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RossBFaeDundee

Your team's Worst XI of the Decade

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Chris Smith

 

Jim Paterson

Alex Keddie

Stuart Urquhart

Paddy Boyle

 

Paul George

Kyle McAusland

Andy Stirling

 

Myles Hippolyte

Gavin Reilly

Robbie Muirhead

 

Subs: Danny Devine, Mark Durnan, Lewis Allan, Sorel Chemin

 

That squad makes my piss boil. Couldn’t leave out Reilly. Absolutely pish and couldn’t score in a brothel. Therefore a strange 4-1-2-3 formation of absolute jobbers.

 

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David Hutton

 

Kyle McAusland

Craig Beattie

Kevin McKinlay

Marc Twaddle

 

Anthony Marenghi

Ryan McStay

Alex Burke

 

David Winters

Ryan Donnelly

Kevin Kyle

 

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1. Thorsten Stuckmann

A big lumbering German who arrived with what seemed like a fairly solid reputation but was slow and could barely kick the ball. Think he's still getting down to Joe Dodoo's second goal.

2. Milan Nitriansky

Pay peanuts, get monkeys. Not quite sure how he got a deal in the first place. Got roasted by Scott Wright and was never seen again.

3. Jake Carroll 

Looked like he'd never played at left back when we signed him - turned out to not be far off the mark as he signed for Huddersfield as a centre mid. His debut (can't recall who it was against) was one of the most inept performances I've seen - the opposition looked like they would score every time they came down our left side. To be fair, I think he improved somewhat during his spell with us and has obviously developed since, earning a move to Motherwell. Could've had a few others in here - Max Melbourne, Dale Keenan to think of two.

4. Gabriel Piccolo

A terribly handsome man, I think his looks must have mesmerised some fans who protested until the bitter end that he possessed some kind of footballing talent. The fact he's not played for another football club at any level since tells you all that needs to be known. 

5. Danny Devine

For maybe half a season, Danny Devine threatened to be a fairly competent centre half. However, it soon became apparent that this was due, almost entirely, to Liam Lindsay (playing in a three also helped). Could be having a solid game but then make an absolute howler, costing a goal. Distribution was absolutely woeful. 

6. Brice Ntambwe

Truly one of the worst footballers I've ever seen. Came off the bench against Queen of the South when we were defending a throw in deep in our half. Stood beside Dobbie but then did the most bizarre shuffle between marking him and marking space. Literally looked like he'd never been on a football pitch before. 

7. Jack Storer

I did hesitate in putting him in as he did score probably the best goal I've ever seen live against Morton. But he was a petulant, stroppy liability who despite playing as a striker or a 10, would often be as deep as our sitting midfielders. Now onto his second or third team since leaving us. His Da was good banter though.

8. Martin Woods

A complete charlatan. It is no coincidence that he is largely despised at every club he's been at. The epitome of everything that went wrong in our final season in the top flight. 

9. Shaun Fraser

Shaun Fraser apparently played rugby rather than football up until he was 16 - it told. Somehow scored on his debut and was heralded as the next big thing before disappearing almost as quickly as he appeared. Another like Piccolo who barely played after leaving us, bar a short spell at Stenny.

10. Andrea Mbuyi-Mutombo

Like most of Archie's signings last season, we were left scratching our head when we signed him, thinking "ehh...he's fucking shite". And lo and behold, he was fucking shite. Stinking attitude to boot.

11. Miles Storey

f**k me...

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I thought Kuate was very good for United just a complete nut job? 

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Sam Ramsbottom

Jamie McCormack - Darren Cole - Jonathan Page - Marc Fitzpatrick

David Robertson - Cameron Blues - Tony Wallace

Donovan Simmonds - Andrew Dallas - Kevin Kelbie

A second XI is probably worthwhile as well, because I’m not happy with letting any of Ryan Scully, Ross Forsyth, Paul Di Giacomo, Sean Fitzharris, Andy Barrowman, Garry O’Connor, Kabba-Modou Cham or Kudus Oyenuga off the hook.

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I thought Kuate was very good for United just a complete nut job? 

He was bang average at best, however you probably have that perception because he was capable of the odd good touch/ ball and scored an absolute screamer against Morton in the playoffs.
The game where he lost the rag against Hamilton he was the worst player on the park,

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FW - Dani Lopez.  After winning the Scottish cup, we decided to build a team for Europe by signing this guy.  A Spanish jobber, he started our only European ties but failed to have any impact, a truly appalling player.  He was eventually binned early after being sent off in a reserve game for spitting at a St Johnstone player.


In one of the friendly games, when he was on trial, he managed to trip up over the ball and landed in a heap on the pitch. No idea what John Hughes was seeing in him.

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David Hutton- He was really awful. Used to always dive after the ball was past him. Ayr fans got right inside his head a couple of seasons back at Arbroath and he had a shocker in a 4-1 win. 
 

Kyle McAusland- We signed this guy twice? No idea why, now jobbing it in the juniors. Not shocked.

Darren Brownlie- An awful footballer and an arsehole in to the bargain. Said while employed with Ayr that he wished he had signed for Thistle u21, so do I Darren.

Adam Cummins- Just awful. A panic loan signing when McCall first joined. Found his level at Stranraer

Kevin McKinlay- Signed from Stenhousemuir same time as Nicky Devlin. Had no where near the ability. Once offered a fan a square go on Twitter.

Ryan McStay- The only player I’ve ever got into an argument with on Twitter. Searches his own name on Twitter. p***k. 
 

David Sinclair- Probably a decent enough player but a total shitebag. Summed up exactly what was wrong with Ayr United at that time. 

Scott McLaughlin (2nd spell)- He was pretty decent 1st spell however was awful second spell and much like Sinclair was a total shitebag. McCal emptied him not long after coming in as he was apparently a bad egg. 
 

Ryan Donnelly- Should of been exactly what Shankland ended up being but wasn’t. Similar to McLaughlin was emptied not long after McCall came in. 
 

Jamie Thomas- Scored a hat trick against Gretna 2008 in the Raydale tournament. Looked like Henry. Didn’t score again and ended up having his loan ended early. 
 

Farid El Alagui- He ran the way I run when I’m being chased by demons in my dreams. Turned up at POTY event in Ayr United tracksuit, got into an arguement with fans and left. Didn’t do much else. 
 

Purposely left out Beattie and Kyle as I don’t think they were particularly bad for us. Just completely finished. 

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Farid El Alagui- He ran the way I run when I’m being chased by demons in my dreams. Turned up at POTY event in Ayr United tracksuit, got into an arguement with fans and left. Didn’t do much else. 

How did I not know about the POTY incident?

Tbf he can’t be that clever when he left the Pars for a business venture in Asia and arrived at Somerset Park.

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Built a squad of players to try and whittle my selection down from. Currently sitting with this bloated mess:

Goalkeepers

Derek Soutar
Arvid Schenk
Dan Twardzik

Right Back
Chris Casement
James Horsfield

Centre Half
Bob Malcolm
Adam Cummins
Davide Grassi
Kevin Gomis
Andrew Davies
Ryan Inniss
Dominic Shimmin

Left Back
Willie Dyer
Daryll Meggatt
Netan Sansara

Central Midfield
Charlie Grant
Marc Klok
Martin Woods
Tom Hateley
Stephen Hughes
Mark Kerr
Darren Young
Ross Chisholm
David Morgan

Wingers
Sean Bonnet-Johnson
Randy Wolters
Phillip Roberts
Don Cowan

Strikers
Ben Hutchinson
Andy Barrowman
Arturo
Carlo Monti
Steven Doris
Njazi Kuqi
Yordi Teijsse
Jean Mendy


Good template, it represents a collosal wastage! I'd personally rule out Soutar who was just a squad filler to cover in an emergency and also Twardzik was also an emergency signing but was parted with early when Gibson was fit again and Motherwell needed cover.

Willie Dyer was out his depth when we went up but he gave us a decent season in the league winning campaign so wouldn't touch him in respect of thay. Probably a position we're actually quite good in though and we've had plenty of reasonable left backs. Similarly Cummins was a cover signing who only had two starts and we only conceded one goal, he was a bit unfit but was otherwise wasn't a disaster.

Graham Bayne was god awful in his second spell. I think some of the other forwards could argue they didn't get a fair crack of it but he was quite consistently poor over a season.

I'd go a weird 5-3-2 thing.

Schenk
Casement Malcolm Inniss Grassi Meggatt
Klok Hughes Monti
Bayne Doris

Tom Hateley is probably the best shite player we've had in the last wee while IMO. Playing at a decent level (excluding Inniss) still and he did actually have a few good games looking back. We were promised a lot more though.

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Owain Fraud Williams

Brad McKay
Danny Devine
Matthew Elsdon
Andre Blackman

Billy King
Liam Hughes ©
Ben Greenhalgh
Jake Mulraney

Phil Roberts
Claude Gnakpa

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Arvid Schenk

James Horsfield
Davide Grassi
Ryan Inniss
Daryll Meggatt

Martin Woods
Marc Klok
Mark Kerr

Carlo Monti
Yordi Teijsse
Jean Mendy

Manager: Jim McIntyre

Honourable mentions go to Andrew Davies, who is this club's mascot, selling CBD oil from his wheelchair, and Sofien Moussa, the shittiest player that I actually have positive memories of.

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There are a number of ways of maybe doing this, i.e. Players such as Ryan Scully or Christie Elliott who had regular game time to the point that they were more damaging to the team than the pub team dross who had limited time on the pitch. Or, just listing the pub team dross XI. I've attempted the latter here. 

 

GK) Bryn Halliwell - From memory he was signed as a replacement for Jonny Tuffey who left for Inverness, and was taken as experienced and acceptable enough filler for the position. Weekly horror shows - including a 4 goal surrender against Stirling Albion - saw him replaced by Scott Fox at the earliest opportunity. 

 

RB) Darren Cole - One of several loanees we took from Deadco between around 2009-2011. Was in the Scotland u21s at the time and heralded to have a good deal of potential, but it took five minutes of watching him to realise he'd be rattling down to the Juniors by his mid 20s.

CB) Willie Kinniburgh - I believe he occupied a backline with John Robertson, Ian Maxwell and Alan Archibald all well into their 30s, and he still looked like the slowest geriatric out the lot. Responsible for some absolute nightmare individual performances and one of the worst centre halfs I've ever seen. 

CB) Gabriel Piccolo - Didn't have a clue how to play the position and got an absolute riding off of James McFadden in a 5-1 defeat to Motherwell. The fact he left us aged 24 and is yet to play for a club since suggests we'd been had by a dodgy agent. Now to be found touring Mexican playgrounds and swinging off the monkey bars with his top off. 

LB) Dale Keenan - A bug left about 80% of our first team unable to play a home game against Dundee United, which we managed to draw 2-2. Whilst I believe this might have seen the emergence of Liam Lindsay as a regular centre back, it also meant this boy found himself playing top flight football by accident when he barely looked suited to professional football at all. 

 

RM) Jason Banton - One of several Archibald loan signings who made one or two sub appearances, and in those appearances making clear to anyone watching that they were only there to wind down their contracts with their parent clubs. 

CM) Mark Woods - About 1,255,523 corners being floated tamely into the first man aside, an absolute shitebag of a player who gave the impression of thinking he was Xavi while side passing directly into the opposition's possession. A prolonged injury crisis meant he played every week, as we unsurprisingly shat ourselves to relegation. 

CM) Mark Kerr - See Mark Woods, except he had the good grace to stay away from set-pieces and to mostly stay out of first team affairs. 

LM) David Wilson - He was at the club for what seemed like 20 years and I still have no idea what position he was meant to be, largely because he demonstrated no skill in any aspect of the game. I suspect we held onto him as he was tall and gangling and we were waiting for him to fill out a bit and turn into a beast, but this did not happen. 

 

ST) Kal Naismith - Another Deadco loanee with all the swagger of a Murray Park brat thinking he'd rip up the league, whilst contributing absolutely nothing. At least not until starring in the early Banter Years of the Tribute Act a couple of years later. Astonished to see he is now at a half-decent level in England, but then Lucas Akins managed the same thing and he'd have sailed into a worst 00's XI. 

ST) Henoc Mukendi - A loanee from Liverpool where we reportedly paid 0% of his wages. After a customary sub appearance a Leage Cup game against Ayr, he disappeared entirely and now appears to be trying to get into the Guinness world records for most English pub teams signed for. 

 

 

Edited by AMMjag

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I'm sure we could get a few squads out of this dross

Greg Fleming 

Chris Smith

David Hutton

John Potter

Alex Keddie

Stuart Urquhart

Jonathan Page

Alex Whittle 

Ross Millen

Shaun Rooney

Paul Burns

Kyle Hutton

Mark Kerr

Ross Forbes 

Andy Stirling

Chris Kane 

Ryan Blair

Graham Holmes

Aiden Connolly

Paul Willis

Robbie Muirhead

Andy Barrowman (second spell)

Gavin Reilly

Jamie Mole

Myles Hippolyte

Mickaël Antoine-Curier

 

 

Edited by dafc_lee

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4-2-3-1

Bryn Halliwell; Greg Shields, Gabriel Piccolo, Niall Keown, Jake Carroll; Bryan Hodge, Scott Robertson; Ryan Stevenson, Jack Storer, Antonio German; Jim Hamilton


Had to think hard  but Keown hasn't found a club since he left us and unike Devine in that he has gone on to be a dependable starter at Championship level, Jack Storer was an embarrassment and I had left the ground before Antonio German's sole appearance in a pumping at Motherwell.

Stevenson was an expensive flop, scored a few goals but largely disappointed to the point I felt he should be included.

Took Halliwell over Bell based purely on the embarrassment that was that defeat to Stirling Albion at Forthbank which prompted Ian McCall to go out and sign Scott Fox.

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2 hours ago, Meatwad said:

 Devine in that he has gone on to be a dependable starter at Championship level, 

Whoa.

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10 hours ago, PB1994 said:

 


In one of the friendly games, when he was on trial, he managed to trip up over the ball and landed in a heap on the pitch. No idea what John Hughes was seeing in him.

 

It was his debut against St Mirren at home in said friendly. His first engagement with the ball was him trying to control it and it ran under his foot and out for a throw in. 

60 seconds later Ryan Christie slipped him through and he fresh aired it and went arse over tit and landed in a heap.

Utter shite. 

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13 hours ago, Ludo*1 said:

Built a squad of players to try and whittle my selection down from. Currently sitting with this bloated mess:

Goalkeepers

Derek Soutar
Arvid Schenk
Dan Twardzik

Right Back

Chris Casement
James Horsfield

Centre Half

Bob Malcolm
Adam Cummins
Davide Grassi
Kevin Gomis
Andrew Davies
Ryan Inniss
Dominic Shimmin

Left Back

Willie Dyer
Daryll Meggatt
Netan Sansara

Central Midfield

Charlie Grant
Marc Klok
Martin Woods
Tom Hateley
Stephen Hughes
Mark Kerr
Darren Young
Ross Chisholm
David Morgan

Wingers

Sean Bonnet-Johnson
Randy Wolters
Phillip Roberts
Don Cowan

Strikers

Ben Hutchinson
Andy Barrowman
Arturo
Carlo Monti
Steven Doris
Njazi Kuqi
Yordi Teijsse
Jean Mendy

Wow, that is one hell of a terrible squad. Can't think of anything positive to say about any of them, except I seem to remember that Twardzik wasn't too bad.

 

Depressing reminder of why we are where we are...

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I see a lot of Partick Thistle supporters have nominated Shaun Fraser here - in three appearances and 70-odd minutes of football on loan at Stenhousemuir, I can safely say he's the most limited player I've ever seen in my life. I genuinely have no idea how or why he found himself on a pitch because he had no ability whatsoever.

I don't know whatever happened to him after he returned to Firhill but a quick search on Google suggests he tried his hand at modelling.

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