Weddings

[Hillonearth]

Getting married abroad in front of immediate family only is the best way for sure - that's what we did.

It weeds out all the dross that make so many weddings so stressful - that uncle who's guaranteed to get hammered and make a c**t of himself, those second cousins who will want to bring their entire extended tinky families, that auntie who hasn't spoken to some other relation since they had a fight in the early 80s, that other one that is desperate to try to make the whole thing about her and will manufacture something to feel snubbed about, and also all those folk you don't even actually know but one of your parents feel obliged to invite because they went to their wedding 20 years ago.

Have a do for all those folk when you get back by all means, but by that point the pressure's off and you can just enjoy it.

[Hedgecutter]

Getting married abroad in front of immediate family only is the best way for sure - that's what we did.
It weeds out all the dross that make so many weddings so stressful - that uncle who's guaranteed to get hammered and make a c**t of himself, those second cousins who will want to bring their entire extended tinky families, that auntie who hasn't spoken to some other relation since they had a fight in the early 80s, that other one that is desperate to try to make the whole thing about her and will manufacture something to feel snubbed about, and also all those folk you don't even actually know but one of your parents feel obliged to invite because they went to their wedding 20 years ago.
Have a do for all those folk when you get back by all means, but by that point the pressure's off and you can just enjoy it.

It's my mother and brother that I'd need to worry about.

Nasty divorce in the past (no, not between the two of them) which means I'd want her nowhere near the other side of the family (I get uncomfortable if her and my dad are in the same country, never mind the same room). My brother on the other hand has a 100% track record of doing the emotional wreck disappearing act whenever he's pished at family weddings, usually after getting telt after grabbing some old woman up for a dance because he (and he alone) finds it hilarious. Last one we were at had me dragging him outside by the scruff of the neck after he hurt my mum after knocking her down on the dance floor.

Can I just send the two of them to some all you can eat/drink resort abroad whilst I get married in secret? Bomb-proof solution IMO.

[Stellaboz]

Apparently the cousins work as Silver Service waiters. They might end up there after all.

[Venti]

7 hours ago, Stellaboz said:

Getting married in Hungary June 2020. Will be grateful for anyone that ends up coming (NOT a PnB open invite!) so don't want gifts or anything.

Also her mum insists we invite her cousins etc. f**k that, I'm not even inviting most of my own family.
One awkward bit though is inviting one of my half brothers but not the other. I have no ill feeling but he never reaches out see how I am. Ever, for like years. So no invite.

Budapished.

[Lambie's Pigeon Feed]

On 27/08/2019 at 15:05, alr said:

No advice from me but I'm hoping to take advice from the thread too.

Got engaged a month or so ago and our preparations are well under way. With her friends and family coming from all over (mostly south of England) we've set our priorities at making it as hospitable and cheap as possible for guests. We also don't want to go overboard with our own costs whilst appreciating that there's no getting away from spending a small fortune. We've got Comrie Croft booked for January 2021 which is a big DIY/BYOB affair. It includes basic accommodation for 74 people for 2 nights which keeps a lot of people together for the big get together we envisage. My next priority is a good band which will chuck in about 45 minutes of ceilidh - open to recommendations.

The biggest scandal seems to be catering costs.  We're looking to have somewhere between 120 and 150 guests and a lot of companies are giving it £50 a head + VAT + extra for canapes, extra to serve your welcome drinks etc. We won't have much financial help with the wedding so f**k paying 9 grand to feed people for a day. We met up with a caterer recently who's going to do a full Italian dinner (canapes, serve drinks, cut cake etc included) for less than half of that. Mezzalunna, Dundee - She has just started up, brought us some tasters and sent us home with our dinner. Quite happy with that.

Got plenty of time but next steps are band, invite ideas, decor, table names and all that nonsense. Meanwhile mates are itching for stag do locations and she's already sending my honeymoon ideas.

 

Advice that I've had is that time will go in pretty quickly so time preparing now isn't lost - and plan the day around what you want without worrying about other people's perceptions.  Speeches before dinner.

What were your second and third choices? Comrie Croft is exactly what I'm looking for (own booze and food, relatively cheap digs) but close pals already got married there 3 years ago (now divorced). I just popped the question last week.

[deej]

5 minutes ago, Lambie's Pigeon Feed said:

What were your second and third choices? Comrie Croft is exactly what I'm looking for (own booze and food, relatively cheap digs) but close pals already got married there 3 years ago (now divorced). I just popped the question last week.

Sounds perfect, just make sure and reference their failed marriage in your speech

[alr]

1 hour ago, Lambie's Pigeon Feed said:

What were your second and third choices? Comrie Croft is exactly what I'm looking for (own booze and food, relatively cheap digs) but close pals already got married there 3 years ago (now divorced). I just popped the question last week.

We were really weighing up a bunch of options. Small ceremony with family/going away/package deal... In the end we decided you (plan to) only do it once so we'll go for it - within reason. The DIY barn with personal touches just ticked the right boxes. There do seem to be quite a few out there but the accommodation and value for money (granted it's not cheap in summer) made it a bit of a no brainer for us when compared with the other ones we looked at.

Congratulations on the engagement btw. I'll find out if she had any other places in mind but after a viewing we jumped into Comrie pretty quickly.

EDIT: A guy at work told me his son got married at  Windmill Barn near Dunfermline a couple of years ago. You're left to sort your own food and drink but don't know if there is accommodation.

Edited September 2, 2019 by alr

[Florentine_Pogen]

I've only ever been to one wedding in my life, and I was 15 at the time. I'm 25 and have been to dozens of funerals, though. Is that an indictment of the type of person I am? 

[Ron Aldo]

I got engaged a couple of weeks ago so wedding chat has been non-stop ever since.

We've decided pretty early on that we'll be getting married abroad as it seems to work out a lot cheaper than getting married here. As has been said, in having it abroad it will only be folk who actually want to be there who will turn up. Her family is massive and I barely know half of them - if we were to have it here then they would all turn up whereas if we have it abroad then there's no chance of that. 

From here on I've left the planning up to her and told her just to let me know the time and place of the wedding.

[Guest bernardblack]

Is it possible to arrange a wedding without pissing someone off? Every wedding I’ve been to there is always someone who’s moaning about something

[Jacksgranda]

59 minutes ago, bernardblack said:

Is it possible to arrange a wedding without pissing someone off? Every wedding I’ve been to there is always someone who’s moaning about something

Every social setting anywhere in the world will have someone moaning about something.

[101]

1 hour ago, bernardblack said:

Is it possible to arrange a wedding without pissing someone off? Every wedding I’ve been to there is always someone who’s moaning about something

I've never been to a wedding as non of my friends are of that age yet, but why on earth would anyone moan at a wedding unless it's their own. Folk moaning at a wedding should be emptied by the folk at their table. Selfish arseholes are tolerated far to often

[Gaz FFC]

11 hours ago, Adam101 said:

but why on earth would anyone moan at a wedding

 

Selfish arseholes are tolerated far to often

Bingo

[The Moonster]

A friend of a friend was getting married a couple of weeks back and I was made aware that they'd stipulated on their invites that people weren't allowed to bring their kids. Is it just me that finds that incredibly strange and a little bit rude? I'm all for people doing what they want for their wedding day, but insisting that the people you're inviting find someone to watch their kids or else they shouldn't come doesn't seem right to me.

[Guest bernardblack]

I've never been to a wedding as non of my friends are of that age yet, but why on earth would anyone moan at a wedding unless it's their own. Folk moaning at a wedding should be emptied by the folk at their table. Selfish arseholes are tolerated far to often

Agreed but it happens. Mate of mine was getting married a few years ago and had his uncle call him the morning of to check what gin they had at the bar....apparently his auntie only drinks the rhubarb stuff.

[scottsdad]

My own tale:

In 2004 my then fiancee and I lived in Wales. We didn't have a date or a place or anything planned at all. We'd been engaged for about a year. Anyway, in November we were talking about Christmas. We planned to come to Scotland for the week between Christmas and New Year - the reason being, nothing happens in that week. The most boring week of the year. On the spur of the moment I said, why don't we just get married while we're up there?

So we got it all organised in the space of 5 weeks. The registry office was available and didn't cost too much. My mum was friends with the woman who owned a nice hotel, so we got the catering and a night in the honeymoon suite sorted. My daughter and niece were bridesmaids, and we bought nice Chinese-style silk dresses for them online. My brother couldn't make the wedding - the only real downside - but my sister stepped in as my Best Woman. We hired a limo which picked us up, along with the bridesmaids and my nephews.  We invited folks and their kids

The wedding itself was good, but strangely I can't remember all that much about the ceremony. Then we went to the hotel for a dinner and speeches. We timed the day for ourselves - the wedding was at 2 pm, the reception ran from 3 till 6, and then my wife and I went to the Playhouse in Edinburgh to watch a show. We didn't want one of those wedding receptions that turned in to a long drinking session (many folk went from the reception in to town and carried on in to the wee hours without us). We were back at the hotel for about half past midnight. 

It was great. Some folk say marriage is just a piece of paper but it isn't that for me. I remember seeing my new wife sleeping and feeling more love for her than I ever had before. Somehow things just felt right, like things had fallen in to place.

[scottsdad]

On 01/09/2019 at 11:08, Hillonearth said:

 that auntie who hasn't spoken to some other relation since they had a fight in the early 80s, that other one that is desperate to try to make the whole thing about her and will manufacture something to feel snubbed about

Ah yes, my in-laws. My wife's parents are divorced and it was acrimonious. Her mum didn't come to our wedding because her dad was coming. Her step-mum was there but didn't say a word to anyone, as she had fallen out with my wife's sister a decade or so before, and insisted that she and my new father-in-law go home immediately after the ceremony. 

There is always one, but the upshot for my wife was that her dad walked her down the aisle, which was the main thing for her. 

This all carried on to our children's naming ceremonies. Childish behaviour from people in their fifties.

[Sergeant Wilson]

43 minutes ago, scottsdad said:

I remember seeing my new wife sleeping and feeling more love for her than I ever had before. Somehow things just felt right, like things had fallen in to place.

 

[Skerla]

2 hours ago, The Moonster said:

A friend of a friend was getting married a couple of weeks back and I was made aware that they'd stipulated on their invites that people weren't allowed to bring their kids. Is it just me that finds that incredibly strange and a little bit rude? I'm all for people doing what they want for their wedding day, but insisting that the people you're inviting find someone to watch their kids or else they shouldn't come doesn't seem right to me.

Don’t think there is anything wrong with not wanting kids at a wedding. 

[The Moonster]

5 minutes ago, Skerla said:

Don’t think there is anything wrong with not wanting kids at a wedding. 

Perhaps it's just me then, but I'm struggling to think of any good reason why kids should be banned from weddings. I've certainly never been at one where an army of young kids has ruined the day, seen plenty of drunken arsehole adults ruin one though.