Yer da's guide to shite male fashion

[Hampden Diehard]

With the golden days of Levi Sta Press and made to measure Arthur Black shirts a distant memory, who better than a post-menopausal guy like myself to guide you through what not to wear.

1 - baseball caps.  The name is a giveaway; these are for guys at their work, but only if their work is being a baseball player.  On the back of the head at a jaunty angle, back to front, slightly sideways or, worse of all, perched on top of your hair to make you 4 inches taller is seriously wanky behaviour.

2 - Mirror sun glasses.  Everyone, but everyone, wearing these looks like a total div.  The only exceptions are guys on a horse with a rifle guarding chain gangs in Alabama.

3 - Trousers.  FFS people, sort this out.  There are two rules for trousers; (1) the waist band (and there's a clue in there)  should be pretty much near the waist.  No one is impressed by the Armani writing on your underpants, and (2), they should reach your shoes.  Three inches above the shoe with white socks or, God forbid, no socks is beast behaviour.

4 - Matching gear with your beloved.  Nothing screams wankers like having the same gear on as the person who's with you, especially if its Star Trek stuff or matching shell suit style anoraks.  An honourable mention for the wee Celtic ultras who dress alike.  It's fuckin' creepy, kids, as if yer maws have bought a job lot of black gear.

5 - Harry Potter.  Seriously - adults in Hogwarts sweatshirts.  No wonder we lost the empire, as my auld maw would say.  

Bubbling under - / spacers in your ears.  Whit is that all about? / anything by a "designer" - the Looky Looky man on the beach in Spain is selling the same stuff you're wearing for a fiver.

[Silverton End]

I like no.2 on your list

 

[Malky3]

Agree with all of them, especially number 3. I can only mourn the death of all those budgies.

As a father of kids in their mid twenties can I also mention those stupid "boat shoe" socks. What a shit invention they are. Designed to make it look like you aren't wearing socks when secretly you know you are - or at least you were when you left the house but now they've rolled off the heel and they are now giving you blisters on the soles of our feet. 

 

 

 

[topcat(The most tip top)]

For the older gent: The various physical manifestations of being in denial about going bald.

For the younger gent: Shite attempts at growing a beard when you're clearly not ready for it.

[Shandon Par]

1. Hoodies with wolves

2. Any and all forms of beardy steampunk stuff

3. Thin, sport-type sunglasses as casualwear

 4. Golfers

5. G-star type jeans, hanging low with lots of rips and pockets

[D.A.F.C]

Adidas sambas apart from when playing fives, even then they are shite plastic now.

white socks

Adidas four stripe

dunlop aka dougie dunlop

OF football gear, even worse if it’s not official or on holiday.

 

Edited October 15, 2019 by D.A.F.C

[D.A.F.C]

8 hours ago, Shandon Par said:

1. Hoodies with wolves

2. Any and all forms of beardy steampunk stuff

3. Thin, sport-type sunglasses as casualwear

 4. Golfers

5. G-star type jeans, hanging low with lots of rips and pockets

Golfers is a good shout, can’t think I’ve ever watched golf and though wow that’s some cool clothes.

Tiger woods at least looks professional. Hate the twats who think they’re edgy because they wear checked trousers.

What a character, yes indeed.

[tongue_tied_danny]

20 hours ago, D.A.F.C said:

Golfers is a good shout, can’t think I’ve ever watched golf and though wow that’s some cool clothes.

Tiger woods at least looks professional. Hate the twats who think they’re edgy because they wear checked trousers.

What a character, yes indeed.

I dunno. Arnold Palmer and Payne Stewart are my style icons.

[Cosmic Joe]

For some reason stone island gear annoys me more than it should. 

Something to do with the daft wee label on the sleeve probably. Was it the football hooligan's label of choice at one point?

[tongue_tied_danny]

7 minutes ago, Angusfifer said:

For some reason stone island gear annoys me more than it should. 

Something to do with the daft wee label on the sleeve probably. Was it the football hooligan's label of choice at one point?

Yip. It was to go to label for every wannabe Danny Dyer casual buffoon.

[Melanius Mullarkey]

On 15/10/2019 at 05:05, Malky3 said:

 

As a father of kids in their mid twenties

 

[Malky3]

14 hours ago, Melanius Mullarkey said:

 

I know. I get that quite often. I don't look old enough, do I? 

[Dee Man]

On 15/10/2019 at 04:44, Hampden Diehard said:

With the golden days of Levi Sta Press and made to measure Arthur Black shirts a distant memory, who better than a post-menopausal guy like myself to guide you through what not to wear.

1 - baseball caps.  The name is a giveaway; these are for guys at their work, but only if their work is being a baseball player.  On the back of the head at a jaunty angle, back to front, slightly sideways or, worse of all, perched on top of your hair to make you 4 inches taller is seriously wanky behaviour.

2 - Mirror sun glasses.  Everyone, but everyone, wearing these looks like a total div.  The only exceptions are guys on a horse with a rifle guarding chain gangs in Alabama.

3 - Trousers.  FFS people, sort this out.  There are two rules for trousers; (1) the waist band (and there's a clue in there)  should be pretty much near the waist.  No one is impressed by the Armani writing on your underpants, and (2), they should reach your shoes.  Three inches above the shoe with white socks or, God forbid, no socks is beast behaviour.

4 - Matching gear with your beloved.  Nothing screams wankers like having the same gear on as the person who's with you, especially if its Star Trek stuff or matching shell suit style anoraks.  An honourable mention for the wee Celtic ultras who dress alike.  It's fuckin' creepy, kids, as if yer maws have bought a job lot of black gear.

5 - Harry Potter.  Seriously - adults in Hogwarts sweatshirts.  No wonder we lost the empire, as my auld maw would say.  

Bubbling under - / spacers in your ears.  Whit is that all about? / anything by a "designer" - the Looky Looky man on the beach in Spain is selling the same stuff you're wearing for a fiver.

I wore a baseball cap last weekend for the first time in years. It was a camouflage Carharrt number which looked extremely fetching atop my head although I was only wearing it for practical reasons to keep the sun out of my eyes as I went kayaking. 

And to protect the lenses of my mirrored shades. 

[Melanius Mullarkey]

6 minutes ago, Dee Man said:

I wore a baseball cap last weekend for the first time in years. It was a camouflage Carharrt number which looked extremely fetching atop my head although I was only wearing it for practical reasons to keep the sun out of my eyes as I went kayaking. 

And to protect the lenses of my mirrored shades. 

^^ Harry Potter Kayaking Adventure IMO

[welshbairn]

9 minutes ago, Dee Man said:

I wore a baseball cap last weekend for the first time in years. It was a camouflage Carharrt number which looked extremely fetching atop my head although I was only wearing it for practical reasons to keep the sun out of my eyes as I went kayaking. 

And to protect the lenses of my mirrored shades. 

[Hampden Diehard]

I wore a baseball cap last weekend for the first time in years. It was a camouflage Carharrt number which looked extremely fetching atop my head although I was only wearing it for practical reasons to keep the sun out of my eyes as I went kayaking. 
And to protect the lenses of my mirrored shades. 

Another couple off the list and you'll officially be a chunt of the first order.

[Dee Man]

1 hour ago, Hampden Diehard said:

On 29/10/2019 at 19:29, Dee Man said:

I wore a baseball cap last weekend for the first time in years. It was a camouflage Carharrt number which looked extremely fetching atop my head although I was only wearing it for practical reasons to keep the sun out of my eyes as I went kayaking. 
And to protect the lenses of my mirrored shades. 

Another couple off the list and you'll officially be a chunt of the first order.

 

[8MileBU]

With the golden days of Levi Sta Press and made to measure Arthur Black shirts a distant memory, who better than a post-menopausal guy like myself to guide you through what not to wear. 1 - baseball caps.  The name is a giveaway; these are for guys at their work, but only if their work is being a baseball player.  On the back of the head at a jaunty angle, back to front, slightly sideways or, worse of all, perched on top of your hair to make you 4 inches taller is seriously wanky behaviour.

2 - Mirror sun glasses.  Everyone, but everyone, wearing these looks like a total div.  The only exceptions are guys on a horse with a rifle guarding chain gangs in Alabama.

3 - Trousers.  FFS people, sort this out.  There are two rules for trousers; (1) the waist band (and there's a clue in there)  should be pretty much near the waist.  No one is impressed by the Armani writing on your underpants, and (2), they should reach your shoes.  Three inches above the shoe with white socks or, God forbid, no socks is beast behaviour.

4 - Matching gear with your beloved.  Nothing screams wankers like having the same gear on as the person who's with you, especially if its Star Trek stuff or matching shell suit style anoraks.  An honourable mention for the wee Celtic ultras who dress alike.  It's fuckin' creepy, kids, as if yer maws have bought a job lot of black gear.

5 - Harry Potter.  Seriously - adults in Hogwarts sweatshirts.  No wonder we lost the empire, as my auld maw would say.  

Bubbling under - / spacers in your ears.  Whit is that all about? / anything by a "designer" - the Looky Looky man on the beach in Spain is selling the same stuff you're wearing for a fiver.

 

 

Would agree with all of this, particularly baseball caps. Other than odd occasions of intense hot sunny weather, baseball caps are only acceptable for leisure activities that require sun and glare protection. I occasionally wear one when golfing or fishing. Anyone wearing one as ‘fashion’ and not practical reasons is a guaranteed fiend.

 

[Hampden Diehard]

Everything you need to know about how civilisation as we know it is totally fucked. Advertised as a tracksuit. Sizes up to 5XL so all the hugely fat guys can look like wankers too.

 

 

[Raidernation]

There’s a company here in ‘murca making a big thing of designing shirts specifically to be “untucked”.
Didn’t know you needed specially tailored shirts for that.
Guess there’s a lot of gullible fools out there