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Your team's Worst XI of the Decade


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Jim Paterson was a world class LB for us...


I could have sworn he was a right-back?

I’ve just realised he was indeed a left-back. I’d put him there then and probably Alex Whittle or Ross Millen at right-back.
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Gk-

Chris Smith - Bizarrely in the season we got promoted we had the best defensive record, this want thanks to Chris Smith who was quite frankly, gubbins. His performances in the Premier were even worse but every keeper we signed to keep him out got injured, absolute nightmare. 

Right Back

Ross Millen-Promoted from our youth team during our troubles he could cross a ball from deep OK, but was pretty w**k defensively and absolutely dreaded running with the ball. We've done alright for right backs really. 

Centre Backs

Stuart Urquhart-Had a fairly promising C.V when he came to us, was absolutely stinking with no defensively redeeming features

Kerr Young-He at least had the physical attributes, just didn't really know how to defend. Think he's went on to have a solid career in the juniors. 

 

Big shout out to Alex Keddie, lucky guy. 

Left Back

Jim Patterson- Came in from f**k knows where, think he played with an injury and it showed, oh lord he was honkingly slow, narrowly beats Paddy Boyle. 

 

Right Mid

Paul Willis - Realistically only got played because he came through our youth, he was shite really. 

Centre Mids

Chris Kane-I remember a Hearts fan saying he'd be a fans favourite, absolutely false. Went around kicking people, usually late, and had no footballing ability, sure he got absolutely cunted by a Thistle player. 

Paul Burns-Came with rave reviews from QoTS fans and I still don't know why, he run around quite allot to absolutely no effect, had absolutely nothing going for him when he had the ball, was so out of his depth it was painful. 

Left mid

Paul George - I remember he had loads of potential back in the day, sadly all gone by the time he rocked up at us. 

Strikers 

Pat Clarke- Maybe controversial this but I didn't rate him at all, scored a good goal against Falkirk though, cheers. 

 

Gavin Reilly- He was absolutely gash, finitio. Allot was made about his goalscoring record when realistically, it isn't very good, has had purple patches through his career which has helped him out, a modern day Pat Clarke of you will. 

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21 hours ago, dregs 83 said:


He was bang average at best, however you probably have that perception because he was capable of the odd good touch/ ball and scored an absolute screamer against Morton in the playoffs.
The game where he lost the rag against Hamilton he was the worst player on the park,

Kuate wasn't just the worst player on the park that day. It was perhaps the worst individual performance I've ever seen from a United player.

Edited by ArabFC
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6 hours ago, dundeeunited83 said:


Paul Paton and kuate, really???

Rabitsch, kuhl, Briels all worse by a absolute country mile

Kuhl was horrendous, but I'm giving sympathy points as he was just a kid.

Rabitsch and Briels I can't say I ever saw much of - that was during the phase when I would rather go to Tesco than Tannadice.

And yes, Paul fecking Paton.

Edited by ArabFC
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GK Sam Ramsbottom (Nicolas Caraux; Ryan Scully) - Genuinely the worst goalkeeper to play at this level in the decade; a glorified beach volleyball player who wouldn't get a game for any club in the SPFL.

RB Jamie McCormack - Signed midway through our disastrous 2013/14 relegation campaign and was utterly horrendous before finding his natural level at dross like Brechin. 

CB Jonathan Page   - Signed at the start of the disastrous 2013/14 campaign (there's a running theme here) and abysmal for the first six months, before Dunfermline bizarrely signed him in January 2014 to add to their growing banter years squad floundering in the seaside leagues. Both they and East Fife had gormless fanbases claiming at one point that he prove to be a great player at that level: he didn't and isn't. 

CB Henk van Scheik - David Hopkin paid a real, actual, undisclosed sum of money to sign 'van Shite' from Livingston in June, only to release him from his contract two months later because he was too gubbins to stay at the club. His performance at Somerset Park on the opening day is one of the worst individual displays I've ever seen. 

LB Marc Fitzpatrick - Both a terrible full back and a self-entitled w****r, whose only positive contribution was the meltdown that his dad had over his boy getting pelters in a 3-0 shoeing at Dumbarton in (you guessed it) 2014. It's no surprise to see him at Airdrie as they couldn't be better suited for each other.

Other contenders include: Ben Sampayo; Brian McLean; Darren Barr; Jordan Halsman; Jordan Allan; Sean Crighton and Gregor Buchanan.

CM Dylan Dykes - Jonatan Johannsson's marquee signing from Ross County in January, who contrived to do nothing in the handful of games he started and has since been shipped out on loan to Stenhousemuir as we foolishly gave him an 18 month contract. 

CM Cameron Blues - A hopeless non-entity who previously anchored the Berwick Rangers side that got relegated last season, but has been brought in by Hopkin as another one of his lovechildren from Livingston. Unlike van Shite he has managed to stick around, although even our dunce managre is no longer giving him a start in the team. 

(Neil McFarlane; Graeme Holmes; Ian Flannigan; Darren McGeough; Jake Nicholson; Kyle Wilkie; Joe McKee; Reece Hands; David Robertson; Robbie Crawford; Gary Fraser; Conor McManus; Keelan O'Connell)  

FW Tony Wallace - We paid £15k to Dumbarton to sign this useless sand-dancer at the start of 2013/14, probably one of the largest fees we've paid in the whole decade. Has since found his level in the fourth tier.

FW Donovan Simmonds - James Grady released club legend Brian Wake in January 2010 in order to bring in this clown. Nicknamed 'SPL' by his teammates for having the delusional belief that he was of top flight standard, he actually mustered a single goal in four months before washing up in the English non-leagues.

FW Kabba-Modou Cham - The attacking focal point of the 2013/14 campaign, who did literally nothing good either with or without the ball and mustered three goals in thirteen woeful appearances before being emptied.

FW Kalvin Orsi - A seaside league sand dancer who was last found getting relegated with Brechin to the fourth tier, before becoming one of the first signings made by Hopkin this summer. Still at the club but there's about much chance of me getting a game as him.

(Barrie McKay; Sean Fitzharris; Jonathan Toto; Nacho Novo; Garry O'Connor; Rowan Vine; David McNeil; Thomas Orr; Andy Barrowman; Romario Sabajo; Luke Donnelly; Kudus Oyenuga; Robert Thomson; Robbie Muirhead)

The sheer volume of dross that we've shipped in and out of the club in this decade is something else entirely.  

 

Edited by vikingTON
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17 minutes ago, virginton said:

FW Donovan Simmonds - James Grady released club legend Brian Wake in January 2010 in order to bring in this clown. Nicknamed 'SPL' by his teammates for having the delusional belief that he was of top flight standard, he actually mustered a single goal in four months before washing up in the English non-leagues.

 

Bizarrely when he played at EEP he looked alright, heard a few people say afterwards they wouldn't mind him. 

His career since would indicate that was very much the exception. 

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Alex Whittle was a left back. 


Jesus Christ, I’ve had a shitemare.

Definitely Ross Millen at right-back. An absolute shitebag, especially going forward with and without the ball. He was some penalty-kick taker, but that was really about it. God only knows how he is playing in the Premiership with Killie. I highly doubt he’s a starter.

Pat Clarke worse than Myles Hipposhyte, Louis Longridge and Robbie Muirhead? Nah, can’t have that one.
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Stuckmann was shite but he was a free agent short term signing available in November after our two signed goalies got injured, I think if he'd fucked up against anyone else other then Rangers (or Celtic obvs) he'd have faded into obscurity. Bell was signed on a 2 year deal as a first choice goalie with a decent pedigree and turned in  some horrors, including an all time low performance throwing 4 - maybe even 5- of the 5 goals vs Morton and didn't make it to Christmas of the 2 years.

Thinking about our strikers, how many would be exempt from a nomination for this? Kris Doolan, Lyle Taylor, Scott McDonald obvious choices. Steven Craig, Liam Buchanan, Conor Sammon did a job (tho Sammon did have a few pens in his 10 goals).  Everyone else (maybe 20 other players)....?

Good shout with Paul Slane in a way, he was more ineffectual for us than utter shite but his post football persona is that of a total bellend.

Edited by Fuctifano
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Jesus Christ, I’ve had a shitemare.

Definitely Ross Millen at right-back. An absolute shitebag, especially going forward with and without the ball. He was some penalty-kick taker, but that was really about it. God only knows how he is playing in the Premiership with Killie. I highly doubt he’s a starter.

Pat Clarke worse than Myles Hipposhyte, Louis Longridge and Robbie Muirhead? Nah, can’t have that one.

Is Andy Millen not still involved at Rugby Park in some capacity? I’d imagine that’s the only way a guy who looked fairly average at Queens Park is getting a Premiership gig.
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9 hours ago, Tarmo Kink said:

 


Probably harsh on King (who looked okay but got injured and retired), Brislen-Hall (who I don’t think ever played) and Curtis Allen (who didn’t play at all either).

Williams and Oswell are another two who rarely played, but weren’t up to much when they did.

I forgot to mention Gil Blumehnstein or whatever he was called.

 

 

9 hours ago, Central Belt Caley said:

 


Probably is a bit harsh on King couldn’t really think of anyone else.

Completely forgot about Blumsthein, looking through some of the other players we’ve signed. Anyone remember Aiden Chippendale? emoji23.png

 

I think it's a wee bit harsh to mention Brislen-Hall and Simon King.  King had played at a decent level down south but had been blighted by injuries which also happened with us.  I think had he stayed fit he'd have been a good player for us.  Brislen-Hall never played a first team game but was only really signed to be a back-up anyway (did look good in the reserves though).  Blumenshtein was built out of wafer biscuits and despite Butcher praising him massively during the pre-season, he looked pretty ineffective and then got injured again.  Curtis Allen was a strange one; had played for Leyton Orient and Bournemouth down south and then scored a lot in the Irish League and signed for us after being linked with Swansea.  Joined up in pre-season late and overweight because he was on holiday, then got injured and then got "homesick".  I did once see him play for us in a reserve match and he wasn't very good.

Jason Oswell was another one who barely played but in pre-season he really looked a player and scored a cracker in a home friendly against Coventry.  When he did make the odd cameo appearance in the league, he didn't look anywhere near as dangerous.  Aiden Chippendale was on loan from Huddersfield and was fast but didn't have a lot else.  Butcher had a few loan signings who didn't do a lot and just seemed to be jersey fillers - remember Alex MacDonald and Jordan Gibbons?

Ryan Williams barely played and didn't look up to much when did get a chance.  Moved to Canada after we released him.  I'm sure he was the player who had a far better record playing futsal as well.

Greenhalgh was a bit of a poser but he did have some talent.  He was a pretty skillful winger, but was nowhere near robust enough to survive in the Scottish game.  I agree with most of what @ICTChris wrote, but I do disagree a wee bit on McCauley and Cole.  Neither were great shakes but neither were as poor as Liam Hughes who, despite being highly rated by Cambridge fans in League 2 down south, was absolutely hopeless.  Claude Gnakpa was another who was far worse than Cole or McCauley.  Another player who'd played at a decent level down south and did have some talent who just so lazy.  After he left us though he wrote on his blog on his website that he'd found it hard to settle so far north.  His next club was in Iraq!

Nat Wedderburn was a poor signing but he was nowhere near as bad as some fans like to claim.  He was slow and cumbersome yes, but his ball retention was alright.  He wasn't good enough for the Premiership, but we've had far worse players.

One ICT name I've not seen mentioned yet is Tarmo Kink (the player!).  He'd come with a good pedigree as well having been at Middlesbrough and Spartak Moscow and had played 82 times for Estonia (not a great footballing nation but still!).  He also turned down CSKA Sofia and Rapid Bucharest to join us.  He was another player who did have some technical ability yet was so slow and lazy.  Surely one of the greatest travesties in Caley Thistle history is that he got a Scottish Cup winners medal by default.

Edited by Highland Capital
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Just now, Tarmo Kink said:

I was pretty pissed off that Tarmo Kink got a medal and guys like Rave and big Gaz Warren didn’t. I didn’t think Kink was awful, but he barely played for me to make a proper judgement.

I used to go to the home reserve games quite a bit in those days and I remember Tarmo Kink playing in some of them and just looking rubbish.

Another name no-one has mentioned yet - Henri Anier.  Seemed to be signed by Foran simply because he'd heard of him and he was just...rubbish.  He gets some redemption in that he was trying hard but he must be one of the least skillful footballers I've ever seen.  He just ran around like a headless chicken.

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I used to go to the home reserve games quite a bit in those days and I remember Tarmo Kink playing in some of them and just looking rubbish.
Another name no-one has mentioned yet - Henri Anier.  Seemed to be signed by Foran simply because he'd heard of him and he was just...rubbish.  He gets some redemption in that he was trying hard but he must be one of the least skillful footballers I've ever seen.  He just ran around like a headless chicken.


Yep, he was awful. I don’t like to name guys who have barely ever played by that Sekajja boy Yogi signed was absolute mince.
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3 minutes ago, Tarmo Kink said:

 


Yep, he was awful. I don’t like to name guys who have barely ever played by that Sekajja boy Yogi signed was absolute mince.

 

I remember him!  I'm sure his first match was against St Mirren away and watching him doing shooting practice during the warm up.  I don't think he struck the ball cleanly once!

He was also the player who signed for Livi the season after, scored for them at Ibrox and got injured in the goal celebration as I recall.

Edited by Highland Capital
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