Feeling like an adult

[Jacksgranda]

1 hour ago, bennett said:

People can have all of the things mentioned and still feel unfulfilled/trapped trying to maintain the expected lifestyle. 

Tbh I don't see anything wrong with still feeling youthful,  better than being old before your time.

 

 

 

I don't think that's what DA is getting at.

[Hedgecutter]

1 hour ago, Hillonearth said:

or the amount of people who have settled for a partner that isn't 100% right for them just so they can say they're part of a couple and will repent at their leisure. 

A friend of mine is fairly ‘punching’ and we all know (including him I’m sure) that it’s because his now-wife has this seemingly set-in-stone life plan in which she had to be married with kids by 35.  I wish them all the best, but they’d be my first bet if ‘Divorce Pool’ became a thing.

[ICTChris]

I’m in the middle of a painful on off house move atm and if it goes through I’ll have made a profit of well over six figures on my house. We haven’t done anything major to it, just normal upkeep etc and we never looked at it as an investment or profit opportunity. If we’d carried on renting we’d have never managed to generate that profit, or rent a house as nice as the one we have.

[Brummie Clyde]

I'm married, with a mortgage, dog, car and a baby on the way.

Can't say I feel like a sodding grown up though and not sure I'd want to.

It's quite nice to be silly.

[Granny Danger]

The topic of ‘being an adult’ covers a multitude of sins.  Many people are content to live in the moment, which is fine, but planning for the future is an obligation.  No more so than in financial terms.

There are many people today in their 20s, 30s and 40s that do not have the same financial security that their parents have/had.  Home ownership, rightly or wrongly, is a big part of that.

Pensioner poverty will increase in future years which is not a nice thought.  Though as at present it will be very divided; millions having quite pleasant retirements, others really struggling.  Just,maybe, a larger number falling into the latter category.

 

[coprolite]

They say that inside every 80 year old man there's an 8 year old boy wondering what the hell just happened. 

For an eloquent description of how the grass isn't greener on the adult side:

 

[tamthebam]

I'm nearly 50, have buried one parent, and manage staff at work (God help them)

But I don't feel like an adult in many ways. Sometimes I see couples with bairns in tow and think they look older than me and then I think "they're 10-15 years younger than you".

Anyway Bennett made a good point above and I like to think that my feeling of youthfulness means I'm going to live to the age of 97.

And snuff it in the arms of a ridiculously younger blonde with a big chest.

[throbber]

57 minutes ago, Jambomo said:

Yet it can be a bind (if you move around a lot, hassle and cost of selling or letting), dependency on housing markets not to lose out, they can be a cash drain in terms of cost of repairs, especially if there is a building issue. You don’t have any of these if you rent. Some people prefer the freedom of this, it’s all about personal preference really.

We are also looking at it through an old lens. Mortgages take a long-time to pay off and these days, jobs don’t pay as well (in inflationary terms) it’s likely that similar to renting, you don’t necessarily have much left over afterwards for savings or to do things.

But I suppose with letting you still have the hassle of disputes if something breaks or repair work needs done and dealing with landlords/agencies will be a pain in the dick. I rented for 6 months in Edinburgh and there were quite a few annoyances, the landlord once let himself in for something - can’t remember what it was exactly but remember finding it rather unsettling.

I totally get your last part, I got left a bit of money and used it as a deposit for a place otherwise I’d have been fucked.

[Hillonearth]

1 hour ago, Hedgecutter said:

A friend of mine is fairly ‘punching’ and we all know (including him I’m sure) that it’s because his now-wife has this seemingly set-in-stone life plan in which she had to be married with kids by 35.  I wish them all the best, but they’d be my first bet if ‘Divorce Pool’ became a thing.

The female biological clock can be a fearsome thing - nearly got caught up in that "now or never" thing myself one time. Girl I had known through sharing many of the same pals since we were we were in our late teens - nothing had ever happened between us, although from memory I had tentatively tried it on once only to be told in the nicest possible terms I was now in the friend zone.

Until one night in our early 30s that is when she more or less launched herself at me and it did happen.

Weird situation anyway starting seeing someone you already knew pretty well, and one which was only made worse by people giving it "Oh, you two are so RIGHT for each other" and pretty much marrying us off after a matter of a few weeks, while within a couple of months she started talking firm plans for timeframes for having kids . I was lucky enough that firstly enough alarm bells started ringing for various reasons that I backed out after about three or four months, and secondly that I possessed the cojones not to care that quite a few people subsequently thought I was a c**t for doing so.

Edited October 18, 2020 by Hillonearth

[Hedgecutter]

17 minutes ago, Hillonearth said:

The female biological clock can be a fearsome thing - nearly got caught up in that "now or never" thing myself one time.

I’m getting the “if we ever have kids” line more frequently I’ve noticed.  Jury is still out on whether this is a genuine comment, or whether it is more of a prod.

I could very, very happily go without kids and (in a similar vein to the aforementioned forced relationship thing) don’t want to have them just because society tells me to.  In fact, I might genuinely come to regret it altogether.  However, there are only so many times you can hear the line “everyone says that, but it’s different when they’re your own” from other people before ‘punch in the puss’ appears further up the mental drop-down menu of possible reactions.

Tick tock, tick tock...

Edited October 18, 2020 by Hedgecutter

[Hillonearth]

3 minutes ago, Hedgecutter said:

I’m getting the “if we ever have kids” line more frequently I’ve noticed.  Jury is still out on whether this is a genuine comment, or whether it is more of a prod.

I could very, very happily go without kids and (in a similar vein to the aforementioned forced relationship thing) don’t want to have them just because society tells me to.  However, there are only so many times you can hear the line “everyone says that, but it’s different when they’re your own” line before ‘punch in the puss’ appears further up the drop-down menu of reactions.

It's invariably complete  brain donors that hit out with that line - I always answer it with "Bit of a blind leap of faith though, isn't it?"

[Jambomo]

14 minutes ago, Hedgecutter said:

I’m getting the “if we ever have kids” line more frequently I’ve noticed.  Jury is still out on whether this is a genuine comment, or whether it is more of a prod.

I could very, very happily go without kids and (in a similar vein to the aforementioned forced relationship thing) don’t want to have them just because society tells me to.  In fact, I might genuinely come to regret it altogether.  However, there are only so many times you can hear the line “everyone says that, but it’s different when they’re your own” from other people before ‘punch in the puss’ appears further up the mental drop-down menu of possible reactions.

Tick tock, tick tock...

I remember getting that when I was 21 from my then boyfriend I’m on the other side being a woman that doesn’t want kids.

The stuff people come out with is mad, one person told me I was selfish because my parents would want grandkids, fortunately my parents hate kids too, pretty sure my brother and I were only born because it was what you did in those days (they pretend to love us now though ). They don’t give a toss about being grandparents. 

Kids are such a major life-altering choice, I don’t know why anyone would take the leap of faith that they might like their own, or have them for someone else. I’d only have had them if I was 100%   sure motherhood was for me.

Edited October 18, 2020 by Jambomo

[Hedgecutter]

This might apply to me or my other half for all I know, but various people seem to ask/prod without considering that the reason we haven’t had kids might not be for reasons of our choosing.  I could imagine it being somewhat troubling and even rather upsetting for people who are attempting to have kids but just can’t.  Doesn’t seem to stop folk who should really be minding their own business though.

[Karpaty Lviv]

I’m 27 and still don’t know what I want to RE career wise. I work in childcare and have done for the last 8 years but I still struggle to see where it progresses. I don’t want to live in Scotland all my life  and would like to move sooner rather than later but I reckon I’d need to learn whatever language in the country I move to.

When I was 19, I hated my life and took out a bank loan and booked a flight to Ukraine and went. I didn’t even tell my work about it. Long story short, I didn’t think it through and went back to Scotland four weeks later and a few grand down (what a four weeks it was though. I ended up with a VIP card at the strippers). 

I often think back at how I should have done it and what would my life would be like if I stayed. I’m determined to give it another go though. I have literally zero responsibility here and that’s something I’m happy about.  

[Hedgecutter]

Tbh, a lot of people probably comment on the above just to boost their own self-esteem over a subject that doesn’t really matter in the grand scheme of things.
 

“Awww, do you not own yet?” can easily equate to a suppression of “between the giant mortgage, the house insurance, the life insurance, the council tax, gas/lecky and broadband, I have no disposable income to enjoy.  FML”.

Edited October 18, 2020 by Hedgecutter

[Jacksgranda]

56 minutes ago, Jambomo said:

I remember getting that when I was 21 from my then boyfriend I’m on the other side being a woman that doesn’t want kids.

The stuff people come out with is mad, one person told me I was selfish because my parents would want grandkids, fortunately my parents hate kids too, pretty sure my brother and I were only born because it was what you did in those days (they pretend to love us now though ). They don’t give a toss about being grandparents. 

Kids are such a major life-altering choice, I don’t know why anyone would take the leap of faith that they might like their own, or have them for someone else. I’d only have had them if I was 100%   sure motherhood was for me.

How would you know that without having any?

Although if you did and found out it wasn't for you, it would be a bit late...

[Jacksgranda]

1 hour ago, Hedgecutter said:

I’m getting the “if we ever have kids” line more frequently I’ve noticed.  Jury is still out on whether this is a genuine comment, or whether it is more of a prod.

I could very, very happily go without kids and (in a similar vein to the aforementioned forced relationship thing) don’t want to have them just because society tells me to.  In fact, I might genuinely come to regret it altogether.  However, there are only so many times you can hear the line “everyone says that, but it’s different when they’re your own” from other people before ‘punch in the puss’ appears further up the mental drop-down menu of possible reactions.

Tick tock, tick tock...

 

51 minutes ago, Hedgecutter said:

This might apply to me or my other half for all I know, but various people seem to ask/prod without considering that the reason we haven’t had kids might not be for reasons of our choosing.  I could imagine it being somewhat troubling and even rather upsetting for people who are attempting to have kids but just can’t.  Doesn’t seem to stop folk who should really be minding their own business though.

Big team found...

[Granny Danger]

59 minutes ago, Jambomo said:

I remember getting that when I was 21 from my then boyfriend I’m on the other side being a woman that doesn’t want kids.

The stuff people come out with is mad, one person told me I was selfish because my parents would want grandkids, fortunately my parents hate kids too, pretty sure my brother and I were only born because it was what you did in those days (they pretend to love us now though ). They don’t give a toss about being grandparents. 

Kids are such a major life-altering choice, I don’t know why anyone would take the leap of faith that they might like their own, or have them for someone else. I’d only have had them if I was 100%   sure motherhood was for me.

This raises another key issue, namely so many things in life are harder for women than for men.  Sadly many men still don’t appreciate that.

 

[Melanius Mullarkey]

1 hour ago, coprolite said:

They say that inside every 80 year old man there's an 8 year old boy.

 

[Monkey Tennis]

It's a sort of mindset/confidence thing.

I think it has less to do with the markers that have been identified here along the lines of employment, kids, mortgages etc than is sometimes implied.

In a conventionally, boring way, these things are generally in place for me, and I'm happy with my lot.  I'm also of an age where I can safely say I'd be considered a grown up.  

However, I always feel a bit as if I'll get found out.  I don't see myself as an adult, in the way I looked at my parents, when they were even a good bit younger than I am now.

I genuinely doubt if that'll feel any different ten years from now, by which time I'll hopefully have retired.