What's the worst thing you've ever done?

[Torpar]

In my 20s hanging out with a couple of "mates" from my team (I couldn't imagine hanging out with them if we didn't happen to play the same sport) and two 4/10 lassies. The boys were showing off and slagging each other in the way that 12 year olds do, thinking somehow this will impress the girls. The more it went on the more they just annoyed, to the point I was silently raging, decided I would finish my beer then head home. 

At the time, the rapper Professor Green has this freestyle that ended with the line "come to your party just to piss in your mouthwash". And as I was taking a piss before I left, I decided that's exactly what I'd do to the mouthwash by the sink.

Wasn't until the next day it occurred to me that he had flatmates and there was only a 1 in 4 chance that the mouthwash was actually his. 

Edited March 21, 2023 by Torpar

[Jacksgranda]

22 hours ago, anotherchance said:

Back when the internet was in its infancy I e-mailed my school and threatened to kill one of my teachers - on the surface there was absolutely no reason for it, but thinking back it was probably something psychological about wanting to be noticed/notorious as I was a bit of a geek.

Police tracked down my e-mail account/IP address, we got the knock on the door and I got the bollocking of my life. No idea how I avoided getting excluded or expelled.

Maybe the school hoped that you would kill him.

[Melanius Mullarkey]

I once emptied a pot plant into Scot Allan’s (not that one) mum’s pan of broth (steady)

They had it the next day and he said it tasted a bit gritty.

It was revenge for him beating me at 2 player Match Day so fair’s fair.

[The_Kincardine]

28 minutes ago, Melanius Mullarkay said:

I once emptied a pot plant into Scot Allan’s (not that one) mum’s pan of broth (steady)

They had it the next day and he said it tasted a bit gritty.

It was revenge for him beating me at 2 player Match Day so fair’s fair.

Poinsettia and John Innes # 1 soup from a chicken?

I don't believe it...Knorr do you...

 

[Hedgecutter]

18 hours ago, Torpar said:

In my 20s hanging out with a couple of "mates" from my team (I couldn't imagine hanging out with them if we didn't happen to play the same sport) and two 4/10 lassies. The boys were showing off and slagging each other in the way that 12 year olds do, thinking somehow this will impress the girls. The more it went on the more they just annoyed, to the point I was silently raging, decided I would finish my beer then head home. 

At the time, the rapper Professor Green...

I got this far before I got overly distracted with memories of Dundee's 'finest' (from 55 secs):

#teabagtaefuck

@Marshmallo

Edited March 22, 2023 by Hedgecutter

[The Golden God]

Called a girl a c**t in the pub when she was saying bye to us, she was friends with some of the people  I was with. In fairness she was a c**t. 
 

I have non photosensitive epilepsy and was at a flat party once which had strobe lights, I made a joke about having a seizure, everyone knew I had it but only one person knew it wasn’t photosensitive, so there was a bit of a panic. I don’t actually remember it happening either so found out a few days later and felt quite guilty. 

[philpy]

On 21/03/2023 at 19:32, Torpar said:

In my 20s hanging out with a couple of "mates" from my team (I couldn't imagine hanging out with them if we didn't happen to play the same sport) and two 4/10 lassies. The boys were showing off and slagging each other in the way that 12 year olds do, thinking somehow this will impress the girls. The more it went on the more they just annoyed, to the point I was silently raging, decided I would finish my beer then head home. 

At the time, the rapper Professor Green has this freestyle that ended with the line "come to your party just to piss in your mouthwash". And as I was taking a piss before I left, I decided that's exactly what I'd do to the mouthwash by the sink.

Wasn't until the next day it occurred to me that he had flatmates and there was only a 1 in 4 chance that the mouthwash was actually his. 

Anyone I knew of?? 

[Clangers]

Was in Florence about 20 years ago with the future Mrs Clangers, been drinking on and off all day while seeing tourists stuff and eating. Ended up get a drink in a bar/café outdoor at one of the big squares. Suddenly my guts start to go so grab a bunch of napkins (seasoned traveler) and seek the nearest convenience. I spy one down a corridor, I can’t find the lights but i am in a hurry, it’s European the probably don’t work, a few seconds later once finished I try and flush and nothing happens. It’s only then that when I open the door to reassess the situation I discover it’s actually not plumbed in as it’s a storage cupboard.

I quickly make my way outside and usher the girlfriend on to a different bar. I felt guilty a bit but at least they could take the whole thing outside and spray it down!

[Clangers]

Actually just reminded me! 10 years later I tuned up day shift very early Monday after a heavy weekend, guts start to go and look at the two toilets that have been used by 100 railway boys over the weekend! Suddenly I remember there is a disabled toilet in our Porto cabin city, it’s used as a paper storage, move the boxes and happiness. Then discovered it is also not got water, it was plumbed in as 10L of screenwash fixed the damage.

[johnnydun]

Some of the worst thing's people have done on here, isn't really that bad.

I must be an utter c**t.

Things I don't even think I could divulge, as I don't know if it could still catch up to me after 15+ years.

[welshbairn]

5 minutes ago, johnnydun said:

Some of the worst thing's people have done on here, isn't really that bad.

I must be an utter c**t.

Things I don't even think I could divulge, as I don't know if it could still catch up to me after 15+ years.

^^^ This, I doubt they've even needed to lay a patio.

[Cosmic Joe]

7 minutes ago, johnnydun said:

Some of the worst thing's people have done on here, isn't really that bad.

I must be an utter c**t.

Things I don't even think I could divulge, as I don't know if it could still catch up to me after 15+ years.

Treat this thread as a confessional. We are the collective Priest. In all liklihood you will receive absolution. 

[Clangers]

16 minutes ago, johnnydun said:

Some of the worst thing's people have done on here, isn't really that bad.

I must be an utter c**t.

Things I don't even think I could divulge, as I don't know if it could still catch up to me after 15+ years.

I think we are using this as a slight form of enjoyment. 
 

not the true guilt we might have! 
 

But if I can bought my best mate cocaine when we met up in Hong Kong and 4 hours later he was dead! Fucks me up most weeks!

[johnnydun]

15 minutes ago, Cosmic Joe said:

Treat this thread as a confessional. We are the collective Priest. In all liklihood you will receive absolution. 

 Not a chance I can give details of the worst thing's I have done, that will between me and a real Priest on my death bed.

A couple of misdemeanours I can share, when I was a teenager I was a bit of a fire bug and burned down a health club and a golf club house.

[johnnydun]

3 minutes ago, Clangers said:

I think we are using this as a slight form of enjoyment. 
 

not the true guilt we might have! 
 

But if I can bought my best mate cocaine when we met up in Hong Kong and 4 hours later he was dead! Fucks me up most weeks!

Shite mate, I hope you don't blame yourself for that. I can see how that would be high on your list of things especially if you feel a sense of guilt about it.

[tamthebam]

11 minutes ago, johnnydun said:

 Not a chance I can give details of the worst thing's I have done, that will between me and a real Priest on my death bed.

A couple of misdemeanours I can share, when I was a teenager I was a bit of a fire bug and burned down a health club and a golf club house.

The Dundee board are asking if you're doing anything on Saturday night... 

[Clangers]

Nah fucked me up completely, you have to tell guilty you killed your best mate!

 

I have tried to use it towards my family, I have devoted my love to them.

[scotfree]

On 21/03/2023 at 02:21, fuzzydunlop said:

Probably doesn't fall into the category of "worst" but was certainly funny and I did have some pangs of regret afterwards.

6th year at High School.  Wee guy in our year. He was alright but could sometimes be a smart arse.   His parents were really religious and he was always going to Bible Studies and that sorta sh*te.   So he could be a bit preachy to other folk.  

We were in 6th year at School and some of us had passed our driving tests.  This guy had fancied this lassie in our year for ages...most lads fancied her as she was pretty but also a good laugh.  However she was also into all the religious carry on so that scared a few folk off. 

One day the lad came in boasting that he was picking this girl up on Thursday night to go to a Bible Studies meeting at someone's house as a 'date'.   He'd got permission to use his mums Golf GTI to go pick her up so they could go to the meeting together.  We all assumed she was just getting a free lift but he was adamant it was a date.

As was the way, to pass the time in those days myself and few mates were out in the car driving about on the Thursday night when someone spotted him driving in the opposite direction with the girl in the car.  We decided to follow him(creepy I know) and ended up in this really posh housing estate where they were going for the bible meeting.

One of us(not me I must add) decided it would be a good idea to go back to their house, pick up some cellotape and also get a load of Sunday Sport newspapers that they'd been keeping in his shed, go back upto to where this lad had parked his car. Then we proceeded to plaster his car with pictures of tits.  Literally the whole car covered in tits.

We then sat along the road in a vantage position waiting.   Eventually he comes out with this girl...could see him pointing at the car and then he went absolutely apeshit, ripping off the newspaper and shouting.  We were parked about 6 cars away and we could hear him shouting and bawling.   Pictures of tits blowing down the street, neighbours out in the street wondering what was going, tits all over their nice gardens.... How no one heard us laughing is beyond me.

Weirdly next day at school we asked him how his night had been. He didnt mention it. We didn't own up and nothing was said about it.   He never got a second 'date' either....

 

[Zen Archer (Raconteur)]

11 hours ago, johnnydun said:

Some of the worst thing's people have done on here, isn't really that bad.

I must be an utter c**t.

Things I don't even think I could divulge, as I don't know if it could still catch up to me after 15+ years.

That bread and wine thing, the wine was a poor Merlot and the bread wasn't even sourdough.

[fuzzydunlop]

On 24/03/2023 at 08:27, scotfree said:

 

mate, you arent far from the truth...reason I liked that show so much was it was pretty much bang on with the guys I hung about with.

Still good mates with the 'Jay' character...maybe not as exaggerated as Jay but he's the guy when your at a Lap Dancing club for a Stag night who thinks the strippers fancy him.