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pranks at work

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19 minutes ago, Melanius Mullarkey said:

Nial McGinn never takes it too far.

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TBF, I walked into that one.

Spoiler

c**t.

 

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Kitting the CPR training model in work overalls and safety helmet and propping it up beside a compressor then screaming as an apprentice was walking past taking night shift readings was always fun. Was also possible to lift starlings off their roosting place and tuck a couple in the outside intercom box before new start would open it to phone in outside readings to the control room.

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I knew a sports team who were on a night out once.  one of the guys came dressed as a "sexy secretary", ie in drag.  He had a handbag with lipsitck etc in it and he also included one of those vibrators that you can buy in pub toilets.  When they were all drunk, a few of the guys "pranked him" by taking the vibrator, holding him over the bar and shoving it up his arse.  I was told this as a big laugh by the people involved, it's absolutley horrifying.  Aapparently the guy was pretty pissed off but they are all still mates and play for the same team, so to speak.
Amazingly, it wasn't a rugby team. 


Vibrator you can buy in pub toilets. ? Nah?

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23 minutes ago, G_Man1985 said:


 

 


Vibrator you can buy in pub toilets. ? Nah?

 

Used to be all the rage. Nip off for a piss inbetween pints and come back with flavoured condoms, a vibrator and a blow up sheep.

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Worked with a boy who was called up for jury service. On the Friday afternoon he had to call them to confirm his attendance for the Monday or face the usual court threats etc. 

I got the letter, photocopied it and changed the number on it to one for an advice line for those with STDs. Folded it all back into the same place in his office drawer. He never noticed the switch and got quite stroppy with the person at the advice line when he tried to confirm his attendance and told them they'd be getting calls from a number of angry jurors. I'd also left an email open on his pc where I'd set up a convincing looking but totally fake email address attached to the names of one of his most important clients. The email was a very indecent proposal to the client and her partner about how he'd like to spend the weekend with them. Poor fucker nearly fainted and had a total fit. 

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My mum's played a few pranks on my dad.

 

She'd been nagging him to redecorate the house and he was ignoring her so, via a friend at the council, she typed up a letter supposedly from Environmental Health saying something along the lines of "Dear Mr NBB, It has come to our attention that you are failing to maintain council property to an acceptable standard and the interior decor is in a deplorable condition. Unless immediate steps are taken....". 

My dad went nuts, totally mental. He smashed an ornament off the wall and was shouting "Who the f**k do they think they fucking are" etc etc and stormed off to drive up to the council offices, only stopped by my mum standing in front of the car in tears of laughter.

 

Another one, the two of them had fallen out and hadn't spoken for days. One night, my dad, me and my sister were tucking into our tea - a homemade steak pie when my mum appeared at the door of the dining room. She smiled at my dad and held up an opened tin of Chappie. My dad's face was a picture - he looked at his fork, looked at the dog food tin, looked at his fork.  She just turned on her heel and walked away smiling. 

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Remember a guy I worked with taking a contractor to do some work on the prison grounds. He took him round and had to stand with him all day.

He said he told the contractor about this area being where the last man to be hung in Scotland was. So he took the contractor down to the staff room for his lunch, he fucked off to the kitchen and got some bones that were taken out of what ever was for lunch that day.

Buried them roughly where the guy was working. Says the boy about shit a brick when he came across them. Proclaimed it in front of the staff room to us all and the usual types went straight to management whilst the rest of us found it quite amusing.

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On 12/02/2020 at 13:03, pozbaird said:

Wasn’t at work, but at high school, and 100% true. The woodwork department at my high school had taken delivery of a new lathe machine (showing my age here), and the ‘jannies’ had left the cardboard and polystyrene packaging lying outside as they assembled the new piece of kit inside. Four of us were taking great delight at break time in tearing off chunks of polystyrene and lobbing them towards first year kids, who, seeing a lump of something fly towards them, shat themselves before realising it was only polystyrene. (Oh, the jolly japesters that we were). Anyway, one of our group went for a pish. As he wandered back from the lavvies towards us, my mate John Ferguson looked down, saw a half brick lying on the ground, and, with a loud shout of ‘Haw! Catch!’ towards our returning pal, proceeded to lob the brick up in the air. Life went into slow motion. David Berry, the ‘returning from lavvies guy’ instantly thought ‘polystyrene’, leapt up in the air, and in a Joe Jordan fashion, headered the half brick, smack on the forehead. Blood and snotters everywhere, Berry writhing in agony on the deck, screaming ‘you basturts!’.... while we were hauled off for ‘six of it’ from Mr. Steele... who unfortunately, could really ‘draw it’. 
 

Aye, life in the 1970s was different!

So who did he pump first?

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Girl in office has a boyfriend who would occasionally pee in the wardrobe and  is dead to the world when he goes to bed pissed.  Also snores like a jackhammer apparently. 

So to get him back for sleepless nights she started balancing things on his head and taking pics/vids and sending them to us in the hope it would embarrass him enough to drink more sensibly.

Started off with a coke can, then a wee tower of them before graduating to trainer shoeboxes. 

Despite him seeing the pics he did not curtail his drinking so she got really creative with Christmas decorations before upping the ante even more to a point where he came home on his birthday night out with the boys, crashed out and she put "Happy Birthday" candles on his head, lit them and sung happy birthday to him as she videoed it.

My personal favourite was when she balanced a toaster in his head and filmed it until the toast popped up.

Edited by Sugar_Army

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13 hours ago, ICTChris said:

I knew a sports team who were on a night out once.  one of the guys came dressed as a "sexy secretary", ie in drag.  He had a handbag with lipsitck etc in it and he also included one of those vibrators that you can buy in pub toilets.  When they were all drunk, a few of the guys "pranked him" by taking the vibrator, holding him over the bar and shoving it up his arse.  I was told this as a big laugh by the people involved, it's absolutley horrifying.  Aapparently the guy was pretty pissed off but they are all still mates and play for the same team, so to speak.

Amazingly, it wasn't a rugby team. 

"Sports team"

Spoiler

It was Clyde FC, wasn't it?!

 

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On 12/02/2020 at 13:14, supermik said:

Old favourite on the building sites was to put all the leftover stuff after lunch in the canteen into somebody’s bag for them to unknowingly take home with them. Once even managed to get somebody to take a half brick home with them.

If somebody could gather up all the half bricks referred to in these threads, you could build a house.

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On 14/02/2020 at 09:40, ICTChris said:

I knew a sports team who were on a night out once.  one of the guys came dressed as a "sexy secretary", ie in drag.  He had a handbag with lipsitck etc in it and he also included one of those vibrators that you can buy in pub toilets.  When they were all drunk, a few of the guys "pranked him" by taking the vibrator, holding him over the bar and shoving it up his arse.  I was told this as a big laugh by the people involved, it's absolutley horrifying.  Aapparently the guy was pretty pissed off but they are all still mates and play for the same team, so to speak.

Amazingly, it wasn't a rugby team. 

To be fair, I've had bigger shits than a £4 pub dildo.

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On 12/02/2020 at 13:41, Adam said:

Grass.

Grass would be tolerable (although hard to get on an oil rig, I suppose), a dead seagull not so much.

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To be fair, I've had bigger shits than a £4 pub dildo.


Have you ever had them shoved up your arse by a gang of drunken idiots? Probably.

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To be fair, I've had bigger shits than a £4 pub dildo.
Were any of those bigger shits ever made solid and rammed back in the way they came out?

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