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How do you cut pizza?


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44 minutes ago, oaksoft said:

Scissors?

Knives and forks?

Pizza cutters?

What kind of middle-class hell is this?

You people are nothing more than animals, giving in to your base instincts and desires!!!

In the real world, you simply pick the pizza up and start chewing from one edge to the other.

If the pizza looks like it's going to break up simply howk a chunk off and plough your way through that.

That only works if you're eating the pizza on your own. Otherwise...

Spaghetti kiss.gif

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I used to give my youngest dog's abuse for using scissors, lo and behold we go to Rome on holiday and the first pizza place we go to scissors are used. She has dined out on this for some years now.
I'd be more impressed seeing a dog able to use scissors tbf. Praise the thing, don't give it abuse!
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4 hours ago, oaksoft said:

He's done all the hard maths to show you how to get cheaper pizza

Yes, the 'cheaper pizza' is the smaller one. 

Nobody needed the "hard maths" for that, we all seen it by the number he wrote alongside the pound sign. 

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5 hours ago, Christophe said:

Cut a strip along the middle of the pizza, the bonus bit, and scran it before you leave the kitchen. Then push the two halves back together and slice (using your preference implement...but not fucking scissors you nonce) as normal.

Your friends/family/swinger party guests will be none the wiser as you present them with standard pizza triangular slices, and you have bagged an extra bit of pizza!

 

 

stealing-pizza.jpg

I like your thinking. The only flaw is 90% of the people in here have no pals or visitors. Unless they invite the delivery man in.

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5 hours ago, Christophe said:

Cut a strip along the middle of the pizza, the bonus bit, and scran it before you leave the kitchen. Then push the two halves back together and slice (using your preference implement...but not fucking scissors you nonce) as normal.

Your friends/family/swinger party guests will be none the wiser as you present them with standard pizza triangular slices, and you have bagged an extra bit of pizza!

 

 

stealing-pizza.jpg

If that's pineapple then the only cut should be seppuku.

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If making an oven pizza or whatever. Handy wee tip. The minging bit is in the middle where it gets a bit slimey.

So take the pizza out and cut it into slices maybe five minutes before its ready. Then its nice and crisp round the edges of every slice. Much better.

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5 hours ago, Christophe said:

Cut a strip along the middle of the pizza, the bonus bit, and scran it before you leave the kitchen. Then push the two halves back together and slice (using your preference implement...but not fucking scissors you nonce) as normal.

Your friends/family/swinger party guests will be none the wiser as you present them with standard pizza triangular slices, and you have bagged an extra bit of pizza!

 

 

stealing-pizza.jpg

Haud the f*ckin' bus...........a cheese eating surrender monkey who puts pineapple on his pizza is calling out users of sciceaux  as being nonces ??

I would suggest, sir, that the greater societal crime rests firmly on your shoulders.  😜

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Im having pizza tonight. I will use a pizza cutter to cut it.

If I cant find that, I will use a large knife.

What I wont do is use scissors, because I dont want the same guy that nicked Rolf Harris to boot my front door in and take me away.

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1 minute ago, Baptiste Bourgeois said:

I use someting thats like halfway between scissors and shears. Its the perfect utensil for cutting a pizza.. Pizza cutters are a dogshit waste of time, that are prone to fucking your pizza up.

 

Having a pair of culinary scissors/shears in your kitchen will change your life.

I have culinary scissors and I wouldn’t for a nano second consider using them on a pizza. Beastly behaviour. A pizza cutter only fucks it up if it’s a cheap blunt one. 

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Pizza scissors though...

Never go full Savile.

 

I worked in Pizza Hut for a bit and in my first shift had to cut pizzas. They used one of those big blades with the two handles. I was so terrible at using it that I was never asked to cut another pizza and ended up just washing dishes most of the time, which thankfully was only a handful of shifts.

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2 hours ago, ICTChris said:

All day I cut pizzas with a pair of nail scissors until finally the assistant manager let me in on the joke.

Oh aye, you might get one of these at pizza express, but we have to use nail scissors here...

 

Pizza-slicer.jpg

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