Feeling like an adult

[BFTD]

28 minutes ago, Bert Raccoon said:

I'm 38, I've no kids, can't drive, have never married and have never owned my own home. Thankfully I've got the money together no to buy a house so that's one down but I do feel that I'm missing out when everyone else I know has the wife and kids. As much as not having any ties is great as is not having anyone to answer to, I can't say that sometimes I'd like to have did things differently.

I've known a few folk who didn't marry and have kids until they were about 50. One of the benefits of being male, I suppose.

Surround yourself with a few married/divorced mates. You'll never hear the end of how jealous they are.

[BFTD]

1 hour ago, doulikefish said:

Im officially an adult ....not even the 23rd  of December and i ordered some xmas pressies today

If it's for yourself, it doesn't count.

[doulikefish]

17 minutes ago, BigFatTabbyDave said:

If it's for yourself, it doesn't count.

Thats the worst thing about it....its for her 

[Detournement]

2 hours ago, Jambomo said:

Just visit friends with kids. If you always want to leave after 30mins, then you know you aren’t going to survive the 16+ years until you can make your own kids leave home.

When the first one of my mates had a baby I went to visit with a card/gift and genuinely thought it would be 20/30 minutes chatting about the baby to his bird, a bit of holding then we would go for a pint. Instead it was two hours in a roasting hot room, that smelt weird with all the windows shut.

I haven't been to see any babies since. 

[RH33]

I got married, had house and three  kids By 30 and it all went tits up. In my early 20’s I was very insecure and thought this was what I wanted.

I always wanted kids and they are my world.

The benefit of renting was that when the kids school went to shit I was able to upsticks.

I got my degree at 36 but I’m now looking at a career but I’ll be over 40 by time that happens.

I’ve had significant mental health issues since I was 16, so 22 years of my life. It’s undoubtedly impacted many life choices I’ve made. 
 

 

[Scary Bear]

5 hours ago, 101 said:

I'm in my 20's an I genuinely think having kids would be incredibly selfish thing for me to do as their life is likely to be awful as the planet burns up and they live in a rock that will kill all life on earth eventually - I would hate to choose to put anyone through that.

I don't feel like an adult and I'm glad

Maybe your brat will be the one who solves the climate crisis and oversees world peace. Selfish of you to deny us.

[101]

Just now, Scary Bear said:

Maybe your brat will be the one who solves the climate crisis and oversees world peace. Selfish of you to deny us.

Unlikely by the time she/he was old enough we will be fucked.

[Detournement]

In regards to the OP the archetype adult that is held up as 'normal' doesn't really exist any more. 1/3rd of 35-44 y.o.s rent, 1/3rd of men under 40 just now will never have kids, over 50% of people in their 20s are living with their parents, median household income is £23,000 (ie 50% of households earn less than that).

The norms in the media don't reflect the reality of the UK in 2020.

 

 

[BucksburnDandy]

I don't think I expressed clearly in the first post what I was getting it.
Definitely what I wrote is part of it, but it's more a feeling of not only not feeling like an adult, but not feeling like anything. I don't feel like I belong anywhere or fit in anywhere. I don't have a direction or purpose. I feel like I'm totally adrift in the ocean alone (as dramatic as it sounds). 
Perhaps not the right thread for this. Maybe it's more a commentary on society as it is now.

I know how you feel DA. For the first few years after I left Uni I really drifted about unable to move out, no real relationship prospects, a couple of dead end jobs and generally thoroughly miserable feeling like a kid still.

The last three years I bought a house, met my fiancee and then this year we have upped sticks from Aberdeen to Inverness, buying her "dream home" up here and have finally got into a job that I enjoy.

However I still feel nowhere near an adult. I still feel a bit at sea and even in this job, I have no idea what I want to do in my career. My fiancee has given my life some direction but I still have anxieties about career, making friends here and money.

Ultimately you may feel my life conforms more to the media norm of an adult than I could ever realise but believe me when I say that I have no idea about life generally moving forward other than getting married next year and trying to settle in the new house.

I have no intention whatsoever of enjoying carpet or furniture shopping, I still want to be going to every Scotland home game and until I can do I will absolutely pointlessly shout at the TV like a kid.

If you ever need a sounding board @DA Baracus or someone to chat to, feel free to give me a shout. You seem a good person and as everyone else says, everyone's life goes down a different track - your life is every bit as important as mine even though we are in different situations.

[Fullerene]

There are all sorts of famous people taking serious medication to cope with having a more fulfilling life than everyone else.

[RH33]

Feeling like an adult

When kids wake you in night and then fall asleep ten min later but two hours later still awake!

[RH33]

6 hours ago, Detournement said:

In regards to the OP the archetype adult that is held up as 'normal' doesn't really exist any more. 1/3rd of 35-44 y.o.s rent, 1/3rd of men under 40 just now will never have kids, over 50% of people in their 20s are living with their parents, median household income is £23,000 (ie 50% of households earn less than that).

The norms in the media don't reflect the reality of the UK in 2020.

 

 

But at what point are housing markets going to fall back to reflect this? Never?

There is no appatite to build social housing in this country and the government receives big donations from the mayor house builders.

[GallowayBlue]

10 hours ago, BucksburnDandy said:

I know how you feel DA. For the first few years after I left Uni I really drifted about unable to move out, no real relationship prospects, a couple of dead end jobs and generally thoroughly miserable feeling like a kid still.

The last three years I bought a house, met my fiancee and then this year we have upped sticks from Aberdeen to Inverness, buying her "dream home" up here and have finally got into a job that I enjoy.

However I still feel nowhere near an adult. I still feel a bit at sea and even in this job, I have no idea what I want to do in my career. My fiancee has given my life some direction but I still have anxieties about career, making friends here and money.

Ultimately you may feel my life conforms more to the media norm of an adult than I could ever realise but believe me when I say that I have no idea about life generally moving forward other than getting married next year and trying to settle in the new house.

I have no intention whatsoever of enjoying carpet or furniture shopping, I still want to be going to every Scotland home game and until I can do I will absolutely pointlessly shout at the TV like a kid.

If you ever need a sounding board @DA Baracus or someone to chat to, feel free to give me a shout. You seem a good person and as everyone else says, everyone's life goes down a different track - your life is every bit as important as mine even though we are in different situations.

I recently moved to Inverness and have struggled to make friends. 
 

I’ve been looking for five a side football or a new hobby but Covid put a stop to that search.

[Scary Bear]

5 hours ago, RH33 said:

But at what point are housing markets going to fall back to reflect this? Never?

There is no appatite to build social housing in this country and the government receives big donations from the mayor house builders.

I’ve noticed quite a lot of social housing going up in Fife. My friend came back up from Kent as he couldn’t get in accommodation down there. Ended up in a hostel for homeless people in Fife just before Lockdown. He now has a ‘scatter flat’ and is waiting for a home. A couple of folk he was in the hostel with already have permanent flats. 

[Scary Bear]

12 hours ago, 101 said:

Unlikely by the time she/he was old enough we will be fucked.

Disgraceful. You should have more faith in your unborn progeny. 

[Blootoon87]

The universe is a cruel, uncaring void. The key to being happy isn't a search for meaning, it's to just keep yourself busy with unimportant nonsense, and eventually you'll be dead.

[Hedgecutter]

Disgraceful. You should have more faith in your unborn progeny. 

 

I just saw this and initially thought "how the name of f*** did this get 101 likes?"

 

[GiGi]

I'm turning 30 in a couple of months and adult life has hit me like a ton of bricks this year. I have a mortgage and so have had my own place for a few years, moved in with my Mrs at the time and I was the financially responsible one who handled all the bills etc but never really felt like an adult then either, like the original poster I sort of disassociated from thinking of myself that way.

My now-ex moved out a few months ago and it's been a sobering experience. While I was in charge of the money stuff, my ex definitely kept the house and, first world millenial problem though it may be, having to do everything in the house, every day has kind of fucked me up. Everything is now my job. Remembering birthdays is my job. Remembering to get the boiler serviced is my job. And speaking of jobs, I need to keep my actual job because I don't have anyone to help me if I end up unemployed. The feeling of responsibility has been like a physical weight and I find myself feeling stress like I never have and it makes me a feel a bit ill sometimes.

Last year 5 of my pals got married. 4 of them now have kids. I'm back where I was a few years ago and have a bit of fear about being able to meet someone else although I'm still plenty young enough for that. If this is what being an adult is about then being an adult can get entirely to f**k.

In spite of the above, these are just the negatives and sometimes I just remind myself that I have plenty going for me and I'd still be coming out ahead if I made a list of pros and cons for how my life is going.

[Bairnardo]

I'm turning 30 in a couple of months and adult life has hit me like a ton of bricks this year. I have a mortgage and so have had my own place for a few years, moved in with my Mrs at the time and I was the financially responsible one who handled all the bills etc but never really felt like an adult then either, like the original poster I sort of disassociated from thinking of myself that way.
My now-ex moved out a few months ago and it's been a sobering experience. While I was in charge of the money stuff, my ex definitely kept the house and, first world millenial problem though it may be, having to do everything in the house, every day has kind of fucked me up. Everything is now my job. Remembering birthdays is my job. Remembering to get the boiler serviced is my job. And speaking of jobs, I need to keep my actual job because I don't have anyone to help me if I end up unemployed. The feeling of responsibility has been like a physical weight and I find myself feeling stress like I never have and it makes me a feel a bit ill sometimes.
Last year 5 of my pals got married. 4 of them now have kids. I'm back where I was a few years ago and have a bit of fear about being able to meet someone else although I'm still plenty young enough for that. If this is what being an adult is about then being an adult can get entirely to f**k.
In spite of the above, these are just the negatives and sometimes I just remind myself that I have plenty going for me and I'd still be coming out ahead if I made a list of pros and cons for how my life is going.

The minute you abandon adulthood I am coming for your whisky cupboard.

[GiGi]

3 minutes ago, Bairnardo said:

The minute you abandon adulthood I am coming for your whisky cupboard.

When I said it's been a sobering year I did not mean that literally.