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DiegoDiego

Dipping your pen in the company ink.

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Nothing better than a couple in the office splitting up and the absolute fallout from that. Many a scenes in my old work place when some of the more mentally unhinged former couples had rather public out bursts.

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1 hour ago, Nigel said:
13 hours ago, Dindeleux said:
I can’t remember exactly who it was but did an Aberdeen poster who is still (semi) active on here not post a serious topic one time about how he had expected sexual favours in return for giving a girl a lift home?

I gave a cleaner from my work a run home one day. Hadn't spoken to her or met her in my life until about an hour before the offer of a lift. On route she offered to perform oral sex on me... it would have been rude to say no.

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I just remembered a story about this subject.

One of my many former workplaces had an incident a few years back. An older manager had been shagging a younger member of staff (he was probably late 40s, early 50s, she mid-late 20s). I think he was having a bit of a midlife moment and one weekend, took it upon himself to tel his wife he’d met someone else and was leaving her. He then arrive at his young bit of stuffs door and told her that he’d left his wife and they could be together, to which she replied that she was t interested in that and she should’ve spoken to her first because she didn’t want to be with him long term. Obviously this didn’t go down well, cue much heartache and many long chats and painful awkwardness in the office. This was added to by the fact that the guys son also worked in the office and would clearly have realised what he been going on.

After a few weeks of this the young lady turned up for work early on a Monday morning and, by her description, found her desk smeared in human excrement. Again, by her account, she proceeded to clean most of it up and once management were made aware she was ushered away, cleaners were called and all were sworn to silence. Management looked into who had been in the building that weekend, but no-one was ever disciplined for the Bobby Sands tribute, presumably they couldn’t tie it either the man or his son, who were clearly the prime suspects. One of my former colleagues told me that they suspected the woman had done it herself to try and get her ex sacked -if y u came into work and found your desk smeared in shite, would you wipe it up with some paper towels? Doubt it.

No one was ever sacked for it and the stance taken in the office is never to speak of it though. Not sure I’d be happy sharing desks with someone who could wipe shit all over the furniture though.

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8 minutes ago, ICTChris said:

I just remembered a story about this subject.

One of my many former workplaces had an incident a few years back. An older manager had been shagging a younger member of staff (he was probably late 40s, early 50s, she mid-late 20s). I think he was having a bit of a midlife moment and one weekend, took it upon himself to tel his wife he’d met someone else and was leaving her. He then arrive at his young bit of stuffs door and told her that he’d left his wife and they could be together, to which she replied that she was t interested in that and she should’ve spoken to her first because she didn’t want to be with him long term. Obviously this didn’t go down well, cue much heartache and many long chats and painful awkwardness in the office. This was added to by the fact that the guys son also worked in the office and would clearly have realised what he been going on.

After a few weeks of this the young lady turned up for work early on a Monday morning and, by her description, found her desk smeared in human excrement. Again, by her account, she proceeded to clean most of it up and once management were made aware she was ushered away, cleaners were called and all were sworn to silence. Management looked into who had been in the building that weekend, but no-one was ever disciplined for the Bobby Sands tribute, presumably they couldn’t tie it either the man or his son, who were clearly the prime suspects. One of my former colleagues told me that they suspected the woman had done it herself to try and get her ex sacked -if y u came into work and found your desk smeared in shite, would you wipe it up with some paper towels? Doubt it.

No one was ever sacked for it and the stance taken in the office is never to speak of it though. Not sure I’d be happy sharing desks with someone who could wipe shit all over the furniture though.

Certainly wouldn't want to eat my sandwiches off it.

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Office relationships aren't a very good idea. Most relationships end in tears, but office ones more so.

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You’ve charmed me. 
I hope the OP is kidding on btw, one for the watching if not. 
 
I hope he is kidding.
But the way its worded gives me doubts.

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I hope he is kidding.
But the way its worded gives me doubts.
Do I really need to repeat myself here? I was not being serious. Of course I value creating a successful business far more than filling an office with eye candy. I was merely hoping to hear some amusing tales of folk smearing excrement on desks, and to that length, mission accomplished.

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Do I really need to repeat myself here? I was not being serious. Of course I value creating a successful business far more than filling an office with eye candy. I was merely hoping to hear some amusing tales of folk smearing excrement on desks, and to that length, mission accomplished.
Yes you do need to repeat yourself.
Check how you worded it.
A few smilies chucked in the right places may have made a difference.
Glad you cleared it up though.

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Yes you do need to repeat yourself.
Check how you worded it.
A few smilies chucked in the right places may have made a difference.
Glad you cleared it up though.
Perhaps I have too high an opinion of society. I thought the idea of hiring based on potential sexual activity was so far in the past my post was obviously tongue-in-cheek.

Also, it'll be a long time before anyone sees me using smilies. If Tolstoy didn't need smilies then neither should I.

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44 minutes ago, DiegoDiego said:
1 hour ago, bud1876 said:
I hope he is kidding.
But the way its worded gives me doubts.

Do I really need to repeat myself here? I was not being serious. Of course I value creating a successful business far more than filling an office with eye candy. I was merely hoping to hear some amusing tales of folk smearing excrement on desks, and to that length, mission accomplished.

What a state you've got into if corporate success is more important to you than getting your hole. Take a good look at yourself.

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What a state you've got into if corporate success is more important to you than getting your hole. Take a good look at yourself.
Luckily, enough holes abound outwith the office that I don't need to resort to such measures.

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51 minutes ago, DiegoDiego said:

Perhaps I have too high an opinion of society. I thought the idea of hiring based on potential sexual activity was so far in the past my post was obviously tongue-in-cheek.

Also, it'll be a long time before anyone sees me using smilies. If Tolstoy didn't need smilies then neither should I.

Depends whose cheek your tongue's in.

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My old work place was wild

Male A was going out with Female A
Male B was going out with Female B

Other parties in this circle were Male C, Male D and Female C

Female A and Female B were best mates

Male A was shagging Female B on the side.

Female A was shagging Males C and D on the side

Male A was shagging Female C on the side

Was fucked up

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Some amount of shagging that goes on in my workplace, always good for lunch time gossip in the canteen.

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Half of my work are married to each other, so I doubt there is much shagging going on at all.

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1 hour ago, bud1876 said:

Yes you do need to repeat yourself.
Check how you worded it.
A few smilies chucked in the right places may have made a difference.
Glad you cleared it up though.

I think she cleared it up. With paper towels. Or did I get mixed up.

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