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Jan Vojáček

Your Worst XI of the Decade

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Graham Smith

Reece Donaldson
Ross Perry
Fernandy Mendy
Kevin McHattie

Chris Johnston
Jordan Thompson
Darren Petrie
Scott Roberts

Rudi Skacel

Craig Wighton.

Manager: John Hughes

Subs:

Pavol Penksa
Craig Wedderburn
Fraser Mullen
Liam Fox
Bobby Barr
Ryan Stevenson
Gordon Smith

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Mark Brown

Willie Dyer

Lee Mair

Allan McManus

Mark Wilson

Michael Paton

Kler Heh

Ryan Stevenson

Steven McDougall

Dennis Wyness

Greg Morrison

A few are there based on not living up to their previous reputation and some for a lack of ability.

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Love threads like these. Just looking through our squads for the last 10 years I’ve noted down 46 players who could genuinely be in contention here which is not including any young boys who came in and made the odd first team appearance. I’ve tried to make a few different changes from the previous few Falkirk teams but there’s some players that just deserve to be here.

Leo Fasan - A no brainer here. Not just the worst of the decade but worst I’ve ever seen play for Falkirk. Before us he had been on the books at Celtic for 7 years and we had got him from Killie where he had played a few games the season previous in the Premiership, including scoring an own goal with the ball smacking off his face and going in iirc. Usually you can describe a ‘keeper with the cliche of being a good shot stopper but not Fasan. Awful and no surprise he’s no got a team since leaving us.

Ross Perry - Just pipping is fellow Old Firm loanee Jason Marr but Perry was god awful and for reason signed to play right-back by Pressley and keeping Kieran Duffie on the bench in the process. Had nothing about him and no surprise to see his career bomb since.

Chris Smith - I think he was signed just by how well he had played up against Farid El Alagui the previous season but he was utterly hopeless and punted after 6 months. One of the slowest moving humans I’ve ever seen and one of his last moments for us was a cup game away to Rangers and a simple cross into the box and which he had plenty of time to deal with he simply cushioned it down to Lee McCulloch to volley home.

Tom Dallison - Looked the part and had a great pedigree so we thought we were getting a right good player. 6’4 coming from Brighton under 23’s with a glowing recommendation from there manager. I’ve never seen a player so confused by a bouncing ball before, so many games he’d let the ball bounce and lose it immediately. Amazingly he’s now first choice centre back and vice captain at Crawley in League 2.

Joe Chalmers - Another I’m staggered has went on to have a decent career. Was signed as a left-back on loan from Celtic despite us having the best left-back in the league in Stephen Kingsley and actually Kingsley ended up being moved to centre-back to accommodate. Chalmers was hopeless with no redeeming qualities at all. Thing I remember most is a game away to Raith where he started left wing-back but was very apparent he had no clue what he was doing, positionally he was all over the place and genuinely looked like he had never played the game before. He was hooked after 25 minutes and the excuse after the game was that he had never played left wing-back before.

Alex Harris - Pea hearted shitebag. Not much else to add about him tbh, we all knew how shite he was going to be and he certainly didn’t let us down.

Mark Waddington - Signed on loan from Stoke in January and initially I was a fan and thought he just had to work on his fitness but by f**k was I wrong. He was always cunted well before the hour mark in games but the reason was that running about and being strong were the only things he had going for him. Had absolutely no ability with the ball whatsoever or even any control over his feet half the time. He’d probably make a decent rugby player but never a footballer.

Dimitrys Froxylias - Overweight, slow, positionless waste of space. Signed after a successful period at Dumbarton but he showed nothing for us and was binned by October.

Danijel Marceta - Kind of cheating but he did play 1 game for us this decade and felt he just edged Andy Haworth. Slovenian under 21 international signed on loan from Partizan Belgrade during the summer of 2009 on an initial 1 year loan with option to buy, allegedly we paid £100k to get him on loan but I’ve also heard different numbers quoted so not sure how true it is and of course he came with the fantastic quote on the website of ‘lighting up the training ground’ after his first training session. He was ganting. The Slovenian Alex Harris.

Dylan Mackin - Quite why we signed this jobber I’ve no idea. Signed from Livi after being pish for them and pish for that rancid Brechin team in the Championship and according to the Livi website at the time we paid a few for him. Made his only league start for us second game of the season away to Patrick and he lasted about an hour. Fat, unable to move, no first touch, can’t header a ball, can’t trap the call and can’t pass the ball. Genuinely looked like they just plucked a fan out the stands. Another who was punted before October.

Dennon Lewis - Dunfermline at home. We’re 4-2 with 10 minutes to go ball comes in from the left and he’s at the back post unmarked in plenty of space to either attack the ball or bring it down and get a shot away so what does he do? Neither. He ducks out the way and runs after the ball when it’s past him. If you’ve not seen it then watch it, the biggest piece of shitebaggery you’ll ever see. He was released 3 days later.

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Going for a shocking 4-3-3 for the Bully Wee:

JC Hutchison

John Kane

Ryan Frances

Michael Oliver

Jack Breslin

Andy Gibson

Kyle Ferguson

Ryan Finnie (Who's now turned up at QP, bizarrely)

Bradley Coyne

Steve Kipre

Grant Dickie

Honourable mentions:

Paul Slane who had admittedly chucked it by the time he turned up at Clyde but just seems like a right nice boy.

David Hopkirk who signed and then never turned up for any number of reasons.

Connor Quinn for being one of the best goalies I've ever seen for a few games then not signing (I'm not bitter).

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Why do we keep loaning players from Rangers? Mackay was another Billy-big-time waste of a shirt.

Have we had any succesful players on loan from them?

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40 minutes ago, Brian Carrigan said:

Going for a shocking 4-3-3 for the Bully Wee:

JC Hutchison

John Kane

Ryan Frances

Michael Oliver

Jack Breslin

Andy Gibson

Kyle Ferguson

Ryan Finnie (Who's now turned up at QP, bizarrely)

Bradley Coyne

Steve Kipre

Grant Dickie

Honourable mentions:

Paul Slane who had admittedly chucked it by the time he turned up at Clyde but just seems like a right nice boy.

David Hopkirk who signed and then never turned up for any number of reasons.

Connor Quinn for being one of the best goalies I've ever seen for a few games then not signing (I'm not bitter).

Ooooft, how did I forget Breslin? He can stroll straight into the team. Captain of the Scotland U19 side, 40+ international youth caps, a player Chapman knew well from Annan. An absolute disaster of a centre half; small, weak and error prone. The only improvement when he moved to right back was that he wasn't making errors in the middle of the box.

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I'd go for a starting line up of:

Andy McNeil

Craig Wedderburn - Colin Wilson - Ross Perry

Scott Roberts - Jordan Thompson - Denis Prychynenko - Scott McBride

Chris Johnston - Jon Daly - Stephen Reynolds

Managed by Gary Locke.

Honourable mentions for: Craig Wighton, Jamie Mole, Yaw Osei

 

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1 hour ago, Lang Toun Lad said:

Why do we keep loaning players from Rangers? Mackay was another Billy-big-time waste of a shirt.

Have we had any succesful players on loan from them?

Ryan Hardie.

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JC Hutchinson - Came to us with a decent pedigree but by God he was awful. His performance v Stranraer in the season opener was special, a game I boosted straight from Prestwick Airport after landing on a flight from ibiza to arrive at Clyde 2-0, wasn't much fun after that! 

---

John Kane - Absolutely fucking hopeless, I can accept players being shite but I can't accept players showing no effort. The fact he started shouting back to the fans at Shire away summed him up. I never abuse my own players but he was an exception, fucking awful and I don't think he was ever seen again. 

Jack Breslin - Another player who must've been decent as a youngster, or another reminder that Scotland is not producing decent centre halves. He was awful, absolutely awful. 

Ryan Francis - Surprised how much game time he got, he was utter pish. 

Gavin Brown - on his day he was a tidy wee player but his attitude was stinking and his mistakes and f**k ups were usually quite spectacular. 

---

Ryan Kane - he was mentioned earlier, showed some promise at the very start, properly struggled to get to grips with it and was limited to sub appearances and even then you'd have probably been better with 10 men. 

Pat Scullion - a man who I call the poster child of our "banter years", he was fat, slow and generally not a very good fitbaw player! How he managed to get a gig 2 divisions above still stuns me, however that team then suffered a double relegation. Quite appropriate he was their captain if I remember right. I don't get the cult hero thing with him, he was pish. 

Iain Gray - I feel bad puting him in here, he was OK but nothing special. I think the fact that some fans rated him shows how shite we really were. He made the list for booking a holiday mid season. 

Stuart McColm - Shitebag was a common term for him and he deserved that tag. Good for putting in a cross and got some assists but his shitebaggery let him down. He also makes this list for booking a honeymoon which seemed to last 4 weeks or something which made him miss the play off games. 

---

John Stewart - fucking waster, pish player and no heart. Had a promising start to his career, had chance after chance with clubs in higher leagues, had his last chance with us and made a c**t of it. 

Kieran McGachie - man this boy was your classic Duffy signing and by god did he sign some amount of shite. McGachie, right I'm no oil painting but I could be the face of Calvin Klein compared to him, so ugly it's unreal! His looks also mirrored his footballing ability. 

Edited by Ingo ohne Flamingo

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For Clyde you could just about name a starting eleven for each season that could make this list.

Surprised that a few more of Ferguson's shit show of a season 16/17 haven't been mentioned. John Gibson, Phil Johnston, Chris Smith, Scott McLaughlin and Ross Perry were all awful. Scott Ferguson was a shadow of the player he was but still featured in 30 games. Then you had the panic signings like Ryan Finnie, Marc McKenzie and Jordan McMillan who were all garbage too.

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Had a wee think, and came up with this grim ensemble playing one of Hegarty's eccentric 5-3-2 formations. 

(Season 2014/15 crops up a lot, unsurprisingly.)

 

GK: Lucas Birnstingl. A tragicomedy. Signed by Shields - one decent game on debut at Elgin followed by two shockers which saw him benched. Got back in after McKenzie got sent off against QP, only to ship 5 in the next game against Ar*****h (including one off the opposition keeper) and get sent off himself, promptly jumping on the next plane to Canada, never to return. We can see the funny side now. Almost.

DF: Craig Bell. Another of the Shields' 14/15 school of shame. Put in one of the worst individual performances I've ever seen in a 0-4 defeat at the Shire. Didn't play again after that. A gruesome excuse for a footballer, no touch, no composure, no clue, no thanks.

DF: Jonathan Smart. Brought in by Farningham: apparently a solid, reliable defender at East Fife, Smart was an ill-disciplined red card magnet by the time he got to LP. Sent off 3 times in 5 games IIRC, then again later in the season, before finally being bombed out. Not terribly much cop when he was actually playing. A huge disappointment.

DF: David Banjo. Yet another Shields special, Banjo came in from the Smokies in the middle of the 14/15 car crash. They laughed their heads off at this signing. Rightly so. Inexplicably scored two goals on debut, before being found out. Kept out of the team later on by Marvin Andrews, by then an immobile near 40 year old. Says it all, really. 

DF: Jahmal Howlett-Mundle. Howling Muddle, as he quickly became known. Brought in on loan from Hearts by Hegarty in 15/16, an absolute passenger in his second game at home to QP, shipping 6 goals. A rabbit in the headlights, he got one more game against the Shire (a defeat, natch) before being sent straight back from whence he came.

DF: Sean Crighton. Signed by Tweed after a spell on loan, and stayed for around three seasons, which sums up the depths we were in at the turn of the decade. Had propensity to go forward like Taylor-Sinclair, but had none of his touch or composure, and frequently wasted possession/gave the ball away cheaply etc, often making the same mistake week after week. Guessing he has improved, but not entirely sure how he has managed to carve out a career to be honest.

MF: Stephen O'Neill. Signed by you know who in you know which season. Had a reputation from being youth captain at Aberdeen but incapable of adapting to the school of toilet-league football. Not a strong enough presence on the ball, and had a bad habit of clumsy-needless fouling. Gradually fell out of the team as the season collapsed, and drifted into obscurity.

MF: Declan O'Kane. Signed by Shields in 14/15? Check. Not very good footballer? Check. Sent off for a daft challenge in a derby? Check. Gets a place in this side? Abso-fuckin'-Check-loutley.

MF: David Dimilta. Another Smokies cast off which brought them much amusement, brought in by Farnigham. A 4ft f**k all headless chicken, DiMilta could run, but had about as much technical ball skills as me (ie. none). Made a handful of 'cameos' from the bench, often resulting in despairing face palms all round. Shipped out at seasons end. Not sure where he ended up, possibly as an executive doorstop.

FW: Stevie Nicholas. Narrowly qualifies for this after being in Tweed's bottom side from 09/10. Nicholas was funded by the SOS money, and frankly gave poor return for the dosh given the promise shown while playing for previous lower league sides. Scored only once against pre-league Edinburgh City in the cup, and never looked comfortable in a volatile front line where he barely looked better than the likes of Daryl Nicol. Cleared out along with Gemmell at the end of the season with an ageing Paul Tosh being preferred, a fairly damning indictment.

FW: Declan Milne. A player so poor I still get shivers typing his name. Frequently used as 75th minute sub by  Hegarty in 15/16 to get a goal ahead of 2/3 more promising youngsters. Never got fucking close. Apparently had quite a high opinion of himself too, which makes him all the more worthy of being in this XI. Appears to be at Huntly now, and even there I bet he ain't scoring shit. 

 

 

Too depressed to come up with a subs bench after that.

 

Edited by Scorge

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22 minutes ago, Crawford Baptie said:

Fasan

Ross Perry
Jason Marr
Scott Harrison
Tom Dallison

Andy Haworth
Tudor Jones
Sammut
Alex Harris

Finbogasson
Lewis

I may be wrong but I’m sure Finnbogasson left in the January of 2010 but at least he scored in the league unlike Lewis/Haber etc 

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Fasan

McCann

Dallison

Khallis

Marr

Harris

Flannigan

Owen Evans

Haworth

Lewis

White

 

Subs:

Perry

Smith

Bingham

Tudur Jones

Sinnamon

Haber

Thomson

 

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15 hours ago, Scorge said:

Had a wee think, and came up with this grim ensemble playing one of Hegarty's eccentric 5-3-2 formations. 

(Season 2014/15 crops up a lot, unsurprisingly.)

 

GK: Lucas Birnstingl. A tragicomedy. Signed by Shields - one decent game on debut at Elgin followed by two shockers which saw him benched. Got back in after McKenzie got sent off against QP, only to ship 5 in the next game against Ar*****h (including one off the opposition keeper) and get sent off himself, promptly jumping on the next plane to Canada, never to return. We can see the funny side now. Almost.

 

 

  Reveal hidden contents

Too depressed to come up with a subs bench after that.

 

was just discussing the monumental bombscare the other day, showing someone the footage of his calamity attempts to prevent a wind assisted clearance from Smokie's keeper enter the net.  A lot of press articles around the story available online too.

Montrose seemed to be a breeding ground for utter trash like him for far too long a period of time

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On 19/11/2019 at 17:11, C. Muir said:

I could probably name a 23 man squad tbh. Let's try and narrow it down to 11.

JC Hutchison

Phil Johnston
John Kane
Murray Henderson
Ricky Waddell

Steven Brisbane
David Sinclair
Darren Miller

Mark Archdeacon
Kieran McGachie
John Stewart

Ask me again and I could probably name a completely different 11 :lol: Nik Rajovic and John Gibson would definitely join JC in the 23 man squad. Christ we'd still concede 3+ a game with all 3 of them in at the same time.
 

Steven Brisbane is in the top 3 worst players of all time we've had at Broadwood. Craig Wedderburn and Oor Wullie Sawyers round the group off.

We could honestly have a full divisions worth of shithouse teams.

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