True / False Facts About Yourself

[Derry Alli]

1. I have three caps for Scotland at youth level. 

2. I was once a model for Next. 

3. I am the current grand master of the Grand Orange Lodge of Scotland. 

[Thereisalight..]

1. Donald Trump has spoke to me

2. I was part of a nations historic moment 

3. I've been to all the UK countries 

4. I've been drunk

5. I've shagged in about 50 public places 

[Richey Edwards]

1. Boris Johnson has spoken to me and laughed at my trainers.

2. Vladimir Putin has spoken to me and laughed at my trainers.

3. Joe Biden has spoken to me and laughed at my trainers.

4. Sam Allerdyce called me a "fat little b*****d" and laughed at my trainers.

[Bert Raccoon]

Football related ones then

1.) Martin Cannings dad offered me outside for a fight 

2.) I was once barred from New Douglas Park for a season

3.) I battered some middle aged men in Cowdenbeath once  as they were trying to leather some teenage Accies fans 

4.) I was once on TV celebrating furiously when Accies scored against Dundee Utd

[Duszek]

1. I was totally blind from the age of 0-4, and again from the ages of 9-12 and 19-22.

2. A Viz comic strip character was based on me.

3. I’m the co-owner of a nightclub in Grodno, Belarus

[Raven]

5 hours ago, Inanimate Carbon Rod said:

3) I once found £10,000 in a bush

She's a keeper.

[Hedgecutter]

1. At a society conference in front of a few hundred people in London, I showed a PowerPoint presentation in which somebody had slipped in a slide saying "I eat poo" in a massive font size.

2. I've danced the Dashing White Sergeant in front of a crowd of ~30,000 people.  Rehearsed it to death to the point that I frequently get flashbacks whenever Take the Floor comes on after Sportsound.

3. I discovered a new species of prehistoric reptile at a quarry near Elgin.  Its Latin name partly uses my surname.

Edited June 13, 2021 by Hedgecutter

[BillyAnchor]

1. I once stole a bottle of champagne from a table at a club in Glasgow where U2 were drinking

2. My genitals are considered large in comparison to other men

3. I have a Ph.D.

4. I once walked face first into a lamppost while staring at a braless girl on the opposite side of the road.

[johnnydun]

1. My Dad was in 'The Teletubbies'.

2. My error once cost a company £4.5m.

3. I had a relative on the the FBI's most wanted list. 

[Mark Connolly]

1. I have realised that @Hedgecutter is just posting the greatest stories ever told by pep aliases

[Sergeant Wilson]

10 hours ago, Hedgecutter said:

1. At a society conference in front of a few hundred people in London, I showed a PowerPoint presentation in which somebody had slipped in a slide saying "I eat poo" in a massive font size.

2. I've danced the Dashing White Sergeant in front of a crowd of ~30,000 people.  Rehearsed it to death to the point that I frequently get flashbacks whenever Take the Floor comes on after Sportsound.

3. I discovered a new species of prehistoric reptile at a quarry near Elgin.  It's Latin name partly uses my surname.

Hedgeosaurus?

[Jacksgranda]

16 hours ago, Hedgecutter said:

1. I found a guy's wallet in the street containing £800 in cash.  I handed it into the police station and got a call back a week later to say that the guy had left me £200 of it as a reward.

2. I lost my wallet containing £300 that fell out of my pocket whilst on a boat tour in Smoo Cave.  I presume it's still at the bottom of the underground lake there and I'm still seething about it years later.

3. I have paid the equivalent of £25 for a burger abroad because I ballsed up the exchange rate, handed over a note and then said "keep the change".

4. I previously won £8700 through the National Lottery.

4 is obviously false or you wouldn't still be seething about 2 & 3...

[Jacksgranda]

11 hours ago, Hedgecutter said:

1. At a society conference in front of a few hundred people in London, I showed a PowerPoint presentation in which somebody had slipped in a slide saying "I eat poo" in a massive font size.

2. I've danced the Dashing White Sergeant in front of a crowd of ~30,000 people.  Rehearsed it to death to the point that I frequently get flashbacks whenever Take the Floor comes on after Sportsound.

3. I discovered a new species of prehistoric reptile at a quarry near Elgin.  Its Latin name partly uses my surname.

If it's near Elgin it's not really prehistoric...

[Hedgecutter]

1. I sold on the rights for a type of waterproof writing case that I invented when I worked outdoors outside of Seattle.  I still earn ~£300 a year (on average) in royalties because of the deal.

2. I bought my former-fiancée an engagement ring that she picked out of the Argos catalogue for ~£29.99.  During the breakup stage over a year later, I escaped by climbing out of the tenement window and then down a drainpipe.

3. I fumbled the Hail Mary hammer-throw pass that cost my university the Ultimate (frisbee) UK championship. 

4. I stepped into a puddle in New York that turned out to be an open overflowing storm drain entrance, disappeared out of sight for a few seconds like something out of a cartoon.

[Sergeant Wilson]

24 minutes ago, Hedgecutter said:

 

2. I bought my former-fiancée an engagement ring that she picked out of the Argos catalogue for ~£29.99.  During the breakup stage over a year later, I escaped by climbing out of the tenement window and then down a drainpipe.

 

From Argos?

[Sergeant Wilson]

10 minutes ago, oaksoft said:

That's where I got mine.

Both our wedding rings were £20.

We don't wear them at all now.

Did you climb out the window?

[Shotgun]

11 minutes ago, oaksoft said:

Other than the inheritance issue back then, we'd never have got married.

Was her family estate subject to an entail?

[tamthebam]

1. I once had a drawing in the Gallery on Take That. Not a prize winner though.

2. I once shared a lift with the chap whose miserable statue is at the top of Buchanan Street

3. My great grandfather has a street named after him in Bismarck, North Dakota

4. By mixing all the paints in my water colour set I invented a colour Pantone hadn't dared think of. Which was nice.

[johnnydun]

9 minutes ago, tamthebam said:

1. I once had a drawing in the Gallery on Take That. Not a prize winner though.

Did Jason Orange like it though? 

[tamthebam]

1 minute ago, johnnydun said:

Did Jason Orange like it though? 

F*cking predictive text.

It was lucky for Tony That he died before Morph could report him to Operation Yew tree for plasticine abuse.

Also I wonder who That of Midlothian will be signing and who will feature on Roddy That's Radio Scotland show this week