Feeling like an adult

[Stellaboz]

I totally get this feeling. Don't always have it, but it creeps in from time to time. 

Was thinking a lot recently about how much has changed since my early 20s (I'm 34 now). I flipped a mental switch at 25 and threw myself back into uni and graduated at 29. Said to myself I wouldn't get into any relationship in any depth unless it felt really worth it and I'd simply focus on getting into a decent career, with a decent company and eventually move abroad. I also wanted to get my driving license and learn to swim, getting over a childhood fear. 

So here I am at 34, moved abroad and would be married if it wasn't for COVID, it's pushed back to June 2021. Lost both my parents a couple of years back and still feel like I'm in my early 20s, but able to cope with life much better. I couldn't cook properly previously, wasn't taking care of myself physically, drank too much and my diet was fairly awful. Now I'm eating much better, don't drink to excess and in pretty good physical shape. 

I'm really happy with my partner, she's absolutely brilliant and we've helped each other out so much with many different things. If I wasn't now with her, I'd happily stay on my own. Infact quite a lot I like to dream about how I'd be doing if I was single. I love to play video games and I'd probably spend most of my spare time playing them in the evenings. I'd be completely content with that. I spent a year in my own place (rented) and it was terrific. 

Still, I hate furniture shopping, I hate anything like manual work like putting furniture together or shit. 

I also don't want kids. I'm only a couple of years from the same age my dad had me and I think he was feeling like he was obliged to, thinking back. We have two cats instead and I love having them around, they're not really much hassle at all. I've always enjoyed the company of animals to other people in most cases. My partner doesn't want kids right now, she's 29 but realizes this might change in the future. I hope it doesn't because like someone else said, I don't want to bring another mouth to feed into the world, eating up it's resources and contributing probably not much. I see people with loads of children here and honestly feel hatred towards them for being so selfish. The world is in no position right now to accommodate any more unless we turn around our habits and when I see kids throwing away plastic and eating horrific stuff from McDonalds, it makes me sick. 

 I know I'm not really making a single point here, sorry for the random ramble. 

[Priti priti priti Patel]

On 18/10/2020 at 02:07, LondonHMFC said:

I think this is an issue in itself. We all compare ourselves to others. 

I'd say up until the start of this year, I was in a relatively good "life position" (definitely just made that up). Had a long term partner, had savings, were going to buy a house etc etc. Then the relationship finished, had to use my savings to clear some new found debt, and now find myself in a position where I was around 10 years ago. However I am a lot happier for it. 

Far too easy to think life is as simple as - grow up, buy house, marry, have kids, retire, the end. Not going to be like that for everybody, everyone has there own unique set of circumstances. 

 

Don't post on here very often these days but I remember your awful woman clearly and can say I am both delighted for you and unsurprised.

[invergowrie arab]

12 hours ago, Rob1885 said:

I drive, have a mortgage and I'm in a management position within one of the biggest companies in the UK. From the outside, you'd think I'd be nailing being an adult. Was sat at work today and ended up saying aloud "f**k, I'll be 27 next month" and that scares the absolute shite out of me.

Yet your profile pic marks you out as a rebel against conventional society.

[Derry Alli]

3 hours ago, welshbairn said:

I've just started my 7th decade, still dress like a teenager and don't tidy my room.

I'd never have had you down as that age going by your posting style. In fact, I thought you were about 50 tops the past few times you'd mentioned you were slightly older.

Fair play my man. Fair play. 

[Fullerene]

6 minutes ago, Mr. Alli said:

I'd never have had you down as that age going by your posting style. In fact, I thought you were about 50 tops the past few times you'd mentioned you were slightly older.

Fair play my man. Fair play. 

Starting his 7th decade means he has just turned 60.  You are not that far off.

Edited October 20, 2020 by Fullerene

[Derry Alli]

1 minute ago, Fullerene said:

Starting his 7th decade means he has just turned 60.  You are not that far off.

I know what it means. Its still ten years older than I would have had him down as. 

[Fullerene]

1 minute ago, Mr. Alli said:

I know what it means. Its still ten years older than I would have had him down as. 

Fair enough!

[beefybake]

23 minutes ago, Fullerene said:

Fair enough!

^^^^^^^^    Not in fighting mood today.

[Busta Nut]

3 hours ago, Stellaboz said:

I spent a year in my own place (rented) and it was terrific

This. I lived myself (it's always been with a bird otherwise) for 2 years and it was fuckin great. As much as I love my family now I'd love to have a week to myself and do what ever the f**k I wanted. 

[Stellaboz]

5 minutes ago, Busta Nut said:

This. I lived myself (it's always been with a bird otherwise) for 2 years and it was fuckin great. As much as I love my family now I'd love to have a week to myself and do what ever the f**k I wanted. 

I know what you mean. It was terrific even just keeping the place tidy and clean and not having someone else critique it, or just eating what I wanted when I wanted. Or just go for a walk without the hassle of any explanation. I just really enjoy being in my own company. The missus was going to the Netherlands for 10 days in November (including best part of two weekends) which has now been shit-canned because of Corona and I'm actually really sad that I won't get that time to myself. 

[Rob1885]

Yet your profile pic marks you out as a rebel against conventional society.

Either die a hero or live long enough to see yourself become the villain.

[Monkey Tennis]

This idea that having kids these days is monumentally selfish and morally wrong, is somewhat bonkers.

[welshbairn]

10 minutes ago, Monkey Tennis said:

This idea that having kids these days is monumentally selfish and morally wrong, is somewhat bonkers.

Have to say that I think it's cover for being monumentally lazy and not wanting the hassle, an attitude that I heartily share. I don't claim it as a virtue though, there are no rights and wrongs about breeding choices. Somebody has to look after me in my dotage and we can't rely on outsourcing our breeding to poorer countries for ever.

Edited October 20, 2020 by welshbairn

[Monkey Tennis]

14 minutes ago, welshbairn said:

Have to say that I think it's cover for being monumentally lazy and not wanting the hassle, an attitude that I heartily share. I don't claim it as a virtue though, there are no rights and wrongs about breeding choices. Somebody has to look after me in my dotage and we can't rely on outsourcing our breeding to poorer countries for ever.

Indeed.

I'm not criticising anyone's breeding choices.  A couple of posters on here are though, and I find their logic unconvincing.

[Raidernation]

I will be moving out of the sober living home next month and into a new rented flat. I’ve lived alone before but previously struggled, possibly because it was always a previously shared space with a now late Mrs. RN.

I’m hoping that the fact this will effectively be a brand new start will be more successful this time.

I’m still not sure I feel like an adult soon and I’m over half way to 100!

[Stellaboz]

1 hour ago, welshbairn said:

Have to say that I think it's cover for being monumentally lazy and not wanting the hassle, an attitude that I heartily share. I don't claim it as a virtue though, there are no rights and wrongs about breeding choices. Somebody has to look after me in my dotage and we can't rely on outsourcing our breeding to poorer countries for ever.

It's not lazy not to want to have children. I thought at one point in my life that it would solve my problems, I thought it would fix a broken relationship... thankfully it didn't come to pass. I couldn't even look after myself at that point in my life, I wouldn't have been able to look after another.  

Now, I realize that I'm not obliged to by society despite what anyone says and I'm happy with that. Maybe my feelings will change, maybe not. 

1 hour ago, Monkey Tennis said:

Indeed.

I'm not criticising anyone's breeding choices.  A couple of posters on here are though, and I find their logic unconvincing.

I'm happy with my stance on the matter. We're at a point in history where we're becoming over-populated and if things continue as they are, basic needs are going to start becoming in short supply. It's our duty to all future generations to reign it in. So yes, I feel that people making big families now a selfish and unreasonable choice. 

[DA Baracus]

An absolutely mental shout to say that not wanting kids is lazy, although I suspect it wasn't a serious post.

 

[Monkey Tennis]

1 minute ago, DA Baracus said:

An absolutely mental shout to say that not wanting kids is lazy, although I suspect it wasn't a serious post.

 

Not half as mental as implying that having them is morally wrong.

[Stellaboz]

1 minute ago, Monkey Tennis said:

Not half as mental as implying that having them is morally wrong.

As I've said, at this point in history having a shitload of them is IMO. 

[John Lambies Doos]

Totally agree with much that's written. I was in the supermarket couple of weeks back and a small child barged past me, the child's mother reprehended the child and told him to apologise to the man. I immediately looked around for the man she was referring to... [emoji23]