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Petty Things That Get On Your Nerves...


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I can't stand the woman. Awful presenter. I used to watch GMTV and was cringing non-stop at her. she is so patronising. Now I watch the BBC breakfast news. ;)

Good decision to quit GMTV. That is for morons. For real news go to the beeb.

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I'm just back from that new shopping mall near Pollock, Silverburn it's called.

What a shit place. <_<

Okay, first of all, all the women would have a great time at it, because it's just designed for women. La Senza, Claires Fucking Accessories, Dirk Diggler Shoes, and whatever. You get the picture.

However, here's my complaint: no book shops, no music shops and nowhere to eat, except YO! Sushi. What's the point of a mall? Just call it 'Mall for women' and save us all the hassle!

Now, YO! Sushi aint my idea of fun, I'd make people cooking for me to...er...well...cook the food, but I had the bint with me, so she starts slavering on about how great sushi is so we decide we'll go.

We ask a snotty little madam if we just sit anywhere and she says:

"We're not open but sit down if you want"

I look around, and there are about a dozen folk in the place, happily muching away on their flouncy eel with a chloroform jus or whatever. So I look at the plooky chip shop reject and say:

"Nah, it's okay. Bye."

She looked a bit crestfallen, but on this occasion the wife agreed with me, so no argument was forthcoming. What, is your precious fucking sushi bar too full of beautiful people to let fat fugly folk in? Go f**k yourself then.:angry:

So then we go to Next to get some clothes for the boys birthday tomorrow. Got a nice pair of jeans and a cool top for him, and took it to the counter. Now, if anyone's been in Next they'll know what I mean when I say that their sales staff are the shinest fuckers ever to pluck an eyebrow. This thing that served us had fake tan, highlights, fake nails, contacts and enough make up to make RuPaul appear convincing. She took the money and gave us our change with a condescending little smile and it was then I noticed the tattie farm on her top lip.

It was like a slug mattress. :o

I mean, what is the point in spending fortunes on fake tan, hair dye, manicures and then leaving a fucking great cornfield on your mush? :unsure: You'd think one of her friends might tell her, unless of course they are too botoxed to actually move their lips and talk, and their nails are longer than a Dennis Potter play, so they cant text her.

It was at this point that I would already have lost the will to live, but with it being the boys birthday tomorrow we had to go to the M and S foodhall to buy food for my shitey w**kpellet in-laws, so I summoned all my testicular fortitude and off we went.

It didn't take long to go wrong. :( Other half decides she wants panties and bras.

Great. :angry:

I'm stood there desperately trying not to look like a forlorn pervert with a lingerie fetish while she rummages about the pants aisle muttering under her breath about leg shape linings and feck knows what else. I swear every staff member glared at me, and I knew they were thinking:

"Look at that, the brazen pervy b*****d. He'll be sniffing them next! I'm getting ready to get security!"

Based on the fact that I am a huge ugly b*****d who looks a bit 'special' from certain angles, I eventually decided discretion be the better part of valour and went into the mall and sat down.

Then female came out laden with bras and scants, and we made for the food part. Now this is the part I love in M and S. Looking at food you can't afford and thinking...'One day...one day...' :lol:

So, we got a few bits and pieces and went to pay, and the woman at the till says to me as I pick up a plastic carrier bag:

"Would you like a bag for life?"

and I consider the repercussions of divorce and ostracisation from my son for a split second before thinking 'ah, f**k it' and replying:

"No thanks, I'm already married."

Honestly, both the wife and the woman behind the counter scowled at me very intensely, when it was quite a risible and witty comeback really. Women just have no sense of humour do they? :rolleyes:

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Monster you should have told the woman in next about her top lip problem,I would have loved to have seen her run away crying her eyes out when you told her.

I would have told her. :lol: Does that make me a bad person? :ph34r::unsure: :unsure:

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Monster you should have told the woman in next about her top lip problem,I would have loved to have seen her run away crying her eyes out when you told her.

I would have told her. :lol: Does that make me a bad person? :ph34r::unsure: :unsure:

Not at all, you are a fellow oestrogenite and therefore it's a 'beauty tip'.

One word from me and she's calling security. :lol:

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"Would you like a bag for life?"

and I consider the repercussions of divorce and ostracisation from my son for a split second before thinking 'ah, f**k it' and replying:

"No thanks, I'm already married."

Honestly, both the wife and the woman behind the counter scowled at me very intensely, when it was quite a risible and witty comeback really. Women just have no sense of humour do they? :rolleyes:

:lol::lol::lol::lol:

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