Update On Hoose Rice

[scottsdad]

14 hours ago, Hoose Rice said:

Mate, in all honesty and I swear it on my children I would have cards made by the kids, flowers on the table to see a present or ten wrapped up so she can share that moment with the kids opening them.  I didn't get so much as a card, 4 days after going into a mental ward in hospital and when I got upset about it I was told I'm manipulative,  lying to suit my agenda (what agenda, I tried to die ffs) and she was busy and I was an inpatient so it didn't matter.   8 years, three children and I mean nothing to her apart from her somehow seeing me as an enemy when all I tried for the last 18 tiresome months was to please her enough to try get my family back.

I'm being honest it's the end for me and it's scary but going forward my head is more clear than it's been for years.   I don't wish to argue upset or hurt the kids mum I just don't want her as part of my life as humanly possible and I'll be there for my children to teach them, when I can being bitter and twisted like her because she didn't know her own dad isn't the way to live life and I pray to god they are kind and thoughtful as much as my parents are.  

I have seen situations like this, with my wife and her first husband. He used their daughter ruthlessly when she was wee and we always, always lost out. The big difference was that we ever said a bad word about her dad, whilst he and his family slagged us off at every turn. 

Now, aged 22, she lives 5 minutes from us and is building a new relationship with us. She decided a year ago to distance herself from her dad as he was toxic. 

What I am trying to say is : things might hurt now, and will for a long time. But kids know how their parents are, both to themselves and to each other. Show the kids love, be polite and civil to your ex even if that hurts, and trust me, they will know deep down that you are a genuine good guy. 

[djchapsticks]

Rough as it is just now mate, kids grow up, they open their eyes to the entire situation and ultimately, they'll understand.

All you can do is keep being there, keep plugging away, never badmouthing anyone that they live or regularly interact with that has any animosity to you, regardless of how difficult that is. If someone is a shite person, it's only a matter of time before the true colours will shine through.

You need to be there though, taking their old man away from them is the 100% worst thing you could do to them so you owe it to both you and them to be an influence in their lives.

There is happiness and the potential to be content out there bud, it will come back around.

[FK1Bairn]

15 hours ago, Hoose Rice said:

Mate, in all honesty and I swear it on my children I would have cards made by the kids, flowers on the table to see a present or ten wrapped up so she can share that moment with the kids opening them.  I didn't get so much as a card, 4 days after going into a mental ward in hospital and when I got upset about it I was told I'm manipulative,  lying to suit my agenda (what agenda, I tried to die ffs) and she was busy and I was an inpatient so it didn't matter.   8 years, three children and I mean nothing to her apart from her somehow seeing me as an enemy when all I tried for the last 18 tiresome months was to please her enough to try get my family back.

I'm being honest it's the end for me and it's scary but going forward my head is more clear than it's been for years.   I don't wish to argue upset or hurt the kids mum I just don't want her as part of my life as humanly possible and I'll be there for my children to teach them, when I can being bitter and twisted like her because she didn't know her own dad isn't the way to live life and I pray to god they are kind and thoughtful as much as my parents are.  

I missed the post that kicked this all off for you. I'm delighted to hear you're in a better place thanks to the assistance you've been given as a result of this forum. 

See the stuff you say about your ex, all I will say is that if the roles were reversed you'd be getting called all the names under the sun. Don't do that yourself, rise above it. It will be hard but have as little contact with her as possible, you only have to be civil to her for the kids sake. 

Take care of yourself and take it one step at a time. 

[Jacksgranda]

8 hours ago, velo army said:

A bacchanalian orgy might be just the thing to lift his spirits tbf.

 

It would certainly lift something...

[bennett]

Glad to see you are on the mend and posting again Hoose Rice,  there's a lot of people out there who can empathise and will help if you need it.

 

Things will get better.

 

[ParsJake]

I'll just leave this here for you, Hoose Rice.  Belated birthday wishes.

[101]

On 26/05/2022 at 21:24, Hoose Rice said:

Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

i wasn't expected to be found, it wasn't why I posted.

It ultimately saved my life though and in return I will do whatever it takes to get myself better and that began today in a scary ward.

I'm going to log off from here at the moment, I will read kind messages in time and will get back each and every one.  IT's a little overbearing in general.  

Thank you so much p&b, and although I was gutted to wake up/be found now I see this as a massive godsend.

Thank you to whoever called the police.  You've literally saved my life.

Much love xx

Great to see you back posting HR! Take each day one at a time.

All the best!

[Hoose Rice]

On 04/06/2022 at 09:50, scottsdad said:

I have seen situations like this, with my wife and her first husband. He used their daughter ruthlessly when she was wee and we always, always lost out. The big difference was that we ever said a bad word about her dad, whilst he and his family slagged us off at every turn. 

Now, aged 22, she lives 5 minutes from us and is building a new relationship with us. She decided a year ago to distance herself from her dad as he was toxic. 

What I am trying to say is : things might hurt now, and will for a long time. But kids know how their parents are, both to themselves and to each other. Show the kids love, be polite and civil to your ex even if that hurts, and trust me, they will know deep down that you are a genuine good guy. 

Sounds exactly the same situation as I'm in.  Even relate to her family part who think I'm a bad guy despite going above and beyond. 

My kids aren't daft, they know the love I have for them and I'm the kind one (when both us should be I suppose) I don't badmouth her and tried everything to make it all work.  

When you tell someone how you feel and they use it against you it's horrible.  Feel let down with the hospital that I dropped my guard with too and with Crisis council team who make it as hard as possible for you to get a little assistance.  I wasn't expecting a lot but having to hand in bank statements (which I can't do as I can hardly walk and anxiety is through the roof) for a foodbank referral or a little financial help is shite.  Especially when I know loads of people that rip the system and it's never questioned.  I work full time and hit rock bottom, it's hard to reach out for help in any capacity let alone something like that admitting you've failed. 

Onwards and upwards though.  Short term pain for long term gain.

If anyone is ever experiencing anything similar to what I've been going through I'm always here for a chat or some advice in fact that kind of thing would make my day as all I've ever tried to do is try help people be it work or personal and just be liked (something so difficult to say because I feel like a sad bassa)

[Hoose Rice]

On 04/06/2022 at 19:05, 101 said:

Great to see you back posting HR! Take each day one at a time.

All the best!

Thanks Bro' that's exactly the plan

[Hoose Rice]

On 04/06/2022 at 13:12, bennett said:

Glad to see you are on the mend and posting again Hoose Rice,  there's a lot of people out there who can empathise and will help if you need it.

 

Things will get better.

 

Cheers mate.  You're a good guy

[RH33]

4 minutes ago, Hoose Rice said:

Sounds exactly the same situation as I'm in.  Even relate to her family part who think I'm a bad guy despite going above and beyond. 

My kids aren't daft, they know the love I have for them and I'm the kind one (when both us should be I suppose) I don't badmouth her and tried everything to make it all work.  

When you tell someone how you feel and they use it against you it's horrible.  Feel let down with the hospital that I dropped my guard with too and with Crisis council team who make it as hard as possible for you to get a little assistance.  I wasn't expecting a lot but having to hand in bank statements (which I can't do as I can hardly walk and anxiety is through the roof) for a foodbank referral or a little financial help is shite.  Especially when I know loads of people that rip the system and it's never questioned.  I work full time and hit rock bottom, it's hard to reach out for help in any capacity let alone something like that admitting you've failed. 

Onwards and upwards though.  Short term pain for long term gain.

If anyone is ever experiencing anything similar to what I've been going through I'm always here for a chat or some advice in fact that kind of thing would make my day as all I've ever tried to do is try help people be it work or personal and just be liked (something so difficult to say because I feel like a sad bassa)

I think @Day of the Lords might be able give you some pointers on benefits stuff. 

I thought I'd been a good parent, given my kids everything I could. My son left for school almost three weeks ago and hasn't been back here or replied to a message since. It's heartbreaking.

Sadly you're experiences of acute services are the norm. Lack signposting to help, simple things beauricratic nightmare.

Happy chuck £20 into pot for you so you can order an online food shop. It's my saving grace in rough times.

[The Equalizer]

On 03/06/2022 at 10:53, Hoose Rice said:

Mate, in all honesty and I swear it on my children I would have cards made by the kids, flowers on the table to see a present or ten wrapped up so she can share that moment with the kids opening them.  I didn't get so much as a card, 4 days after going into a mental ward in hospital and when I got upset about it I was told I'm manipulative,  lying to suit my agenda (what agenda, I tried to die ffs) and she was busy and I was an inpatient so it didn't matter.   8 years, three children and I mean nothing to her apart from her somehow seeing me as an enemy when all I tried for the last 18 tiresome months was to please her enough to try get my family back.

I'm being honest it's the end for me and it's scary but going forward my head is more clear than it's been for years.   I don't wish to argue upset or hurt the kids mum I just don't want her as part of my life as humanly possible and I'll be there for my children to teach them, when I can being bitter and twisted like her because she didn't know her own dad isn't the way to live life and I pray to god they are kind and thoughtful as much as my parents are.  

I split up with my ex wife over 2 yrs ago and for about 6 months I was a disaster. She just arbitrarily took my money while I sunk deeper into debt and depression trying to figure out a way to put my family back together., all the while she plotted her little foray into singledom, then she decides she wants to start dating other people.

I couldn't believe it. I had moved half way across the world to start a family with this woman and she wanted to chuck in the towel at the first sign of trouble. I thought I'd hit rock bottom but the next 12 months saw me lose my job and get diagnosed with Luekemia.

 

It took me almost a year to figure out that I wasn't still in love with her, I just confused my guilt and sorrow over the break up of the family unit with feelings for her.

Fast forward till today, My 2 boys want to spend every minute with me and I'm more than happy to take them on days that aren't mine. Now I'm in remission, have a great job. Have cash on the hip, just kicked cancers arse and I'm shagging for Scotland. 

She is miserable and is counting the consequences of her choices from 2 yrs ago.

 

You can't fake love and devotion. The truth always outs where the kids are concerned. It will get better mate.

 

 

Edited June 6, 2022 by The Equalizer

[Hoose Rice]

6 minutes ago, The Equalizer said:

I split up with my ex wife over 2 yrs ago and for about 6 months I was a disaster. She just arbitrarily took my money while I sunk deeper into debt and depression trying to figure out a way to put my family back together., all the while she plotted her little foray into singledom, then she decides she wants to start dating other people.

I couldn't believe it. I had moved half way across the world to start a family with this woman and she wanted to chuck in the towel at the first sign of trouble. I thought I'd hit rock bottom but the next 12 months saw me lose my job and get diagnosed with Luekemia.

 

It took me almost a year to figure out that I wasn't still in love with her, I just confused my guilt and sorrow over the break up of the family unit with feelings for her.

Fast forward till today, My 2 boys want to spend every minute with me and I'm more than happy to take them on days that aren't mine. Now I'm in remission, have a great job. Have cash on the hip, just kicked cancers arse and I'm shagging for Scotland. 

She is miserable and is counting the consequences of her choices from 2 yrs ago.

 

You can't fake love and devotion. The truth always outs where the kids are concerned. It will get better mate.

 

 

Thanks mate.  It took me until last week that this lady who I've given my all to didn't care much anymore and it's gone.  Makes things easier to deal with.  

FK her, no more nice dinners for her even when I'm not around.  I literally hope she starts liking hoose rice

[Hoose Rice]

23 minutes ago, RH33 said:

I think @Day of the Lords might be able give you some pointers on benefits stuff. 

I thought I'd been a good parent, given my kids everything I could. My son left for school almost three weeks ago and hasn't been back here or replied to a message since. It's heartbreaking.

Sadly you're experiences of acute services are the norm. Lack signposting to help, simple things beauricratic nightmare.

Happy chuck £20 into pot for you so you can order an online food shop. It's my saving grace in rough times.

 

That's brutal mate, you don't know what your wee man is being told about you that's pish and if it's anything like my kids they are scared of their mum and getting in contact with you regardless of how desperate they are too they don't want to upset/get phone taken off them/told to piss off when looking for an add on for playstation.

Thanks so much for the kind generosity mate, I'm in that much financial shite I would have no way of guaranteeing when could repay and I would feel so guilt.  It's really appreciated though

[Benjamin_Nevis]

2 hours ago, Hoose Rice said:

and with Crisis council team who make it as hard as possible for you to get a little assistance.  I wasn't expecting a lot but having to hand in bank statements (which I can't do as I can hardly walk and anxiety is through the roof) for a foodbank referral or a little financial help is shite.  Especially when I know loads of people that rip the system and it's never questioned.  I work full time and hit rock bottom, it's hard to reach out for help in any capacity let alone something like that admitting you've failed. 

Onwards and upwards though.  Short term pain for long term gain.

If anyone is ever experiencing anything similar to what I've been going through I'm always here for a chat or some advice in fact that kind of thing would make my day as all I've ever tried to do is try help people be it work or personal and just be liked (something so difficult to say because I feel like a sad bassa)

Is that your local authority's Scottish Welfare Fund team? Asking for bank statements is a bit OTT. Christ. 

As @RH33 says fire me a DM if you need some pointers re benefits and/or debt stuff

All the best man

[Hoose Rice]

8 minutes ago, Day of the Lords said:

Is that your local authority's Scottish Welfare Fund team? Asking for bank statements is a bit OTT. Christ. 

As @RH33 says fire me a DM if you need some pointers re benefits and/or debt stuff

All the best man

Yeah, they rejected my application because I've no internet banking at the moment as i've not updated my number for a one time password to my phone.

 

Mr xxx



Dear.....

SCOTTISH WELFARE FUND

Property address: 
Scottish Welfare Fund reference: 
Thank you for contacting my office.

ABOUT YOUR APPLICATION FOR A CRISIS GRANT

This letter gives you our decision on your recent application for a Crisis Grant.

Date of your application: 04/06/2022
A decision has been made about your application

I am sorry to inform you that we cannot make an award to you.
You made an application to the Scottish Welfare Fund (SWF) for £120 for food and electricity due to you spending your money on your children's birthdays and your everyday expenses.

Reason: Eligibility
You are not eligible for a grant because you have not given us some information that we asked you for and which we need to process your application.

I contacted you via email this morning as I required some additional information to consider an award to you. I required a 28 day bank statement so I could see your latest pay going in and then it being spent on the items you advised in your application.

You advised me that you were unable to send these supporting evidences and, unfortunately, I am unable to consider an award without these. This is because you received your most recent pay a week before your application and without the evidence I requested, I am unable to make an informed decision on your application.

Edited June 6, 2022 by Hoose Rice

[Hoose Rice]

Just now, Hoose Rice said:

Yeah, they rejected my application because I've no internet banking at the moment as i've not updated my number for a one time password to my phone.

 

Mr xxx



Dear.....

SCOTTISH WELFARE FUND

Property address: 
Scottish Welfare Fund reference: 
Thank you for contacting my office.

ABOUT YOUR APPLICATION FOR A CRISIS GRANT

This letter gives you our decision on your recent application for a Crisis Grant.

Date of your application: 04/06/2022
A decision has been made about your application

I am sorry to inform you that we cannot make an award to you.
You made an application to the Scottish Welfare Fund (SWF) for £120 for food and electricity due to you spending your money on your children's birthdays and your everyday expenses.

Reason: Eligibility
You are not eligible for a grant because you have not given us some information that we asked you for and which we need to process your application.

I contacted you via email this morning as I required some additional information to consider an award to you. I required a 28 day bank statement so I could see your latest pay going in and then it being spent on the items you advised in your application.

You advised me that you were unable to send these supporting evidences and, unfortunately, I am unable to consider an award without these. This is because you received your most recent pay a week before your application and without the evidence I requested, I am unable to make an informed decision on your application.

I appreciate they have asked because I've been paid recently but when all you are thinking about is seeing your children on their birthdays and you are in hospital because you are suicidal, not thinking correctly and on lots of medication you are going to send anything you have to see your kids and don't even think about the consequences.  I advised this also and still got rejected.  They gave a number to call and you get a message saying it doesn't work because of staff shortages.

I wasn't even asking much either man.  The alternative is probably getting myself in further debt to last the month and I even said that.  It's scunnering when I know people lie to the social/universal credit.  I work, pay taxes and just wanted a little help at a really tough time.   I want to forget it though because it's upsetting the now that it's not a personal opinion or compassion, just bolt and that's that. 

[Benjamin_Nevis]

5 minutes ago, Hoose Rice said:

Yeah, they rejected my application because I've no internet banking at the moment as i've not updated my number for a one time password to my phone.

 

Mr xxx



Dear.....

SCOTTISH WELFARE FUND

Property address: 
Scottish Welfare Fund reference: 
Thank you for contacting my office.

ABOUT YOUR APPLICATION FOR A CRISIS GRANT

This letter gives you our decision on your recent application for a Crisis Grant.

Date of your application: 04/06/2022
A decision has been made about your application

I am sorry to inform you that we cannot make an award to you.
You made an application to the Scottish Welfare Fund (SWF) for £120 for food and electricity due to you spending your money on your children's birthdays and your everyday expenses.

Reason: Eligibility
You are not eligible for a grant because you have not given us some information that we asked you for and which we need to process your application.

I contacted you via email this morning as I required some additional information to consider an award to you. I required a 28 day bank statement so I could see your latest pay going in and then it being spent on the items you advised in your application.

You advised me that you were unable to send these supporting evidences and, unfortunately, I am unable to consider an award without these. This is because you received your most recent pay a week before your application and without the evidence I requested, I am unable to make an informed decision on your application.

f**k's sakes, they sound worse than our lot

You can ask for a review of the decision - cite the mental health situation if you haven't already. If you're able to get your number/passcode sorted out quickly, do that and send it with your review request, if not tell them you can't get a passcode for 5 working days (which is likely anyway) during which time you'll have no food, electric, gas etc. Lay it on thick if you have to and don't feel bad about it.

SWF teams can be absolute wankers - I had to complain about one of ours a while back over a refusal to award a CG for transport costs for a chaotic lad to go to Roxburghe House Hospice to see his dying girlfriend because "What if i award him £100 and she dies tomorrow". Some of them behave like it's their own money they're giving out. 

 

[hearthammer]

4 minutes ago, Hoose Rice said:

I appreciate they have asked because I've been paid recently but when all you are thinking about is seeing your children on their birthdays and you are in hospital because you are suicidal, not thinking correctly and on lots of medication you are going to send anything you have to see your kids and don't even think about the consequences.  I advised this also and still got rejected.  They gave a number to call and you get a message saying it doesn't work because of staff shortages.

I wasn't even asking much either man.  The alternative is probably getting myself in further debt to last the month and I even said that.  It's scunnering when I know people lie to the social/universal credit.  I work, pay taxes and just wanted a little help at a really tough time.   I want to forget it though because it's upsetting the now that it's not a personal opinion or compassion, just bolt and that's that. 

These people work from either a script or a "criteria" list.  There's no personal input relating to your specific circumstances.  Keep pestering them mate and, if necessary, demand a review by a "superior" to properly evaluate your situation.

 

ps, had a mega bad time many years ago and can relate to (altho' different circumstances) the situation you've been through.  Stay strong brother and if things take a wee dip at any point in the future, then you know that the non-judgmental brethren here on P & B are here to help you.

[Hoose Rice]

3 minutes ago, hearthammer said:

These people work from either a script or a "criteria" list.  There's no personal input relating to your specific circumstances.  Keep pestering them mate and, if necessary, demand a review by a "superior" to properly evaluate your situation.

 

ps, had a mega bad time many years ago and can relate to (altho' different circumstances) the situation you've been through.  Stay strong brother and if things take a wee dip at any point in the future, then you know that the non-judgmental brethren here on P & B are here to help you.

I'm off work just now and in contacting everyone mode I'm definitely going to keep doing so.

Thanks mate that's appreciated, I'm a shy person but because of circumstances here (saving my life ffs) I feel I can be open which is weird.

You ever get back to how you was at in the past and god willing it won't ever be - message me.