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      Pie and Bovril Nostalgia Mobile Phone Cases!   12/09/18

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Tynierose

Biggest diddies you have seen at your club...

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3 hours ago, capt_oats said:

Recency bias perhaps but Jacob Blyth is the fud of fuds (and a monumentally shite footballer to boot)...

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Blink 182 Wtf GIF

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8 hours ago, Tynierose said:

Thirdly is Austin McCann one of the worst full backs in existence, he had the mobility of a sherman tank and pretty much hit the first man with every cross he ever made.  In his defence though he did score a cracker of a goal to win a game against Celtic.

Ah Aussie! :wub:

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12 hours ago, Tynierose said:

After watching the performance of Sean Clare last night, I think he has the potential to be one of the worst players I have ever seen play for Hearts.  It's incredible that someone gave this diddy a shree year deal.   Hopefully I'm proved wrong but I can't see it.   

Anyone it got me thinking about some of the other shite I have witnessed over the years.

First up has to be Hans Eskilsson

Secondly is Mirsad Beslija

Thirdly is Austin McCann

Fourthly has to be another striker, it could have been Calum Elliott

Finally the 4000 Lithuanians that Vlad brought to the club, with a few notable exceptions they were utterly shite.

 

So what diddies have you seen play for your club over the years?

 

9 hours ago, Tony Wonder said:

Dunno what were you watching last night, Clare was absolutely fine, lacking confidence but put in a power of work and contributed to our win.  Nowhere near one of the worst players to play for us.

In terms of ability I'd have Elliott nowhere near our worst players either. 

Eskillson was gash, no question and the Beslija thing was just utterly bizarre. It was around the same time as we signed Ibby Tall and then didn't bother playing him for months and months. Weird things going on in those days, and we've not even mentioned Pinigol yet. Pinigol was an incredible player, but those three deals spoke volumes about what was going on at the club at that time.

Disagree about Austin McCann. I thought he was fine. Nothing special, but we've had far worse. He was relatively solid and dependable. A kind of left-footed Robbie Neilson without the throw-ins.

Callum Elliott was a really, really good player who would have had a good career if Hearts had handled him properly. We played him up front by himself when he wasn't ready, then sent him on loan (why?) to a Motherwell team that played a style that didn't suit him. He never really recovered from that spell at Motherwell and it's a shame he disappeared. Some of his performances in 2005/6 were tremendous. There was a real talent there.

In terms of Clare, it's pretty hard to say so far. He looks like he has the heart of a mouse. In the first half of the derby he was constantly bullied and didn't look up for any challenges in the air. But then he produced the odd moment of quality. He looks short on confidence and I've not really been impressed by him. But I think it's a bit early to write him off.

I think for true diddydom at Hearts we're looking at the likes of Mo Berthe or Wilfred Oaffeo (sp). Jamie McAlister was a big let-down for me. Was quite pleased when we signed him, but he was garbage.

Edited by JTS98

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Pretty much every player signed by Harri Kampman in the summer of 1998 including a well over the hill Brian McClair.

Alex Burns in both spells which was made all the more annoying by the fact he always scored against us for Partick Thistle.

Stevie Woods - a monumentally woeful goalkeeper who hung around the club for the best part of ten years and was prone to many q blunder

Mario Dorner and Franz Resch, two Austrians that Alex McLeish spent an entire summer trying to sign and they both turned out utter pish and were gone by the end of the August of that same summer.

Maurice Malpas' trio of Irish league sissies, Murphy, Keegan and Molloy that were going to save our season and all turned out hopeless.

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I always find some of the suggestions ridiculous when these threads pop up, but I’ll give it a go:

Jacob Blyth - Possibly the worst player ever to pull on the jersey. Turned out to be a bit of a tosser as well (a bloody handsome one mind you!). Plying his trade with Barrow, which is still above his level.

Michael Fraser - Probably the second worst GK that I have seen at Fir Park in my 30 years of going. Only pipped for the Number 1 jersey in the shit XI by Lee Hollis. These two make Stevie Woods look like a world beater.

Kampman signed a lot of utter guff that never really played. The legendary story of Holm Kraska is brilliant. I may be wrong, but I am sure I read that we signed him from German amateur football and it wasn’t even at the highest end of the amateur football.

Controversial mention here for Ryan Bowman. He wouldn’t make my worst ever XI but he is the least talented footballer I have seen for a long time. He has no first touch, cannot time his jumping and doesn’t have the ability to strike a ball with any venom. His work rate is bloody brilliant though, which saves him from being completely useless. Can’t believe somebody is giving us money for him to move in January!

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Most of the main offenders for us have been listed so far. I would add: pascal nouma, craig james, cammy macdonald, jordan morton, rob ogleby and moses duckrell (who was more interested in his career in social media than football).

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Bowman is a terrible shout, his wind up the old firm stat on FM is 20. I'd give it to Jake Taylor, a guy coming up to the club with chat about making the Wales team who was the most anonymous player I can remember for well. I decided to focus on his performance one game to see if he really was as bad as I thought, and I couldn't believe his ability to run away from the play at every opportunity. He finally got a touch on the ball and mis-controlled it to the opposition. Then got booked.

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Bowman is a terrible shout, his wind up the old firm stat on FM is 20. I'd give it to Jake Taylor, a guy coming up to the club with chat about making the Wales team who was the most anonymous player I can remember for well. I decided to focus on his performance one game to see if he really was as bad as I thought, and I couldn't believe his ability to run away from the play at every opportunity. He finally got a touch on the ball and mis-controlled it to the opposition. Then got booked.

Bowman has a 0 for talent. Utterly murder!

Jake Taylor will be remembered for that performance in Perth. Contributed zero, with the exception of a red card, with one booking for diving and the other for dissent. Funnily enough, he will be playing with Bowman in the NY at Exeter. Made for each other!

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Hugh Burns we got him from Rangers and he had that rat faced Rangers look about him.

He was also a bullying arse hole bigot who was giving wee John Colquhoun abuse in the dressing room one day for being a Catholic. Walter Kidd took exception to this and had to give the the Rangers reject a hard slap. 

He played a few games and he was shite. So glad we got rid of him so quickly, shite horrible individual by all accounts.

image.png.a3cf4899525096a92645b5c619e5485e.png

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Guy Ipoua and Attila Kriston are 2 stand outs for me. The latter was a winger (supposedly) but was 8 fit 2!!! The team he "played for" after us locked him in the changing room at half time of a game to stop him coming out for the second half


Ipoua is a cult hero at Hereford. Looked somewhere between genius at times then utter mince. He was always very unfit but scored belters in the playoffs which helped us up and will be remembered for that. As well as being seen leaving various drinking establishments with a bird under each arm!

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55 minutes ago, Mr. X said:

Hugh Burns we got him from Rangers and he had that rat faced Rangers look about him.

He was also a bullying arse hole bigot who was giving wee John Colquhoun abuse in the dressing room one day for being a Catholic. Walter Kidd took exception to this and had to give the the Rangers reject a hard slap. 

He played a few games and he was shite. So glad we got rid of him so quickly, shite horrible individual by all accounts.

image.png.a3cf4899525096a92645b5c619e5485e.png

Good thing it was just a one off. :unsure2:

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Hugh Burns we got him from Rangers and he had that rat faced Rangers look about him.

He was also a bullying arse hole bigot who was giving wee John Colquhoun abuse in the dressing room one day for being a Catholic. Walter Kidd took exception to this and had to give the the Rangers reject a hard slap. 

He played a few games and he was shite. So glad we got rid of him so quickly, shite horrible individual by all accounts.

image.png.a3cf4899525096a92645b5c619e5485e.png

 

Walter Kidd has just gone up a few places in my 100 favourite Hearts players ever chart

 

My nomination has to be Eddie Kurskis

 

Principally for getting a pointless red card after coming on as substitute keeper. He only played one other game.

 

Obviously most candidates had brief careers but amongst players with over 100 appearances I’ve go to go for Andy Kirk

 

 

 

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Richard Roy, Oumar Diaby, Nico Sumsky, Kemy Augustein, Sam Kelly, Alex Penny.
Along with Gary McDonald, Izzy Iriekpen, Luis Rubiales, John Paul Kissock and many more

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7 hours ago, Mitch said:


Kampman signed a lot of utter guff that never really played. The legendary story of Holm Kraska is brilliant. I may be wrong, but I am sure I read that we signed him from German amateur football and it wasn’t even at the highest end of the amateur football.
 

 

It's even better than that ... he was actually a Basketballer 

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22 hours ago, Silvio said:

We've had hundreds, but in the last few years I'd nominate the midfield duo of Kyle Hutton and Stuart Carswell. 

f**k you Alex Rae. f**k you. 

I don't want to be wooshed here, but Carsy was an Ian Murray signing and didn't play in midfield alongside Hutton for you guys. In fact he left almost a month before Hutton joined.

We're the only club who have enjoyed that particular partnership. 

19 hours ago, tarapoa said:

Bryan Prunty

Delete.

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