Non Monogomous Relationships

[Satoshi]

I saw this being discussed a bit in the Will Smith thread and thought it might warrant it's own thread.

There was a time where non monogomy was a fringe movement befitting of a Louis Theroux documentary where he looks puzzled (all the way back in 2018). Recently it has become gradually more mainstream with celebrities disclosing they are in NMRs, as well as featuring in Channel 4s Open House (which I haven't watched, and won't).

I am sure there are multiple reasons why it's more popular but for me two stand out - social norms gradually becoming more liberal and the internet acting as a means of bringing previously fringe groups together (as well as increasing awareness of subcultures).

NMRs can range from throuples, cuckolding and swinging (as well as many, many others I'm sure. And I'm equally sure not everyone will agree with examples).

From a historical and anthropological perspective there is a decent amount of evidence that non monogomy has been practised in many societies link - and possibly linked to the idea that a village raises a child (in case it is unclear who the father is).

There is also some evidence that increasing rates of veneral disease gradaully led to more monogomous relationships - link 

There is also a clear link between some polygmous socieities and increased rates of violence - link - with the idea being that in countries where rich men can take many wives, this leaves a lot of unsatisfied young men who are more likely to be drawn into violence.

Has any P&Ber ever been involved in a non monogomous relationship? Will anyone use this thread to open the conversation with excellent / disastrous results? 

From my perspective, I have been invovled in both monogmous and non monogmous relationships. Some relationships have ended because I haven't wanted to commit to monogomy (which is absolutely fair enough). Currently I'm in a monogomus relationship but as per mutual preference this may change - I'm fairly relaxed either way. 

Monogomy is still the standard around the world and I really don't expect this to change any time soon. If you are in a monogomous relationships and both parties are happy then great - no need to change. I think society will generally become more open to those leading alternative lifestyles - and avoid the lazy judgment that just because people are non monogomus doesn't mean they care any less about their partner (as was implied in the case of Will Smith).

https://medium.com/@aplusapp/what-is-a-renewable-marriage-contract-and-should-you-consider-one-1c1be2d1ca62 (not really that related, but I find the concept interesting).

https://www.bbc.com/worklife/article/20220301-does-solo-polyamory-mean-having-it-all 

[beefybake]

Not sure that the attention seeking so-called lives of celebs, Hollywood or oherwise, are examples I wish to follow.

Ditto just about anything on Channel 4 concerning sex/relationships..., eg, Naked Attraction.

In terms of Western societies, polyamory is really just a glossed over version of "... we're not really that committed.... "

[Tony Ferrino]

8 minutes ago, beefybake said:

Not sure that the attention seeking so-called lives of celebs, Hollywood or oherwise, are examples I wish to follow.

Ditto just about anything on Channel 4 concerning sex/relationships..., eg, Naked Attraction.

In terms of Western societies, polyamory is really just a glossed over version of "... we're not really that committed.... "

‘Polyamory’ will be on CBeebies soon.

#wokebritain #defundthebbc #rangers

[BFTD]

I think the idea with Will Smith is that his missus decided she didn't want to be in a monogamous relationship anymore, and that he's had to lump it. Would explain his unreasonable response to somebody taking an ignorant crack at her lack of hair.

One of my ex-wife's mates has been in a "thruple" for more than a decade - he's had kids with both of his wives, and they refer to both women as "mom". Putting aside the obvious sexual and emotional parts, it does sound quite nice to know that you've got another adult around for support if you're ill or whatever. Folk should be able to do what they want IMO, so long as everybody knows the score and is comfortable with it. Recipe for disaster otherwise.

I seem to remember Kilt entering into an, erm, interesting three-way relationship at one point  

[RH33]

Variety is the spice of life. I'd get bored with the same plaything all the time!

[ICTChris]

 

Edited April 3, 2022 by ICTChris

[Left Back]

Having to deal with one womans batshit mental behaviour is bad enough.  f**k volunteering for a double helping.

Edited April 3, 2022 by Left Back

[Derry Alli]

I have been in one. It wasn't particularly enjoyable. We both slept about apart and together and jealousy wasn't really a thing. From my point of view I never really fully 'cared' about what she was upto or what was happening in her life. Its strange. I still love her to bits but as a relationship it will or would not ever, ever work for me. 

Still text her for my hole this morning though.

[Rugster]

19 minutes ago, ICTChris said:

 

 

Best scene of the entire series. 

[Newbornbairn]

I've been in a non-monogomous relationship. Didn't know it at the time but.

[Satoshi]

56 minutes ago, beefybake said:

Not sure that the attention seeking so-called lives of celebs, Hollywood or oherwise, are examples I wish to follow.

Ditto just about anything on Channel 4 concerning sex/relationships..., eg, Naked Attraction.

In terms of Western societies, polyamory is really just a glossed over version of "... we're not really that committed.... "

In what societies would it not be classed as this?

I actually think Western societies are more likely to be open to this than other parts of the world.

For me, people in Non Monogomous relationships can be very committed to their primary partner (if they have one) it takes a lot of trust to allow your partner to meet other people and still believe they will want to stay with you. 

[Bonksy+HisChristianParade]

51 minutes ago, RH33 said:

Variety is the spice of life. I'd get bored with the same plaything all the time!

[beefybake]

11 minutes ago, Satoshi said:

In what societies would it not be classed as this?

I actually think Western societies are more likely to be open to this than other parts of the world.

For me, people in Non Monogomous relationships can be very committed to their primary partner (if they have one) it takes a lot of trust to allow your partner to meet other people and still believe they will want to stay with you. 

From your original post, it's fairly obvious that you've 'read the book', and are viewing the subject from an intellectual standpoint.

[Miguel Sanchez]

1 hour ago, BFTD said:

I think the idea with Will Smith is that his missus decided she didn't want to be in a monogamous relationship anymore, and that he's had to lump it.

This was my recollection of one of the particularly sad situations witnessed in the Louis Theroux episode mentioned in the OP.

[coprolite]

1 hour ago, Satoshi said:

In what societies would it not be classed as this?

I actually think Western societies are more likely to be open to this than other parts of the world.

 

Maybe for women. 

We're way behind the arabs on polygamy for men. 

[Jambomo]

3 hours ago, Satoshi said:

I saw this being discussed a bit in the Will Smith thread and thought it might warrant it's own thread.

There was a time where non monogomy was a fringe movement befitting of a Louis Theroux documentary where he looks puzzled (all the way back in 2018). Recently it has become gradually more mainstream with celebrities disclosing they are in NMRs, as well as featuring in Channel 4s Open House (which I haven't watched, and won't).

I am sure there are multiple reasons why it's more popular but for me two stand out - social norms gradually becoming more liberal and the internet acting as a means of bringing previously fringe groups together (as well as increasing awareness of subcultures).

NMRs can range from throuples, cuckolding and swinging (as well as many, many others I'm sure. And I'm equally sure not everyone will agree with examples).

From a historical and anthropological perspective there is a decent amount of evidence that non monogomy has been practised in many societies link - and possibly linked to the idea that a village raises a child (in case it is unclear who the father is).

There is also some evidence that increasing rates of veneral disease gradaully led to more monogomous relationships - link 

There is also a clear link between some polygmous socieities and increased rates of violence - link - with the idea being that in countries where rich men can take many wives, this leaves a lot of unsatisfied young men who are more likely to be drawn into violence.

Has any P&Ber ever been involved in a non monogomous relationship? Will anyone use this thread to open the conversation with excellent / disastrous results? 

From my perspective, I have been invovled in both monogmous and non monogmous relationships. Some relationships have ended because I haven't wanted to commit to monogomy (which is absolutely fair enough). Currently I'm in a monogomus relationship but as per mutual preference this may change - I'm fairly relaxed either way. 

Monogomy is still the standard around the world and I really don't expect this to change any time soon. If you are in a monogomous relationships and both parties are happy then great - no need to change. I think society will generally become more open to those leading alternative lifestyles - and avoid the lazy judgment that just because people are non monogomus doesn't mean they care any less about their partner (as was implied in the case of Will Smith).

https://medium.com/@aplusapp/what-is-a-renewable-marriage-contract-and-should-you-consider-one-1c1be2d1ca62 (not really that related, but I find the concept interesting).

https://www.bbc.com/worklife/article/20220301-does-solo-polyamory-mean-having-it-all 

I am sure there are plenty of couples who can go into a non-monogamous relationship, but these couple usually agree it from the start and have pretty clear rules/boundaries to keep themselves happy. It’s also the case that both partners are totally into it as an idea and do fully care about each other.

There are many more in what I think is the position of Will Smith. One partner is bored and wants to sleep around (or already is) and either wants essentially permission to cheat or a way of bringing it into the open. The other partner doesn’t want to lose their partner and by extension their whole life, by standing up to them so agrees to “open” the relationship whilst pretty clearly not actually either liking it nor wanting it. Usually ends in splitting up and divorce because they can’t take the pain.

I think that’s why you hear about it more tbh, more people use it as a cover excuse to cheat, but also it has just a lot of people shouting about it. Whether it’s genuinely increased or not is probably debatable as I’m not sure there’s much data around it tbh.

Edited April 3, 2022 by Jambomo

[Granny Danger]

5 hours ago, coprolite said:

Maybe for women. 

We're way behind the arabs on polygamy for men. 

Should support Dundee’s big team then.

[Satoshi]

16 hours ago, beefybake said:

From your original post, it's fairly obvious that you've 'read the book', and are viewing the subject from an intellectual standpoint.

There's no book on it that I'm aware of, I've only read a few articles on it.

15 hours ago, oaksoft said:

Non-monogamy has never been a fringe thing at all.

It was just all happening in private and kept quiet.

Things are not much different today, even if a handful of celebs want to paint themselves as somehow more enlightened by discussing it in public.

So in your view it'sm no more prevelant than it was in the past but now people are more open about it?

Fair enough, not a position I would agree. For me it is becoming more prevelant and more talked about (which exists in a cycle).

15 hours ago, coprolite said:

Maybe for women. 

We're way behind the arabs on polygamy for men. 

Indeed, and there's many obvious reasons why polyamgy focused on one gender will not work.

14 hours ago, Jambomo said:

I am sure there are plenty of couples who can go into a non-monogamous relationship, but these couple usually agree it from the start and have pretty clear rules/boundaries to keep themselves happy. It’s also the case that both partners are totally into it as an idea and do fully care about each other.

There are many more in what I think is the position of Will Smith. One partner is bored and wants to sleep around (or already is) and either wants essentially permission to cheat or a way of bringing it into the open. The other partner doesn’t want to lose their partner and by extension their whole life, by standing up to them so agrees to “open” the relationship whilst pretty clearly not actually either liking it nor wanting it. Usually ends in splitting up and divorce because they can’t take the pain.

I think that’s why you hear about it more tbh, more people use it as a cover excuse to cheat, but also it has just a lot of people shouting about it. Whether it’s genuinely increased or not is probably debatable as I’m not sure there’s much data around it tbh.

I don't know about Will Smiths individual case, apparently it was discussed on a podcast but I haven't listened to it.

I don't agree that the majority will be press ganged into it as you suggest, or that the discussion can only work if it happens before the start of the relationship.

What you describe is clearly not going to be sustainable for either partner, if both people aren't in favour of it - it's not going to work. I don't doubt that it sometimes happens, there is a (only partly I'm sure) apocryphal story of a middle aged man who convinces his wife to open up their marriage. Sadly for him, he can no longer able to attract the females he desires and he pouts whilst his wife gets railed by younger, more attractive men each weekend. 

Best not to be that guy. 

Edited April 4, 2022 by Satoshi

[Theroadlesstravelled]

Margot Robbie then yes.

Margot McGlinchy from Paisey then no.

[scottsdad]

My wife was talking to a friend of hers last week and the friend let slip that, in her twenties, she had been in a threesome. 

My wife was surprised but her pal gave more details... Turns out she was in a twin room pretending to sleep whilst a couple in the next bed were shagging. 

The wife pointed out that this wasn't a threesome. Her pal got a bit agitated at that. They ended up agreeing to disagree.