Richey Edwards Posted October 5, 2017 Share Posted October 5, 2017 The fashion at my gym is a vest so low and skimpy that their nipples hang out the sides. Unfortunately it's not the ladies. Three-quarters of the reason I go to the gym is perv at scantily clad ladies. The other quarter is to tank it and hope they notice. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boghead ranter Posted October 5, 2017 Share Posted October 5, 2017 3 hours ago, NorthernJambo said: An unconventional cure but sometimes it takes something inspired to change the game. Ignore Ruggy, he’s just jealous. Your bevy’ing midweek, his mrs is galavanting to New York and throbber is taking his longsdales to Europe again while he gets to go to centre parcs. Sometimes life isn’t fair for everyone. Mods! 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NorthernJambo Posted October 5, 2017 Share Posted October 5, 2017 Mods! What? I don’t wear them! It’s throbber that cuts about in the longsdales. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mjw Posted October 5, 2017 Share Posted October 5, 2017 Davie Provan 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boghead ranter Posted October 5, 2017 Share Posted October 5, 2017 Liam McLeod. x 1M 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bobby Skidmarks Posted October 5, 2017 Share Posted October 5, 2017 8 hours ago, Melanius Mullarkey said: Not far from there actually. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sergeant Wilson Posted October 5, 2017 Share Posted October 5, 2017 1 minute ago, Bobby Skidmarks said: 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The_Notorious Posted October 5, 2017 Share Posted October 5, 2017 When the ball is punted up the park from kick off. Just giving the ball away for the sake of it! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zen Archer (Raconteur) Posted October 5, 2017 Share Posted October 5, 2017 (edited) 4 minutes ago, The_Notorious said: When the ball is punted up the park from kick off. Just giving the ball away for the sake of it! Juniors. Edited October 5, 2017 by Zen Archer 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
19QOS19 Posted October 6, 2017 Share Posted October 6, 2017 Juniors. Happen every time QoS kick off as well. Drives me off my nut. Mine for today is folk who play 5's that have absolutely no concept of how to play football. Just to be clear, I'm not even close to being a great 5s player and folk who take 5s dead serious equally piss me off. But folk who have no clue about football have no place in there. Was playing last night and a guy turned up that hasn't been before. He couldn't pass with his left foot and could only kick with the inside of his right; but he spent most of the time on the left. So whenever he tried to pass he had to completely turn his body so as to hit it with the inside of his boot. The other team picked up on it in no time and more often than not he lost it. He couldn't do any basics. And yet he stayed out wide or up top. After 10 minutes he was blowing out of his arse. Literally bent over gasping for breath. He spent about 25 minutes of the hour doing this. What was worse is he wouldn't go in goal when he was like this. He just stood at the side bent over. He was as good use as no use even when he was up. His lack of tracking back/marking was also infuriating. When he eventually went in goal he didn't seem to realise ylu were supposed to stop the ball from going in; actually diving away from the ball. 3 shots in the space of 2/3 minutes resulted in 3 goals and the c**t deciding to come back outfield! He then fucked off to the front of the pitch for 5 minutes to have a drink and when another team mate went to pass to him he put his hand up as if to say not the now! All that stuff is pretty petty but the real issue/worry with these folk is their attempts at tackles. There were a couple that were red card offences if it was a real game. Needless to say I was fizzing (internally). 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eednud Posted October 6, 2017 Share Posted October 6, 2017 Happen every time QoS kick off as well. Drives me off my nut. Mine for today is folk who play 5's that have absolutely no concept of how to play football. Just to be clear, I'm not even close to being a great 5s player and folk who take 5s dead serious equally piss me off. But folk who have no clue about football have no place in there. Was playing last night and a guy turned up that hasn't been before. He couldn't pass with his left foot and could only kick with the inside of his right; but he spent most of the time on the left. So whenever he tried to pass he had to completely turn his body so as to hit it with the inside of his boot. The other team picked up on it in no time and more often than not he lost it. He couldn't do any basics. And yet he stayed out wide or up top. After 10 minutes he was blowing out of his arse. Literally bent over gasping for breath. He spent about 25 minutes of the hour doing this. What was worse is he wouldn't go in goal when he was like this. He just stood at the side bent over. He was as good use as no use even when he was up. His lack of tracking back/marking was also infuriating. When he eventually went in goal he didn't seem to realise ylu were supposed to stop the ball from going in; actually diving away from the ball. 3 shots in the space of 2/3 minutes resulted in 3 goals and the c**t deciding to come back outfield! He then fucked off to the front of the pitch for 5 minutes to have a drink and when another team mate went to pass to him he put his hand up as if to say not the now! All that stuff is pretty petty but the real issue/worry with these folk is their attempts at tackles. There were a couple that were red card offences if it was a real game. Needless to say I was fizzing (internally). You lost then? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
19QOS19 Posted October 6, 2017 Share Posted October 6, 2017 You lost then? I don't tend to keep track of the score so honestly wouldn't know. As I say I can't stand those folk who think 5s is a World Cup Final. But folk like him are at the opposite end of the scale and are as equally annoying. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NorthernJambo Posted October 6, 2017 Share Posted October 6, 2017 folk who wear mouldies Completely surface dependent. The rest is spot on. We played in a five a side league for a couple of years and, Christ, there was folk that lived for that shit. We just chucked together a team from work and romped the league twice in a row before giving them their game back. Back of the net! 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shandon Par Posted October 6, 2017 Share Posted October 6, 2017 3 minutes ago, Bairnardo said: Thats true I stamd corrected. If you are playing on dry grass which wont take a stud then moulded boots are acceptable. If you are playing on astroturf and wear anything other than astroturf trainers you are a bell end. And if you are one of these bell ends who doesmt understand that chipping away at folks unprotected ankles whilst wearing these boots is incredibly painful then death is too good for you. Next time this happens to you, think to yourself "What would Lee Miller do?" (though you may need to have a set of steps handy to get up high enough to elbow the offender in the head). 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shandon Par Posted October 6, 2017 Share Posted October 6, 2017 Just now, Bairnardo said: I havent kicked a ball for about 4 years. I did play 5s fairly regularly up till that point but shockingly, two guys who were guilty of many of the described offences fucked it for everyone. I hope they rot in hell. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
19QOS19 Posted October 6, 2017 Share Posted October 6, 2017 Hard tackles, folk who wear mouldies, getting 1 foot into the opposing half and absolutely blasting a shot, folk who moan like f**k, folk who dont pass to those they regard as inferior players, folk who dont take their go in goals. These are the arseholes of fives. All of those things are a regular occurrence with the group I play with. I don't know why I bother! I do wear mouldies though but that's because you slip like f**k in the arena with astro boots (which I initially wore). Blades are a major grievance of mine as A) You aren't supposed to wear them in there and B) The culprit is a big clumsy b*****d and regularly catches you with them, even with no malice intended. The blasting a shot is a good shout. Absolutely no need to blast it from 6 yards out. The best finisher in there commented on this as well. He scores with almost every shot and I don't think he's ever smacked it hard. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
invergowrie arab Posted October 6, 2017 Share Posted October 6, 2017 Wraps. Straight out of packet they are like chewy tracing paper. Within 5 seconds of contacting any filling they are soggy mush. Also, it's 1030 and I have already eaten my lunchtime wraps. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rugster Posted October 6, 2017 Share Posted October 6, 2017 1 minute ago, Bairnardo said: Have you not got work to do? I wish@rugster was your boss he would set you straight. Have you got another hangover you crabbit b*****d? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NorthernJambo Posted October 6, 2017 Share Posted October 6, 2017 Thats true I stamd corrected. If you are playing on dry grass which wont take a stud then moulded boots are acceptable. If you are playing on astroturf and wear anything other than astroturf trainers you are a bell end. And if you are one of these bell ends who doesmt understand that chipping away at folks unprotected ankles whilst wearing these boots is incredibly painful then death is too good for you. 4g surfaces take a mouldie fine. Anything lesser then trainers are a must. No need to be kicking folk either. Fucking hate clumsy aresholes that aren’t in control of their bodies. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NorthernJambo Posted October 6, 2017 Share Posted October 6, 2017 Let you off then since it has been pointed out today that I have been a crabbit b*****d. And I don’t tend to kick folk. Sometimes it happens but it’s fives, settle down. Same with folk who try and block in to a corner. Just let them play out and get the game going. Keep it in the corner and stand there for the rest of the game? I fucking hate folk that play fives now you’ve got me started. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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