Best teacher meltdowns

[Stellaboz]

Let's hear the bets teacher meltdown moments from your childhood. 

I have two that spring to mind.

First was my business teacher during high school, Mr Wilson. Really decent guy with me especially for a R*ngers fan and would always be up for a bit of banter. He had a really nasty streak if you got out of line though. There was one particular day he must have had all the sh*t thrown his way, one of the lassies in our class just gave him too much jip and he launched a chair right across one side of the room, barely missing a few pupil's heads. Absolute seething moment which I'm glad it wasn't directed at me. 

The second was actually in the same corridor. It was in English class  and we had a lot of mouthy girls in 2nd year. We'd had this substitute teacher for ages, replacing the affectionately titled "paedo Reid". I've no idea if he was or not, always seemed alright. Anyway, one day she this replacement was getting so much cheek from the girls in our class that she literally just broke down in front of us, crying and gibbering on something along the lines of "why me?" "why?". Actually felt sorry for her but it was astonishing to see. 

 

 

[Shandon Par]

Mr Coffee, bampot Geography teacher at Queen Anne. The school bus would overtake him on his bike some mornings and he'd always be ready to flick the Vs and hurl obscenities. Saw him break a metre stick over someone's head. 

[Hillonearth]

We had one maths teacher who was always noticeably grumpier in the afternoon because he was half pished. Anyway, one day in I think third year I was being a wee dick and he told me to leave the room and wait for him. When he came out rather than dishing out the belt like I was expecting he actually offered me a square go.

"So if you win I get a doing, and if I win I've just battered a teacher? You're okay either way...I'm going back in now."

Oddly nothing more was said...caught him at a weak moment I guess...I remember him being middle-aged at the time, but small world, he taught my brother in law at a different school twenty years later, so he couldn't have been.

[Cardinal Richelieu]

Not really a meltdown, but 1st year art, me and a few other lads used to always carry on - nothing serious but probably quite disruptive. Our end of term art "exam" had us all paint a painting which she would then assign a % score to (how the f**k can you assign a % score to a fecking painting). 

Anyway, every single one of the bad lads' paintings (except mine) was given the exact mark you needed to pass - 45%. 

The score she gave me? 44%

And the teacher's name? Miss Fair. In an extreme case of l'esprit d'escalier, it only occurred to about 25 years later to call her Miss Unfair. 

[AsimButtHitsASix]

My class, as a collective, made a student teacher break down in tears and run out the classroom when we were in Primary 5. We were doing some daft arts and crafts at the time as well so naw like anybody didnae want to do it. Just everyone was enjoying winding up the teacher because we could tell she didnae know what to do.

Genuinely still feel a bit bad about it. Wonder if she jacked it in when she realised she couldn't even get a bunch of eight year olds to make paper mache masks without getting the pish taken out of her.

[bishopburn boy]

2 minutes ago, Cardinal Richelieu said:

Not really a meltdown, but 1st year art, me and a few other lads used to always carry on - nothing serious but probably quite disruptive. Our end of term art "exam" had us all paint a painting which she would then assign a % score to (how the f**k can you assign a % score to a fecking painting). 

Anyway, every single one of the bad lads' paintings (except mine) was given the exact mark you needed to pass - 45%. 

The score she gave me? 44%

And the teacher's name? Miss Fair. In an extreme case of l'esprit d'escalier, it only occurred to about 25 years later to call her Miss Unfair. 

Another art tale from Stranraer academy , class full of lads horsing about , ( time tablesplit , boys - art , girls home economics , then reverse half way through the year)
part teacher cracks ( the wee man as he was known , no hint of irony 5 foot nothing in high heels he was )

 and the exact words were “ I’ll have none of that nig-noggery in my classroom “ 

was magic ! He’d be fired today ( he was “fired” up then I guess )

 

[Cardinal Richelieu]

22 minutes ago, bishopburn boy said:

Another art tale from Stranraer academy , class full of lads horsing about , ( time tablesplit , boys - art , girls home economics , then reverse half way through the year)
part teacher cracks ( the wee man as he was known , no hint of irony 5 foot nothing in high heels he was )

 and the exact words were “ I’ll have none of that nig-noggery in my classroom “ 

was magic ! He’d be fired today ( he was “fired” up then I guess )

 

Sad to report this was actually at Regent House in NI. Although I did have a Scottish chemistry teacher who called me a "smartarse wee c**t" when I pointed out that "ITS" shouldn't have an apostrophe if it indicates ownership. 

Tbf, he had a point (about the smartarse wee c**t, not the apostrophe). 

[KnightswoodBear]

On 20/04/2016 at 08:57, KnightswoodBear said:

I'm sure I've told this story before.

 

We had a Registration/Maths/Computing teacher at our school who was a total Yewtree candidate.  He would get up to go and stand at the door and watch the lassies walking past the door and the come away with shit like "it's ok to look, eh boys?" total fucking creep.

Anyway, we were in registration one morning and my mate cocked his leg and farted.  The fact that it was an absolute worldie and he was sitting on a wooden chair meant that it echoed round the whole class to the uncontrollable amusement of all of us.  This beast teacher went fucking tonto and started threatening to have the offender suspended.

Our first class after this was Computing, which unfortunately he taught as well.  Once the class started he dragged myself and my mate (neither of us were the farter) outside and basically tried to get us to grass up the boy that did it.  Neither of us were budging and increasingly we were trying not to burst out laughing which we were managing up until he lost the rag and squealed "Well it came from where you were sitting....UNLESS SOMEONE HAS A VENTRILOQUIST BOTTOM!!!"

At this point the two of us completely lost it and descended into an uncontrollable laughing fit.  He made us head off down to the Headmasters office, where we had to explain why we were there through tears of laughter.  What made it even better was the headmaster basically told us to f**k off and stop wasting his time, which made Jimmy Saville upstairs even more raging when we trooped back into his class.

My go to story whenever the subject of mental teachers pops up.

[Raithie]

Not quite a teacher meltdown but more a 'what the f**k is going on' type situation. I'm not sure if this teacher played a blinder or had no idea what he was doing. In our woodwork class, probably about 3rd year, someone super-glued a vice shut. Our woodwork areas were 2 per table with 2 vices (one per side). I was at one side of the table and another pupil, the culprit in question, was at the other. We had both went to another area of the classroom to get some wood and he got back to the desk before me and took my place at the table. Within that time he had carried out his devious act in a bid to try and make it seem I was responsible. Teacher, who didn't see it happen, but knew who was at which table,  sent both of us outside. Next 5 minutes involved the teacher hoping one of us would admit to it or dob the other in. To give this other pupil some credit he didn't try and pin the blame on me but denied any knowledge of who done it. I knew it was him but didn't grass him up mainly due to this boy being well known as an utter maniac. So back into the classroom we went and teacher pipes up "right class, someone has super-glued this vice shut and it's out of these 2 boys here. I'm going to give you all a piece of paper and I want you to write down who you think done it and hand it back to me". So here's us 2, me (an exemplary pupil) and this other boy (a colossal radge) standing in front of the class like it's the final of Britain's Got Talent awaiting the results. Caught him out the corner of my eye giving the whole class the thousand yard stare. My initial thoughts were I had it in the bag as they'd all know I wouldn't do something like that however that quickly disappeared when I realised most of them would be bricking it that they'd get a kicking from this lad if he found out anyone had written down his name. Votes were in....10 second pause from the teacher for effect....boy got telt to go to the headmasters office.  Very surreal. Last I heard this boy is in prison for murder and the teacher in question is now the school headmaster. 

[Venti]

Not so much of a meltdown, but we pissed off our Maths teacher to an extent he had a stack of pre-written punnys stacked up & ready to hand out even before the lesson begun.

[Derry Alli]

One in primary - teacher got the whol class together and tried to give us a talk then out of nowhere had a full on mental breakdown. Story went she had lost both parents and her marriage fell apart all in a short space of time. Never really understood it at the time but looking back it was pretty sad. 

One in high school. Computing teacher. He was a mad steroid heid, on the coke all the time and had got a hidin' at the weekend. Got glassed and apparently still had glass in his face. Lassie threw a rubber at the back of his heid. 

This happened :

Went fucking mental and stormed out. Never even bothered coming back before the lesson finished. 

[Ylf]

sort of meltdown after he stopped teaching. mr lightband turned out to be a paedo. google him. menzieshill high school dundee.

[Dan Steele]

2 hours ago, KnightswoodBear said:

Well it came from where you were sitting....UNLESS SOMEONE HAS A VENTRILOQUIST BOTTOM!!!"

[mathematics]

1 hour ago, Raithie said:

Your story

I quite like this. Pretend that democracy is in action and then just punish who you like anyway (I'm assuming he kept the counting to himself?).

[stevieKTID]

Mr Kerr was our metal work teacher in secondary school, he was a tough guy no doubt, he'd sailed a tiny boat to Iceland and gave a presentation at assembly on it, we used to joke that he rowed there with weetabix in his arm pits because he loved pain.

We were about to start the lesson, a guy in class was wearing a walkman (it was that long ago) and was tapping out a beat with a hammer on the desk, Mr Kerr took exception to this, marched over grabbed the hammer and cracked the back of the guys hand with the wooden handle of the hammer then just stared at him until he took off the walkman, everyone just accepted it because it was just Mr Kerr being Mr Kerr. 

Not actually a melt down, in fact perfectly normal teaching in North Ayrshire in the 80s.

[stevieKTID]

2 minutes ago, MixuFixit said:

Children are ruthless when they scent blood.

We had an English teacher called Miss Simpson but she was known instead as FANTASP (fat arse nice trousers and stripey pants) after wearing some slightly see through trousers. We chucked rubbers at her every time she turned to write on the blackboard and eventually drove her into a snotters and all blubbering meltdown. She had some time off but came back.

Another teacher Mr Brydon in physics just stopped mid sentence, started ranting and raving then walked out the classroom and never came back to school, but it wasn't down to us mucking about as far as I remember, think he just had a breakdown for other reasons.

I was in a different class but I heard my year made our RE teacher lose it when she asked who believed in God and everyone started laughing and nobody put their hands up.

RE teachers love a melt down, seemed to be a new one every month at our school. 

[Alert Mongoose]

There does seem to be a large percentage of teachers with mental health issues - no doubt in part due to the nature of the job.  We had one in Primary school who would push her mum in a wheelchair for miles everyday.  This continued for at least 20 years after her mum died - it was bizarre to see someone walking around pretending to push something.

Anyway I remember (about p5 I reckon) she went out of the class one day and one of the lads decided to get up and do an impersonation of her including putting her specs on.  He wasn't the brightest and didn't assign one of his mates to act as lookout.   As you can imagine she came back in and starting going tonto but it was just about over when she realised he had her specs on.  She went mental and told him to get them cleaned (he was a bit of a clarty lad) and he just panicked and instead of going over to the sink to give them a quick run under the tap, he decided to unsurreptitiously howk up a greener on the specs then rubbed them on his jumper to dry them off.  I don't think I've ever seen anyone go so mental so quickly. 

[D.A.F.C]

In computing class they got apple macs and there was an oscar the grouch thing that appeared when you emptied the dustbin. For some reason the computer I was on linked up to downstairs which was full of fifth years doing a prelim.
I had no idea and had finished what I was doing so started fucking around and put stuff into the recycle bin and emptied it.

Next thing teacher from downstairs runs in shouting "who the hell is on computer x".
Almost having a breakdown, I had been doing it for about ten minutes.
Didnt get in trouble but shat myself at his reaction. Looking back it was their fault.

Same classroom about four years later I threw an eraser full blast at someone who ducked and it went straight through the window without making a sound leaving a hole. Odd, very lucky would have been suspended probably.

[Nkomo-A-Gogo]

4 hours ago, Cardinal Richelieu said:

Not really a meltdown, but 1st year art, me and a few other lads used to always carry on - nothing serious but probably quite disruptive. Our end of term art "exam" had us all paint a painting which she would then assign a % score to (how the f**k can you assign a % score to a fecking painting). 

Anyway, every single one of the bad lads' paintings (except mine) was given the exact mark you needed to pass - 45%. 

The score she gave me? 44%

And the teacher's name? Miss Fair. In an extreme case of l'esprit d'escalier, it only occurred to about 25 years later to call her Miss Unfair. 

What year was that? I had a teacher in bannockburn primary 83 or 84 called miss Fair. 

[Adam]

We had a guy, Mr Morrison (or Mojo Morrison as we named him), a Modern Studies teacher. He was absolutely mental, used to fly off the handle at any small thing. Launched a chair at the blackboard once, that was class.

Another guy, Mr Govan, a Techy teacher, got locked in the supply room by a few of the mental weans from Garthamlock. He was up at the wee window at the top of the door, pleading to get out, with everyone just giving him w****r signs and throwing abuse at him. We then heard the big saw starting which lived in the room, then saw him holding up our portfolios that we had been working on for circa 18 months (just before Easter holidays 2004, and when we would have been sitting our standard grades in May), and proceeded to put all of them through the massive fuckoff saw. Don’t think he ever came back, he was quite old, but we did all manage to get a decent result for the practical part of the exam. Looking back it was really shite, he was a really nice old guy.

Not a mental story but in Biology one day some guys came in to fit blinds in the classroom. We were working away when I heard a scream from one of the workies, then a thud on the worktop where we would do practical work. He had managed to cut his finger off. Blood everywhere, weans screaming hysterically, was quite the sight to see. We all got sent home for the day.