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10 Years In Purgatory


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What will Lionel Messi do when he retires from playing? | Goal.com

Lionel Messi woke up in a cold sweat. Panic overcame him and he put the bedside lamp on, Waking his wife.

¿Qué pasa Lionel? ¿Estás teniendo esa pesadilla con el pingüino otra vez?
Hablemos en inglés esta noche para que sea más fácil para el lector
What is it?
I had a dream where I died but was not allowed to go to heaven for all the riches I have accrued. Not just the material wealth but I've played under the greatest managers in the world, at the biggest team in the world, with the best players in the world and the best stadium and facilities.
But you've only ever been with Barcelona. That's not your fault. 
It is not. But I can make amends.
*Lionel phones up the Barcelona chairman*
I must leave. 
No! We need you.
I promise I will come back on 1st January 2030. As the new Barcelona player manager. But I have to play somewhere terrible between now and then to make amends for my life of luxury.
But where will you go?
I don't know yet...

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Lionel Messi is now the player/assistant manager at St. Cuthbert's Wanderers until 01/01/2030 when the 41 year old Lionel Messi will go back to Barcelona as player manager. I'm hoping having this transfer set into the game means he wont retire in that time.

My job is going to be more akin to that of a Director of Football. Messi's non-player stats are completely randomised and haven't been touched. I'll set up the formation and make the signings but picking the team and taking over training will all be down to Messi. I have ten years to get St. Cuthbert's as far up the pyramid as possible in that time.

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A coupla free transfer/loan signings but no-one of consequence and not worth mentioning. Here's how the team and Messi are going
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Messi had a howler v Abbey Vale. Never in the game at all. Ended up subbing him off and winning it from a set piece. Messi might run amok v the defences in Madrid, Manchester and Turin but New Abbey know how to keep him quiet.

 

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  • 2 months later...

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Decided to switch formation a bit and move the DMC to AMC. In doing so Messi decided he'd prefer to play on the right wing cutting in and, fucking hell, it's worked a treat. Dropped points v Stranraer Reserves tho. That's a brass neck. Got Stirling Albion at home in the Scottish Cup

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Have some sympathy for Messi. Played a 2nd string against Threave to keep folk fresh for the replay v Stirling. 3-0 down with ten minutes left and bring him on. Scores two and we equalise from his corner only to lose in injury time. He then scores 2 v Stirling while the rest of the team forgets how to defend and gift Stirling three sitters after being tackled in our own box. 

We are a truly dreadful football team with no hope of promotion without him

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