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Living with Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder


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I know the phrase "OCD" is thrown around to describe things like someone liking to keep their home tidy etc, but that does this condition a massive disservice. Tidying your house is a productive thing to do. Washing your hands until they're raw and cracked isn't productive. Feeling that you need to do an utterly pointless thing multiple times or something bad is going to happen is not productive.

I have been living with OCD for many years, and it has manifested differently over time. It currently manifests as "checking" things numerous times. It used to manifest as handwashing like a surgeon everytime I touched something I felt was "contaminated" and flicking switches on and off for no reason. I am fully aware that it is irrational and if anyone saw me doing it they would think I am a fucking idiot. Thankfully it does not take up as much time or cause as much inconvenience as it used to. I will probably never be completely free from it, but as I have grown older I have got better at managing it.

A tactic that I usually employ is postponing. I'll wait a length of time and see if I still want to do whatever I feel compelled to do. If I still feel that I want to do it, I'll wait again. I'll usually be doing something else anyway and eventually forget to do whatever the compulsion was.

Another tactic is going somewhere that other people are, because I'm less likely to do any compulsions with other people around.

I am aware that to someone who does not understand the condition I will sound like a lunatic. However, I thought I'd make this thread to challenge that stigma and in case anyone else here had this condition.

 

Edited by Richey Edwards
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Same. I have an irrational fear of having a heart attack. It led to me constantly taking my pulse and my blood pressure. I don't exercise too vigorously and I'm agoraphobic to a degree too. 

I have had lots of other obsessions, but I won't go into them. 

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As a species, we've a tendency to attempt to identify with each other's conditions and issues, which is good, but can often lead to people dismissing difficulties. OCD's definitely something that people don't understand (I need to clean my house or I'll just go MAAAAD lol), and it doesn't help anyone to think otherwise.

ME was another one - how many times did you hear people say "I get tired too, but I just get on with it" when Yuppie Flu was all the rage in the press?

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10 hours ago, Richey Edwards said:

I know the phrase "OCD" is thrown around to describe things like someone liking to keep their home tidy etc, but that does this condition a massive disservice. Tidying your house is a productive thing to do. Washing your hands until they're raw and cracked isn't productive. Feeling that you need to do an utterly pointless thing multiple times or something bad is going to happen is not productive.

I have been living with OCD for many years, and it has manifested differently over time. It currently manifests as "checking" things numerous times. It used to manifest as handwashing like a surgeon everytime I touched something I felt was "contaminated" and flicking switches on and off for no reason. I am fully aware that it is irrational and if anyone saw me doing it they would think I am a fucking idiot. Thankfully it does not take up as much time or cause as much inconvenience as it used to. I will probably never be completely free from it, but as I have grown older I have got better at managing it.

A tactic that I usually employ is postponing. I'll wait a length of time and see if I still want to do whatever I feel compelled to do. If I still feel that I want to do it, I'll wait again. I'll usually be doing something else anyway and eventually forget to do whatever the compulsion was.

Another tactic is going somewhere that other people are, because I'm less likely to do any compulsions with other people around.

I am aware that to someone who does not understand the condition I will sound like a lunatic. However, I thought I'd make this thread to challenge that stigma and in case anyone else here had this condition.

 

My wife needs to make sure things are shut very tightly. She spends ages rattling door handles and turning taps etc while counting under her breath. It's not exactly debilitating, but it's probably more annoying for her than it is for me. 

It is pretty annoying because she's snapped taps and handles and numerous bottles and flasks have had the gasket or threads ripped. I probably should be more understanding than just shouting "it's fucking shut!" but i wouldn't know where to start. 

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My first serious long-term girlfriend had OCD, but at the time we were together she didn't know.

For her it manifested in all kinds of ways, some of them quite disturbing.

At the time, I thought she was just a bit flaky or at times not keen on me. She later told me all about it and said she'd have moments where she'd think 'Maybe he's not right for me'. While that's quite normal in a relationship (especially one with me), her brain would then go something like this:

1 - We're going to the cinema tonight. 2 - I'm not sure he's right for me. 3 - If he's not right for me, what if we go out tonight and have a good time and I forget that he's not right for me? 4 - If that happens, what if we end up married and miserable? 5 - What if I make him miserable by being married to him and miserable? 6 - We can't go to the cinema tonight, just in case. I'll tell him I'm sick.

One night she actually just burst into tears outside the cinema, completely out of nowhere, which is when I realised there was more going on than I knew. It was with reference to that event that she explained the above to me years later.

She eventually got help because she told her mum a few things, some much more serious than not being sure about her boyfriend, and her mum frog-marched her to the doctor. Once what was happening to her was explained, lots of things made sense suddenly. People often think OCD is just stuff like checking the lights etc. I'm terrible for that, I drive the missus up the wall with checking stuff is switched off etc. But, as Richey points out above, it involves thoughts and behaviours that are irrational and that cause the person (and often those around them) harm.

Edited by VincentGuerin
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One family member I know has suffered form this in the past. It manifested as being unable to sleep, worrying that the batteries in the house could start a fire. Thinking of where every battery in the house was (eg in remote controls) and worrying if they were anywhere flammable, like on a couch or carpet. 

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I don't have OCD but I get other "compulsions" from another condition, to those who don't understand the only explanation you might understand is if you are/ have been a smoker then you'll know the compulsion to have a fag is very real and gets worse until you give in. Anyone who's ever quit will probably describe it as one of the most difficult things they've ever done. that's what it's like 

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I've mentioned this before but I'm forever "cleaning" my ears whenever I walk into a bathroom. It's not even a cotton bud all the time. If I'm at work ill just jam keys in my ear whenever I visit a toilet. It's not even done concuously anymore.

I have had problems with my ears fir years and the professionals have just called it 'over sensitive hearing'. The last time I visited I was told they'd never heard of that. I think it all stems from frustration of years of lazy diagnosis.

 

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When I was in my twenties I developed the habit of checking my shirts on the rail one by one to make sure they weren't dirty.  I would often do it 3 or 4 times one after the other from the start of the rail to the end and than second-guess myself and have to do it all over again.  Crazy thing was my mother, and later my wife (not the same person) washed, ironed and hung up the shirts and that didn't put me up nor down.  Daft c**t I know. I basically grew out of it overnight when we went to Hong Kong so I guess it was related to other stuff.

My wife has a habit of checking sockets and the gas stove 3 + times before we go out.  It drives me nuts and must be worse for her.  We went on holiday pre-covid and I saw on her phone that she had taken  photos of the sockets and gas cylinder before we left.  She wasn't like this before as far as I can recall so I'm not sure what happened.  There was a family tragedy 2or3 years back when an aunt and one of her sons (18 or 19) died in a house fire, with another son also in it but managed to save himself so that won't have helped (understatement of the year I know) but she already had this habit before that.  

 

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7 hours ago, effeffsee_the2nd said:

I don't have OCD but I get other "compulsions" from another condition, to those who don't understand the only explanation you might understand is if you are/ have been a smoker then you'll know the compulsion to have a fag is very real and gets worse until you give in. Anyone who's ever quit will probably describe it as one of the most difficult things they've ever done. that's what it's like 

Isn't that more a physical need due to addiction though?  

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21 minutes ago, hk blues said:

When I was in my twenties I developed the habit of checking my shirts on the rail one by one to make sure they weren't dirty.  I would often do it 3 or 4 times one after the other from the start of the rail to the end and than second-guess myself and have to do it all over again.  Crazy thing was my mother, and later my wife (not the same person) washed, ironed and hung up the shirts and that didn't put me up nor down.  Daft c**t I know. I basically grew out of it overnight when we went to Hong Kong so I guess it was related to other stuff.

My wife has a habit of checking sockets and the gas stove 3 + times before we go out.  It drives me nuts and must be worse for her.  We went on holiday pre-covid and I saw on her phone that she had taken  photos of the sockets and gas cylinder before we left.  She wasn't like this before as far as I can recall so I'm not sure what happened.  There was a family tragedy 2or3 years back when an aunt and one of her sons (18 or 19) died in a house fire, with another son also in it but managed to save himself so that won't have helped (understatement of the year I know) but she already had this habit before that.  

 

I do the sockets/ cooker thing countless times before I leave the apartment and before I go to bed and also take photos ( before leaving the apartment that is not before bed though, that would be mental) some days are better than others, some days I hate myself for it and others I just laugh to myself at the ridiculousness of it all, I also have to check that doors are locked and closed properly which can be quite a challenge with my job as I have the keys for my clients apartments and I'm in and out of folks houses everyday.

I've learned to live with it over the years but it can be hard work at times.

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11 minutes ago, stevieKTID said:

I do the sockets/ cooker thing countless times before I leave the apartment and before I go to bed and also take photos ( before leaving the apartment that is not before bed though, that would be mental) some days are better than others, some days I hate myself for it and others I just laugh to myself at the ridiculousness of it all, I also have to check that doors are locked and closed properly which can be quite a challenge with my job as I have the keys for my clients apartments and I'm in and out of folks houses everyday.

I've learned to live with it over the years but it can be hard work at times.

The wife only did it (the photo thing) the one time when we were going on holiday but who knows, she may progress.  I hope that by mildly hassling her about it she won't allow it to get worse.  She doesn't really do the door thing, at least no more than the average.

As I said, I snapped out of my habit almost overnight so there is hope that a switch will flick for you guys too.  

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7 minutes ago, hk blues said:

The wife only did it (the photo thing) the one time when we were going on holiday but who knows, she may progress.  I hope that by mildly hassling her about it she won't allow it to get worse.  She doesn't really do the door thing, at least no more than the average.

As I said, I snapped out of my habit almost overnight so there is hope that a switch will flick for you guys too.  

The photos thing actually gave me a chuckle the other day - I get updates from Google photos of similar shots and memories, usually it's holiday photos or photos of the dogs I walk but the other day it was a collage of photos of my f**kin cooker, I had to laugh, anyway I should start my checks and head off to work....this could take some time.

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12 minutes ago, stevieKTID said:

The photos thing actually gave me a chuckle the other day - I get updates from Google photos of similar shots and memories, usually it's holiday photos or photos of the dogs I walk but the other day it was a collage of photos of my f**kin cooker, I had to laugh, anyway I should start my checks and head off to work....this could take some time.

I'd love to upload this to my wife's Google photos just for the giggles -

Overloaded Socket, Image & Photo (Free Trial) | Bigstock

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I developed mild OCD when I was really depressed about 10-15 years ago. Mine mostly revolved around housework and tidiness, and although I've almost completely recovered from it there is still some residual hangover in terms of habits and things I can/can not tolerate. At it's worst, I'd vacuum the entire flat, put the vacuum cleaner away, then notice a speck of dust or something in the middle of the floor, and have to get the vacuum out again and re-do the entire thing. I was also on constant bin patrol and used to tear into the missus for putting glass jars in the waste bin rather than recycling etc.

I'm not debilitated by it any more, but there are still times it rears it's head. I'm obsessive about locking my front door. I know it's a thing that most people will be careful with, but when I leave my home there's a routine I do so that I can 'imprint' a clear, distinct memory of physically locking the door, otherwise I obsess constantly about whether I did actually lock it or not. There are times I've had to turn around or go home to check it because I've been so distracted by the thought that I haven't.

I'm still a bit of a tyrant around the house, but I think this stems from the fact that I associate falling standards of cleanliness and tidiness with being ill. My psychology is such that I fear that if I don't stay on top of things then it'll lead to me becoming really ill again, even though rationally I know that's arse about face and the slovenliness is a symptom of illness and not the cause. There's nothing rational about OCD though, so I try not to spend too much time thinking about it. It is a big part of the reason why I will never consider living with another person again though. It's a nightmare for them having me tearing around getting more and more wound up, but it also drives me to distraction living with what I perceive as absolute chaos even though it's just the typical amount of mess created by every day living.

Part of that is down to autism, part of it the OCD. I live in a completely minimalist way because things like ornaments, sentimental souvenirs, photos, and wall art are meaningless for me and I just see them as pointless clutter that makes it more difficult to keep the place clean and tidy, but I realise they are normal for most folk and it would be unfair for me to expect someone else to live by my rules while sharing their home with me. It would make me ill and unhappy though, so it's a no go.

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