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oaksoft

This is Why I Hate People. A Confession

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This is why you should always have wire hangers in the home. 

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21 minutes ago, Dele said:

This is why you should always have wire hangers in the home. 

I DO have wire hangers in my home. Tons of them.

Didn't even think of using them.

That might have made this morning a tad less traumatic.

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Somewhat coincidentally, I had a bit of a toilet blockage thing going on lastnight. 

Instead of making up and typing out a story on here though, I left it for half an hour, locking the door from the outside to prevent kids making it worse whilst I went and found a plunger, and then dealt with it promptly, with no mess. 

For future ref. 

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8 minutes ago, Bairnardo said:

Somewhat coincidentally, I had a bit of a toilet blockage thing going on lastnight. 

Instead of making up and typing out a story on here though, I left it for half an hour, locking the door from the outside to prevent kids making it worse whilst I went and found a plunger, and then dealt with it promptly, with no mess. 

For future ref. 

 

Maybe in your smugness you failed to notice the bowl was full. How exactly would battering away with a plunger at a completely full bowl help anyone?

I'd have had to canoe my way to safety if I took your advice.

It's all well and good talking about locking the door but the damage was done I needed a different solution.

Dele's advice was a lot better than yours.

Edited by oaksoft

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Oaksoft, are you 100% certain that the offender DIDN'T try to use a toothbrush first before resorting to the toilet brush?

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Maybe in your smugness you failed to notice the bowl was full. How exactly would battering away with a plunger at a completely full bowl help anyone?

I'd have had to canoe my way to safety if I took your advice.

It's all well and good talking about locking the door but the damage was done I needed a different solution.

Dele's advice was a lot better than yours.

 

Sounds like you’ve had quite a shitastrophe!

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Sounds like you’ve had quite a shitastrophe!
A shitticane making landfall....

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Two questions ...

a) A foot-long shit? What kind of animal are you?

b) If no-one is admitting anything, how do you know 3 shites went on top of your original monster shit?

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2 hours ago, oaksoft said:

 

To cut a long story short, I switched on the light and saw a scene of total carnage. Sacrificing a hand towel to cover my dignity I had a quick shower (my organs were tender from the scraping when I had finished) and a bowl of well earned porridge whilst I considered what to do. I considered calling a plumber and then remembered I am a man. 

 

 

Wouldn't a facecloth have sufficed?

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We need a new "Shitting Stories" thread imo

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As old Willie said 'much ado about nothing'.

As a lifelong plumber(retired) there is nothing more fulfilling than clearing a choked shitter. 

In the absence of the correct plunger, the best option is to get the sleeve rolled up, stick the now bare hand down the bog, and break up the offending shite. It is only waste matter from a human body, after all!

This may not clear the bog, but if you're of a delicate disposition, it will force you to go to your local B & Q (other outlets are available), and buy a 4inch plunger, complete with drain rod( utilising the plunger on it's own has much the same effect as the bare hand method) for future large bowel movements.

I hasten to add, large shites are not the most common bog blocker.

Beware those fucking fresheners that hang on the side of the crapper.

And for those with young kiddiewinkles......beware the plastic toy.

Not the big ones, but those just small enough to go out of sight , and stick on the WC connection .

Happy days.

Yours,

         Brown hand Luke.

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Screwfix or Toolstation online ordering. Get one of those things for unblocking toilets (not a plunger) the wire thing where you go fishing for turds. 

Your family are very suspect. What sort of person shits in a toilet which is obviously already blocked with shit? 

Saying that, my band of savages would probably do likewise.

Edited by Scary Bear

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2 hours ago, oaksoft said:

I DO have wire hangers in my home. Tons of them.

Didn't even think of using them.

That might have made this morning a tad less traumatic.

Didn't think of using them? How many times has this advice been given, so you think the stories on here are made up?

In saying that I had to stab one to pieces with a plastic hanger. If I was making it up I'd tell you I rinsed it and put her best dress on it, but I didn't.

 

it was a jumper she hardly wears.

Edited by Sergeant Wilson

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When I was working on call I got a call from a doctor during the night to tell me that his toilet was blocked and demanded that I came out and fixed it. When I said that I was reluctant to go at that time he told me that he was a doctor and he would have to visit me if I called him so he expected me to do the same for him. When I got there it didn’t look too good so I just threw a couple of aspirin in the bowl and told him that if it was not any better in the morning then just give me another call...

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3 hours ago, Dele said:

This is why you should always have wire hangers in the home. 

So that you don’t have kids?

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2 hours ago, supermik said:

When I was working on call I got a call from a doctor during the night to tell me that his toilet was blocked and demanded that I came out and fixed it. When I said that I was reluctant to go at that time he told me that he was a doctor and he would have to visit me if I called him so he expected me to do the same for him. When I got there it didn’t look too good so I just threw a couple of aspirin in the bowl and told him that if it was not any better in the morning then just give me another call...

An oldie.....but goodie.

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