Your Worst XI of the Decade

[Clyde85]

Sean Higgins would be in mine you were basically a man down when he started which was surprisingly every week!

[haufdaft]

Sean Higgins would be in mine you were basically a man down when he started which was surprisingly every week!

Excellent call.

̶A̶d̶d̶e̶d̶ ̶t̶o̶ Subtracted with Scott McLaughlin we surprisingly avoided relegation with only nine players.

[Senor Bairn]

Gone for a 3-3-4 formation to try get a goal out of my strikers, who scored a total of 0 in a combined 25 apps according to wiki.

Fasan

Tom Dallison
Mehdi Khalis
Joe Chalmers

Alex Harris
Tom Owen Evans
Dennon Lewis

Taylor Morgan
Jordan White
Dylan Mackin
Dan Turner

[ShaggerG]

32 minutes ago, Senor Bairn said:

Gone for a 3-3-4 formation to try get a goal out of my strikers, who scored a total of 0 in a combined 25 apps according to wiki.

Fasan

Tom Dallison
Mehdi Khalis
Joe Chalmers

Alex Harris
Tom Owen Evans
Dennon Lewis

Taylor Morgan
Jordan White
Dylan Mackin
Dan Turner

I'd have Haber in before Morgan, White & Mackin TBH.

[Jack Phillips]

Surprised not to see Darren Ramsey selected for Clyde. Didn’t offer anything

[Shadwell Dog]

12 hours ago, ShaggerG said:

I'd have Haber in before Morgan, White & Mackin TBH.

No much in it between white and haber. White played 13 games without bothering the opposition goal and Haber 15 . Both were equally useless.

[champions]

2 hours ago, Shadwell Dog said:

No much in it between white and haber. White played 13 games without bothering the opposition goal and Haber 15 . Both were equally useless.

Haber was a lazy b*****d though.

[Mantis Toboggan]

On 20/11/2019 at 20:39, Ingo ohne Flamingo said:

Ryan Francis - Surprised how much game time he got, he was utter pish. 

 

Best thing he ever done was score the only goal in this game we somehow won 1-0 

[jd_mo]

Had a wee think, and came up with this grim ensemble playing one of Hegarty's eccentric 5-3-2 formations. 
(Season 2014/15 crops up a lot, unsurprisingly.)
 
GK: Lucas Birnstingl. A tragicomedy. Signed by Shields - one decent game on debut at Elgin followed by two shockers which saw him benched. Got back in after McKenzie got sent off against QP, only to ship 5 in the next game against Ar*****h (including one off the opposition keeper) and get sent off himself, promptly jumping on the next plane to Canada, never to return. We can see the funny side now. Almost.
DF: Craig Bell. Another of the Shields' 14/15 school of shame. Put in one of the worst individual performances I've ever seen in a 0-4 defeat at the Shire. Didn't play again after that. A gruesome excuse for a footballer, no touch, no composure, no clue, no thanks.
DF: Jonathan Smart. Brought in by Farningham: apparently a solid, reliable defender at East Fife, Smart was an ill-disciplined red card magnet by the time he got to LP. Sent off 3 times in 5 games IIRC, then again later in the season, before finally being bombed out. Not terribly much cop when he was actually playing. A huge disappointment.
DF: David Banjo. Yet another Shields special, Banjo came in from the Smokies in the middle of the 14/15 car crash. They laughed their heads off at this signing. Rightly so. Inexplicably scored two goals on debut, before being found out. Kept out of the team later on by Marvin Andrews, by then an immobile near 40 year old. Says it all, really. 
DF: Jahmal Howlett-Mundle. Howling Muddle, as he quickly became known. Brought in on loan from Hearts by Hegarty in 15/16, an absolute passenger in his second game at home to QP, shipping 6 goals. A rabbit in the headlights, he got one more game against the Shire (a defeat, natch) before being sent straight back from whence he came.
DF: Sean Crighton. Signed by Tweed after a spell on loan, and stayed for around three seasons, which sums up the depths we were in at the turn of the decade. Had propensity to go forward like Taylor-Sinclair, but had none of his touch or composure, and frequently wasted possession/gave the ball away cheaply etc, often making the same mistake week after week. Guessing he has improved, but not entirely sure how he has managed to carve out a career to be honest.
MF: Stephen O'Neill. Signed by you know who in you know which season. Had a reputation from being youth captain at Aberdeen but incapable of adapting to the school of toilet-league football. Not a strong enough presence on the ball, and had a bad habit of clumsy-needless fouling. Gradually fell out of the team as the season collapsed, and drifted into obscurity.
MF: Declan O'Kane. Signed by Shields in 14/15? Check. Not very good footballer? Check. Sent off for a daft challenge in a derby? Check. Gets a place in this side? Abso-fuckin'-Check-loutley.
MF: David Dimilta. Another Smokies cast off which brought them much amusement, brought in by Farnigham. A 4ft f**k all headless chicken, DiMilta could run, but had about as much technical ball skills as me (ie. none). Made a handful of 'cameos' from the bench, often resulting in despairing face palms all round. Shipped out at seasons end. Not sure where he ended up, possibly as an executive doorstop.
FW: Stevie Nicholas. Narrowly qualifies for this after being in Tweed's bottom side from 09/10. Nicholas was funded by the SOS money, and frankly gave poor return for the dosh given the promise shown while playing for previous lower league sides. Scored only once against pre-league Edinburgh City in the cup, and never looked comfortable in a volatile front line where he barely looked better than the likes of Daryl Nicol. Cleared out along with Gemmell at the end of the season with an ageing Paul Tosh being preferred, a fairly damning indictment.
FW: Declan Milne. A player so poor I still get shivers typing his name. Frequently used as 75th minute sub by  Hegarty in 15/16 to get a goal ahead of 2/3 more promising youngsters. Never got fucking close. Apparently had quite a high opinion of himself too, which makes him all the more worthy of being in this XI. Appears to be at Huntly now, and even there I bet he ain't scoring shit. 
 
 

Too depressed to come up with a subs bench after that.

 

I started making a list last week but gave up after the depressing memories it kept bringing back having tried hard to forget some players! Am sure there are many more Montrose fans who have done similar!

Defensively I'd have added in Ewan Moyes with special mention to 'experienced' Phil McQuire who should have been retired from league football by the time we took him on. There was also a young, tall lad who I think we got from Raith (I want to say Wilson) who was always more concerned about his combed over hair style than his on field abilities.

Gavin Malin never seemed to do it for me in midfield, and neither did Paul Harkins. Plenty midfield candidates brought in by HH in the preceding years too, including one who the terraces taught me the true meaning of the word nepotism.

Up front I'd pop a certain Mr Gemmell, and sadly just outside the time period in discussion would be Willie Martin: Released, if I remember correctly, for 'lack of commitment to training', after attempting scorpion kicks in goal during warm-up despite declaring himself unfit.

Thankfully we've turned a corner the last few years. When we find ourselves without SP I dread the return of more candidates!

[Sunrise]

Ryan Kane. Not our youth product, but still another highly vaunted player for some sub appearances for Morton. Part of the bizarre summer when we announced six new additions with no fanfare, all in one website post. Turned up at Clyde, complete with an impressive first friendly, step-overs and yellow boots. The rest of the year he ran around a lot, without ever looking like he'd put a cross in that didn't arc straight out of play. A winger with 27 appearances, no goals and no assists? On your way please, to the juniors.

Ryan lasted less than a season at an average Largs Thistle team. He was totally disinterested.

Don’t think he’s played for a few seasons.

[Guest]

4-3-3

GK. Grant Adam
FB. Euan Spark
CB. Simon Mensing
CB. Aiden Wilson
FB. Conner Quigley

LM. Scott Mcbride
CM. Ross Forbes
RM. Dylan Easton

ST. Josh Peters
ST. Steven Craig
ST. Russell McLean

While many would think im mental for putting Dylan Easton in this, they can shut it. Wee fanny who only cared about himself and couldn't even win a free kick from any of his 3000 dives.

[airdrieman]

The amount of ex Airdrie players on this list and that's just for other teams...  

I assume no other Airdrie fan has made an attempt at this yet because it's incredibly difficult to make up just one team out of all the guff we've had in the last decade but here's my effort - 

Gk: Connor Fairley - Fairley was in goals for the infamous 7-2 game at Cliftonhill and sold at least 3 of the goals himself. Which was pretty much the standard every game. Only a young lad at the time but he looked a bag of nerves and bereft of any goalkeeping ability whatsoever. You couldn't even say he was a good shotstopper. Picked up a passback in two different games also. Two different games. Not cut out for football at any level I would have thought and after going to Iceland for a bit after leaving us is now retired (at only 27). 

RB: David Van Zanten - Van Zanten was obviously a very good player for most of his career. Most of his career. Came to Airdrie with an excellent reputation and, on paper, should have skooshed League 1 level. But by the time he rocked up at New Broomfield he was absolutely done. I think he'd a lot of the previous season at Dumbarton injured and it showed. Looked unfit, struggled to do the basics, regularly beaten and caught out and didn't contribute anything going forward. Left in February of that season and don't think he's played since. 

CB: David Lilley - Could probably copy and paste most of what I wrote for Van Zanten. Obviously played at a decent level for most of his career but was done when he played for us. Carthorse would be putting it mildly. Part of the defence that got ripped to shreds by Dumbarton in the play-offs. 

CB: Daniel Boateng - I must admit it pains me in some of ways having to include the big man in this but his performances left me with no choice. No skill, composure, footballing or defensive ability or football brain whatsoever. Hard to believe someone so lacking in skill and ability to think on the football pitch could make an APPEARANCE for Arsenal let alone be on their books. Totally box office though. Been entertaining the Polish and Romanian public since leaving Airdrie. 

LB: Chris Malone - This was a straight up battle between Malone and Marc Warren but I opted for Malone since I had the dubious pleasure of seeing more of him. Another to feature in the 7-2 game. Just totally hopeless and incompetent. Woeful positioning, slow, not capable of doing even the fundamentals and offered absolutely nothing going forward. Released pretty early on and has been slumming around in the juniors ever since. 

RM: Conor Scullion - Rubbish player with a rubbish attitude. Not sure how he's getting on at Dumbarton this season but I'd be surprised if he'll be playing in the senior leagues long neyond January/the end of the season. 

CM: Hugo Faria - Christiano Ronaldo's best pal. Slow and over-the-hill, easily beaten (most players could just waltz by him) couldn't pass and when he did it was always sideways or backwards, couldn't tackle or organise a midfield and was just an overall hindrance to the team. Has laughably ended up as a coach at Bournemouth which the former Airdrie U20s players during his time at the club openly took the piss out of online. 

CM: Rhys Devlin - Shite plodder of a footballer, good for nothing apart from a red-card. Also played in the 7-2 game and a w**k of a guy too. 

LM: Gary Muir - Surprised he made as many as 22 appearances for us but suppose that's the dire situation we were in at the time. Played in Jimmy Boyle's first season and was largely ineffective. Powderpuff, anonymous at best and no goals or assists. Played in the Europa League last season though so what do I know? 

FW: Kevin Schmidt - Poor Kevin Schmidt. The boy tried his best but was not cut out for professional football at all. Would run around a lot but was hopeless on the ball. No first touch, no composure and no real ability whatsoever.  

FW: Paul Keegan - A big carthorse but unfortunately an ineffective. Did at least score a last minute equaliser against Ayr and fell in a puddle at the side of the pitch once. 

Honourable Mentions - Colin Stewart, Lucas Birnstingl, Euen Grant, Kieron Stallard, Marc Warren, Simon Mensing, Joe Gorman, Robert Wilson, Niko Sumsky, Joe Hammill, David Sinclair, Jack Kirwan, Jack McKay and Liam Buchanan. Amazing how many of these rotten players do the rounds... 

(not putting Taylor Morgan on the list because while he was crap he was totally box office. Highly entertaining - anything he did with the ball was either magic or utterly hopeless though mostly the latter in fairness. Did score in a Monklands derby and chipped the goalie at Stair Park though).