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Jobs you couldn't do


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2 hours ago, GNU_Linux said:

Any job that requires having a positive disposition & a perma shit eating grin.

It depends on my mood, but there's something deeply satisfying about dealing with a customer who's an absolute seething mess over an issue in which they're absolutely in the wrong by putting on your best shit-eating grin and feigning the kind of perky, can-do disposition that you only find in America. Especially if they're trying their best to wind you up, and end up on the verge of tears themselves.

But yeah, having to do it the rest of the time must be awful. Thankfully I have a terrible attitude that prevents me from doing so/holding down gainful employment.

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1 hour ago, olliethedug said:

My previous job (painter and decorator) and my current job (auxiliary nurse) have both been mentioned in here. However the job I couldn’t do is a police officer, that looks horrendous to me. 

I'd struggle with the Masonic stuff too. Never mind the locker room bantz.

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15 hours ago, Shandon Par said:

Peter Grant should find a job he’s good at. 

Peter Grant has won 33.3% of his games in charge at DAFC. His career average is 30.8%. So really, you're not getting Peter Grant, you're getting Peak Peter Grant. He has brought his A-game to East End Park.  

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RE Sales Jobs.

Many years ago I took voluntary redundancy from a public service job and while I tried to work out where I wanted to work next someone asked me if I would do a short-term project management job at Allied Vehicles in Possil. It's located behind the kilt hire place that used to be a cinema, for those that know lovely Possil. To call it a project is overselling the situation massively; I was basically playing around with and populating a new system that they were going to roll out, and I would only be there 3 or 4 months.

Anyway, it was a grim place, but I was having fun with that as I was treating watching the goings-on there as though I was watching a nature documentary or maybe a show about prison. I was based downstairs in the administrative offices, and it was controlled by a lank haired harridan of a woman who scared all her minions. She had favourites among them though, and they would clipe to her about anyone not toeing the line. The toilet were right off the office, and it wasn't unusual for you to hear folk down that end of the room complain of jobby smells escaping the bogs. Everyone in there was either a dick or idiot in some way, the only slightly charming member of staff was a honey of a girl who wore far less clothes than were appropriate for an office environment, and who I would slyly ogle like a creep.

On a few occasions I had to go upstairs to the sales office to speak to people there, and it was without a shadow of a doubt one of the worst working environments I've ever seen. 3 banks of desks all joined in horizontal lines, all facing forward, on either side of the room. Maybe 6 desks in each of these rows, with a corridor running down the middle of the room to the managers' offices. They all faced out into this big room so they could watch the sweat trickling down the foreheads of their staff. Because of the geography of the building, the only natural light came from the windows on the far walls of said managers' offices.

On the wall at one end of the room was a gigantic board with everyone's names on it and it had sales targets and figures on it. Sales of different things were written on it in the 5-bar gate system. It was like something out a bleak sitcom. The folk at the desk were all on the phone, constantly. They were taked with selling pointless add-ons and overpriced service plans, insurance, etc. to people. It seems that this was sometimes for folk that bought cars from them, but also it appeared as though they were cold-calling people too. Some of the stuff was mobility vehicles, so they'd be trying to fleece disabled people as part of all this.

Down either side of the central corridor was a bank of cupboards filled with sales ledgers etc. On top of these cupboards were The Prizes. These were things like 8 cans of Kronenbourg, or bottles of wine, boxes of chocolate, shit teddy bears, etc. Every item had a shit ribbon on it. It looked like someone had scooped up the contents of a jumble sale the raffle and lined them up in rows.

These prizes would be given out to the folk that made the most in a given week as a "bonus". Christ knows what happened to anyone consistently at the bottom of the league table. I assume they were given a few chances then permitted to kill themselves.

The whole room stank of sweat, coffee, and fear. And fags, despite staff having to go outside to smoke. I assume they beasted 3 tabs in a row on their rare permitted breaks. 
 

Edited by milton75
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On 09/09/2021 at 19:17, buchan30 said:

When i first started, we used to wear a shirt and tie (now in polo shirts) but if i had the tie off, i always made sure i put it on to go and collect them, just as a little mark of respect and looking back it’s probably how i dealt with it as well. 
 

I like that.

Quite moving really.

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I have a few friends who are social workers and while it does sound satisfying in parts, a lot of it sounds like running around after people who don’t know how to live.

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The list of jobs I couldn’t do would be very long.

Social worker, as just mentioned, being one.  Teacher is another.  I have a lot of respect for the teaching profession; I wouldn’t last a day.

Edited by Granny Danger
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7 hours ago, milton75 said:

 

These prizes would be given out to the folk that made the most in a given week as a "bonus". Christ knows what happened to anyone consistently at the bottom of the league table. 

 

They had to play off against the best vacuum cleaner salesman in Possil.

That experience sounds like a scenario for a decent TV series. A classic mixture of desperation and farce like Steptoe and Son or Reggie Perrin.

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10 hours ago, Granny Danger said:

The list of jobs I couldn’t do would be very long.

Social worker, as just mentioned, being one.  Teacher is another.  I have a lot of respect for the teaching profession; I wouldn’t last a day.

Same here, It might be quicker listing the ones I could do.

I've dealt a lot with social workers, and, while I couldn't do their job, most of them are box tickers, with the odd excellent one in there.

I certainly couldn't be a teacher, either.

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2 minutes ago, Jacksgranda said:

 

I've dealt a lot with social workers, and, while I couldn't do their job, most of them are box tickers, with the odd excellent one in there.

I think it depends on what type of social work you do. Children and families sounds like an utter nightmare.

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Just now, ICTChris said:

I think it depends on what type of social work you do. Children and families sounds like an utter nightmare.

That's the ones who were dealing with us. Totally useless some of them.

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