Old Folks’ Homes

[tamthebam]

I delivered papers to sheltered housing when I was young. There were individual flats and it looked ok. It was like a bloody greenhouse in there though 

As for old folks homes I don't think I could be bothered sitting with a lot of girning old bats watching daytime TV all day though- there'd better be one of those "football memories" groups on the go so I can rage about that dodgy penalty from 60 years ago 

And if I did go for the pillow over the head route I want it done properly. Like Jack Nicholson in "One Flew over the Cuckoo's Nest"- by a big Native American who will chuck the water fountain through the window and escape.

[Boo Khaki]

Years ago I accompanied someone to a carehome visit who was looking for a residential place for her mother who was due to be discharged from hospital. I've been in some pretty grim places and seen some harrowing stuff, but this place will stay with me for the rest of my life, and I'll never willingly set foot in another one again.

It was an old Victorian mansion house with a grand central staircase in the main foyer. Within seconds of setting foot in the place, I was grabbed by an old dear sitting on a chair beside the foot of the stair, who begged me to help her to the loo because she was desperate, had been pleading with the staff for hours, and they'd just totally ignored her. Soon enough the manager appeared to facilitate the meeting with the person I was accompanying. I pointed out the old dear trying to get her attention, at which point she gave a couple of platitudes about a 'nice cup of tea' and effectively told the poor old soul to eff-off and stop harassing her.

We were ushered into an empty bedroom, ostensibly so we could get a look at the private space that would be allocated to a new resident. I was immediately hit by a really disconcerting stench. Within a few seconds of sitting down I realised it was coming from the bed. It appeared to be clean linen and freshly made, but there was no doubt it absolutely stank of stale piss, and the stench itself was a combo of this, and whichever cleaning and disinfecting agents they'd used to try and mask it.

The whole place was utterly depressing. From the lifeless, zombie-looking folk sitting staring off into the distance in the TV room, to the old boy in a full dress suit, shirt and tie, battering away on a xylophone like a hyperactive toddler, encouraged and  enthused over by a bloke in a rather sinister, white overcoat.

I've no idea what actually happened to the mother in question, but I hope she never ended up in this place.

[Shotgun]

When I was at primary school, we were forced to go to an old folks home to sing Christmas carols to the inmates. The auld dears loved it but the men were angry about having the telly switched off and had no problems telling us so. I don't think I've ever been in such a frighteningly depressing place and it's haunted me ever since.

That said, my Mum had been struggling with dementia for several years and went downhill pretty fast after my Dad died. Both my sisters were working at the time and of course, I'm over here so none of us were equipped to give her the care she needed. We found her a place near the centre of town and it was quite lovely. It was like a nice wee hotel and the residents who were able to appreciate it, appeared to be very happy. My sisters popped in whenever they could - no need for advance notice and they never saw any cause for concern. The staff were terrific and on a special occasion, such as relatives visiting from a distance, always made sure Mum was nicely dressed with her hair done, makeup and jewellery on. I suppose the takeaway from this is, some are good, some aren't so you should do your research in advance.

To me; one of the biggest injustices of modern life is that we aren't allowed to choose the manner of our own death. Advances in technology mean that people are being kept alive long after nature intended and even the ones who want to die, are forbidden to. Life should be about quality not quantity and religious hypocrites can do one.

[Hard Graft]

Over the years have had to visit a few homes during the course of my work and they vary greatly. Some are absolutely brilliant but others you would not put your worst enemy into. You would have to research carefully before putting a relative in a home.

The other side of the coin is I have seen people who are fit and well with a lot of life to look forward to becoming carers for a family member and within a couple of years they are mentally and physically destroyed by what they thought was the right thing to do.  It maybe was but at the expense of their quality of life.  It is a hard one to call and hopefully one I will not have to make.  I have utter admiration for people who take on the care of a relative.

[Ross.]

My old man spent the last couple of years of his life in one, after developing vascular dementia. The home itself was reasonable enough and the staff were tremendous, but it's impossible not to find the setting anything but depressing, with dozens of folk at various stages of dementia all acting out in their own ways. The way my dad went he needed 24h care, and it would have been impossible for me and my brother to have done it ourselves. We did get lucky with the place he ended up in, but all the same it was still a fucking horrible thing to have to do and without question I feel a lot of guilt that he ended up where he did, even though the rational part of my brain knows there was absolutely nothing else we could do. The fact it was vascular dementia didn't help either. For all he was shutting down and couldn't communicate at times, it was fairly obvious his brain was still working at times and he knew himself how dire the whole thing was. In the end he got an infection in his foot and simply refused to take the medication he was due for it. As they aren't allowed to force feed them, it went further downhill pretty quickly and within a few weeks of that he was done for, which I have no doubts was what he'd been wanting.

I'm definitely in favour of the Dignitas Express. If and when I get to that stage I sincerely hope they are still operating.

[RH33]

I also have so much respect for the staff, often poorly paid and dealing with all the worst that issues like dementia serves. I couldn’t do the job.

[The Moonster]

Me and my pal went to visit an old friend who had been put in a home by his son after an incident in George Square. Was an old building but the grounds were quite nice. When we got there things started to take a bit of a turn though, we were met in the driveway by one of the residents with his hand outstretched shouting "SMELL MA FINGERS, IT'S THE GOOD STUFF" which caught us off guard a bit. Eventually we were shown inside by one of the doctors who led us up this staircase and asked us to wait at the top before pulling the clip from his clipboard and attaching it to his bottom lip before marching away singing "All the doo dah day!". We both took that as the prompt to get the f**k out of there but just as we were about to leave we spotted our pal sitting in one of the rooms. We sat down for a chat and he seemed totally fine, as if he shouldn't have been there. We got talking some more and it sounded like his son had been a bit of a c**t in throwing him in there after one wee incident in George Square. My pal decided he'd pretend to be his next of kin and we'd get him out of that nuthouse. I really thought the sign in/out process at these places would be a bit more strictly followed but they seemed quite happy that we were his relatives there to take him home.

We were up on the roof of our high flats about a week later and we turned round to see our mate stripped down to his scants shouting about being in a park in the sky. A huge error we won't make again.

[Jacksgranda]

Two of my step daughters worked in care homes (one still does although she's off on maternity leave at the minute) and they have both said that neither me nor their mother are going into a care home. As we both get gradually more decrepit we'll see how that pans out.

[Ross.]

8 minutes ago, The Moonster said:

Me and my pal went to visit an old friend who had been put in a home by his son after an incident in George Square. Was an old building but the grounds were quite nice. When we got there things started to take a bit of a turn though, we were met in the driveway by one of the residents with his hand outstretched shouting "SMELL MA FINGERS, IT'S THE GOOD STUFF" which caught us off guard a bit. Eventually we were shown inside by one of the doctors who led us up this staircase and asked us to wait at the top before pulling the clip from his clipboard and attaching it to his bottom lip before marching away singing "All the doo dah day!". We both took that as the prompt to get the f**k out of there but just as we were about to leave we spotted our pal sitting in one of the rooms. We sat down for a chat and he seemed totally fine, as if he shouldn't have been there. We got talking some more and it sounded like his son had been a bit of a c**t in throwing him in there after one wee incident in George Square. My pal decided he'd pretend to be his next of kin and we'd get him out of that nuthouse. I really thought the sign in/out process at these places would be a bit more strictly followed but they seemed quite happy that we were his relatives there to take him home.

We were up on the roof of our high flats about a week later and we turned round to see our mate stripped down to his scants shouting about being in a park in the sky. A huge error we won't make again.

That's plenty.

[Dee Man]

After reading all these posts I think I'd just trundle my wheelchair off a cliff rather than go into care. 

[Alert Mongoose]

12 minutes ago, Dee Man said:

After reading all these posts I think I'd just trundle my wheelchair off a cliff rather than go into care. 

^  ^  ^
Kane Lemmings

[Sergeant Wilson]

2 hours ago, Jacksgranda said:

Two of my step daughters worked in care homes (one still does although she's off on maternity leave at the minute) and they have both said that neither me nor their mother are going into a care home. As we both get gradually more decrepit we'll see how that pans out.

Another wean? Fucksake, you'll need Cecil B De Mille to direct Christmas dinner.

Edited July 31, 2020 by Sergeant Wilson

[Shandon Par]

My mum had been in a care home temporarily after leaving a hospital ward recovering from a fall. Now in a nursing home. She just wants to die. I remember my gran getting to that stage too, where she'd just tell me she was too old, shouldn't still be here (and was sharp enough to always tell me Mrs Par was far too good for me and that she could do better). 

Life is harsh, certainly the death part. My mum needs two people plus lifting equipment to shift her about (she's not big, just can't walk). She's half away with the fairies and despite being in a really good home her life is "hell on earth". Keeping utterly decrepit folk alive is big business though. COVID must have created am awful lot of vacancies in care homes and the volume of flyers through our door lately suggests they are desperately touting to get those places filled. 

Every hospital ward she has been in (been in and out of loads over last few years) has been full of skeletal figures just wanting to die. I find it hard to criticise the homes as the staff do their best with very difficult "customers". Maybe we should be having a more open conversation about giving people the freedom/help to die when they are ready. There will be loads of folk in homes who still lead a nice life but the ones like my mum are really just being kept alive against their will. 

[Jacksgranda]

3 minutes ago, Sergeant Wilson said:

Another wean? Fucksake, you'll need Cecil B Dr Mille to direct Christmas dinner.

Born on 1st April. 16 grand children. That will probably be it.

However, grandson nr 3's girlfriend is due in November...

Edited July 31, 2020 by Jacksgranda

[Melanius Mullarkey]

They look worse than the Juniors forum.

[Central Belt Caley]

2 hours ago, The Moonster said:

Me and my pal went to visit an old friend who had been put in a home by his son after an incident in George Square. Was an old building but the grounds were quite nice. When we got there things started to take a bit of a turn though, we were met in the driveway by one of the residents with his hand outstretched shouting "SMELL MA FINGERS, IT'S THE GOOD STUFF" which caught us off guard a bit. Eventually we were shown inside by one of the doctors who led us up this staircase and asked us to wait at the top before pulling the clip from his clipboard and attaching it to his bottom lip before marching away singing "All the doo dah day!". We both took that as the prompt to get the f**k out of there but just as we were about to leave we spotted our pal sitting in one of the rooms. We sat down for a chat and he seemed totally fine, as if he shouldn't have been there. We got talking some more and it sounded like his son had been a bit of a c**t in throwing him in there after one wee incident in George Square. My pal decided he'd pretend to be his next of kin and we'd get him out of that nuthouse. I really thought the sign in/out process at these places would be a bit more strictly followed but they seemed quite happy that we were his relatives there to take him home.

We were up on the roof of our high flats about a week later and we turned round to see our mate stripped down to his scants shouting about being in a park in the sky. A huge error we won't make again.

Bloody Bismarck! 

[Central Belt Caley]

My gran was in a care home from about 2012 to when she died in 2017. She had dementia and just went from bad to worse, me and my sister understood why she didn’t recognise us and didn’t get upset. Our Cousin went in to see her one day and stormed out raging and crying because my gran had no idea who she was (she’s not the brightest).
 

She had an incident where she managed to get into the garden within the home unaccompanied and fell outside and scraped her face down a rough cast wall and needed 21 stitches. 
 

Going into see her was a pretty horrible experience tbh, there was an old woman who was 104 and she couldn’t do anything for herself, had to be fed, cleaned etc literally got woke up in the morning plonked in a chair til bedtime. Not the way I’d want to spend my later years 

[Richey Edwards]

I have worked in the care industry for ten years, and I have spent some of that time working with elderly people with dementia.

I was quite fond of a lot of the old folk I worked with. A lot of them had a cracking sense of humour even if they couldn't remember what happened five minutes ago. Indeed, my observation is that the sense of humour appears to be one of the last things people lose when they have dementia.

However, watching people with dementia deteriorate is heart breaking. Many times I have been followed down corridors by people begging me to tell them where their spouse is. Their spouse has often been dead for decades. It's considered bad practice to tell them though, because they no longer know that their spouse is dead and to tell them would cause them great distress. I lost count of the number of white lies I told.

A lot of care homes I have seen are pretty bad and I wouldn't willingly put any of my relatives into one. However, that's not down to the standard of care staff - who do a long and often thankless job. It is down to the fact that many care homes are run by private companies who are more concerned with making as much money as possible than they are about staffing levels and the welfare of residents. 

[Sergeant Wilson]

2 minutes ago, Richey Edwards said:

 It is down to the fact that many care homes are run by private companies who are more concerned with making as much money as possible than they are about staffing levels and the welfare of residents. 

That's it in a nutshell. Care and profit are not compatible priorities.

[thistledo]

My only personal experience of a nursing home was the one my gran went into at a later stage of dementia, she was 97 and you were lucky if she remembered you. It was awful. The worst thing was when she died a couple of months ago, I got a call in the morning from my brother to say she'd died and while we were sad, concluded that it's for the best and neither of us would have wanted to be in her position. About half an hour later my brother called me back to upgrade her status to being alive again, but that she isn't likely to make it through the night. Many hours later I got the call again to say she had died, bit of a brutal day and I believe it may have been some miscommunication at the care home. Felt the most sorry for my dad who actually turned up and realised she was still alive after having been informed otherwise. 

When it comes to getting old I often think about Hunter S. Thompson and I have a lot of respect for the way he handled it. I think I'd rather something like that than the deterioration and indignity of being put in a care home.