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Other Premiership clubs as animals


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Just a bit of fun. If you had to describe the other clubs in the division as an animal, what would they be?

Aberdeen: Sheep would be too easy. I’ll go for terrapins. Popular in the Eighties (due to the Ninja Turtle craze) for a while, then abandoned en masse by the population. Spent years scraping a living in the wilderness until having a bit of a recent revival in popularity.

Celtic: Toads. Unpalatable/poisonous greenish creatures, that present themselves as greater than they are, in order to avoid attack. Much like the Celtic PR machine.

Dundee: Neon tetra. Small crowds of blue, white and red things swimming around a small tank. Nobody really bothers that much about them, usually. Just kind of there.

Dundee United: Zebra. Just always sort of there. Generally not that involved in anything particularly exciting, but kicking about just the same.

Hibs: Mice. Not significant enough to be rats, but vermin all the same.

Livingston: Lions would be the obvious choice, but they don’t really match the profile. Lion maned tamarin is probably a better shout. Wee lion-looking monkey. Numbers are very low, so it’s considered endangered. Deforestation has caused it to bounce around looking for a new home to survive.

Motherwell: Baboons. Make a lot of noise and can be capable of getting a result over the bigger badass animals around their territory, but ultimately always just on the outskirts of being a serious contender.

Ross County: Chinese water deer. Staggies  by name, so has to be a deer, but you are getting quite far down the list before you reach one small and insignificant enough to fit the profile.

Sevco: Phoenix 

St Johnstone: The blind shrimps that give up the majority of the space in their home to gobi fish, who’s presence allows them to survive.

St Mirren: Clown fish. Little striped creatures that slither around in the venomous tentacles of anemones, relying on their poison to survive.

 

Heart of Midlothian are quite obviously the wolverine or the honey badger. Medium sized, tough and ferocious, with a take on the bigger animal attitude. 😎

 

Edited by Kyle Reese
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I suppose if Rangers are the big loud noisy angry Pitbull in the neighbour's back garden that would happily take a chunk out of your leg then Hearts are the wee small yappy annoying Yorkie on whose shite you've just stepped.

Celtic. A horse. Can be a magnificent sight but smells a bit manky if you get too close.

Aberdeen. A walrus. Found in the frozen North. Can be dangerous but often appear flabby and comical

Dundee United. Foxes. Orange coloured. Trot about looking sly to no great purpose. I don't mind them but a lot of folk do.

Livingston. Wasps. Small, shouldn't exist and no-one knows why they do. Highly annoying and hated by most folk. Used to be the much nicer meadow bees before moving west.

Hibs: Mysterious green caterpillars. A lot of people hope they'll turn into magnificent butterflies but more likely to end up as colourless moths 

St Mirren: Like pied wagtails. Small, black and white and often seen twitching about nervously.

St Johnstone: Grouse. Only followed by Perthshire Tories.

Dundee: Kingfisher. Small and blue with orange streaks..

Motherwell: Housemouse. Small, survives on discarded rubbish (Tony Watt...?), hard to get rid of.

Ross County: Penguin. Survives in the frozen wastes and are generally comical and ungainly away from their natural environment

 

 

 

 

 

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10 minutes ago, gannonball said:

Falkirk - Yorkshire terrier. Barks like hell and doesn’t realise it should really shut the f**k up for its size.

ETA - just realised it’s premiership clubs only but f**k them.

What a terrifyingly weird post. '97 semi still hurting?

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1 hour ago, Kyle Reese said:

Just a bit of fun. If you had to describe the other clubs in the division as an animal, what would they be?

Aberdeen: Sheep would be too easy. I’ll go for terrapins. Popular in the Eighties (due to the Ninja Turtle craze) for a while, then abandoned en masse by the population. Spent years scraping a living in the wilderness until having a bit of a recent revival in popularity.

Celtic: Toads. Unpalatable/poisonous greenish creatures, that present themselves as greater than they are, in order to avoid attack. Much like the Celtic PR machine.

Dundee: Neon tetra. Small crowds of blue, white and red things swimming around a small tank. Nobody really bothers that much about them, usually. Just kind of there.

Dundee United: Zebra. Just always sort of there. Generally not that involved in anything particularly exciting, but kicking about just the same.

Hibs: Mice. Not significant enough to be rats, but vermin all the same.

Livingston: Lions would be the obvious choice, but they don’t really match the profile. Lion maned tamarin is probably a better shout. Wee lion-looking monkey. Numbers are very low, so it’s considered endangered. Deforestation has caused it to bounce around looking for a new home to survive.

Motherwell: Baboons. Make a lot of noise and can be capable of getting a result over the bigger badass animals around their territory, but ultimately always just on the outskirts of being a serious contender.

Ross County: Chinese water deer. Staggies  by name, so has to be a deer, but you are getting quite far down the list before you reach one small and insignificant enough to fit the profile.

Sevco: Phoenix 

St Johnstone: The blind shrimps that give up the majority of the space in their home to gobi fish, who’s presence allows them to survive.

St Mirren: Clown fish. Little striped creatures that slither around in the venomous tentacles of anemones, relying on their poison to survive.

 

Heart of Midlothian are quite obviously the wolverine or the honey badger. Medium sized, tough and ferocious, with a take on the bigger animal attitude. 😎

 

disgusted jack sparrow GIF

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Celtic: The Baboon. Powerful, aggressive, prideful with a strong sense of community but an unfortunate tendency to show their arse.

Dundee: The Grouse. A fat pointless bird all too often confused with its more notable cousin which has brighter plumage.

Livingston: The Rat Snake: A highly effective constrictor, squeezes the life out of everything but no teeth.

Hibs: The Urban Fox. Wrongly considered to be a cool species but actually quite filthy and invariably found going through your bins.

St Mirren: The Zebra Loach. A stripey bottom feeder that rarely troubles the larger fish above but can be highly aggressive toward other species which scuttle around in the depths.

St Johnstone: The Labrador. Cute, loyal and very likeable but ultimately its impossible to respect something that spends much of the day licking its own arsehole 

Dundee United: The Pheasant. See Dundee.

Motherwell: The Pit Pony. An amiable and hard working beast that's never too far away from getting put down.

Ross County: The Narwhal. Northern mammal. Bit of a curiosity and considered to be very sociable but capable of inflicting devastating injury. 

Hearts: The Gannet. Another urban scavenger most at home at the seaside (leagues). Experts at diving.

Aberdeen: The Bull. Majestic, handsome, virile, powerful, tasty, iconic. Traditionally sent to the big city to get slaughtered. 

Rangers*: I don't know. No-one likes wasps. Wasps are horrible nasty little c***s. Wasps then.

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Celtic: The Baboon. Powerful, aggressive, prideful with a strong sense of community but an unfortunate tendency to show their arse.

Dundee: The Grouse. A fat pointless bird all too often confused with its more notable cousin which has brighter plumage.

Livingston: The Rat Snake: A highly effective constrictor, squeezes the life out of everything but no teeth.

Hibs: The Urban Fox. Wrongly considered to be a cool species but actually quite filthy and invariably found going through your bins.

St Mirren: The Zebra Loach. A stripey bottom feeder that rarely troubles the larger fish above but can be highly aggressive toward other species which scuttle around in the depths.

St Johnstone: The Labrador. Cute, loyal and very likeable but ultimately its impossible to respect something that spends much of the day licking its own arsehole 

Dundee United: The Pheasant. See Dundee.

Motherwell: The Pit Pony. An amiable and hard working beast that's never too far away from getting put down.

Ross County: The Narwhal. Northern mammal. Bit of a curiosity and considered to be very sociable but capable of inflicting devastating injury. 

Hearts: The Gannet. Another urban scavenger most at home at the seaside (leagues). Experts at diving.

Aberdeen: The Bull. Majestic, handsome, virile, powerful, tasty, iconic. Traditionally sent to the big city to get slaughtered. 

Rangers*: I don't know. No-one likes wasps. Wasps are horrible nasty little c***s. Wasps then.


Wasps seem to be getting a bad shift here. Gardner's friend, kills other insect pests and flower pollinators to boot.
Rangers would be the ticks of this world. No one likes them and no one cares.
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