Petty Things That Get On Your Nerves...

[Derry Alli]

12 hours ago, Shotgun said:

That or people who offer to help but don't really mean it. They just want to look good by offering.

Or people online writing shite like "He's had a lot of personal problems, was a mad alky, pished himself in public. Fell out with his whole family over the drink. Lived in a bin for a bit... Hope he's better now though" 

You don't hope he's better you lying p***k, you've just shared his past with everyone because you're a nasty b*****d. 

[Melanius Mullarkey]

1 hour ago, Mr. Alli said:

Or people online writing shite like "He's had a lot of personal problems, was a mad alky, pished himself in public. Fell out with his whole family over the drink. Lived in a bin for a bit... Hope he's better now though" 

You don't hope he's better you lying p***k, you've just shared his past with everyone because you're a nasty b*****d. 

Were you sharing with Wunfy?

[Rugster]

8 hours ago, tamthebam said:

I've always been tempted to write a "five ingredients or less" cookery book. Mainly because I'm a lazy b*****d but also because if, for example, you use a piece of fresh garlic in a recipe what do you do with the rest of the garlic?

Already been done by that c**t Jamie Oliver. 

[Shotgun]

5 hours ago, tamthebam said:

I've always been tempted to write a "five ingredients or less" cookery book. Mainly because I'm a lazy b*****d but also because if, for example, you use a piece of fresh garlic in a recipe what do you do with the rest of the garlic?

I once bought a cookbook called something like “Dinner in 20 minutes or less” with the tag line “Perfect for busy people”. Great, thinks I. In from work at 5:45, 20 minutes to make dinner, 10 minutes to eat it, shit, shower, shave and I can be in the pub by 6:45. 
 

I didn’t realise until I went to use it that the “20 minutes” was assuming you’d already peeled, chopped and  cooked the vegetables. And that you had cooked rice/potatoes/meat on hand.
So as long as you’d already done the 1-2 hours of prep work, it only took 20 minutes to make. 

[GordonD]

16 hours ago, Shotgun said:

That or people who offer to help but don't really mean it. They just want to look good by offering.

"That would be great, thanks!"
"Oh...uh, well right. I'll need to make sure I'm free of course. I'll let you know."

And folk who when they have helped you and you thank them, say, "Oh, it's the least I could do!"

Is that really something to boast about?

[Dee Man]

People who complain about people being polite. 

[coprolite]

11 hours ago, tamthebam said:

I've always been tempted to write a "five ingredients or less" cookery book. Mainly because I'm a lazy b*****d but also because if, for example, you use a piece of fresh garlic in a recipe what do you do with the rest of the garlic?

I had some garlic cloves starting to sprout in the fridge and planted them in the garden. Companion planting with garlic helps keep aphids under control. I assume i could probably harvest it at some point as well if I was so inclined. 

[Sergeant Wilson]

26 minutes ago, coprolite said:

I had some garlic cloves starting to sprout in the fridge and planted them in the garden. Companion planting with garlic helps keep aphids under control. I assume i could probably harvest it at some point as well if I was so inclined. 

I did and they grew quite well. Internet said the flavour would be weaker. I probably took them out too early. They'd grown like wee onions in a single clove and were quite highly flavoured. Did the same with potatoes and got enough for one dinner. The internet advises against growing shop bought potatoes though.

[DiegoDiego]

I once bought a cookbook called something like “Dinner in 20 minutes or less” with the tag line “Perfect for busy people”. Great, thinks I. In from work at 5:45, 20 minutes to make dinner, 10 minutes to eat it, shit, shower, shave and I can be in the pub by 6:45. 
 
I didn’t realise until I went to use it that the “20 minutes” was assuming you’d already peeled, chopped and  cooked the vegetables. And that you had cooked rice/potatoes/meat on hand.
So as long as you’d already done the 1-2 hours of prep work, it only took 20 minutes to make. 

How is it taking you more than twenty minutes to cook some rice?

[Hedgecutter]

When folk whinge by saying "I put food out for the birds but the crows (or pigeons) came along and ate it all"

So the birds ate your bird food? Sounds like a fairly successful project to me. 

Edited September 25, 2020 by Hedgecutter
sp.

[Szamo's_Ammo]

Dogs moving to their "forever home".

[welshbairn]

On 24/09/2020 at 16:47, Shotgun said:

That or people who offer to help but don't really mean it. They just want to look good by offering.

"That would be great, thanks!"
"Oh...uh, well right. I'll need to make sure I'm free of course. I'll let you know."

I find it hard not to ask if friends need help when they say they're moving house, instantly regret it and offer up some some just remembered excuse why I can't.

I am that person.

Edited September 25, 2020 by welshbairn

[Shotgun]

1 hour ago, welshbairn said:

I am that person.

Yeah, it was you I was thinking of when I wrote that.

[tamthebam]

I bought this diary last year in the hope this would be the year I really would get my shit together.

That worked out well...

[Shandon Par]

5 hours ago, tamthebam said:

I bought this diary last year in the hope this would be the year I really would get my shit together.

That worked out well...

COVID-19 was God’s reaction to you buying that shite. 

[smpar]

Got to the pub at 17:30, ordered a drink online as soon as we sat down and still haven’t got it at 18:15.

Deserve everything I get for going for a pint in the west end tbf.

[Stellaboz]

What an absolute waste of time going to a pub. 

Much better at home.

[Shipa]

Tbf, if he was at home and ordered a pint at 17.30, he'd probably still be waiting on it too (if not wearing it!!)

[smpar]

Tbf, if he was at home and ordered a pint at 17.30, he'd probably still be waiting on it too (if not wearing it!!)

Christ, how many stairs do you think the average house has?

[Derry Alli]

Checks Saturdays results.. 

Yup, seems about right.