mum just get on with doing what her instinct tells her for once and care for her baby to raise him into a more stable member of society?

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Here I am. :D You called?

You already knew when posting that, I think, that it was going to be contraversial. My first thought when I read it was that you're an alias and actually looking for some sort of provoked response from me just here. I think almost everyone who posts on GN will will know fine I'd reply to that kind of attack on someone feeding their baby in public, whatever your personal opinion may be. I will put my thoughts in here. None of it is meant to offend, but there are various things that I think are appropriate to point out.

Can I ask what would have been preferable to you in that situation? You've mentioned that there was a large toilet nearby. As a mother myself there is *no way* I would allow my children to eat *anything at all* in a public toilet. I certainly wouldn't eat in there myself. Would you? That's an issue of very poor hygiene standards. Would you find it acceptable for a bottle feeding mother to sit in the toilet, ostracised from society as though doing something shameful to be hidden? What of the other people on the train who may have needed the toilet? Some babies may only take ten minutes to feed, however others may take 40 minutes to take the same amount. Is another small child needing the toilet, or a pregnant woman, or anyone else simply to pee themselves or end up in pain/discomfort because someone doesn't like the sight of the breast they can't see in the baby's mouth? That would seem a little selfish and isn't the purpose of a "toilet".

You mention that she could have asked you if she minded. What if you had? What would she have told her baby? Would the emotional turmoil for both her and her baby of leaving him screaming and unfed been worth it simply to placate some stranger who could have looked away? Should she also have asked every other person around her and brought it to the attention of the entire carriage? To me, this would feel far less discreet than simply feeding the baby.

What about the baby's right to be fed? A baby has no concept of time. If he's hungry then he's hungry now. Not in an hour's time. He can't speak up and tell anyone that he's starting to get a bit peckish so that they have warning and he can't be made to be hungry when you want him to be. So far as the baby knows, if he isn't fed now then he might never be and the unpleasant feeling he's experiencing won't go away. That sounds pretty distressing to me. You call the mother a "selfish bint". Would she have been less selfish to put a baby through such distress and negative emotions, which there is some good well-researched evidence to show is likely to be to the detriment of the child later in life? Is it selfish of you to expect the baby *and the mother* to go through that simply because, in your own words, you don't know where to look?

The power of other people to undermine a mother's ability to breastfeed her baby is very underestimated. Whilst I gather from your post that you didn't say anything to this mother I do wonder why you feel the need to then come on here and fuel an already raging public fire in a society which finds it hard to see a mother sit and quietly feed her baby. It's a very emotive subject and when I speak to mums antenatally the one thing that comes up so often is feeding in public. "How do I manage to get out of the house?", "Where can I feed my baby?", "Will other people not come over and tell me to stop?" are all questions I get asked. All this *before* a woman has even had her baby? What a sad society we have in our country. :( With this in mind, it's little wonder that our breastfeeding rates are so low compared to many other developed countries as well as third world countries. With that come the poorer health statistics, increased public spending on "convenience" foods, increased obesity and greater demand on our National Health Service.

On the subject of "seeing" anything, there is very little *to* actually see if breastfeeding is done discreetly. Not only do other people not want to see, but the majority of mothers are actually concerned that strangers don't see their breasts either. Whilst the baby is actually feeding the breast is in the baby's mouth. You'd often see more flesh on a woman wearing a low cut tight fitted top than you would a mum feeding her baby.

I'd love to know where the *real* problem in all this is. My own insight, and that of others around me, says that we live in a society which has become reliant upon bottles and sees these as the norm, the accepted way of feeding a baby. Were we to grow up in a culture where breastfeeding was an integral part of life there wouldn't even be any need to mention it when a mum was breastfeeding. It would be a non-event. Simple things come into play here. In soaps, for instance, the regular way we see babies fed is by bottle. If a character *is* shown to breastfeed their baby then a fuss is made or there's at least *some* mention - if it was the norm then why would it need any mention at all? It's even in children's programmes, starting the notion at such a young age that breastfeeding isn't to be shown/seen. There's very little balance. Then there's the formula milk industry and their adverts claiming (borderline illegally and downright untrue really) how close their products are to breastmilk and making us believe that their milks are great. I mean, what point is there left to breastfeeding when we have all this to hand? The pressure put on mothers when it comes to breastfeeding is enormous and despite it being described as "natural" and "instinctive" it can downright hard work for some, particularly at first. It can be an uphill struggle for parents to continue to feed - everyone has an opinion and many people aren't afraid to give it. Other people in the same carriage of the train as you may have been critical too, but wondering why on earth she didn't feed her baby sooner so they didn't have to endure a baby screaming for the length of time they did. Whatever she did would be wrong by someone and it actually isn't really anyone else's business!

Within the bigger picture, is it really worth all the fuss? Or can a mum just get on with doing what her instinct tells her for once and care for her baby to raise him into a more stable member of society?

:thumsup2

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Guest Spank the monkey

I would actually quote HGG but its really long.Firstly i'm not an alias.I don't know anything about you other than you put across a very well balanced point.I read it all and found it extremely interesting some of the things there.I came in from work ready for an argument but really have nothing to say.Your absolutely right.I guess i am one of the many people who are critical of it (not really in general public) but in such a close proximity.I feel very sheepish now and realise that what could the mother actually have done in a crowded train.If she had asked if i minded i personally would have said no go ahead but it is maybe a poor reflection on society (myself included) that she should have to.

I still won't concede that i will feel comfartable in that situation but i certainly will concede that it is not something that should annoy me and rather that it something outwith the control of both myself and the mother.I was angry when i wrote that email through just being a little shocked and realise that the language used was inappropriate (think i already apologised for that) and is not a true reflection of my character.

whew...

Anyway maybe something that does fit in more with this thread and less controversial is flatmates sending messages from your phone when your drunk.

Mary:What are you doing tomorrow?

My phone: Touching myself.what are you up to.

Mary: is this [insert my name]?

My phone: Yes do you want to have sexy time?

All very funny if Mary wasn't what i had saved my stepmum under.Guess who hasn't been round for dinner this week? <_<

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I would actually quote HGG but its really long.Firstly i'm not an alias.I don't know anything about you other than you put across a very well balanced point.I read it all and found it extremely interesting some of the things there.I came in from work ready for an argument but really have nothing to say.Your absolutely right.I guess i am one of the many people who are critical of it (not really in general public) but in such a close proximity.I feel very sheepish now and realise that what could the mother actually have done in a crowded train.If she had asked if i minded i personally would have said no go ahead but it is maybe a poor reflection on society (myself included) that she should have to.

I still won't concede that i will feel comfartable in that situation but i certainly will concede that it is not something that should annoy me and rather that it something outwith the control of both myself and the mother.I was angry when i wrote that email through just being a little shocked and realise that the language used was inappropriate (think i already apologised for that) and is not a true reflection of my character.

I did realise you probably weren't an alias. I'm our resident breastfeeding expert it would seem :D. I try to avoid being confrontational on this and more challenge statements appropriately to provoke thought and not reaction. I have no wish to induce a negative response in discussions about such a sensitive and important subject. I don't expect everyone to understand all the issues at hand. It's taken me six years to get where I am just now. I don't ask people to feel comfortable in situations where they just don't - that would be unreasonable of me - but do ask that both sides of the coin be considered. You've done that rather graciously here. :cheers:

As for your stepmum story - :lol: :lol: :lol:

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*HGG Quote here*

Everyone I've mentioned that I'd like to breastfeed the baby has told me I'm off my head <_< Indicitive of society.

Me, me. You mentioned it to me and I didn't tell you you're off your head!

:D

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Everyone I've mentioned that I'd like to breastfeed the baby has told me I'm off my head <_< Indicitive of society.

Really?! That's ridiculous! Why would anyone choose bottle over breast unless there was some medical/psychological reason? Breast is free for a start!!!

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Really?! That's ridiculous! Why would anyone choose bottle over breast unless there was some medical/psychological reason? Breast is free for a start!!!

Yup, we llas HCG rightly points out she hasn't. I've see all my friends bottle feed, what a pain in the arse. Boil water, add formula, but no too much or too little, cool bottle down, warm bottle up, steralise bottle afterwards. And the cost of formula. That all seems like a lot of hastle compared to breastfeeding. Whilst I understand breastfeeding can take time surley the antibodies and goodness that is well known has to be better for baby, not to mention the health benefits to mums. Not to mention the bonding. People say but you'll have no help with the nightfeeds, as my GP pointed out there is nothing nicer than it being 2am and you and baby are wrapped up in a blaket and he is feeding, she fed her wee boy herself.

According to my mother in law breastfeeding means you don't know exactly how many ounces a baby is getting :rolleyes: one of the more intresting reasons I've heard to bottle feed. A baby will soon tell you if it needs more!

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According to my mother in law breastfeeding means you don't know exactly how many ounces a baby is getting :rolleyes: one of the more intresting reasons I've heard to bottle feed. A baby will soon tell you if it needs more!

I really should mind my own business more, but I'm not going to just now :D.

That's one of the reasons why formula feeding is known to lead to obesity in later life. There are physical reasons, obviously, but a baby is often "taught" (I use the word loosely speaking as tiny babies can't really learn like that - maybe "encouraged" would be a better word) to finish what's in the bottle. I've seen babies roused from a sleepy state, bottles jiggled, encouraging words spoken - all in the name of getting the baby to "finish". This helps the baby's stomach to distend further than it would with formula feeding anyway and also begins the habit of eating everything that's in front of you whether you're hungry or not.

Not regulating/knowing what your baby is having can be a great thing. We trust a woman's body for anywhere between 8-10 months to grow a baby from scratch, nourish it and do what's best for it. Why can we suddenly not trust it when we can see the baby with our bare eyes?

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I really should mind my own business more, but I'm not going to just now :D.

That's one of the reasons why formula feeding is known to lead to obesity in later life. There are physical reasons, obviously, but a baby is often "taught" (I use the word loosely speaking as tiny babies can't really learn like that - maybe "encouraged" would be a better word) to finish what's in the bottle. I've seen babies roused from a sleepy state, bottles jiggled, encouraging words spoken - all in the name of getting the baby to "finish". This helps the baby's stomach to distend further than it would with formula feeding anyway and also begins the habit of eating everything that's in front of you whether you're hungry or not.

Not regulating/knowing what your baby is having can be a great thing. We trust a woman's body for anywhere between 8-10 months to grow a baby from scratch, nourish it and do what's best for it. Why can we suddenly not trust it when we can see the baby with our bare eyes?

They were doing it in caves and the human population survived and that was without the knowledge we have now............

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I don't know if this is controversial or not but breastfeeding in public f****n berates me. Its just uncalled for.I was quite happily minding my own business on the train even though there was a screaming baby sitting across from me (just fired the tunes up on my iPod...problem solved).

Next minute i look out the window and when i look back the wifey has whapped one of her sweatercows out for the baby to go about its business.Im not generally upset at seein a nice girl flash a nice boob but this was unreal (plus it was a case of if there hadn't been a table the bairn would have been gettin its lunch off the floor). :(

So then i was caught in the horrific position of not knowing where to look, where not to look, should i act upset or jus smile politely.Then after its done the tart gets off at the next stop....f**k it.done now.selfish bint...put the udders away. :angry:

Sorry for any offence caused to public milk factories...In fact i'm not!!!

And the small fact that it is against the law in Scotland to ask a woman who is brestfeeding in public to stop it.

If you where that upset maybe you shouldn't have looked in the first place or maybe moved.... :rolleyes:

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I would actually quote HGG but its really long.Firstly i'm not an alias.I don't know anything about you other than you put across a very well balanced point.I read it all and found it extremely interesting some of the things there.I came in from work ready for an argument but really have nothing to say.Your absolutely right.I guess i am one of the many people who are critical of it (not really in general public) but in such a close proximity.I feel very sheepish now and realise that what could the mother actually have done in a crowded train.If she had asked if i minded i personally would have said no go ahead but it is maybe a poor reflection on society (myself included) that she should have to.

I still won't concede that i will feel comfartable in that situation but i certainly will concede that it is not something that should annoy me and rather that it something outwith the control of both myself and the mother.I was angry when i wrote that email through just being a little shocked and realise that the language used was inappropriate (think i already apologised for that) and is not a true reflection of my character.

whew...

Anyway maybe something that does fit in more with this thread and less controversial is flatmates sending messages from your phone when your drunk.

Mary:What are you doing tomorrow?

My phone: Touching myself.what are you up to.

Mary: is this [insert my name]?

My phone: Yes do you want to have sexy time?

All very funny if Mary wasn't what i had saved my stepmum under.Guess who hasn't been round for dinner this week? <_<

Well said. That's much better.

:lol::lol::lol: at your story

*HGG Quote here*

Everyone I've mentioned that I'd like to breastfeed the baby has told me I'm off my head <_< Indicitive of society.

I was the same. I breastfed Callum and wouldn't have had it any other way. Surprisingly my sister-in-law has since breast-fed her two.

And the small fact that it is against the law in Scotland to ask a woman who is brestfeeding in public to stop it.

If you where that upset maybe you shouldn't have looked in the first place or maybe moved.... :rolleyes:

I think he's learnt his lesson.

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Well said. That's much better.

:lol::lol::lol: at your story

I was the same. I breastfed Callum and wouldn't have had it any other way. Surprisingly my sister-in-law has since breast-fed her two.

I think he's learnt his lesson.

Maybe we should all bookmark this and save it for the next time someone post a moan about it in here. :lol:

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