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51 minutes ago, virginton said:

Only backward, practically Third World countries require a separate toilet paper bin. 

Final-flush-map-1024x503.png

He’s talking about wipes not toilet paper. Swing and a miss, thanks for playing etc etc. 

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On 11/08/2019 at 22:53, Blootoon87 said:

A slight tangent, but my girlfriend had a go at me because I didn't wipe my cock with toilet paper after I had a pish. Is that a thing?

 

 

Toilet paper?? wtf!!

Real men give it a forehand slap then a back hand slap post pish.

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On 11/08/2019 at 22:53, Blootoon87 said:

A slight tangent, but my girlfriend had a go at me because I didn't wipe my cock with toilet paper after I had a pish. Is that a thing?

 

 

Wait till you get older, if you wait for the last dribble to fall you'll be there all night.

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On 11/08/2019 at 22:53, Blootoon87 said:

A slight tangent, but my girlfriend had a go at me because I didn't wipe my cock with toilet paper after I had a pish. Is that a thing?

 

 

Kin'ell min ...... She's basically telling you that yer pishy cock's nae goin anywhere near her gob.  So well worth gie'in it a wee dicht efter pishin I'd say. And be sure to let her know you've done it

I take it yer bird's nae fae Peterheid wi that high standards

 

 

 

 

 

 

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27 minutes ago, welshbairn said:

Wait till you get older, if you wait for the last dribble to fall you'll be there all night.

It falls, the second you put the fucking thing away 

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1 minute ago, heedthebaa said:

the fucking thing

Quite the poet!

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2 hours ago, Miguel Sanchez said:

Out of interest, what do you dry yourself with after the bidet has replicated one of the most unpleasant feelings in the world, firing water at your bare arsehole?

This reads as though you've had water fired at your arsehole in a non-bidet situation.

I'm seeing you in a whole new light, Miguel.

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Part of my job involves going to construction sites.
I don't go into the port-a-loos unless I have gloves and shoe covers on.

Estragon would probably happily lick the pan as germs don't exist.

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Wait till you get older, if you wait for the last dribble to fall you'll be there all night.


Now gather round ye children while I share with you one of the secrets of life. After you finish the whizz, waste not your time attempting to shake out the remaining few drops. For therein lies madness, disappointment and tell-tale stains on your khakis.

Instead, reach around behind your ballsack and give yourself a wee toot. You might need to experiment until you find the sweet spot but for no reason at all there’s a little pocket back there, in which the amber nectar collects. Intelligent design me erse but it’s the reason for the dreaded post pee puddle. Scoot out the residue and put the wee man away with confidence.

Remember this issue WILL get worse as you get older so get into the habit now while there’s still a small chance you aren’t a figure of ridicule and disgust among your female acquaintances.

You’re welcome.

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2 hours ago, BigFatTabbyDave said:

This reads as though you've had water fired at your arsehole in a non-bidet situation.

I'm seeing you in a whole new light, Miguel.

"firing" was probably the wrong inference, I was referring to splashback

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Kin'ell min ...... She's basically telling you that yer pishy cock's nae goin anywhere near her gob.  So well worth gie'in it a wee dicht efter pishin I'd say. And be sure to let her know you've done it
I take it yer bird's nae fae Peterheid wi that high standards
 
 
 
 
 
 
She's Swedish, so thanks to a diet of surströmming she's not really fussy what goes in her gob.

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On 15/08/2019 at 01:05, Shotgun said:

 


Now gather round ye children while I share with you one of the secrets of life. After you finish the whizz, waste not your time attempting to shake out the remaining few drops. For therein lies madness, disappointment and tell-tale stains on your khakis.

Instead, reach around behind your ballsack and give yourself a wee toot. You might need to experiment until you find the sweet spot but for no reason at all there’s a little pocket back there, in which the amber nectar collects. Intelligent design me erse but it’s the reason for the dreaded post pee puddle. Scoot out the residue and put the wee man away with confidence.

Remember this issue WILL get worse as you get older so get into the habit now while there’s still a small chance you aren’t a figure of ridicule and disgust among your female acquaintances.

You’re welcome.

 

Genuinely intrigued by this. Downing some water now because I can't wait to try.

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7 minutes ago, jimbaxters said:

Genuinely intrigued by this. Downing some water now because I can't wait to try.

I too am intrigued by this, but I fear that this is some kind of sick game where @Shotgun is getting some kind of kick out of knowing that we're all fondling our ballsacks after a pee because of his advice.

Still going to try it, mind.

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Just now, KnightswoodBear said:

I too am intrigued by this, but I fear that this is some kind of sick game where @Shotgun is getting some kind of kick out of knowing that we're all fondling our ballsacks after a pee because of his advice.

Still going to try it, mind.

Tbf I'm happy to have the excuse. Just worried about the sketchy details. Like what if I press too hard and splash my work trousers.

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Our local Tesco recently had the toilets shut for what they called an "all singing all dancing" renovation. I used the new toilets yesterday for the first time and the new hand dryers were about as much use as a chocolate teapot. Would have taken an hour to dry my hands, would have been quicker blowing on them. Why upgrade toilets and put shitey dryers in.

 

WHAT'S THE FUCKING POINT

Image result for mixu what's the fucking point

 

 

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Genuinely intrigued by this. Downing some water now because I can't wait to try.
It's something Dara O'Briain mentioned in one of his stage shows.

I'll leave you with that mental image.

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2 hours ago, BigFatTabbyDave said:

It's something Dara O'Briain mentioned in one of his stage shows.

I'll leave you with that mental image.

Gave it a go. Think I expected too much. I imagined a wee skoosh kind of like the dregs of the squeezy ketchup bottle but, alas no. Not the worst experience I've had but it won't become routine. 

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