Bert Raccoon Posted April 16, 2021 Share Posted April 16, 2021 My mate was on a warning for calling in sick on a Saturday due to him always going out on a Friday night so one day he doesn't turn up and the boss is asking if we know where he is. Didn't have a clue but then the phone goes and the boss is clearly listening intently to whatever been said on the other side. Boss then advises that said friend won't be in today as he's been jailed for the weekend for fighting. Knowing my mate it wouldn't actually be hugely surprising if this was true but we turned up in the pub after our shift and there he was, sitting steaming because he'd been on it for two days. Didn't even get the sack for it. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brummie Clyde Posted April 16, 2021 Share Posted April 16, 2021 Bloke at work texted a Polish guy he works with, saying to 'make some shit up, tell the boss I'm sick or summat'.The Polish guy who didn't have amazing English just showed the text message to his boss. 11 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
18May1991 Posted April 16, 2021 Share Posted April 16, 2021 6 hours ago, Melanius Mullarkey said: Bucket kits are shite. Hot knifing is the way to go. What is hot knifing? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melanius Mullarkey Posted April 16, 2021 Share Posted April 16, 2021 18 minutes ago, 18May1991 said: What is hot knifing? Couple of knives heated up on the cooker. Bit of the brown stuff then placed between the tips, squashed and hoovered up through a half cut plastic bottle to catch all the fumeage. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melanius Mullarkey Posted April 16, 2021 Share Posted April 16, 2021 I’m trying to remember a school excuse about a guy with slices of bread covered with shit in his school bag but it escapes me. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
19QOS19 Posted April 16, 2021 Share Posted April 16, 2021 Couple of knives heated up on the cooker. Bit of the brown stuff then placed between the tips, squashed and hoovered up through a half cut plastic bottle to catch all the fumeage.^^^ 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Todd_is_God Posted April 16, 2021 Share Posted April 16, 2021 30 minutes ago, 19QOS19 said: ^^^ 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bert Raccoon Posted April 16, 2021 Share Posted April 16, 2021 54 minutes ago, 19QOS19 said: ^^^ Wid 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melanius Mullarkey Posted April 16, 2021 Share Posted April 16, 2021 Am I dobby? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bert Raccoon Posted April 16, 2021 Share Posted April 16, 2021 34 minutes ago, Melanius Mullarkey said: Am I dobby? Wid not 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melanius Mullarkey Posted April 16, 2021 Share Posted April 16, 2021 1 minute ago, Bert Raccoon said: Wid not You’ve changed, m9. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
supermik Posted April 16, 2021 Share Posted April 16, 2021 6 hours ago, GordonD said: Urban myth. Next you'll be claiming you once stole somebody's cheese from a hostel... Did the dots at the end give it away? You appear to have an unhealthy obsession with me. Was it your cheddar and milk that I purloined? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Flybhoy Posted April 16, 2021 Popular Post Share Posted April 16, 2021 "We never ordered them" 27 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MONKMAN Posted April 16, 2021 Share Posted April 16, 2021 My mate phoned in sick for work, Friday and monday, to go to t in the park. His boss questioned why he was sunburned on his return before chucking a copy of the previous days daily record at him, of which his face was plastered over the front cover. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hk blues Posted April 17, 2021 Share Posted April 17, 2021 13 hours ago, The Marly said: 14 hours ago, hk blues said: Not quite an excuse but close enough - Again in my HR days I had to give a statement to the police as one of our employees was arrested and charged with GBH or something like that. I had to confirm that all our employees had company-issued Stanley knives - the weapon that the employee had used in the alleged attack. He got off. That's not an excuse, that's an injustice. If he used said knife what the f**k does it matter where he got it from? The excuse is that a guy carrying a Stanley knife in normal circumstances is going to find arguing self-defence etc tough, but a guy who was on his way home from work with his tools (he was having a pint in a boozer in fact) has a better chance of making a case. I did say it's not quite an excuse, and I'm not saying the outcome was right although there is a lot more to the verdict but that's not the purpose of the topic. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Derry Alli Posted April 17, 2021 Share Posted April 17, 2021 (edited) 6 hours ago, MONKMAN said: My mate phoned in sick for work, Friday and monday, to go to t in the park. His boss questioned why he was sunburned on his return before chucking a copy of the previous days daily record at him, of which his face was plastered over the front cover. Something equally as stupid as this - in the NCR a guy fucked off to Spain for a week and phoned up on the Monday to say he wasn't feeling well and wouldn't be in this week. Never withheld the number. Edited April 17, 2021 by Mr. Alli 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeWhoWalksBehindTheRows Posted April 17, 2021 Share Posted April 17, 2021 8 hours ago, Bert Raccoon said: Wid Youd stick your dick in the Dob? Would you say shes Manamal, or a best selling Flanimal? 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hk blues Posted April 17, 2021 Share Posted April 17, 2021 16 hours ago, supermik said: I was late the last person to finish my last degree exam. When I took my paper up to hand in, the invigilator told me that I was too late and therefore my exam would not count. I asked him in a loud voice “Do you know who I am?” and he replied with a smirk that he did not have a clue and couldn’t care less. I just smiled and said that was fine then put my finished paper in the middle of the pile on his desk.. Which one of the "Three Idiots" are you? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tongue_tied_danny Posted April 17, 2021 Share Posted April 17, 2021 (edited) 1 hour ago, Mr. Alli said: Something equally as stupid as this - in the NCR a guy fucked off to Spain for a week and phoned up on the Monday to say he wasn't feeling well and wouldn't be in this week. Never withheld the number. I once managed to get a return flight with Ryanair to Bremen for a tenner. I didn't have any annual leave so I phoned in sick from Germany. I got away with it but I had difficulty keeping a straight face at my back to work interview. There was a guy on my course at university who claimed that his coursework was late because he had been held hostage for a few days. This probably falls into general bullshitter/fantasist territory, but I knew an older guy who was always boasting that he'd been present at various significant cultural or historic events in the 60s, like Jimi Hendrix or The Doors gigs and Wembley 67. When pressed for further detail he'd just shrug and say "if you can remember the 60s then you weren't there". Edited April 17, 2021 by tongue_tied_danny 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
madwullie Posted April 17, 2021 Share Posted April 17, 2021 A guy I know (teacher) had folio deadline for the standard grade English folio coming up. Rather than do it, he decided to f**k off to Amsterdam for the week and get a heavy smoke on, planning to phone in sick and somehow rush the marking late on the day he came home. Fucking idiot was so desperate to impress a class of s6 Higher lassies that he told them all about his proposed trip to Amsterdam. So off he flew dinghying the folio pieces. School found out what he'd done. Jotters on his return. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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