Petty Things That Get On Your Nerves...

[sjc]

22 minutes ago, The Moonster said:

 

Agreed, being hungover is the only acceptable time.

 

14 minutes ago, Bert Raccoon said:

Or if you have a vagina.

I'd say having your entire gastric system reconstructed is also pretty reasonable excuse for pishing sitting down.

[Bert Raccoon]

17 minutes ago, sjc said:

 

I'd say having your entire gastric system reconstructed is also pretty reasonable excuse for pishing sitting down.

If it's been reconstructed into a vagina, then yes.

[Hampden Diehard]

Having a sit down pish is sometimes a welcome relief. Especially when hungover.
I wouldn’t wish to use it as my ‘main’ form of urination.

I find when I sit to pish, eg shite / pish combination, my bladder doesn't empty properly. Partly an age thing, but sitting apparently puts a bit of a kink in your plumbing, a bit like a fold in a hose.

[welshbairn]

26 minutes ago, Bert Raccoon said:

If it's been reconstructed into a vagina, then yes.

Flirt.

[Bert Raccoon]

1 minute ago, welshbairn said:

Flirt.

Every holes a goal.

[whiskychimp]

1 hour ago, The Moonster said:

 

Agreed, being hungover is the only acceptable time.

I'm putting middle of the night in there too. Acceptable as its easier than switching on the light and waking yourself up

[John Lambies Doos]

Are we taking about a short spillage when we commence pishing here which then stabilises as one stream of pish or two consistent streams of pish?

Nah, mine stabilises eventually

[John Lambies Doos]

I've had the dual stream issue before
It is more common after getting your hole ime

Ah.... Problem solved

[ah-dee]

Having a sit down pish is sometimes a welcome relief. Especially when hungover.
I wouldn’t wish to use it as my ‘main’ form of urination.

yeah i do this when hungover. just seems easier

[Sergeant Wilson]

5 hours ago, sjc said:

 

I'd say having your entire gastric system reconstructed is also pretty reasonable excuse for pishing sitting down.

That was ages ago, you're not still on about it, are you?

[GordonD]

8 hours ago, NJ2 said:

I don’t wish to discuss your old boy in detail but does it have two exits? Perhaps a gp could help with your issue here.

Better with a flute player (you must know a few) - he'll show you how to hold it.

[Hillonearth]

4 hours ago, whiskychimp said:

I'm putting middle of the night in there too. Acceptable as its easier than switching on the light and waking yourself up

I stick to standing up even then. As long as it's still making a noise you're fine.

[sjc]

1 hour ago, Sergeant Wilson said:

That was ages ago, you're not still on about it, are you?

If only it were that simple.

[sjc]

6 hours ago, Bert Raccoon said:

If it's been reconstructed into a vagina, then yes.

^^^so manly, he shits standing up.

[Zen Archer (Raconteur)]

The new Twirl adverts, the lassie is a p***k and her wannabe boyfriend is a douche.

[Shotgun]

13 hours ago, The Moonster said:

Customer: "Hi, I have an urgent breakdown, I wonder if you can help?"
Me: "Certainly, what is the equipment and what is the problem?"
Customer: "Oh, it's not your equipment, I'm just wondering if you know of any companies who can work on *our competitor* equipment?"
Me: "Eh, no. Perhaps you'll be best phoning *our competitor*"
Customer: "So you can't help me at all?"
Me: "If you want an engineer from our company for our equipment I can help you, unfortunately we don't carry out work on *our competitor* equipment"
Customer: *sighs and mumbles something under his breath* "Do you have the number for *your competitor*?"
Me: "No, I'm sure it will be on their website"
Customer: "Oh for gods sake" *slams phone down*

Ex-Customer:   Oh Shotgun, thank goodness you're there. We really need your help.
Me:   Well sorry, but I'm not sure why you're calling me. You aren't our customer anymore...you left us for our competitor. Remember?
ExC:   Right but we're really stuck.
Me:   Yes, but your new provider has to help you now. You need to call them.
ExC:   We have but they don't return our calls. Their customer service is terrible. Can't you help us?
Me:   No, I'm sorry. That wouldn't be appropriate. You need to speak to them.
ExC:   But you always gave us such good service before!
Me:   Before you left us?
ExC: <Pause> So you aren't going to help?

 

13 hours ago, The Moonster said:

If I haven't said it before (I have) then I'll say it again. People are awful.

Can't be said often enough, imo.

Edited July 26, 2018 by Shotgun

[Mallo_Madrid]

19 hours ago, The Moonster said:

 

Agreed, being hungover is the only acceptable time.

I often have a sit down piss in the middle of the night. The reason being I don't like turning the light on, otherwise I find it really difficult to get back to sleep. Sitting down prevents me pissing everywhere.

I'm that well practiced I don't really have to open my eyes at all now to releive myself.

[Tommy Nooka]

31 minutes ago, Mallo_Madrid said:

I often have a sit down piss in the middle of the night. The reason being I don't like turning the light on, otherwise I find it really difficult to get back to sleep. Sitting down prevents me pissing everywhere.

I'm that well practiced I don't really have to open my eyes at all now to releive myself.

When's your next prostate exam due? 

[rodallegabombs]

The word hero is bandied about far too freely.
Some road workers smashed a car window to free / let air in to some dogs who were locked in the car.
Now before I get a stream of vitriol from the dog lovers; they did the right thing and should be given a pat on the back for it.
But, hero...? Nah not for me.

[Tommy Nooka]

Targeted advertising that shows you stuff you've already bought.

I keep seeing adverts for a pair of trainers and some clothing I bought a couple of days ago, I'm not likely to buy them again before they've even been delivered.