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Celebrity c***s


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9 hours ago, eddiemunster said:

When Dion Dublin was stealing a wage from Celtic he was a regular in a Merchant City restaurant I worked in. He was sound as f**k, enjoyed a big bottle of Tiger Beer and often sat at the bar talking music and general shite after his dinner. I believe he was living on his Todd in a rented flat and so appreciated a bit of patter and somewhere to hang about. He was made welcome to hang about whilst we cashed up and had a staff beer with us a few times.

A few weeks into his stay he comes in midweek as usual, but this time with Roy Keane in tow, wearing a permanent scowl.

Sat him in his usual spot in the corner, got their order and left them to it after they ordered. Clearly deep in conversation I didn't want to intrude.

After dinner Dion brings Roy up to sit at the bar and they have a drink while I'm cashing up and generally sorting things to close for the night.

I'm behind the bar, directly between these two famous c***s and so say "ha, feels like I'm on Question of Sport here" and Keane aggressively spits "why the f**k's that then?"

I politely explain that I'm between two famous footballers in a panel like situation and that it wasn't particularly funny but was just a joke nonetheless.

The atmosphere is fairly shite from that point onwards. Shortly thereafter they leave.

About half an hour later as I'm about to phone myself a taxi, there's a chap on the door and it's Dion Dublin. He came back to apologise for Roy Keane saying "he's a fucking p***k" and that he was really embarrassed.

No apologies necessary, he is a p***k, but you're sound and we'll see you again soon.

Had a wee farewell night out with Dion when he was leaving Celtic, got steaming in One Up which was horrendous but then had a lock in back at the restaurant and the big man was loving a smoke.

Sound c**t Dion Dublin. Keane? w****r.

 

 

Roy Keane is an utter p***k for sure. I used to do some media stuff at Falkirk and he appeared at the front door one day for his comp tickets (was manager of Sunderland at the time and up to watch Stokes) and he ordered the security boy to go and get them for him. Everyone else came in and picked them up at reception. He had a thick beard and a beanie cap on and was clearly trying not to be recognised. A wee boy who was maybe about 10 then had him pointed out by his dad and went up and asked him to sign his program, which would have taken about 2 seconds and he refused saying "I'm here on business not to sign stuff for souvenir hunters". Absolute fucking fanny. 

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Mostly footballers that I've met that are absolute bell ends.

David Beckham & Brian McClair stand out as two of the worst. Arrogant, wanky c***s the pair of them.

 

I did once serve a woman in a shop I worked in, thinking I recognised her as the mother of a girl I went to school with. She looked at me like I was mental when I asked how her daughter was doing.

Turns out it was Rhona Martin, who had just won gold at the Winter Olympics a couple of weeks before, and that's where I had recognised her from...

 

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20 hours ago, Sherrif John Bunnell said:

Alan Davies does well to consistently be the unfunny one on a show that Phil Jupitus regularly appears on.

But Jupitus does that hilarious stuff like when he puts a pen in his mouth and pretends it a pipe and laughs too loud and wipes his eyes like he is crying with laughter when he isn't and..........

Jupitus is a c**t for thinking he funny

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When my sister in law was working as an apostle named Peter that Jesus guy was giving it “do you know who I am” and she (quick as a flash) said no three times before repenting and being forgiven.




Doubt it.


Were you there Thomas? [emoji84]
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1 hour ago, throbber said:

I have never heard anyone describe David Beckham as wanky or arrogant before OSP in his post above.

Me neither. I thought he was wanky as a player but every anecdote I've heard from people who met him off the pitch has been about what a gentleman he was.

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I worked in a clothes shop and Evander Sno used to come in, never bought anything and then one day came in and spent a small fortune, it was a commission sales place so it obviously meant alot to the guy who served him, think the best part of £200. Fucker brought it back the next day, asked for a refund in cash despite paying with a credit card, was clearly at some kind of dodge. Did this a couple times and it became a fight to see who’d be stuck serving the time wasting fcuker. One last time he came in during the sale, did the usual and came back the next couple of days or so after and asked for the refund, only to be shown the ‘sale items exchange only’ type sign at the till. Big man was raging and had a wee entourage come in, swiftly told to do one. Since read that hes been in all manner of bother for being a p***k since he went back to Holland.

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I worked in a clothes shop and Evander Sno used to come in, never bought anything and then one day came in and spent a small fortune, it was a commission sales place so it obviously meant alot to the guy who served him, think the best part of £200. Fucker brought it back the next day, asked for a refund in cash despite paying with a credit card, was clearly at some kind of dodge. Did this a couple times and it became a fight to see who’d be stuck serving the time wasting fcuker. One last time he came in during the sale, did the usual and came back the next couple of days or so after and asked for the refund, only to be shown the ‘sale items exchange only’ type sign at the till. Big man was raging and had a wee entourage come in, swiftly told to do one. Since read that hes been in all manner of bother for being a p***k since he went back to Holland.

Cruise?
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I know of a lady who picked Ben Fogle up at an airport once for some BBC gig.  It was just the two of them in the car and he was apparently he was a total ignoramus who made no conversation and was just a general knob.  I've also heard a couple of horror stories about Robson Green. 

I've mentioned him on these types of threads before but I once met Jimmy Carr at work.  I found pleasant enough (a bit of a quiet guy actually) and that was all fine.  I do remember though he'd been at some armed forces thing earlier in the day and they'd given him some momento thing (not a big thing but I doubt they hand them out to just anyone).  He left it behind.

Edited by Highland Capital
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38 minutes ago, MixuFixit said:


When Robson Green does that Tom Cruise laugh when he catches a fish you can tell he's no right. Like he's read about laughter in a book and that's all he has to go on.

His accent changes depending on the show he's on.  Sometimes he's quite plain, while other times he talks with a thick Geordie accent.  Why someone would do this I don't know.

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9 minutes ago, MixuFixit said:


He's from Hexham isn't he? The accent is a lot softer than Newcastle.

He's definitely from the Northumberland area.  Hexham is indeed a softer accent and that might be his real voice, but I've seen him on TV talking like he's in Byker Grove!

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11 hours ago, OSP said:

Mostly footballers that I've met that are absolute bell ends.

David Beckham & Brian McClair stand out as two of the worst. Arrogant, wanky c***s the pair of them.

 

I did once serve a woman in a shop I worked in, thinking I recognised her as the mother of a girl I went to school with. She looked at me like I was mental when I asked how her daughter was doing.

Turns out it was Rhona Martin, who had just won gold at the Winter Olympics a couple of weeks before, and that's where I had recognised her from...

 

Brian McClair brought his Man United youth team to play Edinburgh City in a pre-season friendly in 2003 and was quite nice. Maybe he was scared of someone grassing him up for being a cnut and getting the hairdryer treatment when he got back to Manchester. 

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22 hours ago, tamthebam said:

Brian McClair brought his Man United youth team to play Edinburgh City in a pre-season friendly in 2003 and was quite nice. Maybe he was scared of someone grassing him up for being a cnut and getting the hairdryer treatment when he got back to Manchester. 

Funnily enough, that's pretty much what happened when I met him. 

He barged past a young group of lads that were at the training ground as guests of Sir Alex when they asked for his autograph. Didn't even look at them.

Ferguson saw it, and went marching after him into the changing rooms. All we could hear was screaming...

3 minutes later McClair came out all sweetness and light to the young lads, whilst also having a face like fizz when he turned away at the end.

c**t.

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On ‎15‎/‎04‎/‎2019 at 19:57, Highland Capital said:

I know of a lady who picked Ben Fogle up at an airport once for some BBC gig.  It was just the two of them in the car and he was apparently he was a total ignoramus who made no conversation and was just a general knob.  I've also heard a couple of horror stories about Robson Green. 

I've mentioned him on these types of threads before but I once met Jimmy Carr at work.  I found pleasant enough (a bit of a quiet guy actually) and that was all fine.  I do remember though he'd been at some armed forces thing earlier in the day and they'd given him some momento thing (not a big thing but I doubt they hand them out to just anyone).  He left it behind.

Did you snaffle it? Those Victoria Crosses can fetch a few pounds.

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  • 3 years later...

I once bumped into Helena Bonham Carter at a private function. Before I met her I thought she was a stuck up, toffee nosed cow. I couldn't have been more wrong. She was surprisingly down to earth, and VERY funny.

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