Your team's worst XI of the decade

[Flybhoy]

An idea shamelessly stolen from another league sub forum.

 

An incredibly successful decade for Celtic, but not one without it's fair share of guff

GK. Lukas Zaluska, looked decent at Dundee United, but never convinced at Celtic, could be included purely based on that fucking horror show in Utrecht in 2010. Probably best remembered for getting burst off Paul Paton outside a pub.

RB. Saidy Janko, utter bombscare of a defender, definitive proof that starting out at Man Utd is not a barometer of ability.  Celebrated wildly the night we qualified for the CL away to Beer Sheeva when he was the worst player on the park by a fucking mile, punted to fucking Moldova or somewhere the following day, bizarrely ended up at Porto.

LB. Badir El Khadourri, unsure of the spelling, signed as an emergency left back when Izaguire broke his leg in 2011 and was just truly awful aside from his one moment in the sun making Alan McGregor look a prize tit one day at Ibrox. 

CH. Josh Thompson, bizzare signing from the English lower leagues (Bury I think?) laughably labelled the new Rio Ferdinand in an article I vaguely recall once reading, presumably on the fact he looked a little bit like him, certainly played f**k all like him, slower than a weekend in the cells.

CH. Jos Hooiveld, remarkably had a semi decent spell at Southampton after being completely pish at Celtic, another man who should have been binned after that fucking debacle away to Utrecht. About as convincing as a random recollection of being out for a pizza when accused of nonce-ense.

LM. Jo Inge Berget, utterly abysmal Norwegian winger who was signed by Ronnie Deila and given a debut against Legia Warsaw in Poland 24 hours later without having seen his team mates nor trained with them, looked like he'd never seen a football before that night either. 

RM. Mubarak Wakaso, scored an absolute fucking humdinger in Salzburg on his debut then proceeded to do completely f**k all the rest of his time in Scotland bar look cold, miserable, fed up and desperate to get out of this freezing place. 

CM. Eboua Kouassi, almost killed a St Mirren player within minutes of his debut at Celtic Park, probably best remembered for having his tadger grabbed by Steven McClean of Hearts and being injured all the fucking time. 

CM. Efrain Juarez, looked a serious player his first few games for Celtic, then went away with the Mexico national side and came back a bit fucked up after an alleged night out involving cocaine and transvestite hookers, barely looked interested after that and was gone by February, £3million down the stank. Those tranny Mexican hookers must leave a lasting effect on people...

No fucking shortage of candidates for the striking positions, easily a dozen candidates here..

CF. Carlton Cole, looked about three stone overweight and five years past his prime, fat useless fucking wage thief only up here for a final pay day.

CF. Amido Balde, simply the worst player I have ever seen in a Celtic shirt with my own eyes, no sense of awareness, first touch nor eye for goal, if he can be a professional footballer there is hope for us all.

Subs.

Dorus De Vries, great with the ball at his feet said Brendan, not so good at saving shots, particularly ones straight at him

Christian Gamboa, pace to burn, yes, he could run fast but couldn't tackle or defend to save his life, not good if you're a defender. 

Jack Hendry, nope, I don't think anyone knows what the f**k that signing was all about. 

Alexander Tonev, shite and racist. 

Mo Bangura, three fucking million we paid for this carthorse, zero goals in twenty games, lucky to get zero truth be told. 

Edited November 21, 2019 by Flybhoy

[Zapp Brannigan]

A decade that started with a very real threat of relegation for the Dons, resulting in our worst ever defeat thanks to our worst ever manager. Most of the team could be made up of the crap he assembled alone. I'm going to try and be a bit more creative, however. Although we've had a largely successful decade since McInnes came in, he's also been responsible for a fair bit of dross coming through the door. Going to exclude those who made very little appearances except for the truly terrible ones...

GK - David Gonzalez - A few contenders for the No1 position. The Colombian on loan from Man City just nicks it though. The only keeper to have routinely picked the ball out of the net 2-3 times per game, despite Craig Brown claiming he never had a save to make in any one of them!

RB - Jerel Ifil - After appearing in a pre-season friendly against Hull City and putting in a performance Franco Baresi would've been proud of. "Sign him up!" was the cry from witnesses to it that day. "Trifle" though, turned out to be absolute dug meat. Even though a CB, I'm putting him at RB due to one particularly awful performance at home against St Mirren. Shunted out wide after no longer being trusted in the middle, he managed to slice a routine punt up the field right to the back of the Main Stand under no pressure at all. Brutal.

LB - Clark Robertson - Perhaps a bit harsh because of coming through in a terrible McGhee team, he was just a pretty forgettable player in general that got shipped out eventually by McInnes. Seems to have done alright for himself since.

CB - Davide Grassi - I have a wee soft spot for this Italian for reasons that I can't understand myself. But even sentiment can't cloud my vision that he was pish. Notably wore a fetching Aberdeen branded face mask for a few games after fracturing his cheek bone.

CB - Alan Tate - The first of a few dud McInnes loanees. Brought in from Swansea to add a bit of experienced cover, it became apparent quickly that this carthorse was ready for the glue factory.

RM - Jeffrey Monakana - Jeffrey didn't like to pass, wasn't that quick, skillful or a good crosser. Brought in on loan by McInnes from Brighton. Just a bit rubbish.

LM - Greg Stewart - Words cannot describe my loathing for this guy. Absolute charlatan who didn't bother his arse in a red jersey.

CM - Gary McDonald - Became un-affectionately known as "Ghost" during his time at Pittodrie due to his tendency to go missing in the games. The fact he went on to become a Scottish Cup winner is a bit sickening.

CM - Chris Forrester - We paid somewhere in the region of £200K for this guy. His sole contribution was scoring a penalty in a shootout win against Hibs in the League Cup. That might have been his only touch of the game after coming on in extra time. Perhaps his only touch of the ball as an Aberdeen player.

CF - Nick Blackman - Obviously talented but clearly couldn't be bothered playing for us after a prolific loan spell at Motherwell under Brown earlier in the season

CF - Miles Storey - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bJlhm3Vhchs

Subs:

GK - Mark Howard - Not fit to be a No.1 at Aberdeen so doesn't make the line up on this either

DF - Nikola Vujadinovic - If you want to make a comfortable 2-0 home win against St Mirren a tense affair, send this man on to bullet a diving header into his own goal with his first touch!

DF - Zander Diamond - By this point all good will from a promising opening couple seasons had long since evaporated

MF - Stephen Hughes - Slow, fat, lazy... the list is endless

MF - Chidi Nwakali - Was going put Tansey in here but due to his medical problems that killed his career becoming apparent with us that hampered him. This guy had no excuse. Absolutely pathetic performance in the 3-0 loss to Motherwell in the SC semi final.

CF - Calvin Zola - The first attempt at the much desired target man that McInnes craves. Zola was more likely to get sent off than score most games.

CF - Nicky Maynard - Just shades it ahead of other candidates. Very disappointing despite having decent pedigree 

Edited November 22, 2019 by Zapp Brannigan

[Lordofthewing]

2 hours ago, Flybhoy said:

An idea shamelessly stolen from another league sub forum.

 

An incredibly successful decade for Celtic, but not one without it's fair share of guff

GK. Lukas Zaluska, looked decent at Dundee United, but never convinced at Celtic, could be included purely based on that fucking horror show in Utrecht in 2010. Probably best remembered for getting burst off Paul Paton outside a pub.

RB. Saidy Janko, utter bombscare of a defender, definitive proof that starting out at Man Utd is not a barometer of ability.  Celebrated wildly the night we qualified for the CL away to Beer Sheeva when he was the worst player on the park by a fucking mile, punted to fucking Moldova or somewhere the following day, bizarrely ended up at Porto.

LB. Badir El Khadourri, unsure of the spelling, signed as an emergency left back when Izaguire broke his leg in 2011 and was just truly awful aside from his one moment in the sun making Alan McGregor look a prize tit one day at Ibrox. 

CH. Josh Thompson, bizzare signing from the English lower leagues (Bury I think?) laughably labelled the new Rio Ferdinand in an article I vaguely recall once reading, presumably on the fact he looked a little bit like him, certainly played f**k all like him, slower than a weekend in the cells.

CH. Jos Hooiveld, remarkably had a semi decent spell at Southampton after being completely pish at Celtic, another man who should have been binned after that fucking debacle away to Utrecht. About as convincing as a random recollection of being out for a pizza when accused of nonce-ense.

LM. Jo Inge Berget, utterly abysmal Norwegian winger who was signed by Ronnie Deila and given a debut against Legia Warsaw in Poland 24 hours later without having seen his team mates nor trained with them, looked like he'd never seen a football before that night either. 

RM. Mubarak Wakaso, scored an absolute fucking humdinger in Salzburg on his debut then proceeded to do completely f**k all the rest of his time in Scotland bar look cold, miserable, fed up and desperate to get out of this freezing place. 

CM. Eboua Kouassi, almost killed a St Mirren player within minutes of his debut at Celtic Park, probably best remembered for having his tadger grabbed by Steven McClean of Hearts and being injured all the fucking time. 

CM. Efrain Juarez, looked a serious player his first few games for Celtic, then went away with the Mexico national side and came back a bit fucked up after an alleged night out involving cocaine and transvestite hookers, barely looked interested after that and was gone by February, £3million down the stank. Those tranny Mexican hookers must leave a lasting effect on people...

No fucking shortage of candidates for the striking positions, easily a dozen candidates here..

CF. Carlton Cole, looked about three stone overweight and five years past his prime, fat useless fucking wage thief only up here for a final pay day.

CF. Amido Balde, simply the worst player I have ever seen in a Celtic shirt with my own eyes, no sense of awareness, first touch nor eye for goal, if he can be a professional footballer there is hope for us all.

Subs.

Dorus De Vries, great with the ball at his feet said Brendan, not so good at saving shots, particularly ones straight at him

Christian Gamboa, pace to burn, yes, he could run fast but couldn't tackle or defend to save his life, not good if you're a defender. 

Jack Hendry, nope, I don't think anyone knows what the f**k that signing was all about. 

Alexander Tonev, shite and racist. 

Mo Bangura, three fucking million we paid for this carthorse, zero goals in twenty games, lucky to get zero truth be told. 

1. It turns out it was Stockport we signed him from, and a quick Wiki search shows he's been released by Macclesfield.

2. Pretty sure he came back to haunt us when he was at Molde.

3. I remember reading that we apparently signed the wrong Bangura, though that was probably just red-top nonsense.

Other than that, I'd probably consider Edson Braafheid at left-back (who somehow came on as a sub in the fucking World Cup final in 2010), and an honourable mention for Andre Blackman (whose most memorable contribution was a sliding tackle on his own gaffer on the touchline*) and Marvin Compper.

Our midfield options could also extend to Freddie Ljungberg, who was well past his best when he arrived. I'd probably put him in there in place of Kouassi who, while pretty pish, still has time on his side (or at least some time left on his contract). Charly Musonda also flattered to deceive and Scott Allan was signed mostly, if not entirely, to wind up Sevco IMO.

Could also possibly replace Cole with Colin Kazim-Richards or Nadir Ciftci. Could also consider Scepovic here as another waste of money.

 

After all that, my XI would be:

Zaluska

Janko  Thompson  Hooiveld  El Kaddouri

Musonda  Ljungberg  Allan  Berget

Balde  Bangura

 

Subs

De Vries

Braafheid

Hendry

Tonev

Juarez

Kazim-Richards

Ciftci

 

*

 

[JamieThomas]

GK - Lee Hollis. Lasted about a month, in which he played twice to such a level that makes me entirely comfortable naming him here. Never played professional football again after leaving us.

RB - Jamie Hammil. You're an absolute ****ing liar if you can name a player with a bigger disconnect between how good he thinks he is, and how good he actually is. There's a picture of him after getting his jotters post admin and it is 100% erotica. This pigeon chested cretin famously smashed Derek Adams at Tynecastle  and yet I still hate him.

LB - Juwon Oshaniwa. Now we're talking. Played in the World Cup they said. Marked Messi out the game they said. Best left back in the league they said. Took about 4 months to sign this guy, and about 4 minutes to suss he was absolutely shite. His entire contribution to Heart of Midlothian football club is (literally) this: 

CB - Rafal Grzelak. F*** me. A "versatile" (read: garbage in several positions) player he played a lot at left back too (I could have filled an entire team of left backs here tbh. Kevin McHattie isn't even a sub) as well as centre mid. Turned inside out more times than yer da's Y-fronts, he had no pace, no awareness and no ability. Apart from that, decent.
CB - Jordan McGhee. Allow me to recant what I said about Hamill. This c**t probably STILL thinks he's Beckenbauer. Brought in when we had nobody but youth players, he scored a memorable winner against Aberdeen aged 16. Immediately upon that ball hitting the net something in his cerebral cortex disintegrated and the rest of his career consisted of giving away penalties and sulking. Eventually signed for Falkirk, and richly deserved every second of it.

CM - Kenny Anderson. The Dutchman with a Scottish name was signed for actual money in the Championship season. Even scored on his debut as I recall. Unfortunately scoring against absolute scrubs in the doughnut leagues doesn't mean you're good, and he certainly wasn't that. Didn't make a solitary appearance in our first season back in the Premier - a season where we signed...

CM - Danny Swanson. now I'll be fair here. If being fat, ugly, slow, lazy and a w**k were attributes required to make it, then the bold Danny would be in my best Hearts XI. They're not though, are they. Signed from League One giants Coventry, Danny immediately put worries about his allegiances to bed by proclaiming he was Hearts through and through. Five chip grease fuelled months later and laughing his Hibs **** off at us, he was away down the road to Perth.

RM - Danny Amankwaa. Literally couldn't run. A football player who can't run. In Scotland. With an impressive pedigree from Danish cracks FC Copenhagen, he spent 1 year at Tynecastle, of which approximately 11 months was presumably with the fitness coaches trying to figure out if he had chronic fatigue syndrome. Moved back to the impressively spelled  SønderjyskE where I note he is making quite the name for himself in their reserve side. 

LM - Mehdi Taouil. Shit. Just absolute fucking shit. I don't even want to think about him. Not so much an empty shirt as one thrown into the deepest vacuum of space.

CF - Cole Stockton. The agile and lithe (pro-tip: I'm having a bit of fun here, he was neither)  Stockton was signed from non-league English football. Played 15 games and scored precisely zero goals, thus earning himself a place in Craig Levein's personal hall of fame forever. Never one to leave the fans wanting however, he made up for his lack of onion bag action by being a massive racist, and stoated about the club's Christmas party in blackface.
CF - Paul McCallum. The Nanjing Massacre was an episode of mass murder and mass rape committed by Imperial Japanese troops against the residents of Nanjing during the Second Sino-Japanese War.The massacre occurred over a period of six weeks starting on December 13, 1937, the day that the Japanese captured Nanjing. During this period, soldiers of the Imperial Japanese Army murdered Chinese civilians and disarmed combatants who numbered an estimated 40,000 to over 300,000 and perpetrated widespread rape and looting, and I would *literally* rather go through that than ever see Paul McCallum's face again.

Subs:

Jack Hamilton, John Sutton, Lennard Sowah, Alexandros Tziolis, Conor Shaughnessy, Craig Wighton, David Vanecek. All absolutely terrible footballers, and tbh probably even worse human beings. 

Edited November 22, 2019 by JamieThomas

[sjc]

1 hour ago, JamieThomas said:

GK - Lee Hollis. Lasted about a month, in which he played twice to such a level that makes me entirely comfortable naming him here. Never played professional football again after leaving us.

RB - Jamie Hammil. You're an absolute ****ing liar if you can name a player with a bigger disconnect between how good he thinks he is, and how good he actually is. There's a picture of him after getting his jotters post admin and it is 100% erotica. This pigeon chested cretin famously smashed Billy Davies at Tynecastle  and yet I still hate him.

LB - Juwon Oshaniwa. Now we're talking. Played in the World Cup they said. Marked Messi out the game they said. Best left back in the league they said. Took about 4 months to sign this guy, and about 4 minutes to suss he was absolutely shite. His entire contribution to Heart of Midlothian football club is (literally) this: 

CB - Rafal Grzelak. F*** me. A "versatile" (read: garbage in several positions) player he played a lot at left back too (I could have filled an entire team of left backs here tbh. Kevin McHattie isn't even a sub) as well as centre mid. Turned inside out more times than yer da's Y-fronts, he had no pace, no awareness and no ability. Apart from that, decent.
CB - Jordan McGhee. Allow me to recant what I said about Hamill. This c**t probably STILL thinks he's Beckenbauer. Brought in when we had nobody but youth players, he scored a memorable winner against Aberdeen aged 16. Immediately upon that ball hitting the net something in his cerebral cortex disintegrated and the rest of his career consisted of giving away penalties and sulking. Eventually signed for Falkirk, and richly deserved every second of it.

CM - Kenny Anderson. The Dutchman with a Scottish name was signed for actual money in the Championship season. Even scored on his debut as I recall. Unfortunately scoring against absolute scrubs in the doughnut leagues doesn't mean you're good, and he certainly wasn't that. Didn't make a solitary appearance in our first season back in the Premier - a season where we signed...

CM - Danny Swanson. now I'll be fair here. If being fat, ugly, slow, lazy and a w**k were attributes required to make it, then the bold Danny would be in my best Hearts XI. They're not though, are they. Signed from League One giants Coventry, Danny immediately put worries about his allegiances to bed by proclaiming he was Hearts through and through. Five chip grease fuelled months later and laughing his Hibs **** off at us, he was away down the road to Perth.

RM - Danny Amankwaa. Literally couldn't run. A football player who can't run. In Scotland. With an impressive pedigree from Danish cracks FC Copenhagen, he spent 1 year at Tynecastle, of which approximately 11 months was presumably with the fitness coaches trying to figure out if he had chronic fatigue syndrome. Moved back to the impressively spelled  SønderjyskE where I note he is making quite the name for himself in their reserve side. 

LM - Mehdi Taouil. Shit. Just absolute fucking shit. I don't even want to think about him. Not so much an empty shirt as one thrown into the deepest vacuum of space.

CF - Cole Stockton. The agile and lithe (pro-tip: I'm having a bit of fun here, he was neither)  Stockton was signed from non-league English football. Played 15 games and scored precisely zero goals, thus earning himself a place in Craig Levein's personal hall of fame forever. Never one to leave the fans wanting however, he made up for his lack of onion bag action by being a massive racist, and stoated about the club's Christmas party in blackface.
CF - Paul McCallum. The Nanjing Massacre was an episode of mass murder and mass rape committed by Imperial Japanese troops against the residents of Nanjing during the Second Sino-Japanese War.The massacre occurred over a period of six weeks starting on December 13, 1937, the day that the Japanese captured Nanjing. During this period, soldiers of the Imperial Japanese Army murdered Chinese civilians and disarmed combatants who numbered an estimated 40,000 to over 300,000 and perpetrated widespread rape and looting, and I would *literally* rather go through that than ever see Paul McCallum's face again.

Subs:

Jack Hamilton, John Sutton, Lennard Sowah, Alexandros Tziolis, Conor Shaughnessy, Craig Wighton, David Vanecek. All absolutely terrible footballers, and tbh probably even worse human beings. 

Managed by???

[Ron Aldo]

GK: Craig Samson - He was a decent shot stopper. It was just a shame that when he stopped those shots he had a "skill" of being able to palm the ball straight to the feet of an opposition striker who then had an easy tap in. He was also permanently stuck to his line, though the one time he did come off his line he was lobbed by a Zak Jules header from the edge of the 18 yard box. More on him later though...

RB: Josh Law - A bit harsh as he seems like a decent guy. Signed by Stuart McCall for no other reason than he was Nicky Law's brother. Started off as an attacking player and somehow scored 2 on his debut against Stjarnan in Europe. He then ended up at right back and always gave 100% but was just out of his depth at this level.

CB: Zak Jules - Looked a great signing when he came in. Scotland U21 international and looked big and athletic; it's just a shame he wasn't actually very good at football. You expect mistakes from defenders from time to time, otherwise they wouldn;t be at Motherwell, but it was the regularity of his mistakes and how bad they were that made him stand out. Affectionately known amongst Motherwell fans as Zak "fucking" Jules.

 

CB: Mark O'Brien - Just wasn't very good. Thats all I can really say about him.

LB: Anthony Straker - A bit of a cult hero amongst Motherwell fans due to just how bad he was. Skinned a couple of St Johnstone players on his debut but it seems that was more by luck than judgment. Couldn't pass, couldn't run, couldn't mark, couldn't jump and had no strength. I'm sure he's a lorry driver now.

RM: Omar Daley - I don't think we actually got to appreciate how bad he was as he played in a team that finished quite high up in the league. When he signed he said he was the fastest person in Jamaica after Usain Bolt and i'm fairly sure Usain Bolt is probably better than him at football as well.

CM: Stuart Carswell - Came through the youth academy and was another one who played in a team that finished high in the league. When that team when to shit he got found out badly. A midfielder who couldn't tackle, never scored and never set up any goals. He was generally spineless and made to look much better than he was by playing in a decent team.

CM: Jake Taylor - Still not sure he exists to this day as he was completely anonymous in every game he played. The only thing he did of note in a Motherwell shirt was get sent off in one of his 7 "appearances". Apparently he went to Exeter and is doing quite well.

LM: Deimantas Petravicius - I don't even know where to start. The guy was quick but has clearly never been taught to play football. Referred to amongst 'Well fans as "competition winner" as he looked like someone who'd won a competition to play for a professional football team.

CF: Jacob Blyth - I despise this guy. A shite football player and a p***k to go along with it - he once posted a selfie of himself on Instagram while he was at his gran's funeral. His burd is in Geordie Shore and I think he now spends most of his time snorting gear off her tits.

CF: Luka Belic - Who?

Edited November 22, 2019 by Ron Aldo

[JamieThomas]

2 hours ago, sjc said:

Managed by???

Please don't make me. 

[NorthernLights]

7 hours ago, Zapp Brannigan said:

A decade that started with a very real threat of relegation for the Dons, resulting in our worst ever defeat thanks to our worst ever manager. Most of the team could be made up of the crap he assembled alone. I'm going to try and be a bit more creative, however. Although we've had a largely successful decade since McInnes came in, he's also been responsible for a fair bit of dross coming through the door. Going to exclude those who made very little appearances except for the truly terrible ones...

GK - David Gonzalez - A few contenders for the No1 position. The Colombian on loan from Man City just nicks it though. The only keeper to have routinely picked the ball out of the net 2-3 times per game, despite Craig Brown claiming he never had a save to make in any one of them!

RB - Jerel Ifil - After appearing in a pre-season friendly against Hull City and putting in a performance Franco Baresi would've been proud of. "Sign him up!" was the cry from witnesses to it that day. "Trifle" though, turned out to be absolute dug meat. Even though a CB, I'm putting him at RB due to one particularly awful performance at home against St Mirren. Shunted out wide after no longer being trusted in the middle, he managed to slice a routine punt up the field right to the back of the Main Stand under no pressure at all. Brutal.

LB - Clark Robertson - Perhaps a bit harsh because of coming through in a terrible McGhee team, he was just a pretty forgettable player in general that got shipped out eventually by McInnes. Seems to have done alright for himself since.

CB - Davide Grassi - I have a wee soft spot for this Italian for reasons that I can't understand myself. But even sentiment can't cloud my vision that he was pish. Notably wore a fetching Aberdeen branded face mask for a few games after fracturing his cheek bone.

CB - Alan Tate - The first of a few dud McInnes loanees. Brought in from Swansea to add a bit of experienced cover, it became apparent quickly that this carthorse was ready for the glue factory.

RM - Jeffrey Monakana - Jeffrey didn't like to pass, wasn't that quick, skillful or a good crosser. Brought in on loan by McInnes from Brighton. Just a bit rubbish.

LM - Greg Stewart - Words cannot describe my loathing for this guy. Absolute charlatan who didn't bother his arse in a red jersey.

CM - Gary McDonald - Became un-affectionately known as "Ghost" during his time at Pittodrie due to his tendency to go missing in the games. The fact he went on to become a Scottish Cup winner is a bit sickening.

CM - Chris Forrester - We paid somewhere in the region of £200K for this guy. His sole contribution was scoring a penalty in a shootout win against Hibs in the League Cup. That might have been his only touch of the game after coming on in extra time. Perhaps his only touch of the ball as an Aberdeen player.

CF - Nick Blackman - Obviously talented but clearly couldn't be bothered playing for us after a prolific loan spell at Motherwell under Brown earlier in the season

CF - Miles Storey - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bJlhm3Vhchs

Subs:

GK - Mark Howard - Not fit to be a No.1 at Aberdeen so doesn't make the line up on this either

DF - Nikola Vujadinovic - If you want to make a comfortable 2-0 home win against St Mirren a tense affair, send this man on to bullet a diving header into his own goal with his first touch!

DF - Zander Diamond - By this point all good will from a promising opening couple seasons had long since evaporated

MF - Stephen Hughes - Slow, fat, lazy... the list is endless

MF - Chidi Nwakali - Was going put Tansey in here but due to his medical problems that killed his career becoming apparent with us that hampered him. This guy had no excuse. Absolutely pathetic performance in the 3-0 loss to Motherwell in the SC semi final.

CF - Calvin Zola - The first attempt at the much desired target man that McInnes craves. Zola was more likely to get sent off than score most games.

CF - Nicky Maynard - Just shades it ahead of other candidates. Very disappointing despite having decent pedigree 

I was thinking about this the other night having seen the thread in the other forums. I think I had jotted down a lot of the same players. I'd have Velicka as one of the strikers though. 

[tree house tam]

Our current side is the worst of the last decade, maybe not individually but certainly collectively. Roll on Sunday. 

 

[Dons_1988]

5 minutes ago, NorthernLights said:

I was thinking about this the other night having seen the thread in the other forums. I think I had jotted down a lot of the same players. I'd have Velicka as one of the strikers though. 

Josh Parker shirley? Maynard had ability tbf just never happened for him.

[RandomGuy.]

6 minutes ago, tree house tam said:

Our current side is the worst of the last decade, maybe not individually but certainly collectively. Roll on Sunday. 

 

Aye our last decade has been pretty good tbf, Duffy probably closest from the modern lot, but stiff competition from Jahic and Krachunov.

[Ross.]

10 hours ago, Flybhoy said:

RB. Saidy Janko, utter bombscare of a defender, definitive proof that starting out at Man Utd is not a barometer of ability.  Celebrated wildly the night we qualified for the CL away to Beer Sheeva when he was the worst player on the park by a fucking mile, punted to fucking Moldova or somewhere the following day, bizarrely ended up at Porto.

Must have the best agent in the history of the game. Counts Man Utd, Celtic, Porto, Notts Forest and St Etienne amongst his former clubs. That's some seriously historic European pedigree.

He's actually doing a decent job for YB this season. Not great but more than competent.

[yoda]

Aaron McCarey

Jim Fenlon // Tim Dreesen // Jay McEveley // Uros Celcer

Terry Dunfield // Tim Chow // Marc Klok

Inih Effiong // Orhan Mustafi // Steven Milne

Co-Managers: Willie McStay and Owen Coyle

 

Martin Woods, Jon Bateson, and Branislav Micic are very fortunate that there were worse players in their respective positions.

[spiggle]

GK - Andrew McNeil - I doubt anyone will find a pisher keeper than him. Cost us a play off place and conceded a shit ton of goals due to the numerous flaps he made.

DR - Brad Donaldson - Brad Who? We never saw much of him but what we saw wasn't great. Big lad, can't defend or cross a ball.

DC - Neil Hastings - Big slow, can't tackle, dirty. It was like watching your Uncle Bob playing centre half in a pub league.

DC - Darren Cole - Not much more to say than his defending got us relegated. Utter Pish

DL - Calum Booth - I was going to say Sevanne. LB has been a good position for us. Booth struggles with pacey wingers. Not the best left back I've seen.

RW - Spas Georgiev - Softer than my pillow. Couldn't tackle and couldn't beat an egg.

CM - Hugo Faria - Never match fit. Always a yard off the pace. Slower than a three legged tortoise.

CM  - Kyle Wilkie - He wasn't great tbf. Often gave the ball away. Wasn't great in the tackle.

LW - Gregg Wylde - The guy can run. He can't do much else (It shows how poor he is that I've got him in ahead of Moises Duckrell and Myles Hippolyte)

CF - Jordan Sheerin - He might have been better if he was 10 stone lighter. Again, think of your Uncle Bob playing Centre Forward in a pub league.

CF - Dylan Mackin - Slow, no skill, no finish. It shows how bad he was that he's on the list ahead of 39 year old Kenny Miller who spent more time trying to manage than play as a striker

Manager - Mark Burchill - Out of his depth as a manager.

[Kyle]

For our level, I think we have been quite lucky over the last decade. Some diddy strikers and shite loanees but looking at the players we've had, it's only really upfront where we have a raft of genuinely harrowing options. I'd probably go;

GK - Graeme Smith - He loved to charge out from his goal, creating panic and costing us goals all over the shop. Probably the only regular goalie in the last 10 years that I'd file away as absolute shite to be honest

RB - Aaron Comrie - probably slightly harsh on a young player but we've blessed with Dave Mackay, Darnell Fisher and Richard Foster who have all been, at worst, very decent over the course of the last decade. Ralston, Maybury, Miller and Irvine the other options to realistically pick from and Comrie was the worst of them IMO.

CB - Wallace Duffy - probably recency bias coming into play a bit here but he's looked poor in most of the games I've seen him play. Honourable mention for Brad McKay.

CB - Plamen Krachunov - Came in at a time when we had a bit of an injury crisis at the back and was well out of his depth. The forebearer to Madis Vihmann, who hasn't played enough to merit a place in the team

LB - Callum Booth - he's not kicked a ball for us but our other left backs (Grainger, Davidson, Easton, Tanser) have been excellent, or at least very decent,  and I can't face putting Tam Scobbie in this team.

RW - Cleveland Taylor - laughably shite. Goes to show just how poor a lot of the players who play down the leagues in England actually are. 

CM - David Robertson - I still haven't worked out what he gave a team as a professional footballer. He just looked awkward and played like the last pick at a game of 7s.

CM - Paul Paton - Shite hollywood passes, chest beating when he wins a tackle and hiding is pretty much all he contributed at Saints. I couldn't stand Paton as a player and was glad when we chucked him 6 months early.

LW - Adam Morgan - Signed as a striker but played off the left for us. Probably the worst player we've had over the last 10 years

CF - John Sutton - gave his all but finished as a top flight striker. Only scored once for Saints (on his league debut), didn't fit into the side and left a year early. Well rid.

CF -Craig Beattie - only managed 3 games but spent his short spell at Saints arguing with the management team/physios that he was fit to play when he so clearly and obviously wasn't. Most likely cost us a fortune as he'd just left Hearts at the time.

Some others who came to mind on this list - Liam Caddis, Ross Callachan, Derek Riordan, Michael Doughty, Kudus Oyenuga, Craig Beattie (again), Stefan Scougall (not for ability but what he cost the club in terms of wages), Willie Gibson and indeed the rest of the diddies mentioned in the above list

 

Manager - Steve Lomas - Harsh in the extreme but McInnes achieved more for Saints and Wright won us a major trophy. Lomas was clearly a decent manager too though.

Edited November 22, 2019 by Kyle

[The Saintee]

The back four are currently playing IMO.

[The Saintee]

33 minutes ago, Kyle said:

 

CM - Paul Paton - Shite hollywood passes, chest beating when he wins a tackle and hiding is pretty much all he contributed at Saints. I couldn't stand Paton as a player and was glad when we chucked him 6 months early.

 

Disgraceful post.

Pates is an absolute warrior.

[thisGRAEME]

3 hours ago, Ron Aldo said:

GK: Craig Samson - He was a decent shot stopper. It was just a shame that when he stopped those shots he had a "skill" of being able to palm the ball straight to the feet of an opposition striker who then had an easy tap in. He was also permanently stuck to his line, though the one time he did come off his line he was lobbed by a Zak Jules header from the edge of the 18 yard box. More on him later though...

RB: Josh Law - A bit harsh as he seems like a decent guy. Signed by Stuart McCall for no other reason than he was Nicky Law's brother. Started off as an attacking player and somehow scored 2 on his debut against Stjarnan in Europe. He then ended up at right back and always gave 100% but was just out of his depth at this level.

CB: Zak Jules - Looked a great signing when he came in. Scotland U21 international and looked big and athletic; it's just a shame he wasn't actually very good at football. You expect mistakes from defenders from time to time, otherwise they wouldn;t be at Motherwell, but it was the regularity of his mistakes and how bad they were that made him stand out. Affectionately known amongst Motherwell fans as Zak "fucking" Jules.

CB: Mark O'Brien - Just wasn't very good. Thats all I can really say about him.

LB: Anthony Straker - A bit of a cult hero amongst Motherwell fans due to just how bad he was. Skinned a couple of St Johnstone players on his debut but it seems that was more by luck than judgment. Couldn't pass, couldn't run, couldn't mark, couldn't jump and had no strength. I'm sure he's a lorry driver now.

RM: Omar Daley - I don't think we actually got to appreciate how bad he was as he played in a team that finished quite high up in the league. When he signed he said he was the fastest person in Jamaica after Usain Bolt and i'm fairly sure Usain Bolt is probably better than him at football as well.

CM: Stuart Carswell - Came through the youth academy and was another one who played in a team that finished high in the league. When that team when to shit he got found out badly. A midfielder who couldn't tackle, never scored and never set up any goals. He was generally spineless and made to look much better than he was by playing in a decent team.

CM: Jake Taylor - Still not sure he exists to this day as he was completely anonymous in every game he played. The only thing he did of note in a Motherwell shirt was get sent off in one of his 7 "appearances". Apparently he went to Exeter and is doing quite well.

LM: Deimantas Petravicius - I don't even know where to start. The guy was quick but has clearly never been taught to play football. Referred to amongst 'Well fans as "competition winner" as he looked like someone who'd won a competition to play for a professional football team.

CF: Jacob Blyth - I despise this guy. A shite football player and a p***k to go along with it - he once posted a selfie of himself on Instagram while he was at his gran's funeral. His burd is in Geordie Shore and I think he now spends most of his time snorting gear off her tits.

CF: Luka Belic - Who?

A fairly solid XI here, but I'll take;

Gunnar Neilsen over Samson. Don't get me wrong, Samson almost took us down, but he was ahead of Neilsen. He was absolutely hopeless, and got a pass because he wasn't Samson, IMO.

Fraser Kerr over Omar Daley, Motherwell as f**k, big, strong and absolutely hopeless. Not his fault he was a centre-half chucked on at right midfield, but he was murder. Daley scored agains the Dons, so gets a pass for me.

Theo Robinson over Luka Belic. Belic was pointless and a punt, and must've cost us about his busfare to arrive. Robinson genuinely looked like he'd taken up football on the morning of the game and played a dozen times.

Honourable mentions for Louis Laing, who got paid a bunch of money for not playing football, Stephen Hendrie and Aaron Taylor-Sinclair who were both absolutely useless. Special shout-outs to our two Hearts loanees in this period, Connor Sammon and Morgaro Gomis, never loan a player from Hearts again.

[LiviLion]

1 hour ago, spiggle said:

GK - Andrew McNeil - I doubt anyone will find a pisher keeper than him. Cost us a play off place and conceded a shit ton of goals due to the numerous flaps he made.

DR - Brad Donaldson - Brad Who? We never saw much of him but what we saw wasn't great. Big lad, can't defend or cross a ball.

DC - Neil Hastings - Big slow, can't tackle, dirty. It was like watching your Uncle Bob playing centre half in a pub league.

DC - Darren Cole - Not much more to say than his defending got us relegated. Utter Pish

DL - Calum Booth - I was going to say Sevanne. LB has been a good position for us. Booth struggles with pacey wingers. Not the best left back I've seen.

RW - Spas Georgiev - Softer than my pillow. Couldn't tackle and couldn't beat an egg.

CM - Hugo Faria - Never match fit. Always a yard off the pace. Slower than a three legged tortoise.

CM  - Kyle Wilkie - He wasn't great tbf. Often gave the ball away. Wasn't great in the tackle.

LW - Gregg Wylde - The guy can run. He can't do much else (It shows how poor he is that I've got him in ahead of Moises Duckrell and Myles Hippolyte)

CF - Jordan Sheerin - He might have been better if he was 10 stone lighter. Again, think of your Uncle Bob playing Centre Forward in a pub league.

CF - Dylan Mackin - Slow, no skill, no finish. It shows how bad he was that he's on the list ahead of 39 year old Kenny Miller who spent more time trying to manage than play as a striker

Manager - Mark Burchill - Out of his depth as a manager.

Shows how pish some of our signings have been when you can make this list and not even mention Rob Ogleby, Michael McKenna, Jonny Brown, Nejc Praprotnik, Nejc Mevlja, Kieron Gibbons, Jordan Morton, and Kenny Miller. 

[spiggle]

8 minutes ago, LiviLion said:

Shows how pish some of our signings have been when you can make this list and not even mention Rob Ogleby, Michael McKenna, Jonny Brown, Nejc Praprotnik, Nejc Mevlja, Kieron Gibbons, Jordan Morton, and Kenny Miller. 

It really does. All of these useless scrotes were in my thoughts. TBF you would have to be really pish up front to be worse than Sheerin and Mackin.

Edited November 22, 2019 by spiggle