Best teacher meltdowns

[Mark Connolly]

13 hours ago, Adam said:

We had a guy, Mr Morrison (or Mojo Morrison as we named him), a Modern Studies teacher. He was absolutely mental, used to fly off the handle at any small thing. Launched a chair at the blackboard once, that was class.

 

3 hours ago, Raidernation said:

I know at one school I was called “Victor” ( as in Victor Meldrew ) and at another was “Mojo-*name*”

[stevieKTID]

4 hours ago, Black Pennel said:

Are you talking about George Kerr ?

If so, I always thought he was an absolute gentleman !

Just goes to show that someone can be a dick at their work but seem OK to the outside world.

Yes that's the one, don't get me wrong i had nothing but respect for him especially after seeing the photos of his Icelandic odessey, he wasn't your usual teacher and i liked that plus the guy he chapped with the hammer was a fanny, i was a bit scared of him but we had quite a few idiots in our class so he had to be firm. 

Mr Dempster was a good guy used to see him at Rugby Park. 

Edited April 22, 2020 by stevieKTID

[coprolite]

Our French teacher was a French lady, from France. She had a high pitched thick accent that we used to regularly immitate for a laugh. 

She told us a sad story one day about how her teenage son had been on the beach and was very hot, so jumped into the cold sea to cool down. Apparently the shock of the tempearature difference knocked him unconscious and he drowned. She explained that she didn't know what it was called in English but in French it was "hydrocution" 

There was an awkward silence for a few seconds before one boy came out with a loud "eeeeeeedrocoooosheeeeeong? " which released everyone's tension into a roar of laughter. 

Poor woman was in floods of tears and couldn't understand why we all found it funny. 

Kids are b*****ds. 

[Derry Alli]

Not a meltdown but we had a history teacher who was bonkers. 

He'd stand and eat chalk and say things like "yum, raspberry ripple" and call the pupils "fucking monkeys" when we wouldn't behave. I even witnessed him carry on the fucking monkeys act when folk still were disobeying him he got up on tables and run around (it was U shaped set up) whilst making monkey noises and then he'd stop at someone and pretend to pick lice/fleas off of them. 

He was an older guy and outside of the class had a lot of time for us. 

Great guy. 

[Gaz]

45 minutes ago, coprolite said:

Our French teacher was a French lady, from France. She had a high pitched thick accent that we used to regularly immitate for a laugh. 

She told us a sad story one day about how her teenage son had been on the beach and was very hot, so jumped into the cold sea to cool down. Apparently the shock of the tempearature difference knocked him unconscious and he drowned. She explained that she didn't know what it was called in English but in French it was "hydrocution" 

There was an awkward silence for a few seconds before one boy came out with a loud "eeeeeeedrocoooosheeeeeong? " which released everyone's tension into a roar of laughter. 

Poor woman was in floods of tears and couldn't understand why we all found it funny. 

Kids are b*****ds. 

I'll preface this by saying I'm a teacher. Although I've found most of the stories on this thread quite funny, this one isn't. Laughing at a person's kid drowning? That's just shit.

[Alert Mongoose]

49 minutes ago, coprolite said:

 

Our French teacher was a French lady, from France. She had a high pitched thick accent

 

I don’t even need to see her to know she was a wid.

[coprolite]

3 minutes ago, Gaz said:

I'll preface this by saying I'm a teacher. Although I've found most of the stories on this thread quite funny, this one isn't. Laughing at a person's kid drowning? That's just shit.

Like i said, kids are b*****ds. I wouldn't find it at all funny now. 

[Zen Archer (Raconteur)]

51 minutes ago, coprolite said:

Our French teacher was a French lady, from France. She had a high pitched thick accent that we used to regularly immitate for a laugh. 

She told us a sad story one day about how her teenage son had been on the beach and was very hot, so jumped into the cold sea to cool down. Apparently the shock of the tempearature difference knocked him unconscious and he drowned. She explained that she didn't know what it was called in English but in French it was "hydrocution" 

There was an awkward silence for a few seconds before one boy came out with a loud "eeeeeeedrocoooosheeeeeong? " which released everyone's tension into a roar of laughter. 

Poor woman was in floods of tears and couldn't understand why we all found it funny. 

Kids are b*****ds. 

I was hoping for this.

 

[LondonHMFC]

Mr Smith - RE Teacher. Came from one of the islands, so probably explains a lot. 

A decent enough bloke, but would occasionally lose the plot. If anybody ever farted, he would get a cork out and threaten to put it up their arse. 

Can also remember all the girls in the class being asked to go to an assembly regarding periods and what not. Must have been around 12/13. Once they had all left, he closed the door and started shouting that he found it disgusting boys didn't get something similar. He then proceeded to ask us "If you know how to wash you willy, put your hand up". I think out of fear of not saying no, everybody had their hand up within a millisecond 

 

[EdinburghPar1975]

15 hours ago, Shandon Par said:

Remember him but never had him as a teaxher. We had Mr “You boy” Bonnar for classics.

Randomly I was only at Queen Anne for about a year and a half before coming to Edinburgh but I remember both Bonnar and Lowrie...

 

Despite not being Catholic I chose to go to a local RC high school when I moved to Edinburgh. No real mad teachers that I can remember (although always chat about two of them having some affair) but one occasion where I did see one lose it was when for some reason in RE they decided to try and teach sex education. Our RE teacher was a nun and being an RC school you can imagine it wasn't so much education but a lecture. We also got 'told' about abortion in as balanced a way as you can imagine which included full technicolour slides of aborted pregnancies...

When I questioned why a nun was teaching sex ed and 'advising' on the use (or lack of) contraception and abortion she went a bit loopy and I was sent out. I never had RE with her again but when another took over it actually became a pretty interesting subject as he taught about the world religions, meditation and relaxation...very cool guy!

[Silverton End]

Metalwork/TechDrawing teacher threw a solid metal, set square at a boy, missing him by inches, it lodged itself in the wall. It was like one of those martial arts movie scenes with a throwing star.

Not sure if the teacher had been practising or what, but it left an impression.

Silence ensued

 

[AsimButtHitsASix]

29 minutes ago, MixuFixit said:

That's what bugged me about RE at school, we had two church of Scotland ministers who just did christianity all the time when I wanted to know why Sikhs wore turbans and carried daggers and all that mad stuff.

Our RE was basically a doss. We had a nervous wreck of a teacher who would start the lesson but, as soon as anyone gave him any lip, would just sit down at his desk and not say anything for the rest of the lesson. If he ever did get any kind of class going it was more akin to philosophy than anything else. I quite enjoyed it.

I also recall drawing a map of the classroom on my desk and writing "Baldrick's cunning plan for escape" with a wee arrow snaking round the classroom in such a way that the teacher would, in theory, not noticing you sneaking out. When I came someone had added to it, so I added more, and this went on for months. It was only a few years later I found out it was the guy from the year below who lived next door to me who was adding to it.

[charger29]

Seems to be a lot of Maths and RE teachers on this thread.

My go to story whenever the subject of mental teachers pops up.

Was this at KSS? Teacher have a very distinctive name?

[Inanimate Carbon Rod]

We had a really nice French teacher at my school, she was an older german lady and must have been born around 1940ish, one of the neds in my class called her a nazis b*****d and did a nazis salute which had the great unwashed in my class absolutely hysterical, she looked really deeply hurt and ran out crying. Turns out she had family who died in concentration camps and it set her off. The head of the department came in and took the dafties away. Most of them are either dead or in prison now.
We had a maths teacher who was a big motherwell fan, he was a younger guy who thought he was pretty cool and had a really daft personal reg plate that was something like hi2 dud or something, one day he got stopped right outside the school at lunchtime with all the kids passing and got given a ticket for an illegal number plate (since learned it must have been the spacing of the plate) and was apparently crying in the polis motor.

[Carl Cort's Hamstring]

5 hours ago, MixuFixit said:

How did you change, just get a thicker skin?

Partly that, you have to learn not to take it personally, also remember that even on a bad day the vast majority of the kids still tend to behave well.

The main thing was chaging how I approached the start of the year with a new class. Be incredibly strict (but fair) and incredibly pedantic about absolutely everything for the first month or so - eg if I ask the kids to leave 2 squares before drawing a margin in their maths books and someone leaves 1 or 3, then they have to start again. Once you've set the boundaries and the kids understand that you mean them, you can start to relax a little and most classes begin manage themselves to some extent. If you're too permissive at the start though it's almost impossible to fix the relationship by cracking down later. That's when the meltdowns happen.

Edited April 22, 2020 by Carl Cort's Hamstring

[KnightswoodBear]

44 minutes ago, charger29 said:

 

Was this at KSS? Teacher have a very distinctive name?

No*

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

*yes. 

[charger29]

12 minutes ago, KnightswoodBear said:

No*

 

*yes. 

Didn't realise he taught computing. It was always a laugh to read his reviews on RateMyTeachers with every comment being about what a creep he was. Seems like the Scottish schools must have asked to be taken off the site as there's nothing there any more.

[Zen Archer (Raconteur)]

2 hours ago, MixuFixit said:

I wanted to know why Sikhs wore turbans and carried daggers and all that mad stuff.

[Shandon Par]

4 hours ago, EdinburghPar1975 said:

Randomly I was only at Queen Anne for about a year and a half before coming to Edinburgh but I remember both Bonnar and Lowrie...

 

Despite not being Catholic I chose to go to a local RC high school when I moved to Edinburgh. No real mad teachers that I can remember (although always chat about two of them having some affair) but one occasion where I did see one lose it was when for some reason in RE they decided to try and teach sex education. Our RE teacher was a nun and being an RC school you can imagine it wasn't so much education but a lecture. We also got 'told' about abortion in as balanced a way as you can imagine which included full technicolour slides of aborted pregnancies...

When I questioned why a nun was teaching sex ed and 'advising' on the use (or lack of) contraception and abortion she went a bit loopy and I was sent out. I never had RE with her again but when another took over it actually became a pretty interesting subject as he taught about the world religions, meditation and relaxation...very cool guy!

We had to watch a video of an abortion in RE. One lad passed out as the mashed baby was pumped into a jar. He caught his nose on the desk on the way down. This revived him and he hit the deck in a torrent of blood and puke. This was in first year and he wasn't allowed to forget it for the rest of his high school days. 

[Ron Aldo]

My 1st year English teacher had definite anger problems. I won't name him as he's a complete nut job as well as a Hearts fan so there's probably a fair chance he posts on here.

It was his first year of teaching after finishing uni and it was quite clear early on that it wasn't for him. He quickly developed the nickname "chief" which for some reason sent him into a rage. I have no idea how the name came about but it was one of those things that folk would end up shouting at him knowing it would guarantee a reaction.

Generally I got on with him but to this day I've never met someone who would fly off the handle so quickly. I was once talking away to him about football and he mentioned that he was a Hearts fan. I made a joke about them getting beat and he went off his head. I ended up in detention having been deemed to have made an "inappropriate comment".

Unsurprisingly he didn't come back the following year and the rumour was that he had joined the police. I'm sure that went well for him given his calm, controlling demeanour...