When Is It Acceptable To Physically Assault Someone?

[Mark Connolly]

6 minutes ago, Rob1885 said:

Fight near enough every weekend

 

[Tutankhamen]

2 hours ago, Zen Archer Esq. said:

Is that the hotel up from Inchinnan airport?

Cheeky 40

[Guest bernardblack]

About ten years ago, me and a mate caught up for a few pints in Middlesbrough town centre. He’d been working away for a few years, so we thought it would be pleasant to shoot the shit for the first time in ages, and generally check in to see how each other was doing. 
And that was exactly what happened - good few pints in some of Middesbrough’s finest pubs and a few laughs along the way. 
It was around half elevenish at night and my mate was a little boozy, and we were crossing Linthorpe Road to get to a final pub and then order a taxi home. As we were crossing the road, my slightly inebriated friend stumbled slightly and I quickly put my arm around his shoulder to make sure it wasn’t a more catastrophic/ hilarious spill. 
As he regained his balance, we heard some uproarious laughing from the side of the road we had just crossed, followed by a broad Middlesbrough accent declaring “fuckin’ hell, take a look at those batty boys!”
We both shook our heads in a ‘just ignore them’ type of way, and proceeded to cross the road. It was when we took another look back we noticed that we were being followed by a group of young adults - about 5 lads and 3 girls - all who looked to be around 18/ 19 years old. 
They weren’t hanging around and then started to get their mobile phones out - taking pictures of us as they began to throw their McDonald’s chips at us. 
I wasn’t worried about this - but I could tell my mate was feeling a bit of trepidation about this brewing situation. I was cool, calm and collected as I said: “Alright guys, you’ve had your fun now, let’s just go our separate ways now.” (Or words to that effect.)
This only seemed to rile up the guy who considered himself to be the head honcho. He was considerably shorter than me, but he was stupid enough to try and get as close to me as he could, saying “f**k you. Now you and your mate are going to give us your phones and all your money, or we will f**k you up.” He took dramatic pauses between the last three words in an attempt to intimidate us. I looked at my mate again, he was still looking worried. 
I knew it was up to me to deal with this situation, my first instinct was to try and defuse it. 
“Just leave us be, mate. We’ve got no money and our phones are shit. It’s not worth getting in trouble for.” I implored to the lad, who was starting to get worked up now. 
It didn’t work, though. And he tried to ram his head in my chest, his next best move to a straight headbutt considering that he was a lot shorter than me. 
I stumbled back a bit, as I wasn’t on my toes nor expecting the young hoodlum to attack. His little posse started laughing, and I then said “big mistake, kid.”
It was at this point the lad took his top off and started bouncing round like a boxer - I could tell that he had clearly had some form of training. I said to myself that keeping cool was the key to prevailing in this situation - the lad was far too emotional to keep his head on straight. 
His friends were cheering him on: “Go on, Joey lad!” and “Do him in, Joe” I heard them yelling. This clearly spurred him on as he went on the offense immediately. 
Thankfully for me, his punches were telegraphed from a mile away, and with some simple footwork and blocks I was easily blocking the kid’s assaults.
This went on for a few minutes and the young chav was getting nowhere close to me, and I could tell he was starting to get tired.  My relaxed, easy jabs were finding the target and he had yet to lay a glove on me. I put my hands down and said “we can just end this now, kid, no harm done.”
However, he was having none of this, clearly wanting to impress the female members of his primitive tribe. With my hands still down, he threw an uppercut targeted at my jaw. 
I ducked to my left, and when he was stumbling forward after the force of his final punch, my right hand connects with his body and he starts to crumple towards the floor. 
Even worse for him, my instincts have taken over and my left hand is already moving to clock him square in the face as he continues his fast descent to the cold, hard pavement. 
He lands in an awkward heap - and commotion erupts amongst their group whilst my mate shouts: “Shot, fella!”
A few of the other lads start posturing towards me, but I know that even they are not that stupid after witnessing the brutal knockout. 
I tell them that they better call an ambulance if they want to save the few brain cells the kid had, and then me and my mate continued to walk towards the pub we were heading to initially. 
We were disrupted again about ten seconds later, though. A Mercedes Benz with blacked out windows pulled up beside us. 
The window came down to unveil some bald guy wearing a leather jacket and mirrored sunglasses. 
He said “Good hands, kidda. If you ever consider going pro, keep me in consideration will ya?” as he handed me a business card declaring that he was a pro boxing agent. 
I said I would, then me and my mate went into the pub and had our final drink of the evening.

[Shotgun]

13 hours ago, Tutankhamen said:

Glad to say my old man shot a few in Normandy back in 1944

So much for the tolerant left, suppressing free speech, worse than nazis etc etc. 

[Shotgun]

10 hours ago, Mark Connolly said:

 

If there ever comes a time when I don’t find that clip funny, I think I’ll just hang up my boots. 

[effeffsee_the2nd]

when you walk into a pub and some c**t is fuckin lookin at you ?

[Bairnardo]

56 minutes ago, effeffsee_the2nd said:

when you walk into a pub and some c**t is fuckin lookin at you ?

In the pub when someone looks at your pints arse.

[Dee Man]

When someone spills your burd over the dart table. 

[welshbairn]

20 hours ago, Tutankhamen said:

Glad to say my old man shot a few in Normandy back in 1944

Not surprised, some French waiters can be incredibly rude.

[bennett]

17 hours ago, Mark Connolly said:

 

 

The outdoor auditions for STVs new version of thingummyjig seem to be quite popular with the youngsters.

 

[Tutankhamen]

10 hours ago, Shotgun said:

So much for the tolerant left, suppressing free speech, worse than nazis etc etc. 

Best bit was the Government gave you £1.25 a week to shoot Nazis.

[Shotgun]

20 minutes ago, Tutankhamen said:

Best bit was the Government gave you £1.25 a week to shoot Nazis.

Hell, I would do it for a lot less than that.

[DAFC.]

15 minutes ago, Shotgun said:

Hell, I would do it for a lot less than that.

I'd pay to do it. Carnival game potential, that. Shoot a Nazi, win a fake Minion toy. 

[Granny Danger]

1 hour ago, Tutankhamen said:

Best bit was the Government gave you £1.25 a week to shoot Nazis.

I reckon most of the German soldiers were not nazis and didn’t want to be there any more than any of the other combatants.

[Tutankhamen]

23 minutes ago, Granny Danger said:

I reckon most of the German soldiers were not nazis and didn’t want to be there any more than any of the other combatants.

 

23 minutes ago, Granny Danger said:

I reckon most of the German soldiers were not nazis and didn’t want to be there any more than any of the other combatants.

Had the Nazis won the war maybe all those nice German soldiers would have lived happily ever after with the Jewish next door neighbours.

Or maybe the little corporal was a crazy mixed up kid and the rest of the gang were really nice once you got to know them.

[Granny Danger]

1 minute ago, Tutankhamen said:

 

Had the Nazis won the war maybe all those nice German soldiers would have lived happily ever after with the Jewish next door neighbours.

Or maybe the little corporal was a crazy mixed up kid and the rest of the gang were really nice once you got to know them.

I’m glad Germany and their allies didn’t win.  That said your response is not very rational and really doesn’t address my point.

[Sergeant Wilson]

27 minutes ago, Granny Danger said:

I reckon most of the German soldiers were not nazis and didn’t want to be there any more than any of the other combatants.

I saw a documentary about it. Some of the soldiers were quite friendly with the French resistance and got together to smuggle art away from the Nazis.

[Tutankhamen]

1 minute ago, Granny Danger said:

I’m glad Germany and their allies didn’t win.  That said your response is not very rational and really doesn’t address my point.

Whit?

[Tutankhamen]

1 minute ago, Sergeant Wilson said:

I saw a documentary about it. Some of the soldiers were quite friendly with the French resistance and got together to smuggle art away from the Nazis.

Seems the Channel Islanders thought them really nice chaps that took the slave workers for ice cream every Sunday afternoon.

 

[101]

16 minutes ago, Sergeant Wilson said:

I saw a documentary about it. Some of the soldiers were quite friendly with the French resistance and got together to smuggle art away from the Nazis.

Art ffs. Forget smuggling out Jewish people, gay people, communists, defectors, gold, hitlers other ball they chose art! I despair