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Scottish Football Missile Assault


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On 4/8/2019 at 07:10, ICTChris said:

We should take a leaf out of the Sultan of Brunei's book and sentence missile throwers to death.  In fact, make it part of the half-time entertainment, if you throw a missile you are subject to death by that missile at half time of the next game.  So Falkirk fans are pulveried with eyeballs, Hibs fans with coconuts etc

At half time most normal fans are in the concourse queuing for Kale and Avocado pies though, we would miss it.

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5 hours ago, BillyAnchor said:

At half time most normal fans are in the concourse queuing for Kale and Avocado pies though, we would miss it.

Half time executions are now mandatory viewing.  If you go for a pie or a pish then you will also be executed.

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On 07/04/2019 at 20:41, pandarilla said:
On 07/04/2019 at 19:33, DA Baracus said:
The type of folk who do it tend to all dress in a very similar fashion. Targeting them for being searched would be a start.
That won't completely stop it of course, but would reduce it significantly.

A search might prevent the coconuts and Vespas of this world, but it doesn't deal with coins, or fannies actually going on to the pitch.

Ok, I've got to ask.

Who's actually going to search fans for coins or fannies?

Answers on a postcard please.

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2 hours ago, Hawkeye the Gnu said:

Ok, I've got to ask.

Who's actually going to search fans for coins or fannies?

Answers on a postcard please.

A gynaecologist with a metal detector?

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https://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/football/47885242

 

Hibs are considering using sniffer dogs to stop drugs and flares being smuggled in. Definitely no hipsters allowed in Easter Road then.

 

 

Seriously though, how the hell are you going to watch Hibs without being on drugs?

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16 hours ago, ICTChris said:

Half time executions are now mandatory viewing.  If you go for a pie or a pish then you will also be executed.

The last public execution in Scotland was in Dumfries in 1868:

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-south-scotland-43966378

as this was a year after Queens Park were formed I like to think football took over from hanging as a public spectacle....! 

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11 hours ago, tamthebam said:

The last public execution in Scotland was in Dumfries in 1868:

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-south-scotland-43966378

as this was a year after Queens Park were formed I like to think football took over from hanging as a public spectacle....! 

I now have an image in my head of an auld guy with a cardboard box walking round the crowd at the public hanging shouting 'macaroon bars and chewing gum...macaroon bars and chewing gum here'

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On 4/7/2019 at 15:57, Green Day said:

Part of the issue (and this isnt a pop at Hearts, issue is exactly the same at ER) is that we pay poorly trained stewards sweeties, dont train them properly and it seems obvious that they are only there to fulfil licencing requirements.

At Tynie yesterday, I flashed my ticket once a the outer "cordon" then we walked straight up the turnstiles and in.

No checks, nothing.

Other people reported being patted down on the way in.

No consistency,  and the young coked up team always seem to be able to smuggle in the drugs, flares, smokebombs etc.

Me and my pals also swanned through without getting searched, I actually stopped expecting to be but then just walked through as I was a little bit pished and impatient too. Nobody there to stop/challenge me. I didn't have anything on me, but fucking hell it was poor. And that's a Category A derby match. :lol:

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Guest Moomintroll
I now have an image in my head of an auld guy with a cardboard box walking round the crowd at the public hanging shouting 'macaroon bars and chewing gum...macaroon bars and chewing gum here'
Errramacarooonbarrrs, fond memories.
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