Your team's worst XI of the decade

[Zapp Brannigan]

4 hours ago, NorthernLights said:

I was thinking about this the other night having seen the thread in the other forums. I think I had jotted down a lot of the same players. I'd have Velicka as one of the strikers though. 

Aye I considered Velicka as well but he didn't really feature enough compared with Josh Walker or Maynard. Any of those 3 deserve a mention

[RandomGuy.]

Cant argue much with @Kyles list, but a few thoughts of my own. Tried to avoid those who didnt play much.

GK - Cammy Bell - Awful. Played about four games, and think one was somehow a draw at Ibrox. Conceded something like 6 goals from 7 shots on target. Clear and away the worst keeper.

DF - Aaron Comrie - Looled to have something early on, and impressed against Celtic once. Was clearly shitting himself most of the time, and then Jordan Jones came along and just ended him. His final moment was our manager changing the entire team and formation to try and cover for the fact he was forced into the team through suspension. 

DF - Keith Watson - He was absolutely finished at the top level when he rocked up. Zero pace and all I ever remember is him being ripped apart constantly. He was finally punted after Miles Storey absolutely obliterated him by simply knocking the ball past him and chasing it.

DF - Brad McKay - Debut game saw him fall over the ball and allow the opposition a free run at goal, he seemed to think he had the ability to carry the ball up the park. Manager lost faith after he chased an opposition full back into the opponents corner, who then just papped the ball into where he should be and they scored.

MF - Craig Thomson - Miles out his depth. Got a chance when MOH was sold and we were desperate, very next game after we sold MOH he knocked the ball past a defender and had the pace to get it, so the whole place erupted in glee. Somehow got a contract seemingly based on that and spent the rest of him hitting crosses into the stand behind the goal. 

MF - David Robertson - Weak, shite on the ball, couldnt tackle, no pace. No idea what he was in the team to do. Once scored with his arse. Worse than Gary McDonald.

MF - Sean Goss - Maybe controversial, but he deserves it. Came with huge hype, clearly has ability but was an absolute coward. Came into a winning team and sent us into a winless run we still havent recovered from. Got the ball, pung the ball 40 yards to nobody, seemingly only so he could make some daft pose after he hit the ball. Whenever he lost the ball he'd just lunge in recklessly with no intent of actually getting the ball. Hated him.

MF - Cleveland Taylor - Hilarious. Just hilarious. No pace, no strength, couldn't beat defenders, couldnt cross the ball. Literally just got the ball, turned and whacked it towards the box, and that was the ball gone.

FW - Rory Fallon - No idea why he was signed. Absolutely pish, spent most of him time just battering into defenders, couldnt even control the ball. No idea how he made double figures in appearances. Sure he vanished after one of his stupid fucking challenges finally led to a red card.

FW - Adam Morgan - Being mates with Ian Beale almost saved him. A spineless shitebag. Couldnt control the ball as he was too busy looking for opposition players so he could jump out the way. Favourite memory is away to Inverness, where he spent the half time warm up on his own. He was stood about 3 yards out, central, and was kicking the ball as hard as he could into the net before eye balling the Saints support as he got the ball back. Genuinely hope we signed him based on not seeing him.

FW - Craig Beattie - Dreadful fat c**t. Some Saints fans properly argued with me that he was some form of saviour being unfairly kept out the side, despite the fact he could barely complete a warm up. Sure he ended up as a CB after he left us, which probably suited his physique better.

Special Mentions - Sam Parkin, Liam Caddis, Gary McDonald, Scott Dobie, Danny Invincible, Derek Riordan, Michael Coulson and Joe Gormley.

[sjc]

4 hours ago, JamieThomas said:

Please don't make me. 

Go for it, we'd all enjoy the write up!

[Comrie]

3 hours ago, yoda said:

Aaron McCarey

Jim Fenlon // Tim Dreesen // Jay McEveley // Uros Celcer

Terry Dunfield // Tim Chow // Marc Klok

Inih Effiong // Orhan Mustafi // Steven Milne

Co-Managers: Willie McStay and Owen Coyle

 

Martin Woods, Jon Bateson, and Branislav Micic are very fortunate that there were worse players in their respective positions.

Big Atli Gregersen has to be a shout, even if he only played twice in competitive games. I remember him away at Elgin in a friendly, where he looked too shite for the fourth tier and had zero concept of how offsides worked.

[thisGRAEME]

52 minutes ago, RandomGuy. said:

pung

Pung?!

Agree on Goss btw, he's an absolute waste of a jersey.

I miss Cleveland, he was some patter, no surprise to see him on step 7/8 of the league.

[TheDon99]

A decade that started with a very real threat of relegation for the Dons, resulting in our worst ever defeat thanks to our worst ever manager. Most of the team could be made up of the crap he assembled alone. I'm going to try and be a bit more creative, however. Although we've had a largely successful decade since McInnes came in, he's also been responsible for a fair bit of dross coming through the door. Going to exclude those who made very little appearances except for the truly terrible ones...
GK - David Gonzalez - A few contenders for the No1 position. The Colombian on loan from Man City just nicks it though. The only keeper to have routinely picked the ball out of the net 2-3 times per game, despite Craig Brown claiming he never had a save to make in any one of them!
RB - Jerel Ifil - After appearing in a pre-season friendly against Hull City and putting in a performance Franco Baresi would've been proud of. "Sign him up!" was the cry from witnesses to it that day. "Trifle" though, turned out to be absolute dug meat. Even though a CB, I'm putting him at RB due to one particularly awful performance at home against St Mirren. Shunted out wide after no longer being trusted in the middle, he managed to slice a routine punt up the field right to the back of the Main Stand under no pressure at all. Brutal.
LB - Clark Robertson - Perhaps a bit harsh because of coming through in a terrible McGhee team, he was just a pretty forgettable player in general that got shipped out eventually by McInnes. Seems to have done alright for himself since.
CB - Davide Grassi - I have a wee soft spot for this Italian for reasons that I can't understand myself. But even sentiment can't cloud my vision that he was pish. Notably wore a fetching Aberdeen branded face mask for a few games after fracturing his cheek bone.
CB - Alan Tate - The first of a few dud McInnes loanees. Brought in from Swansea to add a bit of experienced cover, it became apparent quickly that this carthorse was ready for the glue factory.
RM - Jeffrey Monakana - Jeffrey didn't like to pass, wasn't that quick, skillful or a good crosser. Brought in on loan by McInnes from Brighton. Just a bit rubbish.
LM - Greg Stewart - Words cannot describe my loathing for this guy. Absolute charlatan who didn't bother his arse in a red jersey.
CM - Gary McDonald - Became un-affectionately known as "Ghost" during his time at Pittodrie due to his tendency to go missing in the games. The fact he went on to become a Scottish Cup winner is a bit sickening.
CM - Chris Forrester - We paid somewhere in the region of £200K for this guy. His sole contribution was scoring a penalty in a shootout win against Hibs in the League Cup. That might have been his only touch of the game after coming on in extra time. Perhaps his only touch of the ball as an Aberdeen player.
CF - Nick Blackman - Obviously talented but clearly couldn't be bothered playing for us after a prolific loan spell at Motherwell under Brown earlier in the season
CF - Miles Storey - 

Subs:
GK - Mark Howard - Not fit to be a No.1 at Aberdeen so doesn't make the line up on this either
DF - Nikola Vujadinovic - If you want to make a comfortable 2-0 home win against St Mirren a tense affair, send this man on to bullet a diving header into his own goal with his first touch!
DF - Zander Diamond - By this point all good will from a promising opening couple seasons had long since evaporated
MF - Stephen Hughes - Slow, fat, lazy... the list is endless
MF - Chidi Nwakali - Was going put Tansey in here but due to his medical problems that killed his career becoming apparent with us that hampered him. This guy had no excuse. Absolutely pathetic performance in the 3-0 loss to Motherwell in the SC semi final.
CF - Calvin Zola - The first attempt at the much desired target man that McInnes craves. Zola was more likely to get sent off than score most games.
CF - Nicky Maynard - Just shades it ahead of other candidates. Very disappointing despite having decent pedigree 

Mohamed Chalali possibly? Did score at Tannadice to be fair to him but never looked like he belonged anywhere near professional football
Gregg Wylde should definitely be in this XI though

[RandomGuy.]

5 minutes ago, thisGRAEME said:

Pung?!

Aye, as in dung.

[craigkillie]

Fasan

Clohessy Ada Bouzid McHattie

Gabriel Jacobs Waddington

Eccleston Miguel Burchill

 

Leo Fasan - We've been blessed with good keepers through most of the decade; Bell, MacDonald (mostly), Woodman, Bachmann in particular. Fasan only played a couple of times, but that was enough to ward off competition from Anssi Jaakkola, Craig Samson and Conor Brennan. Almost every goalkeeper has at some point been described as a "good shot stopper". Fasan wasn't. Every shot at him seemed to go in (a theme that continued at Falkirk). Most notable for a 5-3 defeat at Easter Road in 2017/18 when we were still nominally in the hunt for Europe.

Sean Clohessy - Just rubbish. A right-back signed by Allan Johnston from Southend who got up and down the park well enough but didn't do much at either end. As with many players in that era, he just really lacked any sort of ability. Lost his place to Ross Barbour, who wasn't exactly great himself. There were several other possibilities here, including Darryl Westlake (basically a carbon copy of Clohessy in my head), three of the four right-backs Lee Clark signed in the summer of 2016 (Webb, Kayode, Cobain) and the mythical Billy Berntsson.

Patrick Ada - Signed by Kenny Shiels and then was mysteriously released in the same transfer window. It later transpired that this was because he hadn't revealed an outstanding rape allegation, for which he was subsequently charged and jailed for 5 years. Was also fairly rubbish.

Ismael Bouzid - One of a number of rubbish or injury-prone ex-Hearts players signed in the horrendous Johnston/Locke era. He was very much in the latter group - maybe he could have been OK if fit, but we didn't see any of it so he was just a waste of a wage.

Kevin McHattie - The most predictable signing of all time, both in terms of him actually signing and then in terms of him being completely useless when he did. Probably the poster boy of that Johnston/Lock era. Had some competition from Leon Panikvar for this spot in the team.

Reuben Gabriel - One of two Nigerian World Cup stars who turned up at Rugby Park. Everyone could see a mile off that it seemed dodgy, and dodgy it most certainly was. Made his debut at Tannadice in a cup tie and gave away a penalty amongst a staggeringly incompetent display. Left very quickly, and definitely wasn't worth all the wrangling. Astonishingly came on as a sub for Nigeria against France in the last 16 of the 2014 World Cup.

Kyle Jacobs - Felt a bit sorry for him. Brought in by Allan Johnston as a promising lower league player at Livi, but was clearly out of his depth at the top flight level. He was a 5 out of 10 in everything - wasn't fast enough, strong enough, a good enough passer and didn't read the game well enough. A shout out to Scott Evans, who Mixu signed from the Welsh league and who was literally never seen at any point.

Mark Waddington - Hands down the worst player I've ever seen play for us. A big lumbering lump in the middle of the park, who was signed on loan from Stoke as one of Lee Clark's 11 players in a day. He was slow, couldn't pass and generally lacked any sort of ability.

Nathan Eccleston - One of the earliest signs that the Gary Locke era was not going to go well - Eccleston was signed while he was still caretaker manager. Had just left Partick Thistle after an unsuccessful spell there, so I have no idea why Locke thought it would go differently with us.

Rui Miguel - Mixu's team was great to watch, but his transfer policy was a bit all over the place. Miguel was one of those centre-forwards who you watched and you had absolutely no idea what he was good at. Conor Sammon was absolutely flying that year, and we had a midweek January game where Sammon was given permission to go down to some club in England to have talks, and so Miguel had to start in his place and had an absolute stinker. The whole season basically fizzled out a bit from there.

Mark Burchill - One of Jim Jefferies' last signings, he was very much reaching the low point of his downward trajectory that had started at age 19. I genuinely despaired every time he was in the starting line-up . He played 17 times for us and scored 1 goal. The team only won twice in those 17 appearances, and in one of them we were already 2-0 up when he came on with 9 minutes to go. That whole team was genuinely awful, and I shudder to think how bad May/Pressley's Falkirk must have been to finish below us. On a positive note, he did later recommend Dieter van Tornhout to us based on his time in Cyprus, and that ended pretty well.

 

Edited November 22, 2019 by craigkillie

[lanky_ffc]

I've counted 6 players in here that were regular starters for Falkirk last season. 

[The Great Stagsby]

4 hours ago, yoda said:

Owen Coyle...

...Martin "first name on the team sheet" Woods...

[Andy_K_97]

23 minutes ago, craigkillie said:

Fasan

Clohessy Ada Bouzid McHattie

Gabriel Jacobs Waddington

Eccleston Miguel Burchill

This lot are so rubbish that I'd forgotten that every single one of them used to play for us. 

[well fan for life]

I reckon I can get a full squad out of this.

Goalkeeper:

Craig Samson: Utterly inept. Basically given the starting spot because he'd hung about on the bench for a couple of seasons so it saved us the bother of having to sign a keeper. Managed to allow shots to go directly through him or, on the off chance he got a touch, would roll it perfectly out to an onrushing striker to tap into an empty net.

Defence:

Josh Law: Started as an attacking midfielder, ended up as a right back. Scored a couple on his debut against the Icelandic mob that bodied us all over the shop and went downhill sharply after that. He was a trier. He just wasn't good at football. 

Zak Jules: I would honestly put him forward for the worst player to ever play in Scotland. Signed because we needed a left sided defender and clearly he was never actually scouted. Could conjure a goal for the opposition out of absolutely nothing. His highlights reel in a Motherwell shirt is quite something. 

Mark O'Brien: I'd call him a cart horse but that's offensive to cart horses. An atrocious defender.

Tony Straker (c): An iconic player of the Baraclough regime. Looked like he'd never played football in his life, inexplicably skinned a couple of players on his debut then got subbed on at Ibrox when we were ragdolling Rangers round the playoffs. A worthy club captain. 

Midfield:

Morgaro Gomis: I seemed to remember him being quite good against us. Then he signed for us and I could physically feel the passage of time going over me while he picked out a pass. Absolutely woeful.

Jake Taylor: Another Baraclough special. A completely anonymous midfield. Done his absolute best to avoid ever touching a ball. The biggest cheer of the Morton debacle came when we subbed him off and he was never seen again. 

Fraser Kerr: A big, strong centre back...deployed at right midfield repeatedly. He probably isn't the worst player, and he absolutely tried his heart out but was absolutely hopeless on the right. 

Deimantas Petravičius: The competition winner. Signed because we were obviously hoping to bring in a pacey wide man, but clearly forgot about them being a footballer too. King of the foul shy, couldn't trap a bag of sand, couldn't beat a man and couldn't cross a ball. I'm all for assuming he won his contract in a raffle. 

Forwards:

Theo Robinson: I honestly don't know where to begin. I've seen dogs chasing a crisp packet in the wind that had more idea of what they were doing than big Theo galloping round Fir Park.

Jacob Blyth: Missed out on Geordie Shore so he wound up at Fir Park instead. Funeral picture aside he was absolutely honking at fitba and was quickly emptied after being pictured doing illicit substances in Marbella while he was out injured. 

Subs:

Michael Fraser: Signed on a pre contract, was absolutely hopeless and quickly binned. 

Louis Laing: Built like the side of a block of flats. Would have been class as an NFL player but could not play fitba for toffee. 

Aaron Taylor-Sinclair: Permacrocked, hopelessly unfit, couldn't defend and couldn't go forward. 

Zaine Francis-Angol: Supposedly got a trial at Hamburg when he left us. Calling it now. Didn't happen. Woeful.

Craig Clay: Filed under the category of "utterly pointless midfielders". 

Nathan Thomas: Signed because we'd missed out on Marvin Johnson...only we didn't miss out on Marvin Johnson and signed him anyway. Absolutely mince.

Wes Fletcher: Shite haircut, shite trainers, shite at football and looked miserable at all times. 

Manager: Mark McGhee (second time around), assisted by James McFadden. 

[Zapp Brannigan]

1 hour ago, TheDon99 said:

Mohamed Chalali possibly? Did score at Tannadice to be fair to him but never looked like he belonged anywhere near professional football
Gregg Wylde should definitely be in this XI though

Chalali was spared purely for that moment. The ensuing chant to the tune of "There's no limit" is one of the best atmospheres at Tannadice I've experienced

Wylde was also spared on the basis of neither being spectacularly bad or a huge disappointment (I'm looking at you Greg Stewart) he was just mediocre and doesn't really deserve recognition of any sort

[superkillieaway]

14 hours ago, Zapp Brannigan said:

LM - Greg Stewart - Words cannot describe my loathing for this guy. Absolute charlatan who didn't bother his arse in a red jersey.

Good to see Aberdeen still playing Greg out of position...

[Zapp Brannigan]

1 minute ago, superkillieaway said:

Good to see Aberdeen still playing Greg out of position...

Just like McInnes, had to shoe horn him in somewhere!

[Highland Capital]

Other than that, I'd probably consider Edson Braafheid at left-back (who somehow came on as a sub in the fucking World Cup final in 2010), and an honourable mention for Andre Blackman (whose most memorable contribution was a sliding tackle on his own gaffer on the touchline*) and Marvin Compper.

I remember Andre Blackman's brief loan spell at Caley Thistle.  As I recall he only played two or three times, got the MOTM award for a very good performance at left back against Aberdeen, then started the following game away at Easter Road and was taken off with an injury.  He looked like a talented player but then disappeared without a trace and rumours swirled of a bust-up on the training ground and some sort of run-in with the police.   He'd been at Spurs and Arsenal as a youth and how many players do Celtic sign from the likes of AFC Wimbledon?  Going by the looks of things he later went round the clubs in lower echelons of English football and had a brief spell in Morocco.  The next time I heard of him after he left Celtic was when he was on trial with Leeds and got caught shoplifting.  I see he's now with Ebbsfleet.

As I say he did have some ability and had he had his head screwed on right probably would've played at a decent level, but obviously a total loonball.

 

 

Edited November 22, 2019 by Highland Capital

[lennyzer0]

16 hours ago, Flybhoy said:

Jack Hendry, nope, I don't think anyone knows what the f**k that signing was all about. 

Unbelievably, that's Scotland internatonal Jack Hendry. How the f**k did McLeish last as long in the job as he did?

[Flybhoy]

54 minutes ago, lennyzer0 said:

Unbelievably, that's Scotland internatonal Jack Hendry. How the f**k did McLeish last as long in the job as he did?

When you see guys like Jack Hendry getting capped for Scotland it lends more weight to those well known rumours about McCleish having a drink problem. 

[Mantis Toboggan]

I'm surprised Tyler Blackett hasn't had a mention on the Celtic ones 

[Flybhoy]

6 minutes ago, Mantis Toboggan said:

I'm surprised Tyler Blackett hasn't had a mention on the Celtic ones 

He was so bad it defies description, only played about two games if memory serves me correctly though, just a personal guide but I based my picks on players who at least played half a dozen games for the club.