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Petty Things That Get On Your Nerves...


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1 hour ago, welshbairn said:

I remember working in a theatre when Princess Margaret came to see a show, and we had to fit a brand new bog for her with a screened walkway from her box in case she wanted a shite.

I've had a pish in the Queen's bog in the old stand at Meadowbank. 

Do I win £5.00? 

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3 minutes ago, tamthebam said:

I've had a pish in the Queen's bog in the old stand at Meadowbank. 

Do I win £5.00? 

We installed a special bog for Horseface Annie visiting our nick a couple of years back. It's on the list to have a dump in there before I retire.

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2 hours ago, Big Fifer said:

Walking from the Hydro back to my flat in Merchant city I noticed how lovely the Clyde walkway was looking now that there's dignitaries arriving shortly. New lights, bins cleared, foliage all trimmed and looking good. Crazy how they find the money to do all this now...

Have they swept all the junkies and hobos in to The Clyde? It'll be unfortunate if a few decide to end it all up stream. The corpses tend to wash up quite near the COP part of town.

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Years back, Betty passed through our town on her way to shake someone’s hand. The cooncillors were kept busy for days making sure everything was just perfect. Hanging baskets of flowers, tending to overgrown hedges and verges, rounding up the jakeys and shipping them off to neighbouring towns, the works.
About half an hour before she was due, somebody realised there was a pile of grit next to one of the bridges. It was there in case the bridge got icy but has sat there so long nobody really noticed it any more.
We couldn’t possibly let her Maj see that such things existed and there wasn’t time to shift it so what to do, what to do?

They painted the pile of grit white. 

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26 minutes ago, Shotgun said:

Years back, Betty passed through our town on her way to shake someone’s hand. The cooncillors were kept busy for days making sure everything was just perfect. Hanging baskets of flowers, tending to overgrown hedges and verges, rounding up the jakeys and shipping them off to neighbouring towns, the works.
About half an hour before she was due, somebody realised there was a pile of grit next to one of the bridges. It was there in case the bridge got icy but has sat there so long nobody really noticed it any more.
We couldn’t possibly let her Maj see that such things existed and there wasn’t time to shift it so what to do, what to do?

They painted the pile of grit white. 

It's like the old joke that the Queen thinks the whole world smells of fresh paint.

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1 hour ago, ICTJohnboy said:

Mainstream media constantly whinging on about shortages of all manner of things in the run up to Christmas.

I'm not in the least bit worried. I'm quite sure Santa will provide me with everything I need, and everything I've asked for. 

 

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Santa doesn’t exist, m8. It’s your mum and dad.

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Princess Anne opened our new office in 2017 and she had her own private toilet with metal shields around it. Wondered if she used it, and if she did if she had guards standing outside the door for her. Dropping a big shite, hearing the plops.

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3 hours ago, ICTJohnboy said:

Mainstream media constantly whinging on about shortages of all manner of things in the run up to Christmas.

I'm not in the least bit worried. I'm quite sure Santa will provide me with everything I need, and everything I've asked for. 

 

unnamed.jpg

Funny how it always comes from the suppliers of said goods "there may be shortages this christmas but WHATEVER YOU DO DON'T PANIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

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7 hours ago, Sergeant Wilson said:

Have they swept all the junkies and hobos in to The Clyde? It'll be unfortunate if a few decide to end it all up stream. The corpses tend to wash up quite near the COP part of town.

On a similar note it is puzzling that all the street beggars around Edinburgh's Old Town disappeared at Festival Time.

Almost as if they'd been moved on by the Polis so that the tourists didn't see them ..

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1 hour ago, tamthebam said:

On a similar note it is puzzling that all the street beggars around Edinburgh's Old Town disappeared at Festival Time.

Almost as if they'd been moved on by the Polis so that the tourists didn't see them ..

In the days before the royal wedding the beggars were moved away from the Abbey because they made it look untidy.

The royalists were then allowed to sleep out overnight in the spaces left.

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The "tidying up for the Royals" thing reminds me of my last job. Things were falling apart due to a long-term lack of investment in the business, and a critical shortage of staff (one or two people trying to do the work that half a dozen folk used to do). The new CEO arranged a visit to see where things were going wrong and to work out if improvements could be made.

The geniuses in middle-management organised a three-line whip that work was to stop for a few days, everything was to be cleaned and tidied away, and there were to be no indication of any problems whatsoever. Nothing changed as a result, and the business is still slowly sliding towards oblivion.

200.gif

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4 minutes ago, BFTD said:

The "tidying up for the Royals" thing reminds me of my last job. Things were falling apart due to a long-term lack of investment in the business, and a critical shortage of staff (one or two people trying to do the work that half a dozen folk used to do). The new CEO arranged a visit to see where things were going wrong and to work out if improvements could be made.

The geniuses in middle-management organised a three-line whip that work was to stop for a few days, everything was to be cleaned and tidied away, and there were to be no indication of any problems whatsoever. Nothing changed as a result, and the business is still slowly sliding towards oblivion.

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Middle management engaging in "covering their own arse short sightedness" shocker.

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9 minutes ago, Todd_is_God said:

Middle management engaging in "covering their own arse short sightedness" shocker.

They were awful too, don't get me wrong, but it was more a matter of the board refusing to invest in their business.

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