True / False Facts About Yourself

[Melanius Mullarkey]

1. I have kissed the wife of the Australian ambassador in Chennai.

2. I have kissed the kissed the wife of the US ambassador in Doha.

3. I have kissed the wife of the British Ambassador in Istanbul.

[Moomintroll]

On 16/06/2021 at 09:39, johnnydun said:

1) My house is featured in 3 of 'The View's' music videos, 'Superstar Tradesman' 'The Don' and 'Skag Trendy'.

2) I once enjoyed a meal with just myself and the Under Secretary General for the UN.

3) I had a previous goal scoring rate in Amateur football of 2 goals a game over a season.

If 1) is correct then best get the kettle on for @Hedgecutter

[Sergeant Wilson]

47 minutes ago, Melanius Mullarkey said:

1. I have kissed the wife of the Australian ambassador in Chennai.

2. I have kissed the kissed the wife of the US ambassador in Doha.

3. I have kissed the wife of the British Ambassador in Istanbul.

Three strikes and you're out though.

Edited June 20, 2021 by Sergeant Wilson

[Ya Bezzer!]

One of these is NOT true.

1. I've was punched in the face by a professional boxer as retribution after I broke his cousins ankle playing football.

2. My ex wives father is a retired US Navy admiral

3. I am directly related to Rob Roy MacGregor

4. At last count I owned 9,012 vinyl LPs.

5. As a school age teenager, myself and two friends were reported missing by parents, after we got hammered after a Scotland match and travelled to France without passports, and ended up sleeping rough in the green keepers hut of a tennis club in Normandy.

[bendan]

11 minutes ago, Ya Bezzer! said:

One of these is NOT true.

1. I've was punched in the face by a professional boxer as retribution after I broke his cousins ankle playing football.

2. My ex wives father is a retired US Navy admiral

3. I am directly related to Rob Roy MacGregor

4. At last count I owned 9,012 vinyl LPs.

5. As a school age teenager, myself and two friends were reported missing by parents, after we got hammered after a Scotland match and travelled to France without passports, and ended up sleeping rough in the green keepers hut of a tennis club in Normandy.

Has to be 2). To marry and divorce sisters is unbelievable.

[scottsdad]

1. I bought a moped over the internet in 2005. It came from China, but in a box in pieces. I had to pay a mechanic to build it. 

2. I played badminton for Scotland as a youth. 

3. I once drunkenly asked Jorg Haider directions back to my hotel. 

4. I broke in to a laboratory in France to steal a magnum of champagne. I replaced it the next day with 2 bottles of champagne as I couldn't buy a magnum at the shop.

One of the above is NOT true.

[Melanius Mullarkey]

On 20/06/2021 at 12:39, Sergeant Wilson said:

Three strikes and you're out though.

I didn’t kiss him.

Spoiler

Or did I?

Spoiler

No, I didn’t.

 

 

[Melanius Mullarkey]

On 14/06/2021 at 13:29, coprolite said:

I once pished myself outside a pub

I once shat myself outside a pub

I once glassed myself outside a pub

Some night that.

[SANTAN]

On 20/06/2021 at 09:40, Stellaboz said:

I have a tattoo of Liam Gallagher
I have a tattoo of James McFadden
I have a tattoo of Jim Leishman
I have a tattoo of Tatu

I really hope you have a tattoo of Tatu. That video made my childhood. 

[tamthebam]

5 hours ago, Hedgecutter said:

1. Michaela Strachan just dirtied my bed sheets

2. Joanne Froggatt just dirtied my bed sheets

3. Kirsty Gallacher just dirtied my bed sheets

4. A blackbird* just dirtied by bed sheets

 

* the aptly named Turdus merula

Blackbird singing of the deed of shite..

[Mark Connolly]

8 hours ago, tamthebam said:

Blackbird singing of the deed of shite..

Blackbird covering the bed with shite, shirley?

[Benjamin_Nevis]

One of these is NOT true:

1. I fell out with Jim Jeffries on the 10th hole at Letham Grange's Old Course after my better-struck-then-expected drive trundled a couple of yards past him. He was as slow as f**k anyway.
2. I was an actor in an advert which was aired several times on STV in 2009
3. I had to have a massive shite on a 1000m subsidiary peak of Aonach Beag in 2014 and leave a pair of socks which i'd had to use to wipe my arse. They were still there when i climbed it again last year.
4. I won £20 off Costantino Rocca in a first to 10 chipping contest when I worked at Letham Grange (he was staying there for the 1999 Open).

 

[Stellaboz]

I really hope you have a tattoo of Tatu. That video made my childhood. 

In hindsight, I wish it was them.

[GordonD]

1 hour ago, Day of the Lords said:

I had to have a massive shite on a 1000m subsidiary peak of Aonach Beag in 2014 and leave a pair of socks which i'd had to use to wipe my arse. They were still there when i climbed it again last year.

 

[Derry Alli]

I'm sure Day of the Lords has posted that shitting story before. I'm kind of hoping it was the STV advert was the lie. 

[DiegoDiego]

I know it's still the morning and all, but when he says "one of these is NOT true", that means that three of the four are true

To be hyper-pedantic, he doesn't say only one is not true.

[Hedgecutter]

1. Whilst working offshore, I opened a large-ish box which I had got sent out only to find it full of scented candles (nonsense like 'lemongrass citronella') & associated lanterns in place of the all important lab equipment.  Turned out my other half had got a delivery shortly before a colleague collected some kit from my garage.  Having frequented P&B for years, I should have known to be very specific rather than just say "the box at the front is to get sent out".

2. I once opened a walk-in container to find a rabbit inside which proceeded to run out onto the rig.  Took about a dozen folk to catch the thing and it ended up getting sent onto the supply vessel.  I have no idea happened to it after that.  Probably ended up getting served for dinner.

3. I recently told a new offshore recruit that because they were trying to minimise queuing during Covid, you have to pre-order your meals in advance for table service and gave him the number for a fantasy galley answer machine, which was actually the # for the platform-wide PA system.  Cue him announcing something along the lines of "Hi, my name is [insert name], can I have poached eggs and pancakes with maple syrup and an apple juice for breakfast to be ready at 5:15 please, thank you". 

Edited June 22, 2021 by Hedgecutter

[Derry Alli]

2 hours ago, Hedgecutter said:

but when he says "one of these is NOT true", that means that three of the four are true, i.e.  both the hill dump and the STV one can be genuine.

I know that, I want him arguing with Jim Jeffries and winning £20 though. 

STV adverts are and always will be shit, hence my post. 

[Benjamin_Nevis]

I'm sure Day of the Lords has posted that shitting story before. I'm kind of hoping it was the STV advert was the lie. 

I know it's still the morning and all, but when he says "one of these is NOT true", that means that three of the four are true, i.e.  both the hill dump and the STV one can be genuine.
Not sure why folk are using up multiple decent facts in single posts though.  Opportunities lost imo.  They don't all have to be jaw-dropping of course.

It's the shitting story. The first part is true, but I have no idea if they're still there as I haven't been back up that mountain and have little intention of doing so.

Jim Jeffries was a chronically slow golfer, and had a go at me a few minutes after I'd hit a drive when I thought he was out of range. Obvs I fucking flushed it a few yards through him. He had a right go when I went to apologise as he was coming down the 11th. The c**t.

Angus Council had a "carnoustie country" golf promo around the time of the 2007 Open and for a few years following it. Me and another boy were filmed hitting various shots then shaking hands in cheesy fashion on carnousties 18th green. The other lad took 11 attempts to hole a 5 foot putt on film [emoji23]

And Rocca stayed at LG when I worked in the pro shop during the 1999 Open. He was a sound bloke and one jokingly challenged me to a wee contest on the chipping green there when he was out practising. He prob let me win tbh.

[superbigal]

1 false statement.

1. Played in goal against Faroe Islands national team. Other goalie had the bobble hat.

2. Won the North Fife under 12 tennis championships against the then second ranked Scottish player.

3. Own the official Adidas Jabulani that was used on the 2010 world cup launch show and handled by David Beckham and some South African actress.

4. Played with Craig Brewster both in the local park and subsequently in a Reserve League East match.