Tony Ferrino Posted January 19, 2022 Share Posted January 19, 2022 (edited) I've got to do one for my own mum next Wednesday and I've no idea how to start. She was 82 and had had dementia for at least 18 months, it's very sad for us all but a relief at the same time. There will be about 30 at the crem and it's being streamed to Austrailia, Canada and Switzerland. Shitting myself. Edited January 19, 2022 by Tony Ferrino 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oystercatcher Posted January 19, 2022 Share Posted January 19, 2022 I've no advice fella but sorry for your loss. My best mate stood up and gave a eulogy at his dads funeral and I've no idea how he did it. I was in bits watching him, i could never imagine doing that. Hope you get some good advice on here 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tony Ferrino Posted January 19, 2022 Author Share Posted January 19, 2022 6 minutes ago, Oystercatcher said: I've no advice fella but sorry for your loss. My best mate stood up and gave a eulogy at his dads funeral and I've no idea how he did it. I was in bits watching him, i could never imagine doing that. Hope you get some good advice on here Thank you. A couple of weeks ago I said "yeah fine, I'll do that". 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tight minge Posted January 20, 2022 Share Posted January 20, 2022 4 hours ago, Tony Ferrino said: I've got to do one for my own mum next Wednesday and I've no idea how to start. She was 82 and had had dementia for at least 18 months, it's very sad for us all but a relief at the same time. There will be about 30 at the crem and it's being streamed to Austrailia, Canada and Switzerland. Shitting myself. Speak to a few people that were close (family/friends/ex-colleagues/social) and get a few anecdotes that covers each part of your mums life and add one from yourself. Base what every you say around these anecdotes then fill out with some general information about your mum. You won’t be far off and save falling in to traps about only speaking about her from your perspective and avoiding the impersonal bullshit that comes from someone who didn’t really know her. 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hedgecutter Posted January 20, 2022 Share Posted January 20, 2022 (edited) I always 'like' the 'He/she would frequently tell of [insert funny but not too embarrassing story]' parts. From experience, the "she would enjoy the [this, this and that]... not so much the [insert PTTGOYN]" in a dry tone usually gets an uplifting chuckle. FWIW, I tend to embrace what's normally the first part about where they were born, where exactly they grew up, their first job, first holiday, how she met your dad etc. There's a good chance that younger members of the family, never mind friends, won't know about that part of your mum's life. I usually come away from such things having learned something new about the person, which provides some comfort. Edited January 20, 2022 by Hedgecutter 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Leith Green Posted January 20, 2022 Share Posted January 20, 2022 Sorry for your loss. My mum asked me if I would do the family eulogy for my dad 4 years ago. What I would ask is - are you having a religious or humanist type ceremony? And is someone else doing the "official" part of the ceremony? My dad wasnt religious, we had a humanist ceremony at the crematorium. Ahead of the day, the celebrant came round a few times and worked through the details of my dads life - so she did the basis of his story "born, brought up, married, kids, grandkids, friends etc". I then got up and did the bit thanking people (his workmates, bowling club members etc), inviting them back to the bowling club for the wake, etc - it was only a few minutes................but like you I wasnt looking forward to it one bit. As I mentioned, the celebrant was very helpful with the words, she also had the text on her iPad.........I asked her to make the font massive !! ..............so I didnt miss any bits. I have had to do public speaking for work over the years, and never enjoyed it. The funeral was a big crowd - about 250 people, standing at the back etc but strangely nerves were not an issue - they disappeared on the morning as we were all on complete cruise control and just looking to "get thru the day". Good luck 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gaz Posted January 20, 2022 Share Posted January 20, 2022 I did my Dad's eulogy a few years ago. By far and away the hardest thing I've ever had to do. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
paranoid android Posted January 20, 2022 Share Posted January 20, 2022 9 hours ago, Tony Ferrino said: I've got to do one for my own mum next Wednesday and I've no idea how to start. She was 82 and had had dementia for at least 18 months, it's very sad for us all but a relief at the same time. There will be about 30 at the crem and it's being streamed to Austrailia, Canada and Switzerland. Shitting myself. I'm so sorry for your loss, Tony. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scottsdad Posted January 20, 2022 Share Posted January 20, 2022 Not something I've had to do, but I have heard one or two great ones. As has been said above - get a few funny stories from friends/family, that can raise a chuckle. I went to one for an old family friend and the eulogy was structured very well. Started off with the early life, growing up, school, job and so on. Then into some funny stories, then onto how he had through his life made friends and had been a part of their lives. Then finishing on a note that this was indeed a sad occasion and he would be missed. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gaz Posted January 20, 2022 Share Posted January 20, 2022 30 minutes ago, scottsdad said: Not something I've had to do, but I have heard one or two great ones. As has been said above - get a few funny stories from friends/family, that can raise a chuckle. I went to one for an old family friend and the eulogy was structured very well. Started off with the early life, growing up, school, job and so on. Then into some funny stories, then onto how he had through his life made friends and had been a part of their lives. Then finishing on a note that this was indeed a sad occasion and he would be missed. Yes, this is pretty much how mine went too. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hard Graft Posted January 20, 2022 Share Posted January 20, 2022 Sorry for your loss. Not an easy thing to do - will you be able to hold yourself together? Take advice from what has been said above and most importantly say it from the heart. Good Luck. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jacksgranda Posted January 20, 2022 Share Posted January 20, 2022 10 hours ago, Tony Ferrino said: I've got to do one for my own mum next Wednesday and I've no idea how to start. She was 82 and had had dementia for at least 18 months, it's very sad for us all but a relief at the same time. There will be about 30 at the crem and it's being streamed to Austrailia, Canada and Switzerland. Shitting myself. Sorry to hear that. If you're not used to public speaking - and few of us are - keep it short(ish). Jot down a few memories of your mum, happy/sad in chronological order if possible and just link them together. Don't write a screed of stuff and try to learn it off by heart. And everybody there/watching will be supporting you. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
welshbairn Posted January 20, 2022 Share Posted January 20, 2022 (edited) 14 hours ago, Tony Ferrino said: I've got to do one for my own mum next Wednesday and I've no idea how to start. She was 82 and had had dementia for at least 18 months, it's very sad for us all but a relief at the same time. There will be about 30 at the crem and it's being streamed to Austrailia, Canada and Switzerland. Shitting myself. Had to do one for my Dad who was in the same situation as your Mum. I left the long biographical one to the minister and did a short one page thing with a few anecdotes about the good times including some moments when the dementia would lift a little and he'd say something funny. Ended it with a poignant moment when he was happy in his last days. If you haven't spoken in public before like me, I'd read it really slowly and clearly, otherwise it could sound like nervous mumbling. Edited January 20, 2022 by welshbairn 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arabdownunder Posted January 20, 2022 Share Posted January 20, 2022 Don't rely on remembering it. Write it down (or have it on an ipad), preferably on small cue cards; you don't want to be flapping sheets of A4 around. Make sure you've got a glass of water to hand. Not just in case you get dry but a pause, a swig of water and a deep breath can give you a reset if you're starting to lose it. Decent funeral director will be able to give you advice. Condolences and best wishes 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Richey Edwards Posted January 20, 2022 Share Posted January 20, 2022 (edited) I have never had to do a eulogy so have no great advice to offer. I am sorry for your loss though, and sorry that your mum experienced Dementia. It is a terrible disease. Whatever you decide to say, I'm sure it will be absolutely fine. All the best. Edited January 20, 2022 by Richey Edwards 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Central Belt Caley Posted January 20, 2022 Share Posted January 20, 2022 6 hours ago, Hedgecutter said: FWIW, I tend to embrace what's normally the first part about where they were born, where exactly they grew up, their first job, first holiday, how she met your dad etc. There's a good chance that younger members of the family, never mind friends, won't know about that part of your mum's life. I usually come away from such things having learned something new about the person, which provides some comfort. Agree with this completely, at both my gran and grandads funeral I learnt a few things about the both of them that no one had ever told me. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Richey Edwards Posted January 20, 2022 Share Posted January 20, 2022 (edited) 27 minutes ago, Central Belt Caley said: Agree with this completely, at both my gran and grandads funeral I learnt a few things about the both of them that no one had ever told me. My Papa's funeral was the same. I had no idea how my grandparents had met, but in his eulogy it was said that they first met when they were both involved in the TA and he had given my Nana shit for being late. According to her, she wasn't late and they argued about this for years. My Papa was notorious for turning up early to things, so in likelihood my Nana was probably on time. Edited January 20, 2022 by Richey Edwards 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RiffRaff Posted January 20, 2022 Share Posted January 20, 2022 Sorry for your loss. I did the Eulogy for my Mum last summer. I tried to base it around key moments in her life and her interests and not just from my own viewpoint. Whatever you decide to do will be what is right for you. As has been said earlier; rather than have the full speech written down use prompts and go over it a few times eithe rout loud or in your head. Best of luck 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Distant Doonhamer Posted January 20, 2022 Share Posted January 20, 2022 Sorry for your loss. Some excellent advice from a variety of posters already. I've nothing to add other than the people present will realsie how difficult this is for you. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jacksgranda Posted January 20, 2022 Share Posted January 20, 2022 48 minutes ago, RiffRaff said: Sorry for your loss. I did the Eulogy for my Mum last summer. I tried to base it around key moments in her life and her interests and not just from my own viewpoint. Whatever you decide to do will be what is right for you. As has been said earlier; rather than have the full speech written down use prompts and go over it a few times eithe rout loud or in your head. Best of luck Out loud is better. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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