True / False Facts About Yourself

[johnnydun]

5 hours ago, Hedgecutter said:

1. Whilst working offshore, I opened a large-ish box which I had got sent out only to find it full of scented candles (nonsense like 'lemongrass citronella') & associated lanterns in place of the all important lab equipment.  Turned out my other half had got a delivery shortly before a colleague collected some kit from my garage.  Having frequented P&B for years, I should have known to be very specific rather than just say "the box at the front is to get sent out".

2. I once opened a walk-in container to find a rabbit inside which proceeded to run out onto the rig.  Took about a dozen folk to catch the thing and it ended up getting sent onto the supply vessel.  I have no idea happened to it after that.  Probably ended up getting served for dinner.

3. I recently told a new offshore recruit that because they were trying to minimise queuing during Covid, you have to pre-order your meals in advance for table service and gave him the number for a fantasy galley answer machine, which was actually the # for the platform-wide PA system.  Cue him announcing something along the lines of "Hi, my name is [insert name], can I have poached eggs and pancakes with maple syrup and an apple juice for breakfast to be ready at 5:15 please, thank you". 

True story...

I once had an apprentice out with me on his first trip, it was on the Tern.

He asked what we do on a Saturday night, I told him we go to a disco on the Brent Charlie. But he has to be quick because space on the boat is limited, we queue up in the locker room from 7pm.

6.45, the boy's in his survival suit waiting for the boat. Superb.

 

[Richey Edwards]

1. Ally McCoist fixed my boiler.

2. Mark Walters fixed my car.

3. Simon Stainrod tanned my windows.

4. Eric Cantona kicked my uncle.

[mishtergrolsch]

1 lie.

 

1. My band have been played BBC Radio Scotland and BBC Radio 1 on more than one occasion, and once by Chris Moyles back in the day.

2. I have washed Billy Connollys black and white striped trousers.

3. I have called Simon Cowell an ignorant arsehole to his face.

4. I have driven one of the James Bond Aston Martins around the Ferry and Dundee. I think it was a DB7 but I'm not into cars massively, however it was amazingly smooth on the road.