Kyle Reese Posted November 2, 2021 Share Posted November 2, 2021 (edited) Just a bit of fun. If you had to describe the other clubs in the division as an animal, what would they be? Aberdeen: Sheep would be too easy. I’ll go for terrapins. Popular in the Eighties (due to the Ninja Turtle craze) for a while, then abandoned en masse by the population. Spent years scraping a living in the wilderness until having a bit of a recent revival in popularity. Celtic: Toads. Unpalatable/poisonous greenish creatures, that present themselves as greater than they are, in order to avoid attack. Much like the Celtic PR machine. Dundee: Neon tetra. Small crowds of blue, white and red things swimming around a small tank. Nobody really bothers that much about them, usually. Just kind of there. Dundee United: Zebra. Just always sort of there. Generally not that involved in anything particularly exciting, but kicking about just the same. Hibs: Mice. Not significant enough to be rats, but vermin all the same. Livingston: Lions would be the obvious choice, but they don’t really match the profile. Lion maned tamarin is probably a better shout. Wee lion-looking monkey. Numbers are very low, so it’s considered endangered. Deforestation has caused it to bounce around looking for a new home to survive. Motherwell: Baboons. Make a lot of noise and can be capable of getting a result over the bigger badass animals around their territory, but ultimately always just on the outskirts of being a serious contender. Ross County: Chinese water deer. Staggies by name, so has to be a deer, but you are getting quite far down the list before you reach one small and insignificant enough to fit the profile. Sevco: Phoenix St Johnstone: The blind shrimps that give up the majority of the space in their home to gobi fish, who’s presence allows them to survive. St Mirren: Clown fish. Little striped creatures that slither around in the venomous tentacles of anemones, relying on their poison to survive. Heart of Midlothian are quite obviously the wolverine or the honey badger. Medium sized, tough and ferocious, with a take on the bigger animal attitude. Edited November 2, 2021 by Kyle Reese -8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Florentine_Pogen Posted November 2, 2021 Share Posted November 2, 2021 Did somebody type 'Pn'B' instead of 'CBBC' ? 19 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post johnnydun Posted November 2, 2021 Popular Post Share Posted November 2, 2021 (edited) Hearts: Pig. Very salty tasting, and if you roast it too much all the bitterness comes out in spades. Edited November 2, 2021 by johnnydun 41 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dons_1988 Posted November 2, 2021 Share Posted November 2, 2021 Can we get rangers and the dodo out of the way early? 13 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kyle Reese Posted November 2, 2021 Author Share Posted November 2, 2021 1 minute ago, johnnydun said: Hearts: Pig. Very salty tasting, and if you roast it too much it all the bitterness comes out in spades. Not bad. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Empty It Posted November 2, 2021 Share Posted November 2, 2021 Can we get rangers and the dodo out of the way early? I was thinking cockroach. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ric Posted November 2, 2021 Share Posted November 2, 2021 35 minutes ago, johnnydun said: Hearts: Pig. Very salty tasting, and if you roast it too much all the bitterness comes out in spades. Be careful with seasoning as it contains a lot of salt. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tamthebam Posted November 2, 2021 Share Posted November 2, 2021 I suppose if Rangers are the big loud noisy angry Pitbull in the neighbour's back garden that would happily take a chunk out of your leg then Hearts are the wee small yappy annoying Yorkie on whose shite you've just stepped. Celtic. A horse. Can be a magnificent sight but smells a bit manky if you get too close. Aberdeen. A walrus. Found in the frozen North. Can be dangerous but often appear flabby and comical Dundee United. Foxes. Orange coloured. Trot about looking sly to no great purpose. I don't mind them but a lot of folk do. Livingston. Wasps. Small, shouldn't exist and no-one knows why they do. Highly annoying and hated by most folk. Used to be the much nicer meadow bees before moving west. Hibs: Mysterious green caterpillars. A lot of people hope they'll turn into magnificent butterflies but more likely to end up as colourless moths St Mirren: Like pied wagtails. Small, black and white and often seen twitching about nervously. St Johnstone: Grouse. Only followed by Perthshire Tories. Dundee: Kingfisher. Small and blue with orange streaks.. Motherwell: Housemouse. Small, survives on discarded rubbish (Tony Watt...?), hard to get rid of. Ross County: Penguin. Survives in the frozen wastes and are generally comical and ungainly away from their natural environment 16 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gannonball Posted November 2, 2021 Share Posted November 2, 2021 (edited) Falkirk - Yorkshire terrier. Barks like hell and doesn’t realise it should really shut the f**k up for its size. ETA - just realised it’s premiership clubs only but f**k them. Edited November 2, 2021 by gannonball 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ranaldo Bairn Posted November 2, 2021 Share Posted November 2, 2021 10 minutes ago, gannonball said: Falkirk - Yorkshire terrier. Barks like hell and doesn’t realise it should really shut the f**k up for its size. ETA - just realised it’s premiership clubs only but f**k them. What a terrifyingly weird post. '97 semi still hurting? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gannonball Posted November 2, 2021 Share Posted November 2, 2021 3 minutes ago, Ranaldo Bairn said: What a terrifyingly weird post. '97 semi still hurting? Nearly had to google that to jog my memory so no. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Saintee Posted November 2, 2021 Share Posted November 2, 2021 Alloa would be a cheetah. 16 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Girth Posted November 2, 2021 Share Posted November 2, 2021 1 hour ago, Kyle Reese said: Just a bit of fun. If you had to describe the other clubs in the division as an animal, what would they be? Aberdeen: Sheep would be too easy. I’ll go for terrapins. Popular in the Eighties (due to the Ninja Turtle craze) for a while, then abandoned en masse by the population. Spent years scraping a living in the wilderness until having a bit of a recent revival in popularity. Celtic: Toads. Unpalatable/poisonous greenish creatures, that present themselves as greater than they are, in order to avoid attack. Much like the Celtic PR machine. Dundee: Neon tetra. Small crowds of blue, white and red things swimming around a small tank. Nobody really bothers that much about them, usually. Just kind of there. Dundee United: Zebra. Just always sort of there. Generally not that involved in anything particularly exciting, but kicking about just the same. Hibs: Mice. Not significant enough to be rats, but vermin all the same. Livingston: Lions would be the obvious choice, but they don’t really match the profile. Lion maned tamarin is probably a better shout. Wee lion-looking monkey. Numbers are very low, so it’s considered endangered. Deforestation has caused it to bounce around looking for a new home to survive. Motherwell: Baboons. Make a lot of noise and can be capable of getting a result over the bigger badass animals around their territory, but ultimately always just on the outskirts of being a serious contender. Ross County: Chinese water deer. Staggies by name, so has to be a deer, but you are getting quite far down the list before you reach one small and insignificant enough to fit the profile. Sevco: Phoenix St Johnstone: The blind shrimps that give up the majority of the space in their home to gobi fish, who’s presence allows them to survive. St Mirren: Clown fish. Little striped creatures that slither around in the venomous tentacles of anemones, relying on their poison to survive. Heart of Midlothian are quite obviously the wolverine or the honey badger. Medium sized, tough and ferocious, with a take on the bigger animal attitude. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Benjamin_Nevis Posted November 2, 2021 Share Posted November 2, 2021 I don't think cockroaches is appropriate for Rangers tbh. They are hardy creatures who can survive the harshest of conditions. Rangers folded like a fucking deckchair. 16 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DukDukGoose Posted November 2, 2021 Share Posted November 2, 2021 2 hours ago, The Saintee said: Alloa would be a cheetah. Always. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
williemillersmoustache Posted November 3, 2021 Share Posted November 3, 2021 Celtic: The Baboon. Powerful, aggressive, prideful with a strong sense of community but an unfortunate tendency to show their arse. Dundee: The Grouse. A fat pointless bird all too often confused with its more notable cousin which has brighter plumage. Livingston: The Rat Snake: A highly effective constrictor, squeezes the life out of everything but no teeth. Hibs: The Urban Fox. Wrongly considered to be a cool species but actually quite filthy and invariably found going through your bins. St Mirren: The Zebra Loach. A stripey bottom feeder that rarely troubles the larger fish above but can be highly aggressive toward other species which scuttle around in the depths. St Johnstone: The Labrador. Cute, loyal and very likeable but ultimately its impossible to respect something that spends much of the day licking its own arsehole Dundee United: The Pheasant. See Dundee. Motherwell: The Pit Pony. An amiable and hard working beast that's never too far away from getting put down. Ross County: The Narwhal. Northern mammal. Bit of a curiosity and considered to be very sociable but capable of inflicting devastating injury. Hearts: The Gannet. Another urban scavenger most at home at the seaside (leagues). Experts at diving. Aberdeen: The Bull. Majestic, handsome, virile, powerful, tasty, iconic. Traditionally sent to the big city to get slaughtered. Rangers*: I don't know. No-one likes wasps. Wasps are horrible nasty little c***s. Wasps then. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arch Stanton Posted November 3, 2021 Share Posted November 3, 2021 Rangers (1872) and (2012) would be a dung beetle, living off the shite that is the sectarian divide which has plagued Scotland for decades. Oh, and Celtic would be the same animal but the stripey version. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Loonytoons Posted November 3, 2021 Share Posted November 3, 2021 Celtic: The Baboon. Powerful, aggressive, prideful with a strong sense of community but an unfortunate tendency to show their arse. Dundee: The Grouse. A fat pointless bird all too often confused with its more notable cousin which has brighter plumage. Livingston: The Rat Snake: A highly effective constrictor, squeezes the life out of everything but no teeth. Hibs: The Urban Fox. Wrongly considered to be a cool species but actually quite filthy and invariably found going through your bins. St Mirren: The Zebra Loach. A stripey bottom feeder that rarely troubles the larger fish above but can be highly aggressive toward other species which scuttle around in the depths. St Johnstone: The Labrador. Cute, loyal and very likeable but ultimately its impossible to respect something that spends much of the day licking its own arsehole Dundee United: The Pheasant. See Dundee. Motherwell: The Pit Pony. An amiable and hard working beast that's never too far away from getting put down. Ross County: The Narwhal. Northern mammal. Bit of a curiosity and considered to be very sociable but capable of inflicting devastating injury. Hearts: The Gannet. Another urban scavenger most at home at the seaside (leagues). Experts at diving. Aberdeen: The Bull. Majestic, handsome, virile, powerful, tasty, iconic. Traditionally sent to the big city to get slaughtered. Rangers*: I don't know. No-one likes wasps. Wasps are horrible nasty little c***s. Wasps then.Wasps seem to be getting a bad shift here. Gardner's friend, kills other insect pests and flower pollinators to boot.Rangers would be the ticks of this world. No one likes them and no one cares. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
johnnydun Posted November 3, 2021 Share Posted November 3, 2021 2 minutes ago, Loonytoons said: Gardner's friend 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Loonytoons Posted November 3, 2021 Share Posted November 3, 2021 [emoji1787][emoji1787][emoji1787] 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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