tamthebam Posted November 21, 2019 Share Posted November 21, 2019 Going into Meadowbank shopping centre this evening, round the roundabout, signalling properly to turn right. Silly wee cow on a bike with big headphones on decides to dash across the entrance to the shopping centre and then looks like a deer caught in headlights when I sound my horn at her. I can't help thinking if I'd been an Audi (or similar big flash car) driving b*****d going around the roundabout at a faster speed than I was doing she'd have been well skittled. Coming back out of the shopping centre I see another twat on a bike, wearing black, no lights, enter the roundabout without stopping or checking for traffic coming from the right. And all I could think was "We need some kind of Safety Salamander to educate these young folk in the mysterious ways of the Highway Code. Either that or Judge Dredd breaking heads." 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dee Man Posted November 21, 2019 Share Posted November 21, 2019 When you're bursting for a pish, pull the drawcord on your shorts in a rush and somehow manage to create a tight as f**k knot rather than loosen it, has to be one of the worst things that can happen to someone. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
philpy Posted November 21, 2019 Share Posted November 21, 2019 When you're bursting for a pish, pull the drawcord on your shorts in a rush and somehow manage to create a tight as f**k knot rather than loosen it, has to be one of the worst things that can happen to someone.^^^ pishy pants mckee 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
welshbairn Posted November 21, 2019 Share Posted November 21, 2019 Having a prostate check up in twenty minutes. Shitting myself so it could get messy. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dons_1988 Posted November 21, 2019 Share Posted November 21, 2019 5 minutes ago, welshbairn said: Having a prostate check up in twenty minutes. Shitting myself so it could get messy. You'll never be the same again afterwards. Awful, awful experience. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shotgun Posted November 21, 2019 Share Posted November 21, 2019 I had my first prostate check up when I was 40. The Doc told me "Don't worry; by the time you're in your 50's and getting these regularly, we'll have come up with a better way of doing it." 57 now. Still waiting... 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shandon Par Posted November 21, 2019 Share Posted November 21, 2019 14 hours ago, tamthebam said: Going into Meadowbank shopping centre this evening, round the roundabout, signalling properly to turn right. Silly wee cow on a bike with big headphones on decides to dash across the entrance to the shopping centre and then looks like a deer caught in headlights when I sound my horn at her. I can't help thinking if I'd been an Audi (or similar big flash car) driving b*****d going around the roundabout at a faster speed than I was doing she'd have been well skittled. Coming back out of the shopping centre I see another twat on a bike, wearing black, no lights, enter the roundabout without stopping or checking for traffic coming from the right. And all I could think was "We need some kind of Safety Salamander to educate these young folk in the mysterious ways of the Highway Code. Either that or Judge Dredd breaking heads." Somewhere in the depths of the Evening News archives is a young Shandon Par with a bodybuilder lad, taps aff, holding aloft another fully dressed man on that site when it was getting built. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Moonster Posted November 21, 2019 Share Posted November 21, 2019 3 hours ago, Dee Man said: When you're bursting for a pish, pull the drawcord on your shorts in a rush and somehow manage to create a tight as f**k knot rather than loosen it, has to be one of the worst things that can happen to someone. Usually resulting in you frantically pulling up the "leg" of the short and pishing out the bottom. Just doesn't feel right. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melanius Mullarkey Posted November 21, 2019 Share Posted November 21, 2019 The continuing Americanisation of language by fuckwits. Twice today people have "reached out to me". Absolute worstcunts. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
welshbairn Posted November 21, 2019 Share Posted November 21, 2019 1 hour ago, Dons_1988 said: You'll never be the same again afterwards. Awful, awful experience. Not as bad as I thought though I've never felt so vulnerable in my life. God knows what women feel when they have to open up wide and let some stranger poke about in their fanny. On the plus side he found a lump so I might get out of Christmas. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Herman Hessian Posted November 21, 2019 Share Posted November 21, 2019 12 minutes ago, Melanius Mullarkey said: The continuing Americanisation of language by fuckwits. Twice today people have "reached out to me". Absolute worstcunts. you sure they weren't going to brush the hair away from your ear ? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rugster Posted November 21, 2019 Share Posted November 21, 2019 21 minutes ago, Melanius Mullarkey said: The continuing Americanisation of language by fuckwits. Twice today people have "reached out to me". Absolute worstcunts. 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bonksy+HisChristianParade Posted November 21, 2019 Share Posted November 21, 2019 WhenpeoplemakepostslikethisonTwitter 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melanius Mullarkey Posted November 21, 2019 Share Posted November 21, 2019 11 minutes ago, Bonksy+HisChristianParade said: WhenpeoplemakepostslikethisonTwitter Yes, what the f**k does that even mean? Are they sitting clapping in between each word? Are they applauding themselves? Dickheads. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pozbaird Posted November 21, 2019 Share Posted November 21, 2019 44 minutes ago, welshbairn said: God knows what women feel when they have to open up wide and let some stranger poke about in their fanny. They think ‘wish this cnut was back in Woking Pizza Express’ 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hearthammer Posted November 21, 2019 Share Posted November 21, 2019 47 minutes ago, welshbairn said: Not as bad as I thought though I've never felt so vulnerable in my life. God knows what women feel when they have to open up wide and let some stranger poke about in their fanny. On the plus side he found a lump so I might get out of Christmas. Worth getting it done, mate - despite the fact that you're lying there at your most vulnerable. The fact that a "lump" (cyst ??) was found, now means it will be treated asap and you'll be back to having the weight of worry lifted in time for your wee jaunt in January 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spring Onion Posted November 21, 2019 Share Posted November 21, 2019 1 hour ago, Melanius Mullarkey said: The continuing Americanisation of language by fuckwits. Twice today people have "reached out to me". Absolute worstcunts. I've noticed a few people recently saying "my bad" 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Venti Posted November 21, 2019 Share Posted November 21, 2019 37 minutes ago, Melanius Mullarkey said: Yes, what the f**k does that even mean? Are they sitting clapping in between each word? Are they applauding themselves? Dickheads. Heads Knees & Toes. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GordonD Posted November 21, 2019 Share Posted November 21, 2019 2 hours ago, welshbairn said: Having a prostate check up in twenty minutes. Shitting myself so it could get messy. The time to worry is when you feel him rooting about up your bum and then realise he has a hand on both of your shoulders. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
welshbairn Posted November 21, 2019 Share Posted November 21, 2019 38 minutes ago, hearthammer said: Worth getting it done, mate - despite the fact that you're lying there at your most vulnerable. The fact that a "lump" (cyst ??) was found, now means it will be treated asap and you'll be back to having the weight of worry lifted in time for your wee jaunt in January Got the leading specialist in the Highlands on the case. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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